Guild Wars 2

Well, I’m going to start this post with a story – an autobiography, really – of my life up to today. So bear with me, but this post may be a bit longer than usual.

I was born into a neighborhood with no other kids my own age and, as a result, didn’t have any friends before going into school, so I was very close to my family. Once school started, I thought that it would be this amazing, wonderful place, where I could meet people my own age and finally found a friendship or two! The first few days were as I expected they would be; I didn’t find any friends right off the bat, and most people seemed a bit shy for the first few days of class. Well, after the week had passed, I thought that the kids would open up a tad, since we’ve been seeing each other every day, all day, for the last week. I wasn’t very close, haha.

All around me, I saw groups forming, and friendships growing. People had found others in the class that were like them, and they became good friends. No one had come to me though, and I was alone in class. The teacher noticed this, and saw that I was lonely, and so she tried to help – in her own way – by pairing me up with the kids that she thought I would get along with. When this failed, she didn’t keep trying to help me find friends in school, she just gave up. I tried talking to people, I tried being friendly, but no matter what I did, people seemed terrified of me. It’s like they took one look at me, and had me all figured out as the guy of their worst nightmares… or something.

This didn’t stop in my first year of school, however. Every year I would try again and again, trying to make friends. People would just politely respond to anything I said, and then they would turn away, never paying attention to me again. I felt like I was doing something wrong, that I was somehow scaring people away, so I sat back and watched other people interact with each other. From what I could see, I wasn’t doing anything wrong – I was acting like a kid should be acting at my age! I never gave up though, and I kept trying to make friends throughout my school career.

After third grade, my family moved – not very far, just a couple miles away – to a new area, and a new school district. I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to make friends, because the people at my old school were the same people, and they already decided that they weren’t going to associate with me. So I started talking to people at my new school, and hoped for the best, although I was given the same results as the years before. No matter what I tried, no matter who I talked to, I was turned away, without a moment’s hesitation. By now, I was feeling pretty bad about myself, like I was just terribly ugly or otherwise repulsive, and I slipped into a depression. I never cut myself or dressed in black, mind you, but somehow everyone knew that I wasn’t in a good mood. My teacher actually asked if I was alright, and if there was anything they could do to help. I told them about my problem, and they tried what my first teacher did, and paired me up with kids they thought I would get along with. Well, this almost seemed to work, we laughed and talked to each other, but after that first day, they simply disappeared from my life. Yet another year, I spent alone.

So by now, I was hitting puberty, and I was becoming interested in girls. I was always too shy to really talk to girls, but I went out of my way to talk to those few I thought were special. The first girl I ever talked to really seemed to like me; for over a week we talked and flirted and laughed, and we seemed to be a great match for each other, but it was for naught. After about two weeks, she just acted as if I didn’t exist, and never spoke to me again, unless she was forced to for an assignment. I didn’t do anything wrong to her, and I didn’t say anything hurtful, she just up and decided to stop talking to me. The rest of my interactions with girls weren’t nearly as successful. I would approach a girl and talk to her, and they would act as if I was the plague, and just disappear. No one would give me the time of day, and no one would ever consider being romantically interested in me. So now (11th grade), I gave up. I didn’t try to make friends, I didn’t try to talk to girls. I went to class, and then I went home. During lunch, I would sit in the library and read books (been doing this since 4th grade). Some people would come in and talk to me, but only because they pitied me, or a teacher asked them to. No one really wanted to talk to me.

So after I was done with high school, I met the first girl I ever dated. She was everything I could dream of, and she was just all around perfect. In her eyes, I was everything she was looking for as well. We were together for around two months, and she said she loved me – and then suddenly said that she wants to break up. No hints beforehand, nothing wrong, just suddenly she doesn’t want to date me anymore. Well, needless to say, I was crushed. So I left, and I haven’t heard from her since that day. I still don’t know why she broke up with me, as she didn’t give me a reason on that day.

So now, here I am, nineteen years after being born, and I have never had someone I can call a friend, and the only girl I’ve ever been close to never really opened up to me. I never even kissed her, haha. Anyway, I’ve been using online dating websites and personal ads to try and find friends as well as perhaps a girl to spend time with. For over a year now, I’ve searched and searched, but I’ve not found anyone at all. I finished this quarter in college early, and so now I don’t really leave the house at all, and I won’t be until April comes around. I don’t have anyone to talk to, even my own family avoids me. Yesterday, Valentine’s Day, was my birthday, and I had to remind my family of it.

