Guild Wars 2

NOTE: Please provide positive feedback, which is: what I did right, and what I can improve upon.

Updates:
08/14/2017: Prologue revised again, Chapter 1 being revised.
07/05/2017: Prologue revised
06/25/2017: Settled on a title.
06/12/2017: Some scene concepts written.
01/17/2016: Chapter 12 has been added!
11/20/2015: Chapter 11 has been added!
10/19/2015: Chapter 10 has been added!
10/11/2015: Chapter 3 has been modified a little. Some grammar fixes, word changes, and one of Teyo’s lines has been improved.
9/29/2015: Commission image added.

The Assassin of Rata Sum – Main Link

Vini’s Musical Theme

Note: Vini’s name is pronounced “Vi-KNEE”

There are lots of things to be changed from the typical GW2 storyline:

• While it starts out similar to the Asura Storyline, dialogue will be changed, and the main story arc will be different.
• The Inquest have a much bigger role, even after the ‘race arc,’ they are the primary antagonists.
• Vini will meet my other characters in my account, who will help her out.

Point of View:

• The Prologue is the only ‘chapter’ in first person, the rest is in third person.

Pictures of Vini:

• Vini Commission Image
• Hooded
• Hoodless

I hope you enjoy this fan story. I will update it regularly by posting that a new chapter has been released.

Does anyone have problems accessing Fan Fiction.net? Please let me know!

Great job, would like to see more! I’ll message you a more in depth review, for some reason the forums are telling me to “suppress spam” I have to wait 24 hours to message you. Don’t know why.

A Former Monk.4378:

Great job, would like to see more! I’ll message you a more in depth review, for some reason the forums are telling me to “suppress spam” I have to wait 24 hours to message you. Don’t know why.

Thank you so much! I’m working on Chapter 1 now.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/2/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 1 done! Go read it!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/3/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 2 is up! It’ll be exciting!

Edit: I should say… it IS exciting!

Come on, people!

It’s certainly a good start towards an interesting tale, though there’s a lot of room for growth, too. A lot of the writing here should really be given a twice over, especially concerning the asura’s mannerisms, which I find to be a bit departing of their standard culture. Still, I’m always happy to read about anything that isn’t Trahearne related.

Don’t worry about Trahearne… I’ll take care of him. >:3

Nice to see you, Greo. Can you give me specific examples of “departing” from the asura’s mannerisms?

Chapter 3 is up! It’s… dark and exciting!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/4/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

AegisRunestone.8672:

Nice to see you, Greo. Can you give me specific examples of “departing” from the asura’s mannerisms?

Asura, from what I’ve seen, generally speak with superiority rather than belittle themselves with what they’d probably consider simple or childish insults. They are inventors, most of them, and quite a few of them are super geniuses who know they’re better than you. While Vine appears to be the best of the best of students, she seems to consistently put herself on a lower level with other asura with her bitter tongue, and acts out of place for someone who is the first to be considered savant.

“Why you…!” Vine exclaimed. “You… you flat-chested freak!”

This line especially bugs me. Asura don’t really have assets to flaunt, so this doesn’t make too much sense as an insult.

Granted, these are just my observations, and there are likely asura who are against the grain as Vine is, but you may consider her talents and history to show better in her dialog and mannerisms. I’d really like to see more of why she became a thief in the first place; does she handle back-alley transactions, or perhaps her inventions and devices are meant for more subtle applications? There’s a lot you can do with this to flesh out her character more.

As far as the general writing goes, there’s a lot of places that could use some clean up and more variation to the dialog and the action. But don’t get discouraged by my words, and keep at it!

Got’cha, Greo. Workin’ on it.

Edit: Prologue, and all Chapters up to 3 have been revised. Want to take a look, Greo?

Also, others are free to look, too, but that goes without saying.

Updated the Prologue… AGAIN. This time, Vine should be much more relateable, and reflects her true character better.

Bump. I’ll add a new chapter soon.

Liking it so far, really hope you add more! There really needs to be more fanfic writers in the community!

Thank you so much! I’m glad you like it! I currently have writer’s block, but I’ll finish chapter 4 ASAP.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/5/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 4 is up! Sorry it took so long; I got a new job.

I agree with ZoSo. That said, it’s a pretty enjoyable read. Keep at it!

Sorry it’s been so long, I can’t believe a month has passed! O_O Don’t worry, I’m still writing this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/6/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 5 is up! Go read it!

Also, Chapters 2 and 4 have some updates to them! Please give me feedback on how I’m doing with asura dialogue! Enjoy!

There’s some definite creativity here. I want a teleport gun <.<;

Also, have a free bump.

Thanks! I hope I get more people to read this.

Thanks to Greo’s feedback he gave me via email, Chapter 5 has been improved greatly. Also, a contradiction was removed from the chapter.

Please, I really like feedback (just make it constructive)! So, I want to hear your thoughts! Are you enjoying the story? Are you not? How can I improve?

Thank you again for reading!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/7/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 6 done!

I appreciate any positive feedback from the entire Guild Wars 2 community. Please it’ll make this story better! The more feedback I receive, the easier I can improve it! Feedback also motivates me to write more!

