Guild Wars 2

My friend told me a Guild Wars 2 joke earlier today that made me chuckle for so long I decided to share it and hopefully get some others.

“How many Necromancers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to clean the blood off everything.”

I thought of a variation on that:

“Two humans walk into a bar, one says to the other, ‘How many Charr does it take to change a lightbulb?’, to which the other replies, ’What’s a lightbulb?’”

Anyone got any others?

A Ranger walks into a bar.
He dies.

How do you know you have been robbed by a ranger?
Your cat is camping his corpse.

Why did the ranger cross the road?
He was running away from the chicken.

I can only think of 2 at the moment, both are variations.

A necromancer walks into a bar.
He gets nerfed.

An asura, a charr and a human walk into a bar.
They get banned for exploiting.

Silver.8023:

‘How many Charr does it take to change a lightbulb?’, to which the other replies, ’What’s a lightbulb?’

I wish some NPCs would actually say this, somewhere in the game. That would be genuinely awesome.

Anyway, I’ll stick to the lightbulb theme…

Q: How many Order of Whispers agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We already did, when you weren’t looking.

Q: How many Norn does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fifty! One to change the bulb, and the others to drink long into the night and sing tales of the heroic adventure!

Q: How many Guardians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. You just put the lightbulb on his head, stand him under the socket, give him a greatsword, and let him spin around for a while.

Q: How many thieves does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to shatter the bulb with the well-aimed throw of a dagger — then, in the pitch darkness, stab you in the back and relieve you of all possessions. That is all.

Q: How many asura does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only a bookah would phrase the question in such an simplistic manner, without appreciating the complexities of the situation. Naturally, asuran lightbulbs never need to be changed, so a security golem must sweep the area for the insurgents who vandalized said lightbulb. Next, we analyze the room with a spatial spectrometer to measure light reflection dynamics. In the event of sub-optimal parameters, an entirely new room may need to be constructed around the lightbulb, so as to fully take advantage of luminescent interplay. During construction, the security golem will be occupied with dispensing refreshments to the workers, so additional personnel will be called in…. etc. etc. etc.

Edit: Oh man, everyone who commented before me had amazing jokes. Now I’m jealous! :-)

There’s gotta be a list of the Mad King jokes somewhere.

If you remember during halloween, he was walking around LA telling “racist” jokes about the races in GW2.

A norn, a human, a charr, and a sylvari walk into a bar.

The Asura walks under it.

Logan Thackeray was the one who named the Guardian utility ‘’Retreat!’’

Farzo.8410:

Logan Thackeray was the one who named the Guardian utility ‘’Retreat!’’

There’s actually a whole thread of Logan Thackery jokes on this forum somewhere

Trahearne orders a mayonnaise sandwich.

Sends it back for being too spicy.

Q: How many arenanet employees does it take to mess up a crafting recipe?

A: An entire team.

Q: How many employees work at the QA department at arenanet?

A: Three, the rest were transfered to forum moderation.

’What’s the fastest way to anger a norn? Tell her that you’ve never heard of her. Ahh. it’s funny because it’s true.’

‘I hear the mortality rate for Hylek is very high. They croak every night!’

‘Why can’t you borrow money from a dwarf? Because they’re always a little short.’

’What’s a norn’s favourite drink?The next one! They’re all drunk.’

‘Two quaggans were walking in a cow posture. The first one turns to the second and says, “Foo.” The other replies, “Cows say moo.” The first looks down at his flippers and says, “no, foo. poo.”’

Q: What do you get when you combine copper ore, jute scraps, an onion, and leather scraps in the Mystic Forge?
A: Banned.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Have you SEEN what adventurers DO to random small animals? I’d be trying to get away too, if I was one.

What is the difference between a rabbit and Logan Thackeray?
-A rabbit can sometimes survive a level 3 zone
What is the difference between 10 copper and Logan Thackeray?
-10 copper is actually worth something

What do you get when you use Hundred Blades on a Sylvari and a Tengu?

-Chicken Salad.

What did the Asuran say to the Charr after the BBQ

Alka-Seltzer

Chessrook.8643:

A norn, a human, a charr, and a sylvari walk into a bar.

The Asura walks under it.

Good one

Q: What do you get when you go to the Cooking Station and combine kale, an artichoke, a cabbage, and some celery stalks?
A: Trahearne.

Q: What did the quaggan say when he dressed up as an owl for Mad King’s Day?
A: “Hoo!”

Q: What falls faster than a bag of rocks, folds easier than paper, and scatters like leaves on the wind?
A: NPC guards

Q: What is always traveling, but goes nowhere?
A: A bugged escort mission

and finally…

The Olympics should host “dynamic events” — because EVERYONE gets gold!

Nightarch.2943:

‘Two quaggans were walking in a cow posture. The first one turns to the second and says, “Foo.” The other replies, “Cows say moo.” The first looks down at his flippers and says, “no, foo. poo.”’

This makes me choked on coffee!! Boo hoo hoo….

A party of norn warrior, asura thief, sylvari ranger and human necromancer face a dragon from destroying the world

- Every three hours.

.
How many players does it take to spot a thief?

- Tab

.
What is faster than lightning, quicker than a plane that disappears like hudini?

- A hacker.

a variation of one already posted here

Q
How many Norn doe sit take to screw in a light-bulb

A
Two! One to hold the light bulb in place, the other to drink until the room spins.

Fyrebrand.4859:

Q: How many asura does it take to change a lightbulb?

