Advice for social phobic introvert people

Advice for social phobic introvert people

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Posted by: smiley.1438

smiley.1438

Hey there, i’d like to share a thread from the WildStar forums, which deals with the sensitive and imortant topic of social anexiety and how to help these people to get in touch with others in order to play group content. Most “normal” people just don’t know/take notice/care about people with social anexiety which makes it even harder to connect.
I think sharing your experiences is one great way to help, giving some advice or offering direct help would be awesome!

So, enjoy reading this topic and try to help social arkward people:

https://forums.wildstar-online.com/forums/index.php?/topic/145593-question-for-social-phobic-introverted-players/

(btw. i’m one of them)

(edited by smiley.1438)

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Posted by: TheDarkCynder.4618

TheDarkCynder.4618

I have social anxiety but on games I’m the absolute opposite. Joining a friendly guild is pretty important.

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Posted by: Argon.1563

Argon.1563

Personally, I don’t class myself as someone who has “social anxiety” or anything of the like, but I have a few issues connecting with communities in GW2.

While I don’t get worried about talking to new people in chat, im really not comfortable with using voice chats, which is an issue because theres an attitude in GW2 that basically says “Come into my Teamspeak, or we don’t play.”. I don’t like voice chats at all, because im essentially just talking to a complete stranger. Im all too familiar with the hazards of getting too friendly with strangers I meet in online games, so I don’t like going beyond the “Hi, my name is Argon, im a character in a game.” basis.

I actually see myself as an extrovert in-real-life. I can talk to people face-to-face without any issue, but as soon as I can’t see someone’s face, but I can hear their voice, it just makes me uncomfortable and is rather unpleasant for me. I get the same with phone calls when im talking to my ISP technician for example. I just like having that complete disconnection with people when im online.

Im actually heavily dissatisfied with many of the guilds ive been in, because they want to sit in the Teamspeak all the time, which im just not ok with, so I get left out of events and guild activities, but when I go looking for guilds, and explicitly say: “If your guild has a voice chat, I will not join you.” they lie to me, and invite me anyway, and thus the vicious circle continues.

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Posted by: Maybe.7180

Maybe.7180

Oh, I’m so kittened up at this that it took me almost a week to do my first Ascent to Madness run. I knew it was easy, I also know that most people in this game are very nice and friendly, but I was still so nervous that I forgot to say “Hi” on my first run. I also never had a guild, I just can’t pick one. Every guild out there seems so cool and heavily populated, I end up thinking I will get lost in it. If it’s not like that, it’s usually a group of friends that know each other for a long time and it makes you feel uncomfy.

My second favorite game after Guild Wars was Aion, and I managed to spend half a year in one of the “top” legions on Nexus. I was actually trying to follow some advices from that Wildstar topic and I thought that I just need some time to get used to it and it will be ok after people will know me better. Didn’t happen. After three month some of them were still asking “who the hell is that cleric we have in our legion?” just because I didn’t chat with them on TS all day like others did. Being one of the most talented PVE clerics out there didn’t help much, I had to fight for every single raid spot and do dungeons with pugs. When I tried to tell my legionmates about my problem, they only said it’s bullkitten and I’m literally making that up. Every time I complained that someone took my place in the group, legate just said that I will always stay his last priority unless I will come and speak with them on TS all the time. And by saying “all the time” I don’t mean prime-times, they were bacically living their lives on TS and they didn’t even notice anyone who was outside it. Those were really bad times for me, I actually even cried a lot back then. I really wanted to play, I loved that game so much, I was really good at it, but I couldn’t force myself to make friends with those people and that made me feel very lonely and sad.

There was also one guy in World of Warcraft who was harassing me and telling everyone that I’m a man pretending to be a girl, just because I refused to talk to him on Skype. xD He was so sure about that, it was so fun to watch!

I hope my experience helps someone realise that they are not alone. I also apologize for any grammar mistakes, I don’t practice english very often. Thatnk you for sharing this.

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Posted by: smiley.1438

smiley.1438

Personally, I don’t class myself as someone who has “social anxiety” or anything of the like, but I have a few issues connecting with communities in GW2.

Anexieties vary from person to person. In the original topic was a nice note about that:

While I think is great that everyone is helping and giving advice I would like to point out that it’s not the same being shy or introvert or have some anxiety (everyone have anxiety at some point for whatever reason) as having an anxiety disorder. Just wanted to point that out cause sometimes I think that we take importance out of the situation in which a person with an anxienty disorder is in.


Im actually heavily dissatisfied with many of the guilds ive been in, because they want to sit in the Teamspeak all the time, which im just not ok with, so I get left out of events and guild activities, but when I go looking for guilds, and explicitly say: “If your guild has a voice chat, I will not join you.” they lie to me, and invite me anyway, and thus the vicious circle continues.

