Guild Wars 2

It’s 1328, time for some predictions!
(Toonberg Press – LA, 09:30) With the new year come new changes, and we at Toonberg have checked our Crystal Lodestones, gazed at the heavens and consulted the Legendary Shaman to bring you our predictions for 1328 (the year of the tadpole). So with out further ado and in no particular order, behold:

1. In 1328 the Tyrian Fishing and Wildlife commission will begin licensing Tyrian heroes to use spears on land.

2. In 1328 the activist group Tyrians for Honesty in Advertising will successfully sue Box o’ Fun makers BOF to rename their product… Box o’ Meh.

3. In 1328 Asuran researchers will discover Zommoros is actually the manifestation of the Skritt’s hive mind… “ohhh, shinny toilet.”

4. In 1328 Tyria’s finest will defeat Mordremoth only to discover he was actually Scarlet Briar, prompting the exhumation of Scarlet Briar’s body only to discover she was actually Mordremoth at which time Caithe will appear with the stolen egg only to have it hatch “Scarletmoth,” a particularly large Quaggan with a taste for cheap whiskey and penchant for pulp fiction. She will be Tyria’s greatest adversary.

5. In 1328 Logan Thackeray will discover Rytlock Brimstone locked in his closet where he has become addicted to wood alcohol (and subsequently blind) after accidentally deleting Sohothin when attempting to toss out some Bloodstone Dust.

6. In 1328 Tyria’s greatest heroes will become bored with battling each other on circles in the Mists and switch to triangles only to quickly move to rhombuses before settling back on circles.

7. In 1328 Asuran colleges will convene a week long summit to discuss the 79.7% failure rate of all golemns.

So there you have it folks, 7 predictions of the year of the tadpole. Will spears work better than hammers? Can Tyrians defeat Scarletmoth? Will Logan convince Rytlock to leave his closet? Find out in the year 1328!

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Yeah, I’m hoping for the spears on land thing. But this was really funny stuff.

Micah.8423:

Yeah, I’m hoping for the spears on land thing. But this was really funny stuff.

I’m new so don’t hate, but how would you learn to use a water weapon on land? You’d have to do a tutorial on that first so players like me don’t find it too complicated.

I’d pay 200 gems to watch Scarletmoth fight the Marionette.

Iason Evan.3806:

Micah.8423:

Yeah, I’m hoping for the spears on land thing. But this was really funny stuff.

I’m new so don’t hate, but how would you learn to use a water weapon on land? You’d have to do a tutorial on that first so players like me don’t find it too complicated.

I’d pay 200 gems to watch Scarletmoth fight the Marionette.

Son, if you don’t log in during that week… you’ll pay 600.