First thing comes to my mind :

I ask that people keep their jokes civil and not turn them into digs at the ArenaNet employees. There are plenty of complaining threads elsewhere.
I know I’m here to laugh and have fun, that being said..

“What’s the best way to swing a sword? Again!”

“How do you get through a magical, impassable wall? Do a barrel roll!”

“Why do Guardians hate eating jelly beans? Every fifth one catches on fire.”

An asura, charr, norn and sylvari mined ores in mountains of Kryta… Then… Then…
Then came a baldy human and said to them: – We don’t want you to grind…

“Do Sylvari have to eat meat exclusively to avoid being cannibals?”

“Why is a Dredge like a writing desk? Something about oppressors!”

A Norn and Sylvari walk into a rough and tumble Norn bar. The Norn bellows “Your largest and strongest ale, now!” The other Norn nod in approval. The Sylvari states “Just a water for me, please.”

A hush falls over the place. The Norn whispers to his companion “You better order something tougher than that in here, friend.” The Sylvari turns to the bartender: “… and put it in a dirty vase.”

It is a little known fact, but in the next update there will be a new title given to those who have managed to successfully kill Trahearne. It is called “Weed Killer”.

Just posting to say, these jokes are hilarious
My guardian has that issue with jelly beans all the time XD

Half Tooth.1867:

Just posting to say, these jokes are hilarious
My guardian has that issue with jelly beans all the time XD

Oh. And here I thought 20% of them were cinnamon-flavored.

An anet dev and his mate are in a bar.
Mate "So how’s the Mac client going?’
Dev “There’s a Mac client?”

Fyrebrand.4859:

Q: How many asura does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only a bookah would phrase the question in such an simplistic manner, without appreciating the complexities of the situation. Naturally, asuran lightbulbs never need to be changed, so a security golem must sweep the area for the insurgents who vandalized said lightbulb. Next, we analyze the room with a spatial spectrometer to measure light reflection dynamics. In the event of sub-optimal parameters, an entirely new room may need to be constructed around the lightbulb, so as to fully take advantage of luminescent interplay. During construction, the security golem will be occupied with dispensing refreshments to the workers, so additional personnel will be called in…. etc. etc. etc.

Edit: Oh man, everyone who commented before me had amazing jokes. Now I’m jealous! :-)

And the smart Asura would skip the golem and use the durational spectrometer to find out who did it.

VOLKON.1290:

A Norn and Sylvari walk into a rough and tumble Norn bar. The Norn bellows “Your largest and strongest ale, now!” The other Norn nod in approval. The Sylvari states “Just a water for me, please.”

A hush falls over the place. The Norn whispers to his companion “You better order something tougher than that in here, friend.” The Sylvari turns to the bartender: “… and put it in a dirty vase.”

This is what that gag reminds me of.

Two random guys in LA , hey man hows the achievements going ?

Yeah good have 15k points now , been here sinch launch salvaging

:P

I use this with my friends: gw2 spvp is fun. gets them every time.

Q: how many thiefs do you see in wvw?
A: 0

How do you call three guys playing GW2 together?
Bots. Haha. Haha.

What’s so special about seeing a thief?
You can’t. Haha. Haha.

What car to choose?
A logan. It’s faster.

A player entered a bar.
He was banned.

What do you get if you combine a Trahearne and a Torch?
An happy player.

What’s blue and floats?

A human walks into a farm.

- Can i have a cow please.

The charr says mooo

lol i know it’s bad.

The dirty vase one got me! Haha!

Paul.4081:

Chessrook.8643:

A norn, a human, a charr, and a sylvari walk into a bar.

The Asura walks under it.

Good one

Best part is it works on two levels! A short joke for the Norn, Human, Sylvari, and Charr telling it, and an intelligence joke for the Asura telling it!

What should you never say to a dredge butcher?
- Moo.

This joke has had many incarnations but a Norn will work for this one.

An Asura, a Human and a Norn walk into a bar,
They pull up a seat at a table and the Norn orders a round of drinks.
When the drinks arrive, each one has a fly in it.
The Asura looks disgusted and pushes his drink to the side,
The Human flicks the fly out and downs the drink,
The Norn grabs the fly by the wings and yells at it “Spit it out ya kitten, spit it out!”

A Covington pirate walks into a bar in Lion’s Arch with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants.

The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

The pirate says, “Yaarrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts!”

There is no grind in GW2.

A Norn, a Charr and a Human walk into a bar.

“This is not the bar you’re looking for,” said the Judge.

cargan.5689:

A Ranger walks into a bar.
He dies.

How do you know you have been robbed by a ranger?
Your cat is camping his corpse.

Why did the ranger cross the road?
He was running away from the chicken.

Lol, reminds me of my EQ days. Heard them all. My main was a ranger. Miss those days sometimes.

What did ANet say to the community?

Nothing. LOL!

What looks like a swarm and goes back and forth indefinitely?
escort event on orr.

What’s another name for a frozen tree hugger?
zhaitan

What’s harder to kill than the dragon Zhaitan?
everything

What is the secret to killing Zhaitan?
No 1

Cloud Windfoot Omega.7485:

a variation of one already posted here

Q
How many Norn doe sit take to screw in a light-bulb

A
Two! One to hold the light bulb in place, the other to drink until the room spins.

Lol! Good one

Why are the Slyvari banned from the Shiverpeaks? they got the dwarves all stoned!
YEAAAH!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
An Asura “I cant reach the door bell”