Guild Wars 2

Black Lion Traders

From: Barry
To: Jack

More reinforcements!! Get the biggest bags, the biggest dolyaks, and at least 100 helpers and guards! Jack, I barely escaped a gold stack cascade! Tosha and I were nearly killed!

If you can’t get us the help we need, I’m quitting!

Barry

“ohh put her in sleep mode, I need to recalibrate her protocols”

This makes sense now! This proves that Tixx intended to undo the said accusation, by eliminating the plaintiff.

Offices of Swordstrike, Firetongue, and Longtail

From: Mara Firetongue
To: Tarrak Swordstrike, Vilma Longtail

After two days and almost 50g in fees, I was finally able to hire some Paper Pushers. Who very promptly and politely submitted my Barrister application and handed me a rejection less than a minute later. Application denied. Seek Certification. After the Paper Pusher nightmare, I’m not even going to try get through the Barrister process. It’s obvious the Asurans aren’t going to let anyone into the money loop. We’ll just have to hire them. But, that isn’t a problem…

Because there was a bit of good news. This one Asuran Pusher (as they call themselves) seemed to take a shine to me. Said I was “at least as bright as the progeny who place last in their classes.” That’s pretty high praise from an Asuran.

Once we’d finally gotten through that hellish process, he offered me 20 free questions and a “nudge in the correct direction of inquiry.” I agreed and he asked, “how much did this process cost you?” I told him and he said nothing. These guys take asking the right question to new heights, so I thought long and hard. After a couple of starts and stops, I finally came up with “what is the fastest, cheapest way to complete the process of hiring Paper Pushers to work on the Roe v. Tixx case?” That got me an “Excellent, Ms. Firetongue!” and a two page summary of the way to navigate the process.

So, I went to the back of the line and started selling my services as a process guide. I’m already up 200g. I’m cutting you guys in for 10%, but if you want in on more, you’re going to have get out here and work the line with me. At the rate the gold is flowing in though, I’m pretty sure you’re already standing up and putting on your coats.

Happy Wintersday!
Mara

Nighteyes Investigations

From: Droda
To: Ed

I’ve gone through the CEO and VP histories. What there is to find. Asurans aren’t big on record keeping if it isn’t data produced by their Krewe, in their discipline. The court system is mainly filled with Patent lawsuits of one kind or another. Not much is considered crime outside of outright larceny, murder and other violent crimes, and there is precious little Asuran vs Asuran crime of those types. All of them have been successful in their fields. All of them have extensive, reputable (by Asuran standards) professional histories.

The CEO, Ikktak, is kind of hard to get a handle on, but that’s probably why he’s called Ikktak the Enigmatic. His professional history has lots of gaps, but he keeps getting hired by top notch Krewes and companies. Whatever filled those gaps doesn’t worry any Asurans who hired him at the time.

I know that’s not what you want to hear for one of your clients, but the only avenues left to us are combing through whatever legal records there are out there. That will take court filings, Barristers, and, gods help you, Paper Pushers. You’ll be broke before you even find the right person to ask about who to ask about where to get the information in the first place.

That’s it for me on this one, Ed. I can’t stand in lines in Rata Sum for the next two months.

Happy Wintersday
Droda

Lion’s Roar Media
—Make a Statement—

From: Edward Laurel
To: Droda Nighteyes

Thanks Droda. I think I have enough to go ahead and move forward with the client. I don’t like being the dark, but there are limits to what we can do, obviously.

Hey, don’t forget the party this evening. I’ve got a bottle of a whiskey I’m pretty sure you’ve never tried.

Happy Wintersday
Ed

Lion’s Roar Media
—Make a Statement—

From: Edward Laurel
To: Klaxxon the Verbose

I have found a great team of artists for the Advanced Font Research team. They’re all professionals who are used to working quietly in a library.

I’ve already sent Jonn notes for Ikktak. We’re going to be working our way out of the background of the Tixx story, so please make certain that all the VPs and Ikktak stay on their toes and mind their Ps and Qs. We wouldn’t want any incidents.

