Guild Wars 2

Hey Guys and Girls,

Lets have some fun! Since we all play GW2 and maybe you were like me and played GW as well. I’m sure we have thought of jokes or funny things about the game from time to time. Here you can post jokes or funny comments geared towards the game. Nothing posted here should be against the creators of the game or anything nor should they be demeaning towards the game as well. This is just a place for light hearted fun. Also feel free to comment on anything you thought was funny and like the joke as well.

I’ll start.

Q: What do you call it when a necromancer goes into a shadow refuge?
A: Going Incognecro

Q: In GW1 every dead body was an opportunity for a necromancer. So what do you call a Bone Minion with out a death nova?
A: A wasted opportunity.

Did you hear about the Sylvari couple that filed for divorce?

They felt it was time to turn over a new leaf.

An atypically dumb Asuran was lost and asked a guard in the Province where she was. Upon the guard stating “Soren Draa”, she laid down her weapons and threw up her arms.

What’s the Iron Legions favorite wine?

Charr-donnay

Q: What do you get when 2 minions are having a really good time?
A: Taste of Death, Rigor Mortis, Charge, Necrotic Traversal, resulting in a Putrid Explosion… Haunting right?

Q: What do you get when 2 Necromancers are having a really good time?
A: Deadly Catch, Dark Pact, Rending Claws, Unholy Feast, Reapers Touch, Dark Spear, Necrotic Grasp, Sinking Tomb, Cruel Strike, Wicked Spiral, Wail of Doom, Spinal Shivers, Deathly Swarm, then a Foul Current

Ale, GLORIOUS Ale! All the races in Tyria love their ale, but non more so than the Norn. Of course, the Norn are as susceptible to the infamous “ale-goggles” as everyone else. Listen to the tales you often hear after a moot of the conquests Norn men had. More often than not, it’s Eir today, Garm tomorrow.

VOLKON.1290:

More often than not, it’s Eir today, Garn tomorrow.

/slow clap

A Norn and Sylvari stop in an inn just outside Hoelbrak for some refreshments after a long day adventuring. The Norn bellows to the bartender “Your largest and strongest ale!”. The Norn around him cheer him on in encouragement. The Sylvari then turns to the bartender “I’ll have a water please.”

A hush falls over the crowd as they look in stunned disbelief. The Norn says to his friend “You’ll have to order something stronger than that in this place, friend.” The Sylvari turns back to the bartender “… and put it in a dirty vase.”

A visitor comes to a tavern in a remote corner of Metrica Province. Asurans gathered around the tables occasionally yell numbers out loud and start laughing. “#118833!” or “#88841!”.

The visitor asks the bartender why they are doing this, and the bartender says “They’ve heard the same jokes so many times that they stopped telling them; now they just yell out the numbers.”

The visitor, trying to fit in, yells “#556813!” and no one laughs.

The bartender says “Well, some people can tell jokes and some can’t.”

News Announcer : In other news a Sylvari stood at a bar. Three blondes walk into the bar. You think one of them would have seen the bar. Later that day they thought they learned their lesson and walked straight past the bar and right into the Sylvari. The Sylvari was taken to the arborist and is said to have had a few minor entangled vines and a broken branch, but nothing critical.

News Announcer : In other news an Asura was charged today with being a “Peeping Tom” by a Norn female who says she caught him looking up her skirt. The Asura insist that he was merely taking a stroll through Hoelbrak, enjoying the mountain air, and looking at the sky. He claims he didn’t see the Norn female when he walked under her and she saw him coming out of her skirt in front of her. The Asura claims that the Norn woman is just being a bear about everything. Authorities are still trying to get to the bottom of this case.

Keep em coming~!~

So this Norn trips on a bar…

So, We all have heard about what happened when the Dredge and the Flame Legion teamed up. I bet you haven’t heard about what happened when the Flame Legion tried to team up with the Nightmare Court… Lets just say it didn’t end well for the Nightmare Court… It was a hot mess when they tried to shake hands to seal the deal, the Nightmare Court were left flame red handed, and the Nightmare Court never tried to branch out for friends again, no if, ands, or bark about it… Lets just leaf it at that.

How much rock could a Rock Dog rake if a Rock dog could rake rock?

A Rock Dog would rake all the rock he could rake if a Rock Dog could rake rock.

The Ascalonians want to press Charrges.

What’ Logan Thackeray’s favorite song? Flock of Seagulls – I Ran

A human, sylvari, norn and charr walked in a bar… The asura went under

The Iron Legions preferred BBQ fuel? Charr-coal of course.

The Blood Witch started providing the Tamini with food for their Rock Dogs. It’s being marketed under the name Chuck Quaggon

Where does the Blood Witch shop for dishes, cooking bowls and utensils? Krait & Barrel.

