Guild Wars 2

Because he’s the profession Guild Wars 2 deserves, but not the one it needs right now, so we’ll nerf him…..because he can take it….because he’s not a profession….he’s a Grenade Spammer, a Turret Spawner……the Versatile Engineer. -The Dark Knight (2008)

“All right Mr. ArenaNet, I’m ready for my Nerf.” – Sunset Boulevard (1950)

“May the Nerf be with you.” – Star Wars (1977)

“I love the smell of Nerfs in the morning.” – Apocalypse Now (1979)

“Engineer, phone home.” -ET (1982)

“Neer. Engi Neer” -James Bond (1962)

“You can’t HANDLE the nerf!!” – A Few Good Men (1992)

“You’re gonna need a bigger nerf.” -Jaws (1975)

“Versatility? We ain’t got no versatility! We don’t need no versatility! I don’t have to show you any stinking versatility!” – The Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)

“Mama always said life was like a box of nerfs. You never know what you’re gonna get.” – Forest Gump (1944)

“ArenaNet, we have a problem.” – Apollo 13 (1995)

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel versatile?’ Well, do ya, punk?” -Dirty Harry (1971)

“Get your stinking paws off me, you danged dirty engineer.” -Planet of the Apes (1968)

“A Turret. Immobile, not useful.” -James Bond (1964)

“I feel the need—the need for RNG!” -Top Gun (1986)

“There’s a hundred professions in this city. If I Engineer for you, you give me a time and a place, I give you a five minute window. Anything happens in that five minutes, then I’m yours, no matter what. Anything happens a minute either side of that, and I stun myself. Do you understand?” -Drive (2011)

Engineer: “Hello. I’m Neer. Engineer.”
ArenaNet: Nobody gives a horse’s poop who you are, fuzzballl! You’re not even a low-life, scum-sucking maggot! Get your maggoty butt on the bus! You’re in GW2 now!" -Forrest Gump (1944)

it’s Nerf…or nothin.

“What we’ve got here is a failure to play engineer.” -Cool Hand Luke (1967)

“Come on, nerf me. Harder! Harder!” -Raging Bull (1980)

Elementalist: “You’re not the Engineer I knew ten years ago.”
Engineer: “It’s not the years, honey, it’s the nades.” – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

“Help me, ArenaNet, you’re my only hope.”- Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)

“You nerfin’ me? You NERFIN’ me? You NERFIN’ ME?!? Then who the hell else are you nerfing…you nerfin’ me? Well, I’m the only one here. Who the fudge do you think you’re nerfin’!? Oh yeah?” -Taxi Driver (1976)

“Come with me if you want to be versatile!” -Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

“They tell me you are an engineer with true versatility.” -True Grit (2010)

“Every engineer dies, not every profession really lives. " -Braveheart (1995)

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be an Engineer.” -Goodfellas (1990)

“Engineers, we welcome you. We salute the courage and your sacrifice. And we wish you Happy Guild Wars 2. And may the RNG be ever in your favor.” -Hunger Games (2011)

“Wanna know how I got these nerfs?” -The Dark Knight (2008)

“Yeah? Well, at least I’m not an Engineer! " -American Beauty (1999)

“Hail to the Flamethrower, Baby.” – Army of Darkness (1992)

“There’s an awful lot you can tell about a profession by their nerfs.” -Forest Gump (1994)

“With my versatility and your nerfs, we could go places.” -The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)

“I’m gonna give him a sigil he can’t refuse.” -The Godfather (1972)

“Wait! We can’t stop here! This is stun country!” – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

““Magic Mirror on the Wall, who is the most nerfed one of all?” -Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

“Beam me up Engy.” -Star Trek (it was never actually said)

“Paulie want a nerf!” – Random parrot

But in all seriousness theres no way we can get another nerf. Im actually expecting a buff with no strings attached for jan update. Hopefully.

Penguin.5197:

“Paulie want a nerf!” – Random parrot

But in all seriousness theres no way we can get another nerf. Im actually expecting a buff with no strings attached for jan update. Hopefully.

You’re adorable. Our TankCat and Static Discharge builds are SOOOOOO Op, we gotta get nerfed man, give those other professions a chance!

“That ain’t a nerf; this is a nerf.” – Crocodile Dundee

you all must say nerf out loud in your best paul hogan impression. i command it!