Ed

The Daily Lion

PISAPSID CEO Cuts Ribbon at Adventurers’ Hospital
by Mokk the Reporter

Ikktak the Enigmatic, CEO of ACME Progeny Imagination Stimulation and Problem Solving Instruction Devices (PISAPSID), LLC, cut the ribbon at an opening ceremony of the Wintersday House of Healers, a Hospitalers charity sponsored by PISAPSID.

Ikktak delivered a short speech before the opening: “The Wintersday House of Healers will be dedicated to helping the many battered and bruised adventurers who have undertaken the arduous task of confronting the crazed devices delivered this Wintersday. The Wintersday House will provide food, healing, and a place to rest before they continue their brave and loyal service. You are a vital ingredient in the Eternal Alchemy, and we are eternally grateful for your help in making Wintersday the holiday it should be.”

The gathered crowd cheered as meals, snacks, and desserts were served. The Wintersday House offered takeaway bags for those on their way to clear packages.

“We all want the best for our kids. Adventurers make life safe,” said Martta, PISAPSID Vice President of Marketing, "PISAPSID makes life fun. Together we’ll make a better Wintersday for everyone. "

Several adventurers gathered at the Wintersday House told tales of chaos and danger all over the world and, perhaps most troubling, inside Tixx’s airship. None were willing to give their names or speak of specific, identifiable incidents. Said one Norn, “Are you crazy? I’ve seen what 6 Princess Dolls can do. I don’t want to imagine what would happen if their Creator sent 10 times as many for me.”

We have attempted to contact Tixx and Tixx Infinirarium for comment on recent events, but spokespersons for the company said they would not be able to comment until after the holiday.

From: Jennifer Wardwood, Sr. Correspondent, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)
To: Edward Laurel

Ed-
I get it now. They’re your clients. I chummed the water, and you have that Mokk guy spin your product. Now I remember why I broke up with you.

J.

Lion’s Roar Media, Inc.
—Make a Statement—

From: Edward Laurel
To: Jennifer Wardwood, Sr. Correspondent, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)

Like I said. Now we’re even.

Happy Wintersday
Ed

The Daily Lion

PISAPSID CEO Condemns Tixx and Company
by Mokk the Reporter

Today at the Toy Maker Association Meeting, which concludes each year’s ToyCon, Ikktak the Enigmatic, CEO of PISAPSID, had harsh words for Tixx the Toymaker and Tixx Infinirarium.

“After weeks of madness, destruction, and devestation throughout the land, Tixx the Terrible Toymaker hasn’t said a word.

Day after day, night after night, he has rained his “Presents” on our heads and released wave after wave of crazed, homicidal toybots. But not one word of apology or explanation from The Terrible Toymaker.

Children are afraid to open anything wrapped. Families live in fear that they’ll be crushed by giant falling packages. Adventurers are working around the clock, but have been unable to end the madness. Stories of the horrors aboard his airship abound.

But through it all, not a word from the Terrible Toymaker.

I cannot imagine what explanation he will give for the chaos his inventions have wrought. Nor can I imagine why Tixx the Terrible has continued to assault us like this. It defies explanation, ration, reason.

My fellow Toymakers. We must stand together to bring Tixx to justice and replace him. Wintersday is a tradition that we hold too dear, too precious to lose to a mad man. Join with me today to protect our most hallowed traditions by signing this petition asking the Arcane Council to prosecute Tixx the Terrible and replace him with a more responsible, charitable toymaker."

The rest of Ikktak’s speech was drowned out by the onrush of the other toymaker delegates. Less than 10 minutes after his speech, he had the signature of every toymaker save one.

No representatives of Tixx Infinirarium were in attendance. We have attempted to contact Tixx and Tixx Infinirarium for comment on recent events, but spokespersons for the company said they would not be able to comment until after the holiday.

From: Karl Beerstein, Sr. Correspondent, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)
To: Bob Newheart, Sr. Producer, , Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)
CC: Jennifer Wardwood, Sr. Correspondent, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)

Bob,
I think we’ve got a big break coming your way. Jenny’s in Rata Sum doing some leg work. I’ve just finished here in the Grove and now I’m heading over to join her.

