Elonian Whines
FADE IN:
A small bell rings as the Bold Adventurer swings a wooden door forward and steps into the small shop. The walls are lined floor to ceiling with wooden shelves filled with variously colored bottles.
A small man wearing a worn apron enters from the opposite side of the room and smiles broadly at the Bold Adventurer.
SHOPKEEP:“Welcome good sir to Elonian Whines! The finest Whine merchant in all of Shaemoor, all of Queensdale if I may be so bold.”
The Bold Adventurer meanders towards one of the shelves. The bottles are labeled meticulously and organized by type, region, and vintage. He picks up one of the Bottles.
SHOPKEEP: “I can see from my good sir’s ‘Dungeon Master’ badge that he is well-traveled. Apparently he has good taste as well. That bottle you are looking at is a wonderful whine recently shipped from Lornar’s Pass called ‘ This Overflow Is FAIL!’. It has a strong sense of aggressive negativity spiced with a slight belittling of others. Very popular as of late.”
The Shop Keep continues talking as the Bold Adventurer continues to peruse the bottles.
SHOPKEEP: “That entire shelf is all freshly shipped from Lornar’s Pass actually. To the right you will see the exceptional “Y U NO DPS MORE!”. It comes to us from a small whineyard owned and run by a former Zerker Warrior like yourself. It has a wonderful blend of condescension and accusation with notes of troll and omnomberry.
A bell rings as the door to the shop flies open. A voluptuous woman wearing leather armor that seems designed more for showing skin than protecting it steps into the shop. She has an intricate looking long bow slung over her shoulder and is followed into the shop by a brown colored bear. Despite her very feminine and very young looking face she screams in an unnaturally deep and rough voice.
WOMAN: “WHERE IS TRAIN!!?”
SHOPKEEP: “Ah, yes mademoiselle, [Vale Waypoint] then southwest into the cave. Look for the mob of people standing around.”
Just as quickly as she had arrived the woman vanishes into thin air with her bear.
SHOPKEEP: “My apologies good sir. We get a lot of that. I see you’ve moved on to one of my personal favorites. It comes from the world famous QQ whinery. The supple and lively “Learn to play platform 2!” also from Lornar’s Pass. It has a crisp arrogance melded into savory uninformed assumptions. Quite lovely and if the group you are in ever needs that extra push to victory this is a wonderful choice.”
SHOPKEEP: “To the left you will find a whine that is very popular with Forum Warriors of all sorts. “Thanks Fur Nuthin Anet!” comes to us from the depths of Rata Sum. It is a little difficult to describe so I will read from the label. Apparently, it is steeped in exceptional ignorance of systems design with overtones of unwarranted entitlement. To be honest, those Asura talk way over my head so I am not totally sure what they mean by any of that.”
The Bold Adventurer takes one of each and places them on the counter.
SHOPKEEP: “All four?! Most excellent good sir! Your total comes to 1200 gems.”
The Bold Adventurer reaches into his pocket and retrieves a bag full of Black Lion approved gemstones.
SHOPKEEP: “With every purchase over 1000 gems you receive this free pair of Reading Glasses. They will go wonderfully with your Flame Legion Armor.”
The Bold Adventurer places all four bottles and the reading glasses into his pack and strides out the door ready for battle.
SHOPKEEP: “Thank you good sir! And please remember Elonian Whines for all of your adventuring needs throughout Tyria!”
END
