Guild Wars 2

There’s a couple of NPCs in Queensdale who have some atrocious lines of dialogue; so bad it’s good.

One is Abbot Matthias’ “Beer Song”:
“I love beer!
Beer makes me happy!
Beer makes me sing!
Beer makes me love!
Ev-ry-thing!”

A friend described it as sounding like a song you’d make up if you were two years old.

And then there’s Crazy Bear Lady:
“I know people! DANGEROUS people!”

This level of corny dialogue continues the glorious tradition defined in Guild Wars 1 by Rurik’s:
“DAH! My good and excellent friends!”

What are your favourite lines of really bad dialogue?
Stuff so bad, so goofy, you can’t help but chuckle?

Edit: Off on a tangent, can someone at ArenaNet tell me why Crazy Bear Lady doesn’t use the same old lady model as Lady Grimassi?

From Sorrow’s Embrace Path 3:

“NO NO NO! We should go to the armory! That’s where Zadarozhnj(or something) will be!”

Not all that funny on its own, but there is a very obvious spot that you can walk over to trigger the dialogue over and over again, resulting in something along the lines of,
!
“NO NO NO! NO NO! NO! NO NO NO! NO NO NO NO NO! We sh- NO NO NO! NO NO!”

And now that Arenanet fixed a similar bug in HotW, I try and trigger this one as much as possible while I can.

Any line spoken by dredge also falls under this category, since it’s 100% overdone to the point of ridiculousness.

Change your language to German for SE path 3.

It makes it even better.

“NO NO NO, The Armoury’s the other way!” – yeah, that one.

The pirate song is pretty accurate, and badly sung which makes it more accurate.

Dredge singing is so bad it makes my toes curl

My fave dialogue however has to be the Asura and Sylvari in The Grove, with its Bladerunner references.

Everything the Bandits say.

WEAKNESS MAKES ME SICK.
-/keep inflicting weakness, hoping that the centaur would barf or something :\

YOU GOT THE SONG WRONG, IT’S ALE.

“I love ale!
Ale makes me happy!
Ale makes me sing!
Ale makes me love!
Ev-ry-thing!”

Also:
The gates to the Citadel of Flame are now open!
(1 minute later) The gates to the Citadel of Flame are now open!

“(laugh) You’re kidding, right?”

Your weakness makes me laugh!

Your spiders ar eabove me? I hope Leurent skewers you, and leaves you to rot in the shade…
Oh, don’t be like that, sweetie. You are rather special. After all, my children haven’t eaten in a looong time…

I can slay CITIES!!

“No! I handraised that minion!”

“Now I need to make another one.”

“It began as a corpse and now it is a corpse again.”

Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to make necromancers have a line EVERY TIME a minion dies?!

What my male elementalist says when he either gets a boon or changes attunements.
“Urge to kill rising.”
I laugh every time.

“Step back! Watch me push a button! Uh or maybe I´ll even switch a lever!”

And there used to be a sound bug in hotw path1 where the Kodan NPC finds his sons.
“Wh-Wh-Wh-What is Wh-Wh-What is this – What is this?”

That one always made me laugh

Cero.5132:

And there used to be a sound bug in hotw path1 where the Kodan NPC finds his sons.
“Wh-Wh-Wh-What is Wh-Wh-What is this – What is this?”

That one always made me laugh

It is still there, despite what the path notes says.

YOU FOUND THE BEAR’S DEN, LET’S CELEBRATE WITH FIGHTING! – Bear Shrine.

It only happens if you get up on the top of the shrine, and it’s loud.

Zaxares.5419:

"(laugh) You’re kidding, right?"

And both the male and female voice actors deliver this line with such great bravado and arrogance. I love it.

My female charr, using Battle Cry, sometimes gets a little too into it: "Crush! Maim! Kill!"

A male asura ran past me yesterday and was swapping attunement, I think, and I remember cracking a smile. I cannot recall exactly what he said, though, and sadly we do not yet seem to have a complete list of combat/skill-related dialogue (though the wiki has a good amount of it filled out for all of the boons and conditions).

“Are you joking friend?”

Exterminans.9723:

“No! I handraised that minion!”

“Now I need to make another one.”

“It began as a corpse and now it is a corpse again.”

Seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to make necromancers have a line EVERY TIME a minion dies?!

Man, i’m with you. It’s a freaking annoying thing.

“Your plan is just stupid and won’t work!”

New land. NEW LAND!

Oglaf.1074:

Change your language to German for SE path 3.

It makes it even better.

Let me guess. “NEIN NEIN NEIN”?

synk.6907:

Zaxares.5419:

“(laugh) You’re kidding, right?”

And both the male and female voice actors deliver this line with such great bravado and arrogance. I love it.

It seems to be a roughly 50:50 chance whether they’re overconfident or cowardly. I lost track of how many times the Bandits yell “Get over here and help me!” or “I’m dying here!” whenever I attack them. … Even as the bandit then proceeds to devastate me with conditions. XD

Some of the lines they say if they kill you are equally hilarious though. “(spit) Another one down!”

