Three sections of a writing project

Three sections of a writing project

in Community Creations

Posted by: Xenorak.2154

Xenorak.2154

Based on the lore of Guild Wars 2, the first chapter of my roleplay character’s backstory begins here.

“In a distant town, known as Garenhoff, there was constant joy, and happiness. The dock workers sang their sailor songs as they worked hard day in and day out. While the maidens who sold produce at their usual stands chimed at the passers. Children played as well. Though, there is indeed something odd about Garenhoff; living with humans, side by side, are elementals. They assist in keeping peace, and helping the towns folk however they can. Though, there lived one family, who always struggled, and often found it hard to stay happy, even in such an extravagant town. The husband and wife were often the topic of discussion, about how they were introverted, or recluses. They stayed holed up in their little corner of the town, and rarely were seen. Soon, they hadn’t been seen in awhile, and their existence amongthe towns folk had seemed to fade. Though, it wouldn’t be that way for long.”

Chapter 1 Section 1: Cursed

A little girls feet tip-tapped as she pranced across the fancy wooden floor, that seemed to glisten. The dainty little thing carried a home-stitched bear, and wore a long, white cloth like dress that seemed to go down to just past her tiny knees. Walking up to her mother, Xi Feng’s voice spoke softly. “Mother….can I go outside today?” Her mother dropped whatever dish she was washing into the sink abruptly. “Not today sweetie, maybe tomorrow?” Her mother had answered without giving details, again. Xi was only three or four years old by now, and even though she was young, she was quite intelligent already. “As you wish.” The little girl returned to her white room, that seemed to be of a different world. It felt like it glowed softly. Everything was glossy and white inside that room of hers, with no stains or messes to be seen. She looked out her window at the dark sky, under the yellow moonlight. She only had idle thoughts at this hour, none of importance, that is, until a small butterfly, no bigger than her dainty palm approached the window. That’s when it happened. It seemed to grow black, and fall down into the bushes below, dead. Once again, she looked at the moon, and she spoke; “Grenth, I beseech thee, rid me of thy curse.”

Chapter 1 Section 2: Reunion

Upon the rising of the sun over the harbor, sun-shafts beamed into the White Room, Xi’s room, awakening her from her nightly slumber. The room lit up, and shined, glossy and clean as always, free of any organic material besides Xi. Her bare feet ran along the room, before she stretched with all her might to reach the door knob, finally reaching it and opening it up. She skipped down stairs, and smelled the wonderful cooking of her mother. “Mother..can I go outside today?” Her mother once again froze for a moment, at the question that was asked daily for about a year now. She placed the omelette in front of Xi, “Maybe later. Eat your breakfast deary.” Xi understood, and calmly began eating her breakfast with her fork, prim and properly. Three knocks bumped upon the front door, her mother chiming, “Who is it?”, from across the room. Three more knocks bumped along the door. “Come in dear.” It was Xi’s father, and her older brother, whom she would refer to as Xen. They were back from her older brother’s bi-annual training trip in Necromancy. Xi had finished her omelette, wiping her mouth with a silken cloth and approaching her father, tugging on his trench coat. He picked her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek, “Father!” She said, bashful as always. Upon seeing her brother, and being put down, she ran behind her mother, only peaking out from behind her mother’s clothing. He spoke, “Hello sister.” She smiled brightly, and ran up to him, when he proceeded to tap her forehead with his forefinger, as a sign that they would talk later. She flushed a bit, admiring him. Her elder brother returned to his room, which in contrast to Xi’s, was glossy, piano black. It was another room void of any organic matter, and clean as a whistle. His room though, contained a single, pure white violin, with silver strings..which began to sound across the house as he played like always. Xi knew never to approach her brother when he was playing. She simply returned to her room, and began to sing in an immaculate, angelic voice, that seemed to fit the violin composition. They always had been two of a kind.

Chapter 1 Section 3: The Players

Within the walls of the White Room, a single, black piano can be found. Whose keys are obsidian-hued, and body is glossy. It gave off a wicked presence. It was about 7:00 PM when the keys could be heard, playing away. It is known, that under no circumstances, is the family allowed to enter Xi’s room while she plays that sinister thing. Upon the ringing of the piano throughout the halls and rooms, and crevices of the house, it could be deduced by Xi that no one was home at the hour, as someone would have commented on Xi’s brilliance, or holed themselves up in their room to meditate, at least, Xen would do the latter. However, today was Xi’s birthday, so she was curious as to why no one was home. Stepping down the steps, which had a finely crafted carpet rug running down along them, she headed towards the foyer. Upon seeing what lies in that grim room at this hour, a banshee’s screech, or what sounded like one, rang through out the entire Town. Which, the scream, of course not only alerted the elementals, but the townsfolk as well. They broke down the manor’s door, after climbing over the gated entrance, entering the accursed home…and, they too, entered the foyer. The cold truth seemed to break her, and stun the townsfolk. It was certain now; her parents were dead.

(Please, constructive criticism only. Thank you <3)

Three sections of a writing project

in Community Creations

Posted by: Uden Reavstone.3426

Uden Reavstone.3426

Not bad, but there are a few things I do have to say.
1. I found a typos. If you could find and fix them, that would be nice. I can help if need be.
2. It didn’t flow very well. It was kind of hard to go from section to section.
3. It’s to small. This can easily be fixed by writing more.
If you fix these three things, it would be a good story. Right now though, I’d rate it a 4 out of 5.

“Blue team for life.”
“They can’t see me. I can’t see them.”
Michael J. Caboose ~ RvB

Three sections of a writing project

in Community Creations

Posted by: Xenorak.2154

Xenorak.2154

Thank you for the helpful tips!