Guild Wars 2

Who’s the most convincing bear race the norn or the kodan?
Norn of course, kodan ar polar bears not bears.

Mad Queen Malafide.7512:

A necromancer, a mesmer and a guardian are standing at the mystic forge. Miyana tells them, “throw any 4 items into the forge and yell out your wish, and Zommoros will reward you handsomely.”

So the necromancer can’t wait to try this out. She throws a couple of skulls into the forge and yells out “Ultimate power!!!”, and much to her surprise Zommoros rewards her with a powerful magical staff in return. “Sweet!” -the necromancer exclaimed poetically.

Next up is the mesmer. She throws in a pile of junk that she found during her travels, and yells out: “A new mask!”. And much to her surprise, Zommoros rewards her with a beautiful priceless mask. “Groovy!” -The mesmer exclaimed in joy.

Last up is the guardian. He throws in a couple of swords, and then he thinks. “I’m not as selfish as the both of you. I’ll wish for something that will make us all happy.” So the guardian thinks long and hard, and then he yells out: “I wish for a better world!”

Zommoros instantly pops out and decapitates the mesmer. “You’re welcome!”

Miss Malafide still hates Mesmers, even 250 years later.

Malganis.7468:

Miss Malafide still hates Mesmers, even 250 years later.

Some things never change darling.

What’s a gargoyle (in GW2)?

Zomaarwat.3912:

andreibianu.8051:

A sylvari on his way to Rata Sum reaches a gate checkpoint where all visitors require paperwork to be accounted for , upon entering the city.
An elderly asura walks up to the him and starts taking some notes .Then with a dull tone asks him :
-Name?
-Farwin Leafmesh , the sylvari answers.
-Age?
-21

I dont get it.

The comment was moderated and the punchline cut out. The asura asked what the sylvari’s gender was (using different wording) and the sylvari misinterpreted what the asura meant. The sylvari ended up divulging a bit more information about his/her personal life than the asura likely wanted to hear.

I think there were one or two other jokes that were also moderated

What do Logan, Eir, Rytlock and Caithe say when they don’t have Zojja in the group ?
“We’re short an asura”.

Guild Wars 2…

What do you call Logan’s date with Queen Jennah?
A run-devouz.

Why do Logan’s ears, eyes and mouth despise his nose?
Because his nose is runny.

What’s the favourite skill of a dislexic norn?
“Become the Beer”.

4 warriors and a ranger walk into a bar.
The ranger gets kicked.

Why do rangers never get the good things which are coming for them?
Those are tanked away by the bear and knocked back with the bow.

A ranger takes her drake to the doctor and says: “Doctor, I think my pet is sick. She’s gone all cross-eyed.” The doctor picks the drake up, and has a good look. Then he says: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to put her down.” “OH, no!”, exclaims the ranger, “is she that sick?” “No…” says the doctor, “but she’s kinda heavy”.

- What do you call a Svanir shaman polymorphed by a mesmer?
- Frozen Moa.

Whats does a Norn Says when seeing Divinity’s Reach for the first time?
“By Ogdens Hammer, What Pavings!”

Hey, what do you call a Sylvari with a domineering wife?

Pistil-whipped.

A Norn basketball player is interviewed right after the worst game of his career.

Reporter: “How do you sum up such a BAD game?”

Norn: “I feel … 6ft tall!”

Q: What is another name for a vegetarian sylvari?

A: Cannibal.

One of my favorite Mad King jokes from GW1 that could still be applied to GW2:

Q: What do you say to an Asuran stilt walker?
A: Hello down there!

krait stole my bike…

Q : When will Guild Wars 2 actually be worth my time to play?

A : “When it’s ready.”

What do the unyielding Ascalonian ghosts and the “Guild Wars 1 was better” crowd have in common?

Answer: Everything and they're both right.

Have you ever heard about that Norn thief?

…

Xzaander.4123:

Have you ever heard about that Norn thief?

…

Wait… someone is stealing Norn?

VOLKON.1290:

Xzaander.4123:

Have you ever heard about that Norn thief?

…

Wait… someone is stealing Norn?

This comment made me laugh way more than it should have.

I got this great picture of a bunch of skritt smuggling Norn away in big sacks.

Explorer # 1: Geez…I hate all these Undead in Orr…they just stand around groaning.

Explorer #2: Yeah…they need to get a life.

Explorer#1: . . . .

What kind of food will Ascalonians refuse to buy?

Dragon Brand.

People laugh at hoarders in WOW or TESO, because their bank is full of junk.

People praise haorders in GW2, because in time all their junk became precious item which sold for thousands of gold on the trading post.

A warrior is walking past Eldvin Monastery and sees a bandit running away with a cask of wine. With mighty prowess, the warrior slays the man and returns the cask to a monk in the monastery.

The monk is grateful, but confused. “We are total strangers to you. Why would you go through so much effort just to help our humble vineyard?”

The warrior replies, “For grape justice.”

With last update ArenaNet just revealed “new fixed class”: MEH…MER.

MEHMERS are magical duelists who wield deception as a weapon what they find on the field: bars, wood planks. Using powerful illusions, clones, and phantasmal magic his panic and pink butterflies to confuse and distract their foes, MEHMER make sure every fight is balanced in other favor and their opponents can’t believe their eyes.

some real life game quotes that i think are funny,

“they are killing the troll illegal!!!!” → comment from frostgorge sound train

“We will notify anet so you wont get the boss chest” → not being on teamspeak during the teq event. The biggest joke was they failed misserably and i allready got the chest 3 hours before.