We got a great source today. We’ll tell you who in person, but we swore to secrecy and so will you. Jenny is wild with excitement. Not sure why she’s so bloodthirsty though.

I copied out some of my notes in case you want to put some beat reporters on background.

Karl

NOTES

-Source “Deep Moat” deep background, refuses to be quoted; says to “follow the money”; suggests contacting ground crews and security staff not on the airship. Suggests that toys were tested and approved safe before incidents.

-Source #1 (A.B.) problems started at rollout. Ground crews told staff can’t stop Present machine.

-Source #2 (Q.O.I.) Tixx Inf security in the Grove opened doors to adventurer help almost immediately at first stop. However, problem not solved, airship continues on.

-Source #‘s 3, 4, 5—adventurer party first reported in the Grove Examiner; Grove reporter gets us meeting with them. They won’t go public with their names but confirm that no matter how many times they’ve helped to solve the problem, it keeps happening.

-Source #6 (B.B.B.)—experienced mechanic; hired by Wardwood; sent with Sources 3/4/5 to airship; mechanic confirms fix but problem resumes shortly after they leave the airship.

-Agree with Jenny, if it keeps breaking, someone must be breaking it

From: Jennifer Wardwood, Sr. Correspondent, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)
To: Bob Newheart, Sr. Producer, Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN)

Bob,

Karl just got here and I’m getting him up to speed while I write this. Deep Moat gave us a tidbit, that Tixx’s toys had just passed an inspection less than a week before launch. So I came here to check it out.

It didn’t take me long to end up at the Paper Pusher’s Union Hall. Talk about a mad house. These guys are making money hand over fist. It would probably be more efficient for them to just turn customers upside down and shake their money loose at the door.

I got lucky and ran into a Charr offering help navigating the bureaucracy here. I’m sending the bill over. Don’t freak out. It’s actually much much cheaper than it could have been. Plus, since I had someone with me who knew who to ask about what, we made up a lot of lost time. we also had to hire a Paper Pusher. That bill is in there too. Again, cheaper than it would have been.

I’ve got copies of the Tixx inspection. He definitely got all of his designs checked out and filed all of his paperwork. I’m bringing in an Asuran golemancer and artificer to help us make sense of what we’ve found. We’ve also got copies of all the patents and lawsuits. I’ll say this for the Arcane Council, they’ve got the most intricate filing system I’ve ever seen. Our Paper Pusher says if we ask the right question, there’s nothing we can’t find.

Back to work
J.

This is awesome, great work!

While nifty, we are all forgetting that Tixx is an ambassador of Asuran goodwill in Divinity’s reach, thus subject to diplomatic immunity. Furthermore were he to be tried in an Asuran court of law his trial would go something like this: http://wiki.guildwars.com/wiki/Trial_of_Zinn

This was the entire motive behind my own post near the beginning of the thread. Regrettably, I got too caught up in doing Wintersday stuff and kind of forgot to check in here. Looks like there was some fun times.

From: M.J.
To: Yakka

Sir,
You asked me to report anyone asking about files related to the Company. Our Pusher says a LANN reporter has been digging through things.

M.J.

From: Yakka
To: M.J.

Get a list of what she’s looking at.

Yakka

From: M.J.
To: Yakka

List attached. Those reporters are obviously on someone’s good side. Usually, our Pusher will give us good reports, outlines, that sort of thing without hesitation. This time he did his duty, but he didn’t offer up anything other than the list. When I prodded him for the usual report, he dropped into that Ask the Right Question thing they do. Not good. If you need to know something, you’re going to have ask something specific or use some other channel than the Pushers.

MJ

From: Yakka
To: MJ

I think maybe I misfiled something. Can you clean up the filing mistake for me? You know the one we talked about the other day.

Yakka

From: MJ
To: Yakka

I would be happy to take care of that for you. I’m putting some secretaries on it right away. They’re very tidy.

