Guild Wars 2

I applied my considerable creative talent to the development of Tyrian mounts. The following is a list of racial specific mounts. You are welcome.

Human

Humans mounts are an item, specifically two coconut halves. When equipped, a human avatar begins prancing forward while clapping the coconut halves together. The mount does not give a speed boost and prevents the avatar from attacking but limits all damage received to flesh-wounds. The human mount can be upgraded with different gates, possibly funny walks.

Asuran

Asurans mount themselves. With practice, asurans can jump-flip with enough torque to fly up their own behinds. When activated, an asuran avatar would disappear up their behind and then reappear somewhere randomly in the zone. The Asuran mount can be upgraded with different sound effects.

Norn

Norn mounts are stationary kegs that the avatar straddles. The Norn mount can be upgraded with levels of inebriation. Would you prefer your avatar fall to the left or to the right?

Charr

Charr mounts are catapults. When activated the avatar is hurled through the air. Charr mounts are lethal to the user, but do provide the chance to admire the Tyrian landscape from a new perspective. Charr mounts can be upgraded to hurl the avatar farther.

Sylvari

Syvari mounts are woodpeckers. When activated the player looses all control over the Sylvari avatar as it is chased around by a woodpecker to the Benny Hill chase theme song. Sylvari mounts are upgraded with more woodpeckers.

These are far better than any other mount suggestion I’ve ever seen.

Beautiful, just beautiful!

Would you pay for these mounts?
$15 US for all 5?

Thank you. I look forward to more of your future “suggestions”.

And I would taunt any humans that come by my castle!

Excellent laugh.

ANet: I would pay real money for this. +1!