Guild Wars 2

Captain Penzan

I am the very model of a modern pirate general,
I’ve information magical, mathematical and mineral.
I know the Queens of Kryta and can cite matters historical,
From Bloodstones to the dragon spawn in order categorical.
In fact, I write my washing bills in old Canthan cuneiform.
I’ll tell you every detail sewn on Caudecus’s uniform.
The skills and builds of warfare are essential to my strategy,
You’ll say a better Captain’s Councillor has never sat-a-gee.

If you help elect me to the Captain’s Council, I’ll finely reward you in the following ways:

-I’ll reduce prices on rum for all of Lion’s Arch for four whole weeks
-I’ll support important Fractals of the Mist research into the Campaign of Corporal Bane, to be brought to fruition by the end of the year
-I’ll set up a fine rotation of popular activities such as Flute Hero and /Dance Revolution.

I can be found on the Bloodtide Coast, doing all I can for the good of Lion’s Arch.

I’ll throw my hat in the ring too!

Captain Dutch Manhandler!

Need your enemies slain? I’ll handle it!
You need the elder dragons put back in their place? I’ll handle it!
Got a hot sister? I’ll manhandle it!

Don’t be mistaken with the competition.
They promise you great things but in the end of the day they’re just looking out for themselves! Kiel is stupid… all stupid faced and, stupid haired… and stupid!
And Evon? There’s only room for one Charr here!
And Captain Penzan? Well I hear he dresses funny!

If you elect ME to the Captain’s Council, i’ll help out the people of Tyria in the following ways!

-I’ll reduce prices on all Karma related items for four whole weeks!
-I’ll support important Fractals of the Mist research into the future genocide of the Asuran race! Did I say Genocide? I ment research into the future genocide— oh darn there I went and did it again! What I ment to say was Pickle Rebellion. Yes… pickle rebellion.
-I will personally backhand the next person who plays Zelda tunes on their flute thinking they’re awesome when really they just copied the notes down from that one YouTube channel!

“I” can be found all over the place in Darkhaven. In World Vs World. In fractals of the mist. In another world.. a world of twenty, twenty thousand girls.. and filth and rectangles and obdomistrists and a man with a golden eyeball!

Captain Suwash for Council! He’ll give out free Precursors to everybody!

Oh god……the tune….