ROFL

What do skritts do when they fight each other for a shiny?
They inflict themselves skrittical hits...

A Charr and a Norn sitting in a tr…Trahearne??

Guild Wars Gone Wild***

The apple doesn’t fall far from Trahearne

You are addicted to Guild Wars when you go to a crematory and attempt to revive everyone for XP.

You are addicted to Guild Wars that you convince your confused grandma to stop using her skills for a moment.

“An expansions worth of content”

(heard this ingame) What did the farmer say when he saw his barn full of rats? “Oh skritt!”

Living Story season 1.
El. Oh. El.

=P

4 months old but still hilarious:

What do you call Logan’s date with Queen Jennah?
A run-devouz.
Why do Logan’s ears, eyes and mouth despise his nose?
Because his nose is runny.

I mean.. that’s a burn harsh enough to make Flame Legion pray to it.

Amsterdammer.3862:

You are addicted to Guild Wars when you go to a crematory and attempt to revive everyone for XP.

Nowadays I go running around the city and rub the backs of people on the ground.
One was a drunk, I didn’t get any XP but I made a new creepy friend that day.

Anet

/15charrs

Mad Queen Malafide.7512:

A necromancer, a mesmer and a guardian are standing at the mystic forge. Miyana tells them, “throw any 4 items into the forge and yell out your wish, and Zommoros will reward you handsomely.”

So the necromancer can’t wait to try this out. She throws a couple of skulls into the forge and yells out “Ultimate power!!!”, and much to her surprise Zommoros rewards her with a powerful magical staff in return. “Sweet!” -the necromancer exclaimed poetically.

Next up is the mesmer. She throws in a pile of junk that she found during her travels, and yells out: “A new mask!”. And much to her surprise, Zommoros rewards her with a beautiful priceless mask. “Groovy!” -The mesmer exclaimed in joy.

Last up is the guardian. He throws in a couple of swords, and then he thinks. “I’m not as selfish as the both of you. I’ll wish for something that will make us all happy.” So the guardian thinks long and hard, and then he yells out: “I wish for a better world!”

Zommoros instantly pops out and decapitates the mesmer. “You’re welcome!”

… the mesmer’s illusion shatters, starting at the neck, but Zomorros’ scythe cleaves on. Droplets erupting from a spray of blood mix in with the etheric shards dissipating in the afternoon light; the blurry blue of the blade, the golden of the sun, the crimson of blood, and the violet of chaotic particles create a wonderful contrast to the ungodly sight of the scalped necromancer. A quirk of pure surprise on her lips, her eyeballs try to follow the cup of skull filled with a slice of a brain… in vain.

The horrified guardian slays the masterless minions feasting on their late mistress’ corpse in frenzied confusion and aberrant despair. He pries the bag of loot from the necromancer’s hands and a moment later gasps in awe at the brilliant blade of Zap glinting in the light.

The mesmer, looking fabulous in her new, groovy mask, takes the staff that the necromancer couldn’t yet bind to her wretched soul. She notices a small engraving in old Ascalonian on the soft, polished haft: The Legend

“Well, the world’s truly a better place. You did wish well, friend.” She says, whirling her new staff in complex shapes, the magical globe at the end firing up in an amethyst hue.

“Well, yeah,” says the guardian but lowers his majestic blade, shooting a grieving glance upon the grisly remains of their companion, "I’m sure she doesn’t share your opinion, though.

The mesmer shrugs. “Random Necro Gashing is Random Necro Gashing.”
_______________________

And a truly tragicomic joke that is far too real, alas:

ArenaNet storytelling.

Noooooooo! Blasted mesmer trickery!

What do you get when you put a mini Logan Thackery and a Mini Queen Jennah into the forge?

You get a mini Dead Snaff!

khani.4786:

What do you get when you put a mini Logan Thackery and a Mini Queen Jennah into the forge?

You get a mini Dead Snaff!

HAHAHA that one actually made me laugh … and some ppl here in the office looked weird at me, and I just can’t explain this joke.

How is Logan like the typical Guardian?

Always neglects the Snaff.

Why didn’t the Inquest leader treat sylvari well?
Because he kud-usurp them instead.

why don’t you see any norn in rata sum?

they are afraid they step on something or someone.

Posted this in another thread… It fits in here:

Xar.6185:

How many Logan running away jokes are there?

One…. The rest are all true stories.

Player accounts aren’t Lucky or Unlucky… We use a RNG… because those work flawlessly.

Anet take notes for halloween patch 2014, free material here from customers to make another mad king toy

Alright. You asked for it though…

“Has anyone seen Zoija recently?”
“Yes, Asura the other day.”

Want to hear a Sylvari joke? I know a tree-llion of them.

Did you hear about the robot Sylvari which went on a killing spree?
It was the termite-nator.

Did you hear about the really nice shopkeeper in the Black Citadel? He’s Charr-ming,

5 drunken Norn and 5 drunken Charr walk into a bar and then get into a fight.
It was a giant cat-ostrophe.

Sylvari Thieves don’t stealth. They just stand really still and everyone mistakes them for scenery.