Guild Wars 2

So the Dragons have been slowly awakening for a while, and while they recover from their hibernation and grow in strength, they use their minions to slowly feed them and boost their power, they make random joy flights across the land, and they use Champions to spread misery, death, and slavery in Tyria.

However, they seem to be ignoring their most potent, their most deadly, their most devastating attack available to them – HUGS!!!! Dun dun duhhhh! Confused? Keep reading on – I promise it’ll make more sense.

So in the Battle for Claw Island (SPOILERS APPROACHING, CAPTAIN!), a Tequatl-like dragon minion crashes into the reputably-invincible walls and shatters them.
In the battle against Tequatl the Sunless, Tequatl crashes into a mountain and half obliterates it.
In the battle against The Shatterer, when shot down by good-guy cannons, The Shatterer carooms into the ground and insta-kills anyone unfortunate enough (or rather, if you’re an achievement hunter, change that to “super fortunate enough”) to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In the last dungeon, in the battle against Zhaitan, he crashes into the mega Pact airship and blows most of it away without sustaining any damage.

So Dragons and Dragon-like minions/Champions are obviously capable of inflicting incredible amounts of damage simply through hugging hostile objects, so why don’t they just go around loving on the people of Tyria? Like, they could pop down into the midst of The Black Citadel, Lions Arch, Divinity’s Reach, Ebonhawke, etc., roll around like a joyful puppy dog, and in one fell swoop, have annihilated most of an entire Tyrian race. Or, as seen in the last dungeon, there are countless Tequatl-like minions/Champions goofing around in the sky, so why doesn’t Zhaitan just order them to go crashing to the Pact cities and fortresses like living, precision-guided missiles of death?

So what do you think? Poor world-building/plot conception? Just another plot-hole? Or perhaps a deliberate mystery perpetrated by ArenaNet?

dragon kamikaze inc

Because the filthy hobbitses with their pointy toothpicks hurt smeagol…. I mean tequatl.

How would you like to roll in a pile of needles and sharpened paper-clips? I bet you wouldn’t like it very much. That’s what a dragon would be doing if it landed on me. It would be rolling itself on my ascended greattoothpick of doom repeatedly.

Because the dragon’s are actually friendly, and we are the bad guys… They land like, “Hey everyone, what’s going on? OMG OUCH STOP POKING ME!” and we are all like “Hahaha evil dragon, taste my awesome fury” and then it’s all like (in Tequatl’s case), “Man forget all of you fools, can’t even get me limping, I’m going swimming and this time I’m drop some dead fish heads on your land… You Tyrians are so mean…” and then he does a few leaps and is gone for a few hours hoping that when he returns, someone nicer may greet him.

The End.

Honestly, I killed Zhaitan a year ago and what is the result. Undeads are still everywhere. Orr is still Orr. Tequatl, Zhaitan’s champion grew 100 times stronger.

The best thing would be, leave the other dragons alone. Killing them only makes things worse…

Kaiyanwan.8521:

Honestly, I killed Zhaitan a year ago and what is the result. Undeads are still everywhere. Orr is still Orr. Tequatl, Zhaitan’s champion grew 100 times stronger.

The best thing would be, leave the other dragons alone. Killing them only makes things worse…

Players were outraged at the removal of the forward, up path in Twilight Arbor. Imagine what would happen if they removed the Orr as it is.

Maybe ramming things is actually painful for dragons.

zeromius.1604:

Kaiyanwan.8521:

Honestly, I killed Zhaitan a year ago and what is the result. Undeads are still everywhere. Orr is still Orr. Tequatl, Zhaitan’s champion grew 100 times stronger.

The best thing would be, leave the other dragons alone. Killing them only makes things worse…

Players were outraged at the removal of the forward, up path in Twilight Arbor. Imagine what would happen if they removed the Orr as it is.

Maybe ramming things is actually painful for dragons.

I think the percentage of people who are outraged over the removal of the Twilight Arbor F/U path is probably pretty small.