So as you can imagine, I’m a very lonely person, haha.

Story time is done.

Now, the reason for this post, is to ask what in the world is wrong with me, first off. After that, I would like to know where people around the age of 18-20 tend to hang around, so I could put myself in situations where I could meet people I get along with. Any kind of advice would be welcomed, and anything you have to say would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading my great big essay, haha. If you have anything that could help, don’t hesitate to let me know.

As for the girl issue, here’s a link to a profile of mine that has pictures of me (I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do this), you’re welcome to let me know if I’m just horrendously ugly or something. Don’t sugar-coat anything, alright?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Ridir

That’s the end of my post, I promise!

Perhaps the way you present yourself in person is a tad ‘off’ and people don’t seem to connect with you. You might also say something that seems right to you, but not to others. Too much reflection and not enough reflection are both devastating. Don’t think about it, and just enjoy yourself.

I read through all of that and I can tell you now, you’re doing NOTHING wrong. Trust me, I’m a big fan of essays, I could go on forever but I’ll be perfectly honest with you… I’ve had to stop myself. I’m not a nice person at all, and I’ve realised that recently. It’s just something I can’t help. Yeah I keep it hidden a lot, so people think I’m “such a nice guy” etc etc, but if they could get inside my head they’d know I was a horrible person really.

It’s a shame, as I feel I could give you some really good advice, but my mindset is so messed up, I fear my “advice” wouldn’t be regarded as such by most people reading this thread.

So I won’t go on, but TRUST ME, don’t ever stop being nice. That’s all I can say, you seem the type of nice person this World needs, don’t ever let anything change that. I’ve been there & changed, I let society mess me up big time. If I could go back, I would, but I took a lot of bad advice over the years and I’ve gone from being an overly nice guy to a horrible person.

So if there’s one piece of advice to take from this… Please don’t ever stop being nice.

Ohhh I remember we had a post just like this a while ago, where some of us posted a lot of advice…let me look it up for you, as I am a lazy (and busy ;_;) person and looking for the link takes way less time than writing all that again

While I am looking: People usually connect due to some shared interest. What do you like? Do you have any hobbies that may take you among likeminded people, if you joined a club or something? Would you be willing to try out something new, see if you like it, and just talk to people you meet at this activity? (I really only started to gain real friends when some people established that monthly anime fan meeting in my hometown roughly 12 years ago…good times )

Edit: Wait…that WAS your post 2 months ago. Sorry, I don’t think I have any ‘new’ advice to offer :/ (You could have reanimated the old one, you know)

I’d suggest you find things to do outside the house that bring you into contact with other people…volunteer to help out at places (humane shelter, soup kitchen, etc) find some hobbies that result in interaction with people. Then concentrate on what you are doing instead of the interactions. You are probably putting too much effort in the interactions and making them seem too important for the other persons comfort. I imagine people wouldn’t mind being a friend but don’t want to be the friend.

Yes, that was my old post. :P I read through all of the advice you guys gave me, and it seems it was for naught, haha.

Katz, I don’t try that hard – I know it can weird people out. I’m very good at reading people, and I know what evokes certain feelings or emotions in them, so I try to keep them happy and comfortable, etc. So it’s nothing that I’m doing, per se, it’s something else. :P

Don’t waste your time on dating sites, and, generally, thinking about ways you can get what you want. the fact that you aren’t getting something may be the biggest message for you to sit with, fighting may be like fire and brimstone.

td:lr Don’t waste time on random sites, ur not gonna get what u want.

I had no friends until college. Well, I did have a boyfriend my senior year of high school, thanks to meeting him in summer school; he didn’t go to my school, though. But he got me into comic books and tabletops other than DnD.

I’ve never been a popular or social sort. However, two things have stood me well: 1) Remember that life gets better. My parents told me that and ooohhhhh how right they were and are. 2) Don’t go -looking- for that special someone. You’ll just grab onto the first one that so much as smiles at you. Simply live your life doing the things you enjoy (for me that was gaming, comics, SF, medieval reenactment, and waltzing). You will be around people that also enjoy those things. And one of them just might turn into more than a friend over time.

I’ve been married over 20 years to a great guy I met in my reenactment crowd. I wasn’t even looking for anyone at the time we met due to getting dumped by someone else and being gun shy. No one in high school would have imagined I’d become a defense attorney with a solid marriage and you know what? I feel not the slightest need to go to a reunion to show them that I ended up with such a good life.

Life gets better. Just let it do so.

There’s nothing wrong with you. That’s where you need to start.

