Guild Wars 2

Calling all WvW-ers!

I recently wrote a story set in the real world to illuminate some aspects of our beloved World vs World. You can find it here

It was very fun to write and got a universally positive reaction (though the thread was ultimately closed because it was deemed too similar to some existing threads – lol!) but it got me thinking that there must be some more writers out there who could share some entertaining stories about our experiences here in World vs World.

Maybe you’re bored at lunchtime at work and have a couple of minutes to do some writing, or maybe you’re queueing for EB. Thrash out a few quick words and entertain your friends/enemies/neutrals here!

So – feel free to chime in with a story. Here’s some guidelines to get you started:

• Can be set in the real world or in Tyria, whichever you wish.
• Must be about World vs World, either directly or indirectly (this is the WvW forums after all!)
• Can be funny, dramatic, satirical or surreal – the choice is yours.
• Keep your stories positive and your story criticism encouraging ?
• If this isn’t your thing, you don’t have to say so… just chill and move on, though I hope you enjoy your stay in this thread while you’re here.
• Have fun!

Here’s a quick story to start this thread off.

The World At War

A VERY SECRET BUNKER. 1941.

CONNECTING…

YOU ARE CONNECTED. USERNAME IS ‘WCHURCHILL’

DOWNLOADING (1) POSTS
…
…

AHITLER: “Hey Churchill! Thanks for all the loot bags last night! FARMED <3 lololol, love Hitler”

Churchill ripped the printout from the machine and sighed heavily. Not again! He was beginning to deeply regret signing up to the top secret intra-governmental project to communicate across long distances in the early days of the war.

Codenamed “FORUM”, it had started with such good intentions, as these things often did. His advisors had thought it would perhaps help bring about an early end to the war… and, indeed, it had been promising at first. Thumbing through a stack of earlier messages he couldn’t help but be amazed yet again at how far downhill FORUM had fallen. And how quickly!

He looked over at some of the very first messages from the early days of the war.

AHITLER: “Nice push last night! You nearly had us going for a bit but we had the early momentum and I have to admit it carried us. Still, looking forward to tomorrow – night night!”

CDEGAULLE: “Ah, we just wanted to get our keep back Well defended, I suppose…”

BMONTGOMERY: “Indeed, very strong defence you’ve got there. We definitely won’t be back to try again at the same time tomorrow though so don’t bother defending!”

WCHURCHILL: “Silence, Montgomery! Don’t tell them that. They’ll go and defend the Eastern front instead, and we’d HATE IT if they did that. Tee hee!”

Churchill remembered their own innocent attempts to mislead the enemy with an embarrassed shiver. Still, it had all been relatively civil. When had it all gone wrong?! He flicked through a few more pages…

BMONTGOMERY: “Shut it, Goering. Maybe we’d have had it that time if you hadn’t zerged us! Pathetic, really.”

CDEGAULLE: “Yeah, they’ve basically been zerging since the very start! One second I was sat having a delicious croissant (NOT because I’m a lazy French stereotype, but because croissants are DELICOUS, before you say anything!) and the next a huge zerg is there covering half of Belgium. I mean, really.”

AHITLER: “Zerg! Ahahahaha. You think we’re a noskill zerg? Do you even know how hard it is to organise a huge, technically superior army to march across the whole map together? Not to mention the multiple fronts we’re forced onto because you guys keep making alliances.”

Churchill shuddered. The zerg/alliance accusations had gone back and forth and back and forth for MONTHS. At times he felt like he’d spent more time replying to these messages than he had planning the actual war.

It’s not like he was totally innocent either. He’d said some shameful, shameful things, often late at night when the alcohol and the fury and the FORUM machine made an unholy combination that he somehow couldn’t resist. He picked one out of the archive.

WCHURCHILL: “Lol Hitler hope u hadn’t got 2 used 2 that keep thx for all the sick upgrades m8”

Embarrassed at his own gloating – and terrible English – he screwed up the old message and set fire to it with his comically oversize cigar.

And then there’d been that time when they’d all simultaneously realised they could strategically use punctuation and gaps to send crude pictures to each other… a few characters at a time.

He and Montgomery had giggled themselves sick sending a picture of one of them squatting over a knocked-down Hitler’s head after they’d successfully recaptured a small town in northern France.

It had seemed so funny at the time, but now it felt… well… childish.

Next to him the kitten machine cranked back into life. He pulled the paper off and read it:

AHITLER: “Not chatting tonight, noob? Still upset that we wiped you earlier?”

Oh god. Why was this godforsaken FORUM ever created in the first place?! That was it! The final straw had been reached.

“Montgomery, come here!”

His top general marched in swiftly, a concerned look on his face.

“What is it, Winston? Another message from the enemy? I’ll help you come up with a sick burn if you want! I thought maybe we could rhyme Hitler with something! Mitler, maybe. Or Pitler!”

He trailed off as he saw the stern look on Churchill’s face.

“No, Monty. No more sick burns. No more Pitler! This ends now. Destroy the FORUM. Burn all the messages. Destroy the evidence that it ever existed! The world will be better off if it never knows that FORUM was ever created. We can’t let this ever get out – can you imagine if the public had access to this kind of technology?”

Montgomery looked surprised but after a moment nodded resolutely.

“You’re right. I’ll give the orders.”

As he turned to go the machine cranked up one – final – time. Churchill picked up the last ever FORUM message and unrolled the paper.

AHITLER: “ROFL, just wiped twice our number of your guys AND the Americans. We didn’t even bother with weapons or armour and STILL won. You all SUCK!”

Churchill’s eyes narrowed. Montgomery paused, waiting patiently for the final authorisation to destroy the FORUM forever.

“Wait just a moment, Monty…"

Montgomery stood completely still.

“Pass me that keyboard…”