Guild Wars 2

Nine new windows, and the new achievement – very funny!

- Removed levels. Modified skill points as new gating system.
- Bags of loot in WvW have been made less common. Badges of Honor have also been made less common.
- A cooking level of 400 is now required to use the Trading Post.
- The mysterious portal across the broken bridge in Brisban Wildlands has been made accessible! This portal leads to Lion’s Arch.
- Waypoint cost increased by 100%.
- The Tengu are massing in the Dominion of Winds! Find out next February what they are planning.

-Added new dungeon “Gods of Kryta.”
-Added new gear, “Omnipotent” as a vendor reward to completing the new dungeon. This was planned before release and was not implemented due to the developers working hard on creating new backpacks. We apologize for the confusion as this is not a new tier of gear. At a later date a new currency will be created with new ways to obtain this gear outside of the dungeon.
-Legendaries will be changed at a later date to match the stats of the Omnipotent gear after they are changed to match the stats of the Ascended gear.
-Added baby krait backpack.
-Baby krait backpack has new abilities to make them more interesting to wear.
-Necromancers heal 50% less with their life stealing abilities to keep in line with the alteration to food having an internal cooldown.

- Fixed a bug where the game was fun.

- Ascended trinkets are now visible on your character when they are equipped.
- Reduced stat values of ascended trinkets to be equivalent to exotic trinkets.

“- Fixed a bug where the game was fun.” LOL

“Fixed a bug that caused loot chests to spawn.”
“Fixed a bug where the game was fun.”
“The Tengu are massing in the Dominion of Winds! Find out next February what they are planning.”

lol I love this thread

- In part 17 of the Living Story it is revealed that Quaggans are Tyria’s common enemy. Quaggans turn hostile, while Krait turn friendly.
- Loot Quaggans for Pristine Quaggan Skins (new currency) which can be turned in for Quagganskin outfit (townclothes with silly sound effects) or even more different Quaggan backpacks.
- Quaggan Slayer added to achievements (awards title after completing highest tier)

Increase cooldown for Auto-attacks by 1 seconds.

This falls more into the category of ridicule or sarcasm, perhaps mockery, a hint of irony?
Well, maybe my humour is strange. Not too bad effort wise though.

- New Weekly Rewards have been added! Weeklies can be achieved by completing all of the optional Daily objectives you chose not to do throughout the week.
- All channeled abilities have had their animations changed to loading screens.
- It is no longer possible to crit on wildlife.
- Sylvari glow now properly dims with each level, reflecting their age and experience.
- Sylvari can no longer be revived by players not carrying a water bucket.
- Asura are now more racist.
- Cut scenes featuring Logan Thackery can no longer be skipped.

ok.

its funny

QuartzMoped.2370:

• Grawl headdresses have been made 45% bigger and all Grawl not wearing headdresses have been given mullets and wallet chains.
• That one way that you figured out how to make a little gold… yeah, we changed that.

These two killed me, sadly the second one seems eerily true!

OP was infracted for his/her post? So, we really can’t have fun?

Fiddlestyx.9714:

OP was infracted for his/her post? So, we really can’t have fun?

WTF. Anet seriously?

> People who make jokes on the forum are given infractions \^_^/

This made my day, thanks OP.

Aeone.1083:

> People who make jokes on the forum are given infractions \^_^/

In Soviet Russia fun posts you!

I’ve laughed at several of these posts. Nice job OP, +1 for you.

The nine new windows was my favorite part

Infracted? Really? Anet, working hard to make Blizzard look good.

This thread was really well done actually. It’s a more creative way to vent frustration at the poor quality of the games updates. I guess they prefer outright raging? Plenty of that in the ranger threads if that’s the case.

Funny! INDEED!!!

I thought about this thread a bit more because of Anet’s poor decision to infract the OP. Perhaps this thread strikes too close to the truth for Anet’s liking.

Whelp, back to raging I guess!

-Ranger sword rooting issue fixed( Ranger can no longer use sword )

Lol OP must have hit too close to the truth on a few of these to have an infraction enacted on his post.

As for a joke.

“Due to the hacks, cheating and culling we have removed WvW, when we have addressed all current issues we will reinstate this aspect of the game. For now enjoy the grind that is FoTM.”

-Removed all sources of income from the game. We will now dish out wealth as we see fit to players who we deem deserving.
-Added AI to ranger pets. Pets will now run towards the nearest enemy AOE spell in order to free themselves of their useless existence.

I was going to post something funny, but I didn’ know if it was allowed. Thanks for the laugh OP.