Next up, find a hobby that’s not online and join a group for it. Get out of your house (as hard as that may feel to do) go there without any expectations other than to enjoy yourself. No immediate who can I be friends with, who can I date …. Just go there for the activity alone. Once others see you enjoying yourself and not being preoccupied with what they think, the rest will fall into place. People can only make you feel crummy if you let them. Don’t empower them, empower yourself.

You might also consider getting weekly therapy to work on issues no one online can help you with, even as much as they may want to. I’d suggest looking for a cognitive therapist (Jung-based) as they tend to be more proactive in approach.

From what I’ve read don’t even try going to clubs. I can assure you the girls you’re looking for shall not be there. A good way to meet people is in the workplace, you’re forced to be with a group of people and for the working relationship to work, people have to get along, it’s a good way to build up your social skills too.

I don’t really have much advice for you, I don’t like people much so I avoid them and they avoid me.

However, I’m very social online so feel free to add me in GW2 and who knows, we could wind up being best in-game friends! Just hang in there man, wait until after high school, etc. Kids are idiots anyways.

ok first of all there is nothing wrong with ya! hehe i had same problem at primary school. got bullied and had some time that i received a daily kitten whooping (got puched and kicked:P) atm i have a great RL and many friends. what i did: get out of house. talk with people same thigns you did. but try to find what they like and talk with them about that. it changed my point of view about many things and it got myself a couple extra hobbies. i also read your profile on the datingsite and my own experience tells me girls dont really like pokemon. zangoose is a nice pokemon but most girls are like …………. its good you tell em bout your hobbys but i would refrain from telling to much details bout that. if they are interested you can talk about it with them in person. wich will give you a subject to talk about and a option to check out their reaction.

but definatly your doing nothing wrong but i think it would help to keep a couple things to their imagination instead of saying everything:)

im sorry for bad english i cant really explain everything with my current knowledge of english.

if you wanna to talk to some1 sometimes just add me online:)

I’d love to reply to this (I have Asperger’s which really affects social interaction) but I have to go to work. I’ll post later.

Become a member of a fitness club ( or whatever they’re called ). Or take up any kind of physical activity, sport, anything. Not because you should get in shape or something, but because your body and mind will be grateful. You’ll start feeling better and more confident. And in turn other people will see you differently.
A good run around the park can do wonders, it doesn’t cost you anything and it takes an hour out of your day at most. But it’s a long term thing so don’t go once or twice and then quit. Find a “lap” and stick to it, push yourself and mark your results so you can check your progress.
And most importantly, when you’re feeling really really lazy and tired for anything because of the weather or whatever excuse you think of at the moment, that’s the perfect time to go for a run. If you don’t feel better after, i’ll give you my address so you can come and punch me in the face.

alfista.6094:

Become a member of a fitness club ( or whatever they’re called ). Or take up any kind of physical activity, sport, anything. Not because you should get in shape or something, but because your body and mind will be grateful. You’ll start feeling better and more confident. And in turn other people will see you differently.
A good run around the park can do wonders, it doesn’t cost you anything and it takes an hour out of your day at most. But it’s a long term thing so don’t go once or twice and then quit. Find a “lap” and stick to it, push yourself and mark your results so you can check your progress.
And most importantly, when you’re feeling really really lazy and tired for anything because of the weather or whatever excuse you think of at the moment, that’s the perfect time to go for a run. If you don’t feel better after, i’ll give you my address so you can come and punch me in the face.

this one, except punch in the face

women (like all people) find confidence an attractive trait, playing video-games is nice but doesn’t build you much confidence , going to the gym and work out actually gives you plenty. (why? it just will, trust us on this issue, its all about dopamine and serotonin release )

http://www.livestrong.com/article/483271-how-much-does-exercise-increase-neurotransmitters/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/413881-are-brain-neurotransmitters-affected-by-exercise/

and don’t be a kitten, it works only in TV.

alfista.6094:

A good run around the park can do wonders, it doesn’t cost you anything and it takes an hour out of your day at most.

Except for the tiredness and soreness…ugh exercise is the worst, I’m very confident of that.

rizzo.1079:

Except for the tiredness and soreness…ugh exercise is the worst, I’m very confident of that.

If you’re feeling sore the next day it’s because you haven’t stretched your muscles before the exercise. Or you overdid it.

I’m still a relatively shy person. My first REAL girlfriend wasn’t until I was 22 years old. I had never kissed a girl before then or anything. My advice to you is be confident in yourself. If you are confident, other people will see that.