When I tried to tell my legionmates about my problem, they only said it’s bullkitten and I’m literally making that up. Every time I complained that someone took my place in the group, legate just said that I will always stay his last priority unless I will come and speak with them on TS all the time. And by saying “all the time” I don’t mean prime-times, they were bacically living their lives on TS and they didn’t even notice anyone who was outside it. Those were really bad times for me, I actually even cried a lot back then. I really wanted to play, I loved that game so much, I was really good at it, but I couldn’t force myself to make friends with those people and that made me feel very lonely and sad.

There was also one guy in World of Warcraft who was harassing me and telling everyone that I’m a man pretending to be a girl, just because I refused to talk to him on Skype. xD He was so sure about that, it was so fun to watch!

Wow, thats just gross. Sometimes i wonder how people can be like that instead of just saying “thanks for telling me about your problem, i’ll try to take care”. Why is it so hard? What keeps other people from caring a little about people they play with? Reading this makes me sad.

I hope my experience helps someone realise that they are not alone. I also apologize for any grammar mistakes, I don’t practice english very often. Thatnk you for sharing this.

You did great! Thank You for sharing!

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Posted by: Linken.6345

Linken.6345

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

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Posted by: smiley.1438

smiley.1438

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

Even your comment sounds a little harsh, it’s true for certain activities. A lot of dungeons and stuff can be done in PUGs without the need of TS.

I might add a quote of myself from the other thread:

smiley.1438:

I had a girl in my guild who i met ingame and we constantly played together and chatted a lot but she always refused to come into TS when i asked her. It didn’t help that i told her, that i’m basically the same like her regarding her anxiety and that there are only my dearest friends in the channel. However, one day she asked me if i would take her on a DoA fullrun in hard mode. Ok, now that was a thing. One does not simply walk into DoA. So i told her that she needs to join TS to at least listen to the commands. So she accepted to join us. We completed the run, a lot of fun was had and i was really proud of her that not only she overcame her anxiety, but also that she did a great job on her first DoA run ever despite her arkward feels. And i told her that in the end. And suddenly something happened, i didn’t expect: she switched her mic on, said hello to everyone and thanked us for being so kind with her and that she’s always super angsty but in the end she felt comfortable.

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Posted by: OnionXI.6735

OnionXI.6735

Oh boy, can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I haven’t been in a guild seriously or used any voice chat in 4 years.

I just recently started trying to stop being so anti-social but it’s kind of difficult and MMO communities in general feel so different these days.

On the subject of voice chat, it’s never been something I can just jump into and not feel awkward about until I get to know the people. I had groups of friends in WoW and SWTOR that I eventually could joke around with and all that, but I haven’t had something like that since.

I tried a guild out recently but honestly it’s very difficult to get into a social group that’s already established like that.

Anyway, don’t know what advice I could give but thought I’d share my info so at least you know you’re not alone.

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Posted by: Maybe.7180

Maybe.7180

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

Not like I can’t agree with you that a voice chat can make things easier, but there’s almost nothing in Guild Wars 2 that really requires it. Triple trouble, perhaps? And I never got time to participate in beta, so I dunno about raids. Everything else is super easy if you’re talking about tactics. The main challenge in GW is to know your class and how to dodge things. As long as you know that, rest of it is all straight away. There are some small exceptions, you can (and you should) check them out on youtube before your first run.

Also I must say that I never had problems with entering TS during my prime time if I had one. I didn’t speak much (or I didn’t speak at all), I felt uncomfortable, but I was always on. The problem is that most of the guilds that require voice chat are addicted to it and completely ignoring other ways of communication. People from the guild I mentioned in my post didn’t even answer to private messages at all and important decisions (like who do we wanna see in our raid) were made hours before the prime time started, so when I showed up just in time – it suddenly poped out that there is no place for me because I wasn’t online when they were giving cookies.

I also had bad experience with people who say “no one forces you to speak”, but when you enter the voice chat everyone is asking why are you so quiet and almost demand you to “say something”, when they get bored. You know, it really feels like if I had no hands and they are asking me to wave.

People don’t realize what pain it is to be introverted and extremely shy. You’re practically locked out from all the world, you’re always feeling bad and uncomfortable (even if you really want to communicate and make friends), your own mind works against you. Sometimes it gets so bad that you need to take meds before crossing the street, but you’re never treated like you were ill or different, because you look fine and have a nice voice.

