Guild Wars 2

So I decided to finally start a fanfic blog after constantly having all these ideas for stories. link below. Feel free to tell me what you think.

http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/09/27/innocence-lost-guild-wars-2-fan-fiction-chapter-1-a-new-journey/

WHOA! I read the Prologue, and good writing! You blow my stuff out of the water. :P

Thanks! More is on the way!

Chapter 2: Reconnaissance – https://wordpress.com/read/post/id/75587726/6/

Don’t know why the Wordpress wouldn’t keep the paragraph indentations, oh well. Enjoy!

It requests a log in. I have to be a member to read what you write or is that just an incorrect link?

Calliope.8675:

It requests a log in. I have to be a member to read what you write or is that just an incorrect link?

Hmmm, it seems other people can read it so I don’t know that it’s the link. Here, let’s try again. https://wordpress.com/read/post/id/75587726/6/

Also, thanks so much for reading guys! Will definitely post more!

It still requests that I log in. =s C’est la vie. Oh well.

Here’s a link to the blog itself, rather than the specific post. Chapters 1 and 2 are both posted there, and I should have 3 done later tonight.

https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/75587726/

So, all of these other links you’ve posted, don’t work for me. They all require me to “log in,” however, I did finally get around this. I used your Ch.1 link to navigate into Ch. 2. Voila!

Cool, glad you were able to view it. And thanks for checking it out!

http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/chapter-3-extraction/

Chapter 3! I don’t know why Wordpress let me indent paragraphs on chapter 1 but not on 2 and 3, just know that I AM aware of the lack of indentation. Anyway, enjoy!

Remember, I love feedback!

Chapter three is exceptionally dark. I might have some more to comment on later and will edit this post, but I’m a little distracted at the moment. <3

A Former Monk.4378:

“Problems arose, and were overcome,” said Setsu calmly…

I think this sentence would have more impact if you broke it differently. “Problems arose,” he said calmly (rest of description). “They were overcome, but that isn’t what’s important.”

A Former Monk.4378:

“I thought you didn’t want to know how I do what I do,” Setsu said, a point he often made when she inquired after the finer details of his missions.

This catches me each time I re-read the passage. Might just be me, but the phrasing doesn’t seem right. She’s reprimanding him, he says she doesn’t want to know what he does in order to accomplish his missions, and then you say she is always asking about what he does. I think the importance of that last detail may need to be explained or removed.

Chapter 4: Waypoint! http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/chapter-4-waypoint/

Calliope.8675:

Chapter three is exceptionally dark. I might have some more to comment on later and will edit this post, but I’m a little distracted at the moment. <3

A Former Monk.4378:

“Problems arose, and were overcome,” said Setsu calmly…

I think this sentence would have more impact if you broke it differently. “Problems arose,” he said calmly (rest of description). “They were overcome, but that isn’t what’s important.”

A Former Monk.4378:

“I thought you didn’t want to know how I do what I do,” Setsu said, a point he often made when she inquired after the finer details of his missions.

This catches me each time I re-read the passage. Might just be me, but the phrasing doesn’t seem right. She’s reprimanding him, he says she doesn’t want to know what he does in order to accomplish his missions, and then you say she is always asking about what he does. I think the importance of that last detail may need to be explained or removed.

I agree that the first quote might work better as a split dialogue, I hadn’t really thought about it that way.

The second quote you mentioned is based on something human nature frequently causes us to do. When she originally employed him, she obviously seems to have requested that he not share the finer details of his work. However, as humans, curiosity often gets the best of us, and we forget our previous commitments in the pursuit of our current desires. Basically, it’s written that way to establish that even Anise is not entirely flawless, and that even she needs someone to put her in her place from time to time. The reason we don’t delve further back into Setsu’s back story here is because A: that’s a story for another time :P; and B: to give the origins of his relationship with Anise a sense of mystery.

I have to say that this is exceptional. I will be checking it regularly to see how it finishes.

Strong Work!

Thanks for reading! There’s definitely more on the way, though it is getting a little taxing writing these on a daily basis. Enjoying it though!

A Former Monk.4378:

Thanks for reading! There’s definitely more on the way, though it is getting a little taxing writing these on a daily basis. Enjoying it though!

