WvW community! I have words I’d like for you to read.
Now, you don’t like us and we don’t like you. Why? Because we don’t know each other, and don’t really care to. But enough about your overweight promiscuous mothers – we’re here to talk about WvW.
If you’ve been up against us in the past, either in bronze or when we were in silver, you might imagine that our business cards look like this:
SIEGE SINISTER SERVICES SYNDICATE
“The Villains Nine Rig Ruin”
Reputations Ruined – Competitors Bankrupted – Dragons Wormed – Basements Flooded – Wells Dried Up – Georges Exterminated – Contracts Executed Promptly; bargain rates on mothers-in-law – Juries Suborned – Stocks, Bonds, & Gallows – Saturday Night Specials – Houses Haunted (skilled poltergeist at small extra charge) – Midnight Catering to Ghouls, Vampires & Werewolves – Incubi & Succubi for rent by the night or the week – 7-year itch powder
P.S. We Also Poison Dogs
______________________________
But nothing could be further from the truth! We’ve wiped our nethers and gotten better! We’ve chucked out the egos and stockpiled blueberry Eggos! We also have not been directly responsible for any unexpected pregnancies since February 2014!
In fact, here are the new cards we’re printing up and giving to all of our *WvW Associates:
ANYTHING UNLIMITED
“Six Sixty-Six Smiling Slaves Supply Supreme Service”
Reputations Restored – Teeth & Wells Drilled – Water Filters – Love Philtres – Chastity Godel Lox Pict – Virginity Renewed – Scithers Sharpened – Old Saws Filed Categorically – Silver Bullets – Fresh Garlic – Fresh Strawberries – Strawberry Marks for Missing Heirs
P.S. We Also Walk Dogs
______________________________
Our server which-will-not-be-named has climbed up a few tier and is in a position where it’s fairly evenly matched against the others in the tier. So: it’s all fun and heroin right now, which begs the question “Why are we advertising for more people?”.
Well I’ll tell you. As much as we enjoy where we are right now (and let’s face it – a quick look at the matchups shows that we’re the only server in NA or Europe that has a balanced matchup where one server isn’t blowing the other two out of the water), we want others to enjoy the same WvW experience we’ve been enjoying. Eredon Terrace, formerly the poster-child for “last place” has been zooming up the ranks and are now poised right below us, and their forum posts indicate that they’re ready for the fun fights that only our tier can offer.
So we thought “How can we arrange it so that four servers can have this satisfying level of play when the tier can only hold three servers?”. And it came to us! We’ll move up, make room for ET, and spread our message of fun to a new set of servers! That’s where you come in, avid readers!
I know, I know. People think “missionary” and get turned right off. But never fear, here on this server we applaud and encourage all sorts of positions other than missionary so you will be welcome to get your freak on in whatever way you and your lawn tractor want.
If you’d like to be a part of our psychosexual revolution that will shake the very meta meta of WvW to its knees (see? Told you it wasn’t only missionary here) then transfer over and start Living la Vida Veloka.
Oh, what are the requirements? That’s the best part! There aren’t any.
Why not?
We want you to want to play. If that’s once a month or every second, we’re pleased. Want to jump into a group of people and run around with them? Then link arms with the people around you and you can-can do just that!
Want to shun all form of social contact, dig a burrow halfway up a hill over a camp, and shake your fist at passing yaks? We’ll supply the shovel!
There’s room for everything here, and just by your very presence we can move on to different tiers and make the entirety of WvW a better place for everyone! People will look forward to being crushed by us, because they know they’ll be the ice in our mai tai of joy!
So join us now, and you can have your very own Krytan condominium with hot and cold running champagne and underwater dancing!
Oh, who to contact you say? Any of the satisfied authors of the replies under this post, cutie!
- We’re not actually going to issue these cards – something about copyright infringement
(edited by Rimmy.9217)