I’m sure you can find a friendly and understanding guild in this game, GW2 has lots of great people and I’ve had fun with most of pugs I’ve joined. But you have to look for it. Fail. Get dissapointed. Communicate with many people, until you find the right ones for you. That’s a long way to go and I’m not sure I can go through this.

Oh, and on top of that – my main is a condi necro and I’m really in love with this class since I started to play. Not every PvE oriented guild will accept that.

Good thing that GW is very friendly to people like me and I always find something to do on my own or at least without need in saying more than “Hi” and “Thank you”. I’m afraid I will never get a chance to participate in raids, tho, but we’ll see.

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Posted by: Linken.6345

Linken.6345

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

Not like I can’t agree with you that a voice chat can make things easier, but there’s almost nothing in Guild Wars 2 that really requires it. Triple trouble, perhaps? And I never got time to participate in beta, so I dunno about raids. Everything else is super easy if you’re talking about tactics. The main challenge in GW is to know your class and how to dodge things. As long as you know that, rest of it is all straight away. There are some small exceptions, you can (and you should) check them out on youtube before your first run.

Also I must say that I never had problems with entering TS during my prime time if I had one. I didn’t speak much (or I didn’t speak at all), I felt uncomfortable, but I was always on. The problem is that most of the guilds that require voice chat are addicted to it and completely ignoring other ways of communication. People from the guild I mentioned in my post didn’t even answer to private messages at all and important decisions (like who do we wanna see in our raid) were made hours before the prime time started, so when I showed up just in time – it suddenly poped out that there is no place for me because I wasn’t online when they were giving cookies.

I also had bad experience with people who say “no one forces you to speak”, but when you enter the voice chat everyone is asking why are you so quiet and almost demand you to “say something”, when they get bored. You know, it really feels like if I had no hands and they are asking me to wave.

People don’t realize what pain it is to be introverted and extremely shy. You’re practically locked out from all the world, you’re always feeling bad and uncomfortable (even if you really want to communicate and make friends), your own mind works against you. Sometimes it gets so bad that you need to take meds before crossing the street, but you’re never treated like you were ill or different, because you look fine and have a nice voice.

I’m sure you can find a friendly and understanding guild in this game, GW2 has lots of great people and I’ve had fun with most of pugs I’ve joined. But you have to look for it. Fail. Get dissapointed. Communicate with many people, until you find the right ones for you. That’s a long way to go and I’m not sure I can go through this.

Oh, and on top of that – my main is a condi necro and I’m really in love with this class since I started to play. Not every PvE oriented guild will accept that.

Good thing that GW is very friendly to people like me and I always find something to do on my own or at least without need in saying more than “Hi” and “Thank you”. I’m afraid I will never get a chance to participate in raids, tho, but we’ll see.

One line why your so quiet. I got no mike or mike busted cant afford new one.
Add but I can still hear you guys so lets keep moving.

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Posted by: Argon.1563

Argon.1563

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

Or you could just play the game as it’s meant to be played, instead of relying on 3rd party software.

There is no content in GW2 that cannot be completed using Map Chat alone, and im yet to encounter any in Heart of Thorns that disputes that fact.

I dislike listening as well, because its just a one-sided conversation. People talk down to you, knowing you won’t talk back if you make a wrong move, and when in voice-chats, people are always more aggressive than they are in chats, because they know its unmoderated, and guild officers are normally, if not always, less inclined to step in if somebody is being aggressive, because somebody being abusive using their voice is a lot more powerful than somebody typing a few salty comments.

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Posted by: Linken.6345

Linken.6345

Ah I guess your one of those randoms that are lucky to get into a orgianised tripple wurm map and beat it becouse they organise + do most of the work then bud ( Im glad you have been able to do that content but many havent without voice chat) Looks like raids will be similar but instanced so no luck there Im afraid.

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Posted by: Timbersword.9014

Timbersword.9014

My life is pretty much video games and anime. This kind of makes it hard to connect with people on any deeper a level than say, business as usual. I can talk through a mic just fine, say hi to strangers, even join a guild, but I don’t, because I know I won’t really be joining in on any small talk. I’ll always be that quiet, awkward outsider.

I’m 28 now, and have since determined that at best, I find working with people mildly annoying, and at worst downright intolerable. I can follow orders just fine, I have no problem with that, but I don’t like being made to wait, I don’t like feeling like I’m underperforming and have confidence issues as a result, or likewise if I’m doing well I don’t like relying on others that I feel aren’t performing up to what I consider even passable standards.

A large part of the mentality was developed in my WoW years, where I was a teenager in a time when games were for nerdy virgin neckbeards that could never get a girlfriend (still keeping the image true!) Part of it is being “the kid” in a raid guild full of adults talking about adult things and generally having trust issues with one of the few players in game that actually enjoyed tanking. Being on 56k didn’t help. And since then, I don’t think I’ve been in a single guild where I’ve actually felt I belonged, and tended to get the negative attention from someone for reasons I could never really figure out besides clashes of opinion.

