WARNING: THIS POST IS SPOILER-HEAVY! I will be discussing open-world locations and puzzles here!
I began my journey back in 2007 or so when I saw a copy of Guild Wars at my friend’s house and asked if I could hop on his account and try it out. A day later, I bought the complete collection. I got every class to 20 (Ritualist was by far my favorite), explored as much as I could, and PvPed my heart out. It was amazing.
I noticed the first obvious sign that ArenaNet (ANet) hated the players pretty early on. As most of you know, GW1 has no jump mechanic. However, there is a “jump” emote. Pretty trolly there, devs. ;)
Aware that I was walking into ANet’s clever trap but loaded with anticipation anyway, I pre-purchased GW2 shortly after it was made available.
I did not expect trolling at this magnitude.
Over the summer, while we were Jepsen-rolling our friends, ANet was designing Metrica Province.
Now, for those who know me, I’ve made it pretty clear that I hate platformers. But still, GW2 is an immense, beautiful game and I wanted to explore every inch of Tyria. Oh boy. And so, I gathered up my courage and decided to do the infamous Metrica Province puzzle.
It was simple enough at first. By “simple” I mean I fell 6 times getting to the first portal. Hey, I mentioned I hated platformers. Don’t judge me.
Yeah, to my horror, it was just the beginning. I decided to make a drinking game out of it, and drink every time I fell.
After the wonderful workers at the Northern Virginia Urgent Care Center pumped my stomach and forced me to sign up for AA meetings, I picked up where I left off and decided to do the rest of the puzzle sober.
Here’s what I learned:
1) Every time a gust of wind knocks you off those stupid vines, two ANet designers high-five each other and laugh maniacally. It’s true, because my hidden cameras in their office confirmed it. You can view this video by mailing 400g to my main character.
2) I continued on to the Stormy section of the puzzle. My first run through, I was so proud of myself for jumping all the stones without being struck by lightning. My pride was rewarded by me slipping on the next part and careening into the abyss below. Somewhere, a dev was laughing.
3) By the next section I was certain the devs were punishing us for all those times we complained about there not being any jumping in the first game. I just want to take a moment, right now, to apologize for all the jokes I made about “Now announcing Guild Wars 2: We figured out what the spacebar is for!” It was very inconsiderate of me, please just let this puzzle be over and I promise I’ll play nice.
4) Gah – oh, that actually wasn’t so bad. Fight a boss, do a few more jumps, and get a decent item. Oh hey, the view up here is really nice, should take some screenshots before I accidentally press auto-run and fal-
Well, that ended badly.
DISCLAIMER: Despite my beliefs that platformers are the devil’s games, I had a ridiculous amount of fun with not only this puzzle, but all the puzzles I’ve encountered in the game so far. Most of the time, the items in the chest aren’t very useful, but it’s not about the chests. It’s about being able to say, “Yeah, I climbed that, and the view was breathtaking.” It’s easy to see how much care was taken into designing this game.
And yes, I am sure the devs still chuckle a bit when players fall into the abyss.
Vinailt/Aislinn Yula | Officer of Dolyak Attack | Commander of Attack of the Yaks | Yak’s Bend