- Moved Shatterer to Claw’s spawn location so when he entraps players in crystal, it looks pretty on the ice blue background.
- Moved Shatterer’s crystal drops to Tequatl so that he can drop something different from his wings.
- Moved Claw of Jormag to Shatter’s location so he has nothing to almost fall off of.
- Rebuilt the Watchtower in Lions Arch and moved Tequatl to Lions Arch so he still has a Tower to wipeout when he arrives and we can finely reenforce that dang tower in Sparkfly Fen.
- Changed the line "There’s something in the water to There’s something ‘else’ in the water
- Temporally increased Waypoint Cost, as due to the Sequester initiated by the Queen, Asura Portals are now just too costly to operate.
- One Rabbit in the game will now drop a Voltaic Spear but only after killing it over 250 times. Justiciar Rabbit’s name is not viewable until his death and he sometimes hides in bushes.
- Voltaic Spear will be the only Dye-able weapon in the game but can not be dyed any color resembling Black
- Adjusted Asura children’s faces to look more like a Fig and less like a Raisin
- Apples are now available in the Gem Store, since for some reason the Supply is down on Apples.
- Added new currency: Porous Bones redeemable for Spider Legs
- Started recycling program across Tyria due to an excessive amounts of Glass Bottles lying about
- Halon Extinguishers now available from Karma Merchant outside the Thaumanova Reactor

All world mobs have been changed to Champions. All drops have been changed to Porous Bones.

+ edit, to say “All drops have been changed to give out increased rewards, to shift players into lower populated areas.”

Grawl headdresses have been made 45% bigger and all Grawl not wearing headdresses have been given mullets and wallet chains.

+ ’Murrica Mullets and Wallet Chains are now available, in the Gem Store! Show your patriotism at 20% off!

Guild Halls will be added! They will be unlocked for any guild who finishes all of the recently added Guild Missions and can be purchased by other guilds for 8000 gems or 250,000 ectos.

+ Or just make a requirement that every member must have an equipped Legendary. At least 50 members, so that smaller guilds obviously cannot compete/complete

Ranger icons have been scaled back as they were made too overpowered in the last update.

+ also, more additions and renditions of more trench coat styles

An internal cooldown has been added to dancing emotes.

+ …of 24 hours

Fixed a bug that caused loot chests to spawn.

+ or locked so you need Dwarven Keys, which are Soul-bound, and can be purchased in the Gem Store for 2/500 Gems

We added nine new windows to nine old buildings.

+ While large empty space in Divinity’s Reach still doesn’t include Asian decor or themes.

New achievement! Find the nine new windows and peer inside the buildings. There will be interesting things to see! (Interesting things to see will be added in a later patch)

+ this is an added Guild Mission that requires 999,999 Influence, and has to be done in 5 minutes, further gating smaller guilds, and favors 10,000+ member ones

Kholer now spawns gravelings. And those gravelings spawn ghost bunnies. If you hit the ghost bunnies, they spawn ghost wurms. If you hit the ghost wurms, they explode for massive damage and refill Kholer’s health to full.

+ explosions KD for 10 seconds to encourage Dodge Daily completion

I am absolutely loving this thread. Can’t believe you got infracted OP I mean it’s obviously a joke.

Keep this thread going! I’m laughing so hard!

Yalora Istairiea.6287:

- Temporally increased Waypoint Cost, as due to the Sequester initiated by the Queen, Asura Portals are now just too costly to operate.

Don’t give them ideas.

- Fixed a bug where a thief could be killed.

Iehova.9518:

- Fixed a bug where the game was fun.

Best one ever! I can’t top that, so…

- New street clothes have been added for all races. These street clothes can be crafted by a level 500 Tailor. Crafting levels will be increased in a future update.

- Badges of Honor are being replaced by Tokens of Friendship, Love thine enemy. Those of you that have been hoarding badges will lose them as hoarding is frowned upon. Besides we don’t need no stinking badges.

- To prevent the big HATE in WvW when you get killed by the same OP enemy 12 times in a row a system has been put in place where you can only kill a particular enemy once in a 24 hour period. Timer starts from the moment of staking.

- Since WvW is the red headed stepchild of GW2 and nobody really likes WvW the patch we have been promising has been pushed back to April…… 2016.

- A new scaling system has been added to all dungeons. The faster you move through the dungeon the higher the level the mobs will be. They will also gain new abilities such as stealth detection plus their aggro range will encompass the whole dungeon.

- Zergs are our best friend and the point distribution system in WvW has been modified to reflect this point. Moving forward the team with the largest zerg 24/7 will be awarded double the points for capturing the same objective as the team with the smaller zerg. Zerg members that are culled will count for triple the points.

- Finally on the issue of precursors. After listening to your feedback regarding precursors and Legendary weapons we agree that the grind to get those Legendaries was too steep. To remedy this all existing Legendaries owned by players will have their materials refunded in full and the legendaries removed. New updated Legendary weapons can then be purchased in the Gem store for 1,000,000 gems.

lol “looks pretty on the blue background”

-Necromancer minions have been updated to all look like chickens. we feel this really captures how the class was intended to feel.
-Mesmer clones and phantasms can now be summoned outside of combat, but only while you are using the /dance emote. type /hshake to enable this new feature!