MJ

LANN Distribution—WIRE RELEASE

Tixx Safety Reports Were Clean
by: Jennifer Wardwood and Karl Beerstein

A LANN investigation into Tixx Infinirarium product safety has found that safety tests were conducted on Tixx toys the day before Tixx embarked on his troubled Wintersday journey.

The safety tests, which were conducted by Fook and Tupp Testing Laboratories, gave all of the toys and entertainment devices clean inspections and all were FTTL-Certified Delightful.

Lab CEO Fook personally led the certification team. “The tests went swimmingly! Everything was just peachy! We had a wonderful time running the toys through their paces. In several tests, the Testers lost their balance while playing at War with the Ventari and fell into the path of a charging warrior. In every case, the Ventari avoided them, including one incident in which the only path of avoidance for the Ventari was off of a steep ledge, which it promptly did, resulting in its destruction.”

LANN has obtained the Patent submissions for Tixx Infinirarium designs H01253, P121/V-C355, SQR-G0l3M, 50-L-D1312, and G12-1PH-PH0/V. All were stamped approved by the various certifying authorities that make up the Asuran patent system. LANN asked Golemancer Qalixx the Inestimably Brilliant and Artificer Utta the Master of Minutiae to review the designs and design paperwork.

“Our initial reviews find the basic schematics and design specs to be accurate and, to all appearances, should work as expected.” said Qalixx, “However, the control systems will require a more thorough review. The Tixx designs are some of the most complex I’ve ever seen.”

Utta agreed, “the designs are quite impressive. Having looked at the schematics and the testing reports, I still can’t imagine what would cause every one of the later releases to run amok. The controllers are definitely the place to focus on.”

LANN sent letters to the Governments of the areas affected by the Wintersday events asking them to submit samples of toys destroyed by adventurers in their area. Those samples have been turned over to Qalixx and Utta for further testing.

Posted from Rata Sum

The Rata Sum Revealer

Chaos: 2 Killed, 237 Injured on Day 1 of Roe v. Tixx
by Kikkikk the Nosy

The first hearing of the Roe v. Tixx case degenerated into chaos today before the Court was even called to Order. The dramatic events of Day 1 resulted in 2 deaths and at least 237 injuries, ranging from bumps and bruises to serious head injuries.

By first light this morning, the Court’s chamber, anterooms, foyer, steps, and courtyard, and the side paths leading to it were filled with thousands of plaintiffs, Barristers, and Paper Pushers all attempting to meet the filing deadline for their documents.

Here and there scrums and fights broke out, arguments were screamed in every direction, and residents of the surrounding quarter were forced to evacuate to safer ground with the help of Peacekeepers.

Inside the Court the din was so loud that it became impossible to conduct any of the processes and procedures required by Court and Union regulations. Officers of the Court and Administers of Paper were forced at several points to deploy security golems to protect themselves from outraged supplicants.

More than 3 hours after the Hearing was scheduled to begin, an Announcement of a Temporary Delay was made by the Court and issued to the crowds by Crier Bots. The announcement caused an immediate commotion and shouted charges of coverups and conspiracies.

Shortly afterwards a large contigent of Norn gathered into a military formation and charged their way to the steps of the Court. There they drew weapons and clashed with Peacekeepers and bystanders caught in the fray.

The panicked crowd outside the Court tried to flee the violence, causing a massive stampede. Hundreds of individuals poured into bottlenecks created by the narrow paths of the diminutive Asura and were trampled.

The crowd inside fled from the violence on the steps by rushing further into the Court. Many individuals were trampled on the stairs and in the narrow hallways leading into the Chambers.

The Norn provocateurs were only stopped when Adventurers who had “come to watch the show” intervened with overwhelming force. The battle left one of the Norn dead. Approximately 10 other Norn were injured, but they managed to flee the scene and remain on the run.

While the Peacekeepers on the steps all escaped serious injury at the hands of the Norn, 2 bystanders, Plott, Master Barrister, Parlimentarian Plenipotentiary of Lilla, Plott, Muuva, and Krewe, and Paper Pusher 3rd Class Takaa, were killed.