So, please! Respond, post your thoughts, I want to hear them!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/8/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 7 done! I would really like some constructive feedback! I want to hear your thoughts! I also would love suggestions on how to improve my asura vocabulary.

Enjoy!

Update! Some revisions to Chapters 2 and 3, and the Prologue has been revised.

Does anyone have any good, positive feedback for me? I really want to know!

Chapter 8 is finished.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/9/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Yes, it took awhile, but I was working on my Zelda fan story. I’m trying to get that one finished as it’s almost done (40+ chapters. x_x).

Anyway, it’s a shorter chapter. Enjoy! Feedback is, as always, appreciated.

asurans don’t have last names

After re-reading the wiki entry on names ( http://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Asura#Names ), you are correct (to a degree, some asura do have surnames). Unfortunately, when I made Vini, I knew nothing about asura, and so, I just made a name that sounded like an asura name to me. So, she became “Vini Yunio.” The issue is: by cutting out her surname, it just disconnects her from my character. :S

I have an idea. I can revise the prologue and such so that she mentions that she was given a surname due to her ‘eccentricism.’ :P I’ll do that later.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/10/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 9 up!

I’m planning to write some short stories related to this fan story as side events.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/11/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

Chapter 10 is up! Feedback is welcome!

Hey, guys, I would really appreciate some positive feedback on my story. I feel like I’m talking to myself in this thread. What did I do right? What can I improve upon?

Thank you.

This will be featured as the all new section inside of the Guild Wars 2 News Application on Google Play.

We hope you keep up your great writing and we will ensure your readership on android has an easy way to read your book!

Keep your eyes peeled for the next version of the application which will contain your book.

AegisRunestone.8672:

Hey, guys, I would really appreciate some positive feedback on my story. I feel like I’m talking to myself in this thread. What did I do right? What can I improve upon?

Thank you.

i like it so far =D
even got friends reading it =)

arenta.2953:

AegisRunestone.8672:

Hey, guys, I would really appreciate some positive feedback on my story. I feel like I’m talking to myself in this thread. What did I do right? What can I improve upon?

Thank you.

i like it so far =D
even got friends reading it =)

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Gokuofuin.9127:

This will be featured as the all new section inside of the Guild Wars 2 News Application on Google Play.

We hope you keep up your great writing and we will ensure your readership on android has an easy way to read your book!

Keep your eyes peeled for the next version of the application which will contain your book.

WOW! I’m so honored! Thank you!

Edit: Where’s the ‘all new’ section of the app? Or does this mean it’ll have it’s own section on the app?

Holy crap, it actually does have its own section on the news app! That’s awesome!

AegisRunestone.8672:

Holy crap, it actually does have its own section on the news app! That’s awesome!

I am glad you like it, keep up with your amazing writing and I am sure it will keep being the great attraction that it is to all of us who live in GW2

I will keep updating. I’ll try to finish Chapter 11 by next week.

Hey Aegis,

nice stories. Currently i´m reading chapter 4. I especially like the asura-themed dialogue – very convincing and funny :-)
Do you focus solely on GW2 related stuff or do you also create other short-stories?

Kind regards
Benjamin

BenjaminK.8792:

Hey Aegis,

nice stories. Currently i´m reading chapter 4. I especially like the asura-themed dialogue – very convincing and funny :-)
Do you focus solely on GW2 related stuff or do you also create other short-stories?

Kind regards
Benjamin

Well, no. I have a Zelda story, a Muramasa story (finished), a Final Fantasy IV story, a Kid Icarus: Uprising story, and a few original novels on my plate. I rarely do short stories, but I’m planning to write some as interludes for Shadows of Rata Sum. Examples: how Vini trains herself, Rem’s love letter, etc.

Chapter 11 is up! About a month after Chapter 10. XD

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/12/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

AegisRunestone.8672:

Chapter 11 is up! About a month after Chapter 10. XD

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/12/The-Shadows-of-Rata-Sum

sweet =D

Hay, guyz. I’m working on a short story for Vini about Wintersday! It’ll be current day Wintersday, taking place about three years after the events in Shadows of Rata Sum. Fortunately, there will be minor, very minor spoilers. So, you can read it and still enjoy The Shadows of Rata Sum! I’ll try to get it done today (it’ll also be in its own thread)!

Edit: Yeah, I failed to do that due to Writer’s Block. Ugh.

Short story completed!

https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/community/creations/Short-Story-A-Merry-Wintersday-for-Vini

Enjoy, my friends!

When will the next chapter come out?

Yay! Excited people! I’ll see if I can get it out by next week at the latest.

I have sad news: I may not get the next chapter out this week because I’ve been extremely busy with job hunting. However, I’m still going to try my best to get it out this week.

Surprise! Chapter 12 is up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10715283/13/The-Assassin-of-Rata-Sum

And a new character is introduced…

D’oh! I forgot to describe the new character! I’ll fix that this afternoon.

Edit: Fixed.

I really apologize. I haven’t written since the first because I’m very busy and haven’t been managing my time well. x.x; I’ll see if I can get chapter up this weekend (hopefully).

take your time.

rl comes first. if you rush to write when your mind is still on rl, it can hurt.

we can wait =)