Bear Shaman Marga: Bear approves of you. I can feel her little tail wagging in my heart.

“By the power of ME! Heh, heh, heh.”

Yeah, that is cheesy, in a good way
There’s a couple of female Sylvari lines that fit as well. While the delivery is fab (I wouldn’t expect anything less from the incomparable Jennifer Hale), these two lines make me double-you-tee-eff-lol whenever I hear them:

“I want that!” when she gets an exotic or more valuable item. What do you mean, you want that? YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.

“I am that.” I think that’s on levelling. WHAT DOES IT MEEEAAAN?

Mungrul.9358:

“I am that.” I think that’s on levelling. WHAT DOES IT MEEEAAAN?

I always thought it was “I earned that”. Of course said with a British accent.

“Its my destiny”

when i complete my daily gatherer quest
:(

“I could outrun a centaur!”

BY OGDEN’S HAMMER, WHAT SAVINGS!
Oh wait—this isn’t the good lines thread..

Nightarch.2943:

BY OGDEN’S HAMMER, WHAT SAVINGS!
Oh wait—this isn’t the good lines thread..

Now this has to be posted:

“Severe weather warning!” “Turn the tide” “Turn up the heat!”
basically male asura ele dialogue is the best, cheesy dialogue ever :p

walks up to the armoury outside the citadel on new charr character
“Can’t wait to tell my warband about THIS place!”

1. its stupid.
2. the places this line activates…. LOL
3. 1+2=3

That chicken song in Kessex Hills

I LOL’D
it goes like :

Chickens peck and chickens munch
Chickens cluck and chickens crunch
Chickens flap and chickens croon
Chickens on the table soon!

There’s this group of norn in hoelbrak, comparing the size of their axe collections. At some point they turn to a guy that hasn’t spoken up yet:
“So, how many axes do you call your own?”
“I’m collecting pistols.”
" … oh…"

Wonder who would win this fight

I miss the Lion’s Shadow Inn woman that was repeatedly approached by an Asura researcher, and told the scientist “You’re wasting your time. Nothing ever happens in the suburbs.” Well, something did. I hope she lived.

And remember the Happy Woman of Divinity’s Reach? I don’t blame them for removing her (and <3 to the patch notes referring to her getting thicker walls in her house). Let’s just say a sound got looped and turned into a woman having a really good time.

Cheesy current lines? I’m leveling a male ‘vari and when he dings he’ll say “My destiny is taking root.” Sheesh.

Handiman.9573:

“I could outrun a centaur!”

I once came across a human mesmer simply named “A Centaur.” He was, naturally, struggling across the landscape of Cursed Shore with a focus in hand as his last moments of the boon ran out.

My vote for best mesmer name ever, anyway.

The absolute worst/best lines I’ve ever heard are near the Smokestead Waypoint in Plains of Ashford. I warp there to update traits and run AC, and I have to listen to:

“We don’t need no god,
We’re the firing squad!
So if you don’t want my flail,
Better shake that mighty tail!
Aw, yeah!
Oo-rah; move out!”

Scarlet: “Die die die. Die die die, die die.”

I just heard one I keep forgetting but … it’s so cheesy.

“So then I says to her, I says, if you looked like Lyssa, I wouldn’t have to ask!” Some guy in DR. I might have the start of the line wrong.

Female sylvari mesmer has a favorite of mine:
“This rose has thorns… AND HERE THEY ARE!”

My asura engie, in the other hand, has one even better:
“You’re dumb. You’ll die, and you’ll leave a dumb corpse.”

There are a pair of skritt guards at one of the havens in Metrica that I call Beavis and Butt-head due to their exchange:

“Bored.”
“BEEELLCCHHH!!!”
“HAHAHAHAHA!”

Silly? You bet. But cute in an adolescent sort of way.

“I feel six feet tall!”

My favorite of the sylvari female PC lines is from confusion, “Oh, what’s happening?”

Though it’s ridiculous when she shouts “I’m dying!” and my health bar is down barely a quarter. SO dramatic!

Subdirector Blingg: “Citizens!”

I don’t know where you draw the line between corny and entertaining because I find GW2’s dialogue to be quite good actually. It finds a nice balance between humor and seriousness needed for a fantasy plot.

“mmhm! your attention please!”

‘Kiss my tail!’
‘I don’t like delays, where are my slaves?’

I think when you’re in the hunter’s lodge in Queensdale, at one point Emi says something along the lines of “This lodge definitely needs more slaughter” and Chiffly responds with “More killing, too”.
I always found that to be quite random but funny.

After hearing dozens of bandits saying “Now I’ll never…” when they die, I had to laugh when I killed an Inquest operative who with his last gasp uttered “Now my golem will never…”

Hmmm… Most of human lines.

Also, the sounds of fighting Asura, especially male. It sounds like they’re taking very painful dump.

“I think we have more spies.”

LumAnth.5124:

That chicken song in Kessex Hills

I LOL’D
it goes like :

Chickens peck and chickens munch
Chickens cluck and chickens crunch
Chickens flap and chickens croon
Chickens on the table soon!

Where exactly is this?