-The Shadow Behemoth has had a jaw brace installed to help with all his recent screaming activity. Donations are accepted at the Old Shack in the swamp to help pay for the massive medical bills. A new currency has been added in order to do this. They only drop from Black Lion Chests.

-You can now apply dye to your inventory bags!

Why was the OP infracted? ArenaNet does this exact thing every April Fool’s Day. It’s humor!

I find a positive thread that I’m enjoying and…

Blacklight.2871:

+1 for the infraction, although the OP was already deserving.

He merely speaketh the true thoughts and feelings of many.

-fixed an issue where DR wasn’t adequately discouraging players enough to use the gem store.

-fixed an issue where mobs in low level zones weren’t dropping level appropriate gear for max level players. The gear rewarded will now always be of appropriate level but will still retain zero utility for the player.

-in relation to the above, rare and exotic drops have had their drop chances increased by 0.01%. This is to ensure that everyone has a fair chance at those drops without circumventing the hopelessness a player feels when performing any and all tasks within the confines of the game’s systems.

- addressed issues with Thief class in wvw. Thief removed from game and replaced by Shoplifter.

-fixed an issue where our patch notes were becoming too detailed. In the future we will make sure to use less descriptive terms and increase our usage of highly vague responses such as “more powerful” or “slightly weaker” so as to encourage the formation of threads titled “Clarification Requested….”

-in relation we will never tell you what the internal CD of a skill is, only that it has been added.

- fixed bug which made some of auto attacks free , now every auto attack will cost 1 gem as intended

Stop trolling us….its not nice

New features:

- Following feedback from the community for the tediousness of acquiring precursor weapons, a new coin currency was introduced for completing the main story: “Legendarions”. They are limited to one per character and can be exchanged for precursor weapons at the new trader, “Zelda”, in LA. One-handed weapons: 70 Legendarions, two-handed weapons 100 Legendarions.

- Removed a bug where characters could be deleted.

- Each time you purchase a new character slot, its subsequent price increases by 100 gems.

- Purchasing character slots has an internal cool-down of 1 week.

- Removed a bug where personal story cut-scenes could be skipped.

- ‘Going forward’™ we will introduce new exciting ways of acquiring the precursors. By our metrics we estimate that 0.013% of the game population will own a legendary weapon by 2015.

This is the best thread I have ever read on this forum.

I’m feeling is that it may not be a good day at work for Anet

- Fixed a bug where panning the camera with your right mouse button sometimes targeted random mobs/invaders. You now always target random mobs/invaders.

- Fixed a bug where stowing your pet allowed you to move through areas easier. You can now only stow your pet in towns.

- Fixed a bug where stealth was incorrectly labeled. It now reads “invisibility.”

- Fixed a bug where too many exotics and T6 mats were dropping in W3. Now greens and T4 mats are the best drops.

- Achievement points now have a use. 10,000 points can be turned in for the new “Achiever” achievement.

- New Achievement: “Infractor!” Gained by accumulating 100 infractions in the forums.

- New Fractal added: Rurik’s Revenge. Fractal includes mowing down random hordes of charr north of Ascalon City and killing the warband lords. New Drop: Charr Bag(20-slot bag).

I love these:

-Fixed bug where Ranger skills were useable outside of costume brawl

-Fixed bug where Rangers could rename their pets, all pet names changed to “Snuggles.”

-Fixed all Necro skill and trait descriptions to encompass their bugs so that they are all now working as intended.

-Fixed Logan Thackery’s movement speed, he now moves 15% faster.

-Fixed bug where Thieves were not able to instantly down an opponent by pressing space-bar (that fix was so esey!).

-Cut all Guardian skills in half and then doubled them.

-Adjusted clover drop rate to include 3 leaf clovers, 3 leaf clovers cannot be used to craft anything.

-Added sound of Zommoros laughing at you when you get 3 leaf clovers.

-Adjusted summoned pets’ walk volume to 11

-Added feature to character creation screen: players will now be asked confirm they want to roll an engineer by answering a series of tensile strength and partial pressure questions.

Silver Chopper.4506:

New features:
- Following feedback from the community for the tediousness of acquiring precursor weapons, a new coin currency was introduced for completing the main story: “Legendarions”. They are limited to one per character and can be exchanged for precursor weapons at the new trader, “Zelda”, in LA. One-handed weapons: 70 Legendarions, two-handed weapons 100 Legendarions.

Okay this made me lol at work, thanks very much!

-added a new currency because we heard you liked currencies so now you can currency with this currency while you currency.