My Grenades are a bit weak, just have the Thief kill him with his sharpened twig…it’ll be alot faster.

Need to Tolkien this up a bit:

“Do not meddle with the affairs of Engineers for they are subtle and quick to anger.”

“Many that are buffed deserve nerfs. And some that are nerfed deserve buffs. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out nerfs in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that the engineer can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of his kits. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of ArenaNet may rule the fate of many – yours not least.”

“The engineer is nerfed. I feel it in the nade. I feel it in the turret. I smell it in the flamethrower. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.”

“I am nerfed, Gandalf. I don’t look it, but I am beginning to feel it in my heart of hearts. Versatile, indeed! Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a buff, or something.”

“I did NOT have sexual relations with that Enigneer!” -Bill Kittens Clinton

ANet: You’re a hybrid, you’re really versatile. You’re really versatile.

Engineer: …What do you mean I’m versatile?

ANet: You’re versatile, you know. You’ve got a Toolbelt, it’s versatile, you’re a versatile class.

Engineer: What do you mean, you mean the way I can’t take kits and stun breakers at the same time? What?

ANet: It’s just, you know. You’re just versatile, it’s… versatile, the way you swap kits and everything.

Engineer: (angry) Versatile how? What’s versatile about me?

Elementalist: Engi, no, You got it all wrong-

Engineer: He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Versatile how?

ANet: Jus…

Engineer: What?

ANet: Just… ya know… you’re versatile.

Engineer: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little noob maybe, but I’m versatile how? I mean versatile like I have CC, I CC you? I make you crippled, I’m here to kittening BLIND you? What do you mean versatile, versatile how? How am I versatile?

ANet: Just… you know, how you can have lots of attacks, what?

Engineer: No no, I DON’T know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m versatile. How the kitten am I verastile, what the kitten is so versatile about me!? Tell me, tell me what’s versatile!

ANet: (pauses, laughs) Get the kitten out of here, Engi!

Engineer: (laughs) Ya ANet! I almost had you, I almost had you. Ya ya. Hey Ele, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, ANet. You may fold under QQ threads.

Goodfellas (1990)

- Travail.

Wwf the rock" if you smell..what the fxxk is nerfing?"

I was gonna tweak some Ghostbusters quotes for this, but then realized how fitting some of them were without modification.

- You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven’t had a successful test of this equipment.
- I don’t have to take this abuse from you, I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.
- I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

OK, well maybe this one:
- Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was nerfed by dickless here. (not that I’m calling anyone dickless, only to preserve the humor of the original joke)

Ready for release are you? What know you of ready for release? Completed, your class design, is not. – Yoda

“Slick Shoes are OP” – Every Engi on Anvil Rock

I think this is the most epic post I’ve ever written =D

Anet Messenger: our king demands a simple offer, of grenades and damage..

..Choose your next words carefully, engineer. They may be your last as versatility “king”.

Engineer king[to himself: thinking] “grenades and damage”?
[engineer king grabs and points his rifle at the Messenger’s throat]

Anet Messenger: Madman! Learn to play!

King engineer: grenades and damage? You’ll find plenty of both down there.

Anet Messenger: No toon, noob or pro, no toon threatens a messenger!

King engineer: You bring the crowns and heads of nerfed classes to my city steps.
You insult my skills. You threaten my kits with nerfs and useless changes!
Oh, I’ve chosen my words carefully, anet. Perhaps you should have done the same!

anet Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!

King engineer: Madness…?
[shouting] THIS IS ENGINEER!

Knockbacks the anet messenger down the well

(300)

Anet: what do your engineer eyes see?
Engineer: They are taking the nerfs to kryta!

(the lord of the rings)

Anet to Engineer:

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.

You take the back button- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and play whatever you want to play.

You take next button- you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the pigeonhole goes.

(the matrix)

You opened the Crate, we came.
OP to some, UP to others.

-Hellraiser (1987)

My God. I haven’t been nerfed like that since first beta.
-Fight Club

Go to dungeons, send your grenades to foes,
follow warriors, act normal,
stay dead on the pavements, watch PVP,
save for your alters, obey the forums.
Repeat after me: I am versatile.
- Common graffiti quote

This thread is too hilarious to not post in…

“I told you, I don’t shoot to kill.” — The Lone Ranger, unmodified

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want turrets. I want turrets, forever, turrets and me, every day…” — The Notebook

“Please understand…It was all balance, it wasn’t personal.”
“It was personal to me!”
— Taken

Engineer: Whoa. Déjà vu.
[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]
Guardian: What did you just say?
Engineer: Nothing. Just had a little déjà vu.
Guardian: What did you see?
Ranger: What happened?
Engineer: A dev post went past us, and then another that looked just like it.
Guardian: How much like it? Was it the same post?
Engineer: It might have been. I’m not sure.
Warrior: LOL
Engineer: What is it?
Guardian: A déjà vu is usually a hidden nerf. It happens when they change something.

