We all know the CN ‘facts’ out there and the amusement brought by them. I thought it would be fun to try it out with GW2, and for lack of a better option coming to mind, I used my own Guardian, Archon Lunis. If you would like to get creative and chip in, feel free. All I ask is that you keep it clean.
When Archon Lunis shouts “Retreat!” the enemy turns and runs.
Thieves don’t have permastealth. They’re just too afraid of being seen by Archon Lunis.
Stealth does not help. Archon Lunis sees all.
If you see Archon Lunis, he can see you. If you can’t see him, you’re about half a second from a hammer to the face.
Archon is the not the first name of Archon Lunis, it’s a title. Even whispering his first name inflicted burning, so he had to change it.
Archon Lunis is the only guardian to have pets. They are better known as the Elder Dragons.
There is no culling, there is only a list of people Archon Lunis allows to be seen.
Logan Thackery used to be decent in a fight, never running away and always winning. Then someone suggested he had trained Archon Lunis. Now Logan runs from every fight.
Someone once started to tell Archon Lunis that hammers were only for PvP and greatswords were better. They got a hammer to the face before they even got a sound out.
Anytime Archon Lunis inflicts burning on an enemy, someone somewhere else randomly bursts into flame. This is better known as spontaneous combustion.
Captain America saw Archon Lunis using a spirit shield. That’s how he got the idea to use one as a weapon.
Gandalf once saw Archon Lunis using a staff. His death was actually caused by the attempt to mimic what he observed.
No one knows the dps of Archon Lunis. No one has ever lasted long enough for it to be calculated.
Archon Lunis has patience instead of health. If attacked, he quickly starts to lose it…
In a fight between Rytlock and Logan, Archon Lunis would win.
Archon Lunis ignores blocks and evades. No one can block his hammer and no one is brave enough to risk further retribution by trying to evade.
The Banhammer was the first weapon Archon Lunis ever crafted. He donated it to the devs.
Repair costs are actually royalties paid to Archon Lunis since he invented dps.
Archon Lunis created the Shiverpeaks to keep his soda cold.
Archon Lunis once punched a ghost.
Water is too afraid to to go near Archon Lunis. That’s why he can use his normal weapon skills under water.
Archon Lunis’ greatsword would inflict burning, kill every character and NPC in all servers, and immediately transfer every item and loot to his inventory. To give everyone a slightly better chance to live longer he uses a hammer.
Archon Lunis could remove conditions from the game, but he likes inflicting burning too much to get rid of it.
Archon Lunis can use a bow. He uses greatswords as arrows.
Archon Lunis has never used retaliation. You can’t retaliate if nothing is foolish enough to attack.
Archon Lunis once asked for a glyph that would REDUCE damage. No one dared ask why.
Archon Lunis does not heal. Archon Lunis does not give life, he only takes it away.
Archon Lunis actually rolled the game as a warrior, but decided he liked the Guardian abilities so he started using them instead. ANet was too afraid to tell him he couldn’t do that.
Archon Lunis cannot crit. Any increase in damage output would crash the servers.
When Archon Lunis targets you, you get inflicted with burning.
Archon Lunis hates profanity and loves kittens. He also likes reading the forums.
Archon Lunis only has one trait line to spec in- Archon Lunis.
The Searing wasn’t caused by the Charr. Archon Lunis just ran out of soda and didn’t take it too well.
Everyone believes Zhaitan raised Orr, which flooded Lion’s Arch. Actually, Archon Lunis thought it was looking a little dirty.
When Rytlock goes to bed at night, he checks his closet and under the bed for Archon Lunis.