I know how you feel. It also gets harder the further you get, and you start to slow down a lot. x.x;

Keep pushing!

Also, you might want to edit one of your posts and add a chapter 2 link since it’ll only be in “recent posts.”

Is the chapter 2 link not working?

Chapter 5: Death Shroud should be out later today!

It’s working on your site, I’m just saying as you update chapters, it won’t show up in “recent posts.”

Chapter 5 is finally done! http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/10/03/chapter-5-death-shroud/

So I haven’t been able to sit down and continue the story lately as I’ve been busy due to various circumstances (college will do this to a person). Know that I DO plan on posting chapter 6 this week, and I also plan on seeing the story through to the end.

This is by far some of the best fan fiction I’ve ever read. I’d also pit it up against all of the written Guild Wars stuff. Well done!

Thanks a lot! I’m writing chapter 6 right now!

http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/10/10/chapter-6-into-the-jungle/

There’s chapter 6. Struggled with this one, not sure how satisfied I am with it. But I figured what the hell, it works.

(I’m aware that the paragraphs aren’t indented, Wordpress won’t let me indent them for whatever reason.)

Going to offer some constructive criticism here and a very small amount at that. When you are writing a character’s dialog, then break and describe a little more about the scene, make sure you restart the character’s dialog as a new sentence or paragraph.

“Might I remind you, Caudecus, that you were the one who expressed interest in becoming involved with my little…operation,” said Cortis silkily, “you were so excited to begin the next step in toppling the Queen’s rule and bringing about a new era for Kryta, were you not?”

So the first part is fine. When you pick up the dialog again at you were so…, you start a new train of thought, or in this case a second sentence in his dialogue and as such, it should be capitalized.

Again, a minuscule critique, but one that really stands out to me. I would have probably worded the last bit of the second sentence in Cortis’ dialogue completely different, but that’s just me being nit-picky!

Good job again on the story!

Dialogue is something I struggle with, mainly because there are SO many literary and grammatical clauses that affect it. The reason I didn’t capitalize that part was because I hadn’t actually ended the sentence (though I should have). I suppose what I should have done was break that paragraph after Cortis’s first quote and then continue it in a new paragraph, since that first quote IS a complete thought.

Thanks for the critique, I really appreciate it!

Any new chapters?

Sorry for not getting back to you. I’ve been so bogged down in stuff for my classes lately I just haven’t had the time to sit down and push out chapter 7. Know that it IS coming and stay tuned!

Good, good. You shouldn’t be a slacker (like me) in school! I am looking forward to the next part.

Aiming to get it out this week!

Ok so I know I said this week, but it looks like I’ll have to finish up chapter 7 tomorrow morning. I was able to crank out about 1200 words tonight, but I really need some sleep. Hoping to publish chapter 7 tomorrw!

It’s done! Chapter 7: http://aformermonk.wordpress.com/2014/11/02/chapter-7-captured/

I really like where this story is going. Slowly the bright eyed rookie is turning into the hardened veteran she needs to be. Meanwhile the Thief has his own set of demons to figure out. Well worth my reading time! Each chapter is getting better and better.

Hi Monk!

Wanted to tell you that this is a really, really good story. I especially enjoyed the atmospheric opener and its descriptive detail (often dicracefully neglected, even in official novels).
Just read the first chapter so far, but its a gripping yarn ;-)
Thumbs up for your work and thank you for sharing it!!
Best regards
Benjamin

Thanks so much for reading guys, it really blows me away. Hopefully I can continue through chapter 8 this weekend.

I look forward to the next chapter as well. =)

Small update: the reason chapter 8 is late is because I scrapped the whole thing after finishing due to having a better idea.

Shameless plug: If anyone is interested, a few of my guildmates and I have started doing a Guild Wars 2 podcast/vidcast. If that does interest you, the details can be found in my other forum thread linked below.

https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/community/fangen/New-Guild-Wars-2-Podcast/first#post4553196

Oh wow, I was only going to take a quick look at the first chapter, and ended up reading all of them

Just an FYI for anyone who may have been annoyed with me for neglecting this story:

I am currently putting Innocence Lost on hold to work more on short stand alone stories and traditional blogging, both still GW2 related. If that interests you, feel free to follow the blog at aformermonk.wordpress.com

Thanks for reading!