- The Matrix (1999)

ANet: I’m not a noob MMO dev. Do you seriously think I would explain my master stroke to you if there were even the slightest possibility you could affect the outcome? I nerfed your class 35 minutes ago.

- Watchmen

Chaba.5410:

I was gonna tweak some Ghostbusters quotes for this, but then realized how fitting some of them were without modification.

- You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven’t had a successful test of this equipment.
- I don’t have to take this abuse from you, I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.
- I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

OK, well maybe this one:
- Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was nerfed by dickless here. (not that I’m calling anyone dickless, only to preserve the humor of the original joke)

“Is this true?”
“Yes. This man has no dick.”

Elementalist: Why, Engineer, Why? Why do you do it? Why log in? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you fighting FOR something? For something more than a few small buffs? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even KNOW?

Is it being the best class? Or just okay? Perhaps usefulness in dungeons? Could it be for love?

Illusions, Engineer! Vagaries of perception. Impossible hopes of a feeble profession trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose, and all of them as artificial as Guild Wars 2 itself, although… only an engineer could invent something as insipid as “Elixir X”.

You must be able to see it, Engineer! You must know it by now! They’ll never buff you! It’s pointless to keep fighting! Why, Engineer!? Why!? Why do you persist!?

Engineer: Because it’s actually kind of fun.

~The Matrix: Revelations

“The versatility is a lie” ~ Portal I believe?

“One does not simply, buff an engineer” ~LOTR

“These are not the patch notes you’re looking for”

Anet: “Engineer, I am your father”
Engineer: “NOOOOOOOO!!!” ~Star Wars

“We will, we will nerf you!” ~Queen

“Hello, my profession is Engineer. You nerfed my build. Prepare to die.” ~ The Princess Bride

“I used to be an Engineer, then I took a nerf in the everywhere.”

Elementalists, Engineers, Warriors, Mesmers. Long ago the four classes played together in harmony.
Then… everything changed, when the nerfhammer attacked.
Only Balance, master of all could stop it. But when Tyria needed it most, it vanished.
Many patches passed and I discovered the engineer, a class, said to be up. And although its skills are mediocre I have lots of fun playing it. So I believe I`m going to see the day engineers get a buff.

- Avatar, last airbender opening… or what I made out of it x)

The path of the Nerfed Engineer is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of Anet. Blessed is he the Thief, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the nerfed through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of nerfed children. And I will strike down upon thee with great turrets and furious bombs those who would attempt to poison and destroy My class. And you will know My class is nerfed when I lay My DPS upon thee. – Pulp Fiction

“you’ve been nerfed?

good! that means that you where good at something at some point in your life" -winston churchill

“an engineer is someone who has been nerfed every patch, and won’t change his profession” -Winston Churchill

“do you know, i always thought that engineers where a fabulous profession too. i had never actually seen one though. ‘well now that we’ve seen each other ‘said the engineer’ if you’ll believe in me then i’ll believe in you’” – C.S Lewis

“Two possibilities exist, whether we are nerfed in the universe, or we are not buffed… both are equally as terrifying.” -Arthur C. Clarke

I went scientific, so sue me.

“Where the white women at?!”

Sherrif in Blazing Saddles~~

Friedrich Nietzsche on engineers…

That (nerf) which does not kill us makes us engineers. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of engineers. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

All truly great games are conceived by nerfing engineers. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Engineers on engineers…

Playing an engineer is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

ANet diminishes mediocre professions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Great engineers have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre developers. ~ Albert Einstein

ANet on engineers…

Behind every great Engineer is an ANet dev rolling her eyes. ~ Jim Carrey

Whine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us nerf engineers. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Players who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~ ANet (also Isaac Isamov)

Boondock Saints incoming!

—
Their happy now, just nerfing our specs one by one. And worse, their good at it.

