Guild Wars 2

Dear Anet

Once, so long ago it now seems, I found bamboo to be a lovely, graceful plant – so unique and fascinating among its grass cousins. I enjoyed the quiet solitude of a stroll through a bamboo forest at the local gardens, the hipster bamboo place mats upon my table, those snazzy floating displays at the sushi restaurant. But now, after months of butt-puckering leaps of faith among the bamboo strands of the Labyrinthine Cliffs and recently completing Dry Top’s agonizing Zephyrite-wreckage jumping puzzles, the “tree of life” brings me only terror.

Just yesterday, innocent and unsuspecting of the raw fear which lay coiled among those tall, whispering shoots, I passed into a neighbor’s backyard grown thick with the abominable panda-munching reed. Total paralysis. My wife could only slowly coax me out of the blubbering fetal position she found me in with a strawberry milkshake and a shiny, smiley face helium balloon.

Thanks a lot Anet – like there wasn’t enough in this world to be horrified by.

A visit to your friendly neighborhood Mesmer should help you with your therapy.

HISSSS!

I hear your bamboo related fears, and I sympathize. Now whenever I gaze upon those reeds, I imagine myself ice skating involuntarily off the top and plummeting to my death.

Terrible collision….. terrible collision everywhere.