So, I’m afraid I’ve stumbled across what is likely the greatest imbalance to be found in Guild Wars 2. This gross oversight is most certainly able to take our entire community and tip it on its misshapen head, leaving a mere shell of the experience that has brought us all together. I… I’m almost afraid to put this into text, but…
ArenaNet hates kittens.
We’ve all seen ever-dopey Quaggan, majestic Dolyak and oddly-detailed Watchknights traversing the lands of Tyria with a light step with most thanks to the efforts of the Hot Air Balloon Souvenir that was gifted to those who graciously attended to the needs of the people during the Queen’s Jubilee. This free-flying symbol of humanity’s perseverance in the face of untold odds is perhaps the only piece of memorabilia with enough hope to carry us through the absolute tragedy that occurred in Lion’s Arch just a few short months ago.
And yet, our feline friends have been abandoned. Only those dedicated enough to sink one hundred of their hard-earned Laurels have had their dreams CRUSHED by an inability to walk side-by-side with their Hot Air Balloons. Instead, they watch through tear-blurred eyes as their fellow Tonic-drinkers rejoice in the festivities of kite-flying, balloon-tethering, and torch-bearing. Has the Endless Mystery Cat Tonic marked us as being unsavory individuals? Does ArenaNet truly view kittens with that much loathing?
As a member of the pro-balloon-safety non-profit society, safety for balloons is my number one priority. If you would like your children and the children of your children to be able to enjoy balloons you will have to agree that there need to be strings attached. However in regards to kittens this is a very touchy subject. De-clawed? Maybe, otherwise we advise caution and a longer string.
“Whose Kitten is this?” – “It’s a Charr baby.”
“Whose Charr is this?”- “Ted’s.”
“Who’s Ted?”- “Ted’s dead, baby. Ted’s dead.”
Dear Sir I promise you this is no jesteable matter! Gravely serious indeed. I’ve seen countless of little cute balloons, full of life, burst violently into nothingness because of the seemingly oh-so playful touch of a kitten. They are not rolling anywhere anymore.
Equal safe rights is what we are looking for, not over-inflated regulations.
“Whose Kitten is this?” – “It’s a Charr baby.”
“Whose Charr is this?”- “Ted’s.”
“Who’s Ted?”- “Ted’s dead, baby. Ted’s dead.”
Your whole argument is full of hot air! Kittenkind shouldn’t be collared by heavy-pawed regulations! Sure, a few of our less-than-purrsonable youth have mistakenly nibbled when they should have wiggled, but punishing us all is pure cowardice! Are you a man, or a mouse!?
The casual observer might notice at this point the already hightened tension extruding from these unquestionable energetic balls of fur. Who can blame them? I do not, but we have to pro- pffffff … “augh, they got me, run brothers an..” … fshhhhhhp
“Whose Kitten is this?” – “It’s a Charr baby.”
“Whose Charr is this?”- “Ted’s.”
“Who’s Ted?”- “Ted’s dead, baby. Ted’s dead.”
A quick search for cats vs. balloons videos should stop this insane argument once and for all. The kittieah cruelty that has resulted from careless feline balloon interaction is disturbing at best. Those with weak constitutions should not view said videos.
The trouble with advocating such unnatural cohabitation of kittieahs and balloons in close proximity is reckless and immoral. Yes, immoral. If kittieahs were intended to coexist don’t you think that kittieahs would have been born with a balloon physically attached to them? I mean physically attached, not by some mad trick of static electricity but as an actual appendage.
I would encourage the developers at Arenanet to maintain the inability of virtual kittieahs to produce balloons while kittiefied.
Wolves would like to talk to you about that whole “Jumping Puzzle” thing you cats can do…
ArenaNet is just ensuring that you tongue-lolling pups don’t get stuck in a tree, whereas they’ve cruelly allowed kittenkind to jump if only so we manage to take a long jump off a short cliff! Landing on your feet doesn’t save you if you don’t have a hot air balloon to slow your fall!
