Guild Wars 2

So my teacher gave us a whole class to write something or in way we never have before. I’ve never wrote a fight scene/fight story before so I used Guild Wars as my source material to write a fight scene with an irrelevant story. Forgive me for the Gallagher joke. Feel free to tell me what you liked or disliked about the story. Enjoy!

He can’t be serious. That was my first thought.

Oh gods! He is serious. That was my second thought.

I didn’t think much after that. I dived into a roll to dodge the massive hammer that slammed and broke the oak table and bench I had just been sitting in. The big Norn let out a yell and swung the hammer over his head in a wide circle that almost brained the bystanders who were backing off. He came charging through debris of the shattered table, scattered food, and spilled ale. Again I had to dive out of range of the hammer. Everyone had left by now, even the owner of the place had realized stopping the norn was impossible and staying would only endanger his own life. I kept stepping in an out trying to circle around to my gear at the shattered table. I felt stupid for not grabbing a single weapon. The Norn sidestepped after every swing to close off any lane of access to my weapons.

It was at this moment I began thinking again. I thought. To hell with this, I’m out of here. I tried to run for the door but as soon as I reached it I felt something snag and grip both of my ankles. I looked down to see ghostly blue chains wrapped around my ankles. I looked for anything to break them. I glimpsed a greatsword next to me leaning against the wall to the right of the doorway. I scrambled to my feet grabbed the sword and took one bunnyhop outside and then another. Before I could even touch the ground again I was grabbed by hand that wrapped around my whole neck and then hoisted me up. I could barely breathe but I managed to take in bits of air. I felt his hand readjust its grip around my neck as I was turned to face the Norn.

“Look me in the eyes. I refuse to kill a man from behind.” He shook me a bit and grunted “Hey.” He lifted me closer to his face and I could smell the ale on his breath. “Look me in the eye when I take your life.” He shook me some more but I continued looking up. He lowered me trying to look in my eyes but I averted them and peered off to the side. I think the lack of oxygen made this plan seem viable. I began whistling nonchalantly with the rest of my air as I dodged eye-contact and my imminent doom. I had only been whistling for a few seconds before my vision became blurry, my legs and hands went limp and the greatsword slipped from my hand. The grip around my neck tightened and ended my whistling. “Now look me in the eyes.” he whispered in a deep and gravelly voice, “Good. Good.” I had no strength left. I looked into his icy blue eyes and saw death. I heard thunder and felt the soft sprinkle of rain before the darkness soon consumed my vision.

I awoke in the mud and heard growling and barking and heavy steps in the mud. I peered past my chained ankles and saw the Norn fighting Saber, my timberwolf. The Norn was bleeding at the neck but it wasn’t fatal and his face was covered in mud. I could see it now. Saber had answered my call, the tune I had whistled, and attacked the Norn. The Norn fell, dropped me, then got up to fight Saber.

Saber wasn’t trying to kill Norn. He was smart. He would feint in then back out as the Norn swung away. Saber was as big as a small man and couldn’t be ignored even if the Norn knew what Saber was doing.

Lightning flashed and the greatsword next to me lit up. I grabbed it and in a circular motion brought it over my head and then down on to the chains to shatter them in a burst of blue sparks and flying shards.. I stood up and immediately regretted it. I was nauseous and dizzy, but the heat of battle would clear that up soon. I whistled twice and Saber dipped in towards the Norn, side-stepped a hammer, and back pedaled to my side. I scratched behind his ears and said “Good Boy”. He shook me off. You always were all business and no play, I thought. The Norn stared at me with wide eyes illuminated by flashes of lightning. He actually began laughing at me and then said “You plan to kill me with my own greatsword? Oh, I was waiting for a reason to get into a good fight but I didn’t think it would get this good”.

“Hey I’m a lover not a fighter. We don’t need to do this. I was just chasing some tail when you had to go and be you. You saw she would’ve went to bed with me but then you had to butt in. Then she had the great idea to make us duel for her. I get it. Your testosterone levels were high so you wanted to kill me and bed her like your super alpha ancestors have done for ages. But honestly, why fight for a whoore”.

He laughed again “I don’t think you understand. I didn’t walk over to talk to the whoore. I came to start a fight with you. I like fights, beer, and sex. I was just hoping I could get all three tonight”. I took a step back, this guy was insane!

I whistled sharply and I could see Saber, in my peripheral, turn and look at me inquisitively. I continued to stare at the Norn. Saber would question my judgement from time to time but he would never disobey me. He trotted off into the woods behind me. So long friend. I took a deep breath then breathed out and collected myself.

