Q's about dungeon joining pop-up
You should be on the map where the dungeon is.. It doesn’t matter if the one who started the dungeon is on another server…
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici
Yes, the pop-up should show as long as you’re in the same zone as the dungeon (e.g. Plains of Ashford for AC). You won’t get it otherwise.
There are cases where it won’t show even if you are on the same map but you can just go back to character select or zone in and out. One of those cases is what you mentioned. If you are already on the same map and you join the party after the instance is created.