Hard core dungeon runner groups aren’t the majority of the player base in first place. And then of those, how many people even like to run TA (I’m guessing it’s not the most popular dungeon). And out of those how many liked that path?).

I think people are objecting to the principle of the removal of the dungeon, more than the actual dungeon path. I mean I’ve run that dungeon path a few times and personally, if I never ran it again, it would be too soon. I don’t particularly love TA anyway (except the new path which I quite like), so it didn’t matter to me. I’ve found precisely two people in my guild who are annoyed at the removal of this path out of the dozens I’ve spoken to.

And it’s a storm in a tea cup. You won’t even hear about it in a couple of months.

If dragon truly behave like dragons instead of practice targets we would have no chance.

See when you fail Tequatl he runs across the zone and covers 1/4 of the map in just a few steps? he should insta kill anyone that get caught under his claws… all he would need to do is run in circles and the world would be over lol

Went to Tequatl early this day, noone there. he just flew off after 15 minutes and noone got hurt. Dragons are no threat to anyone as long as you leave them alone.

Otaur.9268:

Because the dragon’s are actually friendly, and we are the bad guys… They land like, “Hey everyone, what’s going on? OMG OUCH STOP POKING ME!” and we are all like “Hahaha evil dragon, taste my awesome fury” and then it’s all like (in Tequatl’s case), “Man forget all of you fools, can’t even get me limping, I’m going swimming and this time I’m drop some dead fish heads on your land… You Tyrians are so mean…” and then he does a few leaps and is gone for a few hours hoping that when he returns, someone nicer may greet him.

The End.

You just made my day.

“Eat fish heads you meanies!”

If their hugging is so destructive then I realized the end goal of GW2.
All the Dragons, from big Z to Bubbles, were trained by Elmyra from Tiny Toons.
“Hug and squeeze into itty bitty pieces! RRRAAAAWWWRRRRR!”

Truly I am scared for the end times, because she will hug you deep into your soul.

Flying combat is never going to be well represented in MMOs. One of the potential devastating flying attacks would just be to pick something up, fly into the air, and drop it from a great height. That doesn’t play very well though, not even when the thing that is picked up and dropped is a person.

yearsonehundred.6139:

-snip-

Lovely…. now I have this mental image of Tequatl popping out of the water in LA and rolling around the Trader’s forum like a giant puppy dog. Complete with ‘purring’

Thank you… so much for that. I’m never going to be to look at one of those dragons without laughing ever again….

LanfearShadowflame.3189:

Lovely…. now I have this mental image of Tequatl popping out of the water in LA and rolling around the Trader’s forum like a giant puppy dog. Complete with ‘purring’

Or being able to rub his tummy and make his leg twitch

Otaur.9268:

Because the dragon’s are actually friendly, and we are the bad guys… They land like, “Hey everyone, what’s going on? OMG OUCH STOP POKING ME!” and we are all like “Hahaha evil dragon, taste my awesome fury” and then it’s all like (in Tequatl’s case), “Man forget all of you fools, can’t even get me limping, I’m going swimming and this time I’m drop some dead fish heads on your land… You Tyrians are so mean…” and then he does a few leaps and is gone for a few hours hoping that when he returns, someone nicer may greet him.

LOL! Great post.

That would be a cool secret Easter Egg – do /cheer emote when Teq first appears and he rolls over for a belly-rub.

Otaur.9268:

Because the dragon’s are actually friendly, and we are the bad guys… They land like, “Hey everyone, what’s going on? OMG OUCH STOP POKING ME!” and we are all like “Hahaha evil dragon, taste my awesome fury” and then it’s all like (in Tequatl’s case), “Man forget all of you fools, can’t even get me limping, I’m going swimming and this time I’m drop some dead fish heads on your land… You Tyrians are so mean…” and then he does a few leaps and is gone for a few hours hoping that when he returns, someone nicer may greet him.

The End.

Since you put it that way, now I feel awful about ever having been included in the myriad of failed attempts at taking Teq down … next time i’m there, i’ll fling bottles of rice wine at him in the hopes I will be forgiven for being such a horrible host.