Guild Wars 2

While we are here to ensure that you do have a comfortable trip with us today, we are also concerned about your safety. With that in mind, we ask that you take the Safety Information Card out of the seat pocket in front of you and follow along as we perform our safety demonstration.
SEAT BELT:
Your seat belt has been designed for easy fastening and release. To fasten, insert the metal fitting into the buckle, adjust to fit snugly with the loose end of the strap and simply lift the buckle release to unfasten. Your seat belt should always be worn low and tight across your lap.
EXITS:
You are on board a 747. There are ten emergency exits, five doors on the left and five doors on right, each marked with a red EXIT sign overhead. All doors except the overwing doors at 3 left and 3 right are equipped with slide/rafts. These rafts may be detached in the event of a water evacuation. The overwing doors are equipped with a ramp and off wing slide. Life rafts are located in pull down ceiling compartments at the overwing doors. For our customers on the Upper Deck, your escape route will be down the staircase, and out the first available exit. In the event that the staircase is blocked, an additional door with an evacuation slide is located in the kittenpit. Operation and use of the exits, slides and rafts are illustrated in the safety information card. Please locate the two exits nearest you, keeping in mind that the closest exit may be behind you.
FLOOR PATH LIGHTING:
This aircraft is equipped with aisle path lighting which is located on the floor in the left and right aisles. Should cabin visibility be impaired, the exit path will be illuminated. White lights lead to red lights which indicate you have reached or are near an emergency exit location.
OXYGEN:
The cabin pressure is controlled for your comfort. However, should it change radically inflight, oxygen compartments will automatically open in the panel above your seat. Reach up and pull the mask to your face. This action will start the flow of oxygen. Place the mask over both your mouth and nose and secure with the elastic band as your Flight Attendant is demonstrating. Tighten by pulling on the ends of the elastic bands. Even though oxygen is flowing, the plastic bag may not inflate. If you are traveling with children, or are seated next to someone who needs assistance, place the mask on yourself first, then offer assistance. Continue using the mask until advised by a uniformed crew member to remove it.
IFE VEST:
ALL FLIGHT SEGMENTS OPERATING BEYOND 50 NAUTICAL MILES OF LAND:
(Demonstration of life vest operation required.)
Your individual lift vest is located in a pouch beneath your seat. Should its use become necessary, remove it from the plastic packet, slip it over your head and pull downward on the front panel. Bring the strap around your waist and insert it into the buckle on the front. Pull on the loose strap until the vest fits snugly as we are now demonstrating. As you leave the aircraft, inflate the vest by pulling down firmly on the red tabs. The vest may be orally inflated by blowing into the inflation tubes at shoulder level. Each vest has a rescue light on the shoulder for night use which is water activated by removing the Pull to Light tab located on the battery.
REPARATION FOR TAKEOFF ANNOUNCEMENT:
In preparation for takeoff, please ensure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright and stowed positions, your seat belts are securely fastened and all your carry-on items are securely stowed. Federal Aviation Regulations require customers to comply with the lighted customer information signs, other posted signs and crewmember instructions. Please observe the FASTEN SEATBELT and other lighted signs until they have been turned off by the Captain. The NO SMOKING sign will remain illuminated for the duration of the flight and smoking is prohibited throughout the cabin and in the lavatories. All lavatories are equipped with smoke detection systems and Federal Law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying these systems.
Thank you for your attention. We will be airborne shortly.
My arms just went down.
Happy April Fools!

This is gold lolz.