—
Engineer, in response to class description:
kittenin’- What the kittenin’.. kitten.. Who the kitten kittened this kittening… How did you kittening kittens… kitten!

—
(points at Rifle Warrior) Good shooting, (points at Flamethrower Engi) kitteny shooting.

—
This guy takes a blunt object, kittenin’, waam! Nerfs the Engineer with the already poor damage output, right? Why? ‘Cause he’s smart. He knows the Engineer with the already poor damage output, he ain’t goin’ nowhere. He’s goin’… kittenin’… nowhere.

Where you goin’? Nowhere!
(Because we all love this class, despite itself.)

—
Engi 1: Do ya know what we need, man? Some turrets.
Engi 2: Absolutely… -What are ya, insane?
Engi 1: No I ain’t. The TF2 Engi’s always got a turret.
Engi 2: What?
Engi 1: Yeah. He’s got a big ol’ turret placed on the defensive point, and he always ends up using it.
Engi 2: You’ve lost it, haven’t ya?
Engi 1: No, I’m serious.
Engi 2: Me too. That’s stupid. Name one thing you’re gonna be able to kill with turrets.
Engi 1: You don’t kittenin’ know what you’re gonna kill with them. They just always bring ‘em.
Engi 2: What’s this ‘they’ kitten? This isn’t TF2, and our turrets suck.
Engi 1: Oh, right. (spots flamethrower kit in Engi 2’s loadout)
Engi 1: Is that right, Pyro?
Engi 2: All right. Take your stupid kittenin’ turrets.
Engi 1: I’ll take my stupid turrets. I’ll take ’em. Those are some turrets, right there.

—
And Grenadiers we shall be,
For thee, ANet, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from thy hand,
To take away our other weapons’ ability to carry out our commands.
So we shall throw explosives forth for thee,
And teeming with QQ rage, shall we ever be.
In kitteny kitty, Et kitten, Et kittenus kitty.

—
And some of the great ones that don’t require edits:

" Is it dead?"

“Can’t do much damage with that then, can we?”

XD

-Travail.

Y.ou O.nly E.ngineer O.nce

An engie to ANet: “I know what you did last patch.”

These are all freaking brilliant.

My favorite quote/rant tweaked into Anet’s reason for the state of engineers.

Son we play in a game that has nerfs, and those nerfs need to be given to classes. Who going to get them? Thieves? Ele’s? I have a greater responsibility that you can possibly fathom. You weep for your grenade kit and you curse Anet. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the grenade nerf while tragic, keeps thieves playing the game. And that the engineer while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, makes other classes feel better about themselves… You don’t want the truth, because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me to nerf you. You need me to nerf you. We use words like balance, versatility, and tax… we use these words as the backbone of a justification to keep nerfing you. You use them as a qq post. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to class that logs in and plays the very game I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you start coding and make your own mmo. Either way, I don’t give a kitten if you think you needed the nerf or not!

So wake up, Mr. Engineer. Wake up, and smell the ashes!

Half Life 2

Thank you Engineer!
But your buffs are in another patch!

Engineer World

“Twinkle, twinkle, little Engineer. Watch me nerf your favorite builds.”- Batman: Arkham City (Anet – The Joker)

“Woah.” Bill; Bill & Ted’s Bogus Patch.

“We can make it if we run. No, we can’t. Why not? Because we are being nerfed. Oh God. In the bushes straight ahead. It’s all right. Like hell it is!” – Jurrasic Park

“Ah, now eventually you do plan to have buffs on your, on your buffs tour, right? Hello?” – Jurrasic Park

“God help us, we’re in the hands of engineers. " – unedited Jurrasic Park quote

“What if the nerfs come back while we’re all asleep? Hmm. I’ll stay awake. All night? All night. " – Jurrasic Park

“Ah, no wonder you’re extinct. I’m gonna nerf you over when I come back down! " – Jurrasic Park

“Hello Engineers. Look at yourself, now back to me, now back to you, now back to me. Sadly, you aren’t me. But if you stop using kits and roll an Elementalist, you can play like me. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re in Orr, with an Ele your Engi can play like. Whats in your hand? Now back at me. I have it. Its a flaming greatsword with that versatility you love. Look again. The greatsword is now made of gems! Anything is possible if you roll like an Elementalist, not an Engi. Im on a dragon.”

Play like a Pro, Pro. ~Arenanet(Old Spice)