In the end, while One with social issues can make the effort to get back into the social game, unlike other mental issues the social anxiety/loner issue isn’t a game that can be fixed playing solo, and it does kind of require some people being ultra forgiving, even a bit pushy and stubborn (smiley’s quoted post of himself is an example of being pushy and stubborn done right because there was an agreeable place to meet half way for both parties) to help them out of it. Coincidentally, loners/introverts tend to have a hard time getting into a co-op game because they’re not a part of the social cliques, and likely, not even a part of the more popular trends, like selfies, facebook, twitter, etc.

As for myself, I’m a whole different kind of anti-social – I’m just used to flying solo, to the point that playing co-op is almost strictly done from a business approach (working retail, being able to do this much is mandatory.) IF I ever hit something off with someone, well, they’ll likely be a very special snowflake themselves. God help whomever teases the idea of becoming my first girlfriend. I know to listen to the people around me for signs of crazy.

(edited by Timbersword.9014)

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Posted by: Fermi.2409

Fermi.2409

Or you could just play the game as it’s meant to be played, instead of relying on 3rd party software.

“As it’s meant to be played”? Dear lord come off the high horse. The game isn’t “meant to be played” without voice chat. It also isn’t meant to be played with voice chat. Voice chat is just another form of communication that’s much, much more convenient to use, especially in things like PvP.

I dislike listening as well, because its just a one-sided conversation. People talk down to you, knowing you won’t talk back if you make a wrong move, and when in voice-chats, people are always more aggressive than they are in chats, because they know its unmoderated, and guild officers are normally, if not always, less inclined to step in if somebody is being aggressive, because somebody being abusive using their voice is a lot more powerful than somebody typing a few salty comments.

It sounds like you’ve been voice chatting with kittens, then. I’ve used voice chat quite a lot over my years of MMO playing, in many different settings and it’s almost always a good time; I can talk without having to type a book in the middle of a boss fight or whatever.

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Posted by: Vethaera.6319

Vethaera.6319

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

And what about people like me, who through no fault of their own have hearing issues and can’t UNDERSTAND what people are saying in TS/Mumble/whatever chat?

I guess we should just, you know, never expect to be able to play with others?

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Posted by: Linken.6345

Linken.6345

I find this odd the guilds I have been in want you to be on ts to listen to tactics and orders that cant be typed in the middle of battle.

Noone forces people to speak they just have to listen, if you cant do that your not part of the team and should be excluded frankly.

And what about people like me, who through no fault of their own have hearing issues and can’t UNDERSTAND what people are saying in TS/Mumble/whatever chat?

I guess we should just, you know, never expect to be able to play with others?

Thats a whole diffrent kind of beast, I have no clue how hearing impared you are but tried adjusting the volume on individual speakers in ts? Or maybe get a better headset in the higher price ranges like http://www.corsair.com/en-us/corsair-gaming-h2100-wireless-dolby-7-1-gaming-headset Thats what I myself use and my hearing aint the best.

Ofcourse there will be groups later down the line that do it without voip but it wont be in the forseable future.

We’r talking 5 maybe 10% tops of all the content in the game were people feel its needed.

Props to you if you find a team of 9 others that do it without tho you will be one lucky fe/male.

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Posted by: Noble.2670

Noble.2670

My guild has actually run all content up to yet without ts, we just prefer listening to music I guess XD!, sure we might wipe now and then and ts could have probably helped us avoid that, but long as you go over a strategy before hand and everyone knows what to do and when, it isn’t so bad at all, Its just a shame that guilds aren’t more accepting of people without voice comms, typing mid fight is a art XD

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Posted by: Vethaera.6319

Vethaera.6319

You youngsters just are so accustomed to voice chat, you don’t even know what to do without it! I’m from old school EverQuest. We didn’t have voice chat; we had Mad Skillz instead. Healers practiced rotations and everyone had to know the strat. Players set up hotkeys to announce what they were doing and when they were doing it, and there was usually a dedicated (text chat) raid channel, with parallel dedicated channels for the tanks, for the healers, for the dps. And it was amazing what we could accomplish. EQ raids were hard.

And no, turning up the volume on my speakers just makes it worse because it’s an issue of not being able to hear certain sounds at all. The only thing that works for me is when everybody — and I mean everybody — speaks each word distinctly, but when people get excited, they forget to do that. In real life, I can watch people’s lips to pick up what I can’t hear. Obviously, I can’t do that in game.