“Ah, You don’t fear death?”
“I don’t plan on dying today.”
“Really? Why’d you send your dog away? I’ve heard that a ranger will spare their pet’s life by telling it to leave when there is no hope of victory.”
“Actually Saber is only eight years old. I didn’t think it’d appropriate for him to see such a large amount of whoop kitten applied to one person.” He laughed and I grinned. “What makes you so certain you’ll be the one to walk away?”
“Trust.”
“Trusting one’s own ability is good but, simply trusting your abilities doesn’t equate to victory.”
“We’ll see.”

He raised his hammer and held it with both hands, his back to the wooden inn. I lowered my stance and let the greatsword trail behind me to my right so that its tip barely touched the mud. We stood there about ten paces apart. The rain poured over us and pelted the mud. Then lightning flashed and one brief moment later, thunder banged across the sky. We yelled and charged each other. He was much faster than I thought and covered the distance faster than I thought possible. He swung down on me but I spinned to the left jumped and brought the greatsword over my head and onto his head.

At least it would’ve have connected if he wasn’t so fast and able to swat me out of the air with a fist. I tumbled and recovered only to look up and see him sailing through the air towards me with the warhammer over his head. I backstepped just in time to only be showered in mud from the explosion between hammer and earth. He stood up stepped forward and thrust the hammer like a spear. Again I tried to back step but I hit a wall and heard the rattle of a glass window. I realized I wouldn’t be escaping the hammer this time and brought the flat of my greatsword up to stop the hammer from caving in my chest. It worked, but I was thrown through a window and back into the inn.

I landed in the remains of the table I had been eating at. My chest ached. Despite the greatsword, the Norn had still managed to break at least one of my ribs. The Norn peered through the window at me, grunted and moved out of sight. He was coming to finish the job. I had to think fast. I needed a weapon now. I looked at the remains of my table for something. Wait! I had been eating here with my bow at my side. Come on baby! Where are you? I searched and searched. I found it under a piece of table and kissed it. Just as the doors burst open and the Norn lowered his head and stepped in. I had my back to him so he couldn’t see the bow. Wow, now I need arrows. There you are! I snatched one, then spinned and nocked the arrow in one fluid motion.

In the next second, my bow had risen and the arrow was in flight. The Norn raised his hammer as if to block it, but the arrow flew past his hammer into his throat and killed the Norn.

Well, it would have if the Norn was raising his hammer to deflect the arrow, but the Norn had raised his hammer to summon a shimmering blue force field composed of his will to live. The arrow sunk into and was stopped by the shimmering sphere surrounding the massive mammoth of a man. Gods, what does it take to kill this man. I spinned and crouched to pick up the quiver and threw it over my shoulder and spinned back to face the behemoth approaching slowly. It seemed the bubble reduced his movement. The will needed to power such a shield must have been immense and I could see him straining under the pressure to retain it. I nocked an arrow and shot it. It came to a stop like the last arrow but, it had gone deeper than the last. I loosed another arrow and another. It wasn’t enough to break his shield. There was only five paces between him and I now. I took a back step and then slipped on something below me.

My heart skipped a beat. Time slowed. I was completely in the air now with no chance of recovering. I saw between my legs, his eyes widening, a grin spreading, and his left hand coming to grip the handle in the way an old jester in black and white would smash watermelons. I don’t wanna be watermelon. Wait is this seriously my last thought? Wait is my life flashing before my eyes? Wait I’m not getting any flashbacks! I clearly can’t die now! Yeah!

When I hit the floor, time resumed. The bubble popped. The Norn took a step raised his hammer and a smoky shadow flew through the door and onto the back of the Norn. Saber! The Norn was knocked off balance and he stumbled forward before falling over. The Norn was going to land on me and crush me under his weight, my broken ribs wouldn’t like that too much. Yet this was the shot i needed.

I slid an arrow out of the quiver under my back raised the bow and my leg. I straightened and locked my left leg. I caught him straight in the chest and I felt all 400 pounds of him in every joint of my left leg. I nocked an arrow just before my leg buckled under his weight and released a point blank arrow that flew through his raised hand into his eye and out the back of his head. And with a thump his deadweight knocked the air out of me and I let out an oomph! Saber growled and pulled him off of me.

“Thank you Saber, that guy didn’t miss any meals huh?” I stood up and stared at Saber for a long moment before cuffing his ear and berating him. “Hey! I said flank not take a detour and take in the scenery. If you had taken any longer I’d be dead.” Saber whimpered and gave me those big hazel eyes. “Awwww don’t gimme that. You’re the one who messed up”. I knelt down and looked him in the eye and rubbed his head. “But, you did save me in the end. You took your time, but you did it. Good job, bud.”

Like I said, Saber never disobeys and I can trust him completely because of it. Trusting an ally with your life allows both partners to fight wholeheartedly in a way that can overcome any force. Even a horny bloodthirsty Norn.