The battered crowd was eventually dispersed by several battalions of Peacemakers and helpful Adventurers. Many of the individuals calling themselves Plaintiffs have refused to leave the city for fear that they’ll be denied re-entry. Rata Sum is quiet now, but the situation remains tense.

The

The Rata Sum Revealer

Svanir Mercenaries Responsible for Court Attack
by Kikkikk the Nosy

The Norn believed to be responsible for today’s attack that killed 2 on the Court steps were confronted and killed in the Brisban Wildlands as they attempted to run the pass at Mrot Boru.

After a short, sharp battle with Adventurers who were also traversing the path, 12 individuals were killed. The dead included 10 Norn, 1 Asuran who was traveling with them, and 1 human believed to be working with local bandits. The Adventurers report that as it became clear that the small force of outlaws was going to be killed, several of the Norn turned and attacked the Asuran. The Norn used some sort of fire magic, making it impossible to determine the Asuran’s identity.

Representatives who were called to the scene from Hoelbrak were able to identify the Norn as Sons of Svanir. The human bandit was unknown to local authorities and no one has claimed the body.

One local law enforcement official speculated that the bandit was a guide. The official noted that small force had initially attempted to avoid the adventurers and made for a small smuggler’s path that skirts the Koga Ruins. It is likely that had the group managed to make it to the Ruins, they would have been able to break out into the open on the other side, an open, lawless area unpatrolled by Peacemakers.

No Council official was available to comment on the record. Hoelbrak officials released a short statement before returning home: “We know all too well that the Sons of Svanir threaten the safety of all. Now that they strike further away, we fear that others will soon learn the same, hard lessons that we have.”

LANN Distribution—WIRE RELEASE

Parts of Unknown Origin Found in Toys
by Jessica Wardwood and Karl Beerstein

The LANN investigation into the safety of Tixx Infinirarium took a mysterious turn today when it was discovered that the wreckage of Tixx toys recovered by Adventurers all contained unregistered control and command parts.

Golemancer Qalixx the Inestimably Brilliant and Artificer Utta the Master of Minutiae have been leading the inspection of the toys and their designs.

“We have conclusive evidence that all of the toy wrecks so far collected have unregistered controllers and a previously unseen command language. None of the design documents include this part or references to the language.” Golemancer Qalixx reported.

Utta conducted tests on toys from several manufacturers, including Tixx. “We’ve conducted 50 tests as of lunch time today. In each test we installed the controllers into toys and then, using command log files from salvaged toys, we reconstructed the commands given to the Wintersday toys. In each test, the test toys went beserk. All were destroyed under controlled conditions.”

Follow-up work has focused on a part located in the heads of the toys that is believed to receive signals at a distance. “Our best theory, and I want to stress, just a theory, is that a signal was periodically triggering the beserk mode. If toys in the local area were destroyed and new ones delivered, the signal would trigger them and the cycle would repeat itself. It’s still not clear how the parts were installed, but we’ve contacted Tixx Infinirarium’s technical team through the Arcane Council to get access to the airship.”

Adventurers who were active on the airship during Wintersday have all reported that Tixx’s personal golem, Toxx, and manufacturing devices were plagued with similar problems. “It would be premature to offer anything other than pure speculation at this point,” said Qalixx, “but if Tixx’s personal golem were compromised by a device like the ones in the toy, it’s possible that someone was able to directly access the manufacturing devices and schematic input terminals.”

The LANN investigation continues. All results have been turned over to the Arcane Council.

FLASH COMMUNIQUE

Agent: Lightbringer
Commander: Smiley
Rating: Eyes Only, Decrypt Personal

Commander Smiley,
Your lamplighters got us a good listening perch on Councilor Yahk. The new devices are wonderful.

Yahk runs a pretty tight ship, so there’s not a lot of frivolous chit chat. Mostly administrative chatter and ordering people around.