Logan “Tutone” Thackery:
“Jennah I got your number
I need to make you mine
Jennah don’t change your number…
867-5309”

I believe I stole it from one named ‘Oswald Thorn’ but here it is:

‘How does a Dwarf sleep?’
-‘Like a rock!’

A Rock Dog was chasing a Sylvan Hound through the forrest when it hopped up into some trees. The Rock Dog then started barking at the trees. The trees began to move and it was an Oakheart. Lets just say the Rock Dog quickly realized he was barking up the wrong tree.

Rytlock hasn’t been himself lately. He’s got a certain Eir about him.

Why did Rytlock run into the catacombs?

He needed to get some Eir.

Garm’s actually an elemental with an Eir attunement.

Hotel honeymoon package for Mesmer couples:

Guests 3 through 8 enjoy complimentary breakfast and gym access.

Logan will never run from a battle…

Who’s Logan’s Favorite author?

Ayn Rand

What’s the fastest any land animal has traveled?

Whenever we can catch up to Logan, we’ll let you know.

What does Trahearne and Tybalt have in common?

We wish Tybalt didn’t die, but Trahearne did.

Why is it a bad idea to challenge a Sylvari to a duel?

Everyone knows they never go anywhere without their pistil.

News Announcer : Coming up – Local Mesmer gets admitted into the insane asylum today after apparently being seen walking down the street and talking to himself. The Mesmer claims he has done nothing wrong. Stay tuned for the mind Shattering conclusion of this story.

News Announcer: Everyone in the Black Citadel was shook up today after what felt like an enormous earthquake hit the fortress disrupting many events that were happening around the Citadel. Authorities later found out that it was a bunch of Earth Elementals doing the Cha Cha Slide.

Game Announcer: Welcome back everyone to Elemental Idol! Our final four contestants will be preforming the following: Earth Elemental- We Will Rock You by Queen, Ice Elemental- Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, Fire Elemental- Hot In Here by Nelly, Air Elemental- The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks. Stay Tuned For The Shocking Finale And The Winner Of Elemental Idol!

Q:What did the Earth Elemental say to the Fire Elemental?
A: You make my heart melt into lava.

Asuran “Yo Mama” joke:

Your female parental unit is so gargantuan – she’s always in overflow.

Ba-dum-tsssss…

How does a Ranger get into a COF speed run?
By wearing shiny armour, holding a great sword and telling the group the critter thats following him is a mini.

Now for some classic Guildwars jokes
If you’re a Fort Aspenwood fan, you’ll get these.

When Chuck Norris caps a mine it doesnt become Luxon or Kurzick it becomes Chuck’s mine.

Chuck Norris doesnt need Amber to fix gates, the gives the gatekeepers a round house kick.

Chuck Norris Doesn’t need siege turtles, he round house kicks the gates.

Q: What did the Golem say to the Asuran Engineer?
A: You turn me on.

Q: What the Asuran Engineer say to the Golem?
A: Now let me turn you off.

Q: What hand game do elementalist play in their spare time?
A: Rock, Water, Fire

Q: What did the mesmer say to one of its illusions?
A: You look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?

Did you hear about the rodents that tried to raid the Asura turbine factory?

Some say the skritt really hit the fan that day.

Two Norns were arguing who was the best.
They boasted, they drank, and they kept trying to top each other’s stories.
All the Norn around them listened as one drunkenly said, “I’m trying to prove my point: I’m better than you!”

Finally the leader of the lodge walks up, takes their mugs away, and demands they sleep this off.

The two drunken Norn asked her, “HEY Who do you think is better between the two of us?!”

The Lodge Leader shrugs and says, “I don’t know nor care. It would be a Moot point.”

-Logan end a fight…

Q: What is a Charr’s favorite color?
A: Purrr-ple

Q: How do you know if there is a Dolyak in your refrigerator?
A: The door won’t shut!

Q: What time is it when a Dolyak sits on the fence?
A: Time to fix the fence!

Best joke in GW1,, standing behind the tree in ToA using some bug,, and say: free ecto’s for the first person that trades me. Then watch all the noobies try to get on that spot Well it was fun until most of the people knew how to do it. It still works though. Good times…

Q: When should you buy stuff from a Tengu trader ?
A: When he’s going cheep!

Ah Tengu. You know, that sounds close enough to rhyming with haiku that…

Tengu fall in love
Muffled words spoke in the night
You taste like chicken

a charr and a norn walk into a bar…. the asura walks underneath it.

Q:how does Treaherne change a light bulb?
A:Commander can i have a word

my character currently lives in LA and she is a MASTER CHEF