I think my favorite bit is how you worked in the whistling of Rangers.

You really need to work on your word tenses though. (ie “dived” and “spinned”) It killed me to see those in the context of your sentences.

On a whole the story was pretty good. I think it could have used some more detail though, specifically referring to your character and “skills” you used.

Calliope.8675:

I think my favorite bit is how you worked in the whistling of Rangers.

You really need to work on your word tenses though. (ie “dived” and “spinned”) It killed me to see those in the context of your sentences.

On a whole the story was pretty good. I think it could have used some more detail though, specifically referring to your character and “skills” you used.

Thanks for the feedback! I’ve often been told my grammar sucks. I’m actually trying to fix my ways right now.

I don’t think I am meant to write a reply for you as a true critique. Twice I have tried now and both times I have lost my reply because, first, anet told me it was time to refresh my login, and then my browser decided to have an error and close. =_= I will just write the next one up in Word… that way, maybe, it just might make it into a post!

Kiyota.7518:

I dived into a roll to dodge the massive hammer that slammed and broke the oak table and bench I had just been sitting in.

I dove, rolling into a dodge as the massive hammer slammed into the oak table and bench I had just been sitting at, breaking them.

“Dove” is the past tense of “dive,” not to be confused with “dove,” as the bird. While both words are spelt the same way they have a different pronunciation. Dove – dohv – past tense of dive. Dove – duhv – the bird. Dove

Kiyota.7518:

He swung down on me but I spinned to the left jumped and brought the greatsword over my head and onto his head.

He swung the hammer towards me, but I spun to the left, jumped, and brought the greatsword over my head onto his head.

“Spun” is the past tense of “spin.”

Kiyota.7518:

I snatched one, then spinned and nocked the arrow in one fluid motion.

I snatched one then spun, nocking the arrow in one, fluid motion.

Kiyota.7518:

I spinned and crouched to pick up the quiver and threw it over my shoulder and spinned back to face the behemoth approaching slowly.

I spun and crouched to pick up the quiver, tossing it over my shoulder as I turned to face the behemoth slowly approaching.

You used “spun” here twice, so I replaced the second one with a different, but similar, word. In the link for “dove” you have access to a thesaurus. I frequently use that site to check my spelling or find synonyms for words I feel like I am using too often. Variety will add flavor and flair to your writing.

Kiyota.7518:

I took a deep breath then breathed out and collected myself.

I took a deep breath the let it out as I focused myself.

Kiyota.7518:

It was at this moment I began thinking again. I thought. To hell with this, I’m out of here. I tried to run for the door but as soon as I reached it I felt something snag and grip both of my ankles.

To hell with this! I’m out of here! I thought and made a break for the door. As I reached it I felt something snag, tangling around my ankles.

Kiyota.7518:

I scrambled to my feet grabbed the sword and took one bunnyhop outside and then another. Before I could even touch the ground again I was grabbed by hand that wrapped around my whole neck and then hoisted me up.

I scrambled to my feet, grabbed the sword, and took a bunny-hop outside. Then another. Before I touched the ground the Norn caught me, his hand fastening around my neck and hoisting me higher.

Not everything I quoted was a grammatical error. I enjoy writing myself and even have a few short stories on this board, but I have also spent a lot of time honing the craft. I picked a few sentences I felt could be tightened to make them sound better.

One thing I think you will need to work on is your description of skills. Something that tripped me up while I was reading was your final scene with the guardian’s “bubble” skill. I had my boyfriend read this story and he said that it also confused him. We both have guardians that are level 80 and we hashed out all of the skills that guardians have that would otherwise slow or immobilize them.

There was only one we concluded this skill could be, but also could not be. The guardian in your story wields a hammer. Ring of Warding was my first thought when you began speaking of the “bubble,” but I realized that this was not correct because it does not absorb projectiles. The next thought was Shield of the Avenger, but you made no mention of a conjured spirit weapon. That left Sanctuary, which is a small bubble and would not have the same effect. There is one last skill we considered – Shield of Absorption. However, we also agreed this was not quite the correct skill either since your Norn would have had to have been wielding two different weapons (like sword + shield or something like that). Granted, a writer can take some creative liberties, but keep in mind we all like to say, “Hey! I know what he’s talking about!” We both instantly recognized Zealot’s Embrace, though not so much by name as by the action of the skill (ie the chains that immobilized the ranger).

Thanks for the reply and critique, Calliope. My friend was also confused about the bubble skill. I realized, after submitting it, that I had confused a weapon and skill, but that’s what I get for leaving my Guardian behind for Ranger and Warrior mains.

No problem, anytime. I really enjoy doing this sort of thing. Typically I write a lot more, as some of my English classmates found out this year. ^^;