Feel free to add me in game as well!

alfista.6094:

rizzo.1079:

Except for the tiredness and soreness…ugh exercise is the worst, I’m very confident of that.

If you’re feeling sore the next day it’s because you haven’t stretched your muscles before the exercise. Or you overdid it.

Nah, you can become sore without even realizing you overtaxed your muscles while you were doing it You know, when you’re not even consciously doing any sports, hence see no need to stretch… Happens to me all the time when I’m transferring patterns to fabric, cutting fabric, pleating fabric etc. on the ground (table is too small and usually to crowded) – that half-kneeing position is really stressing one’s tights ^^°.

But yeah, sport does make you happy. kitten I so need to do something except walking my dog again…gotta start getting on a schedule once I’m back from vacation (yay skiing ).

I’d sign the ‘just live and enjoy your life’ advice, btw – I just ran into someone apparently desperately looking for contact and friends, and it just…weirded me out. I’m really busy at the moment, I don’t want to become someone’s lifeline! Especially someone I don’t know at all.

Get fit. Dress well. Start listening to a lot of Mumford and Sons(most people think this is some sort of mark of coolness, and that they are a great band- but there kind of average imo). If you’re fit, have a good haircut(one that is fashionable and works with your face), have good hygiene, and dress well you will run into a girl who finds you attractive. You basically want to find one with more ‘dorky’ interests, so go to the places where people like that gather(I have no idea where these people go, it’s not my scene).

In short, it’s kind of like animal trapping, you gotta figure out what type of animal you want to catch then build your trap from there. You should try and become the kind of guy the girls you like like. ‘Be Yourself’ doesn’t mean you can’t change.

Haircut Fitness Hygiene are really good starting points.

Sorry for the messy writing.

choovanski.5462:

In short, it’s kind of like animal trapping, you gotta figure out what type of animal you want to catch then build your trap from there. You should try and become the kind of guy the girls you like like. ‘Be Yourself’ doesn’t mean you can’t change.

Haircut Fitness Hygiene are really good starting points.

Sorry for the messy writing.

Boy that wording makes my skin crawl
How is anyone supposed to know “what the girls they like like”? We are individuals. Every girl out there has her own ‘type’. Yes, there are general indicators that will make attraction more likely (confidence, I think, is usually one of them), but there’s just no guarantee that it’ll click. I still place my bets on ‘accidentally’ finding your partner by just doing what you like…too much pressure won’t lead you anywhere.

cut your hair and pluck your eye brows haha

I had a long essay thought out before I responded, but I lost track somewhere….dude, there is nothing wrong with you. During school and university and I had acquaintances but no friends. Military service the same. I felt the same as you, but hey, now is the 44 year since I was born and I can say I have been married twice with 4 kids. Now divorced twice ( I think it is me). The only advice I can really give is live for yourself, people will enter your life and people will leave. Think of yourself as worthy and people that shun you as worthless. It says in your profile that you don’t drink at all. Smoking bad, drugs bad but a pint at your local can open a few doors… just remember to be moderate. Nobody likes a drunken slob.

A few things to keep in mind, and suggestions:
1. Most people make two or three really good friends during their lifetimes, and those are almost always made as adults. At 19, very few people have found their best friends. Those best friends are the ones that really matter. All you’ve lost so far is a little practice.
2. Many people get weirded out if you don’t behave in expected ways. My son has this problem, and found his first friends at age 14. If you want to get along with lots of people, you have to behave in conventional ways. But lots of people also are fine with unconventional behavior, especially in the subcultures like gamers, SCA, fandoms, the computer industry…‘nerd’ groups in general. Choice is yours.
3. A lot of people in this world feel lonely, so always remember you’re not alone in that. A lot of us accept and make peace with being lonely, and it makes us feel less nervous and needy. If you can make peace with it, your inner peace will (ironically) make friendships easier.
And advice…
4. Fight depression! Exercise, sleep, and a good diet go a long way. Cleanliness and basic grooming also helps, and lack of it pushes people away. Don’t be the guy in the ‘Gamer, please bathe!’ posters.
5. If you are kind and thoughtful, stay that way. Help other people, and stop worrying about being lonely.
6. If you haven’t already, learn how to listen. Practice paraphrasing (in your head) what people say to you in order to really understand what they’re saying. Ask questions. Learn how to do the back-and-forth of casual conversation. Most people like talking about themselves, and not so many are good listeners. If you’re thinking about the ‘me’, you’re doing it wrong. Be curious about them, forget about yourself.