Important bit is the following that Harry transcripted a little while ago:

Transcript Begin

[visitor arrives, no name given, voice not recognized]
JOHN DOE: Good afternoon, sir.
Yahk: I’m quite tired of the news I’ve been reading.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better, sir.
YahK: I take it your news is bad?
JOHN DOE: I’m sorry, sir, yes it is. I went to see the bodies, sir. The bandit was definitely Desoto. He’s the one who helps get supplies from the Inquiry Center to the Exploration Post. Sort of free pass with the bandits, sir. He also helps MJ with finding talent for jobs.
Yahk: So MJ was the Asuran?
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. Almost certainly, sir.
Yahk: I’m not sure I understand the fire magic.
JOHN DOE: MJ was loyal to the end, sir. He followed the protocol to avoid capture or identification.
Yahk: MJ believed he was on a sanctioned job.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir.
Yahk: MJ was with the Sons who killed Plott on the steps of the Court.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir.
Yahk: Do we know anything about the Pusher?
JOHN DOE: He was for sale, sir. MJ and me have both used him before to dig up bits and bobs. Make paper disappear. That sort of thing, sir.
Yahk: Someone gave MJ an order. There’s only two people who could do that.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir.
Yahk: Why would someone do that?
JOHN DOE: Sir. I imagine a Pusher might be able to answer that question.
Yahk: But not a dead Pusher?
JOHN DOE: No, sir. Not a dead one.
Yahk: I’m having trouble imagining why a Pusher is involved at all. What was filed?
JOHN DOE: Sir, I don’t think it was directly related.
Yahk: Are you telling me that someone was running a side business?
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. I believe so. Someone had a little scam running with someone else’s junior assistant. I think that’s why there’s so many patent suits. Someone was getting a preview of things to come, getting a patent, then springing a gotcha before product launch. Quiet little settlement. No one need ever know, sir.
Yahk: So. Someone has wrecked years of work out of greed. Someone made a mistake and is now trying to clean it up.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir.
Yahk: It’s time to put an end to this.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. I’m afraid so.
Yahk: I think it would be best if we just rolled the whole thing up. It doesn’t matter who made mistakes and who didn’t. The ties have to be cut. All of them.
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. All of them.
Yahk: So much has happened though. I’m not sure Rata Sum can take more bedlam. Is there some way to make this problem just vanish?
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir. But, I suspect that the inquisitive minds of Lion’s Arch News Network will not be satisfied without something definitive, sir. Something to wrap everything up in a neat little package, sir. With a bow.
Yahk: A bow?
JOHN DOE: Yes, sir.
Yahk: Ha! Clever. Get it done.

Transcript End

Agent Lightbringer

LANN Distribution—WIRE RELEASE

BREAKING NEWS

Problem Plagues Tixx’s Toxx, Investigation Won’t Stop
by Jessica Wardwood and Karl Beerstein

Earlier today Golemancer Qalixx the Inestimably Brilliant and Artificer Utta the Master of Minutiae, in cooperation with Fook and Tupp Testing Laboratories (FTTL), asked the Arcane Council to submit an inspection notice to Tixx Infinirarium, Inc.

The Arcane Council actedly uncharacteristically quickly and issued the order less than 2 hours later.

Inspectors boarded Tixx’s docked airship and immediately deactivated Toxx. Toxx was removed to a fortified laboratory at FTTL. Upon close examination, Qalixx and Utta discovered a device similar to the ones found in toys around the world.

Qalixx and Utta say the unidentified device closely resembles the command and control device initially installed by its creator, but, like the controllers found in the toys, appears to be capable of receiving remote signals.

Tixx Infinirarium technicians have confirmed that Toxx is capable of accessing the manufacturing process and making changes.

A search of the production log files has begun and various elements of the machines used to produce the toys are being disassembled.

Shortly after Qalixx and Utta announced that they had found a device, ranking Officers of the Peacekeepers officially opened a criminal investigation.

All of the information gathered by LANN has been turned over to authorities. The research team hired by LANN has been released from contract by LANN, and they have joined with FTTL Inspectors and Peacekeeper Detectives as part of an Investigation Krewe.

I submit that the Wintersday thread should be kept open until the results of this case are decided

Humans trying to bring a court case again an asura? The humans better have this guy on their legal team.