Guild Wars 2

The Rise of the Dragonhunters

It’s a long cold stormy night as a group of Guardians have retreated to a tavern in Hoelbrak, having lost Fort Salma and Fort Concordia, they’ve lost their posts as Guards and drink their Ale in defeat, having lost all hope, boons, and waypoints, they wonder what to do next

Guardian 1: kitten! BY THE GODS, kitten IT ALL! I’ve lost my friends, we’ve lost BOTH Forts, I lost my post! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FEED MY FAMILY?! I probably won’t have a family to feed after Mordremoth takes everything else away from us!!

Guardian 2: Calm down man, we’ve all lost something, don’t rowdy up the rest of the crew. We’re tired okay, let us drink in silence.

Guardian 3: You know what…NO! Let’s NOT calm down, he’s right, the Dragon is taking EVERYTHING away from us. And we’re GUARDIANS kittenMIT! How are we supposed to be GUARDIANS if there ain’t nothin’ to “GUARD” Hmmmmm?!?!

Guardian 1: And they ain’t the worst of it, we lost Lion’s Arch to a freakin’ vegetable-

Sylvari Guardian: -hey!

Guardian 1: Sorry, Lion’s Arch got obliterated… and we lost it to a freakin’ fruit.

Guardian Sylvari: ._.

Guardian 1: Out of AALLLL of the most important the places to “Guard”, we failed to “GUARD” it!

A small but dark Asuran Guardian turns around and exclaims in a deep voice

Asuran Guardian: Hmph, truue dat.

Guardian 4: YEA! And the Dragon took mai Keys! mai House! mai Gold! and all mai stchuuufff!

The Asuran guard turns around in a subtle yet heavy motion

Asuran Guardian: and ya’ll know that Symon cat aid workin’ in LA…

Guardian 4: Oh yea! He’s a cool dude, I used to bar brawl with him back in the LA Tavern! (Takes a giant gulp of beer) HAHA what a great guy!

Asuran Guardian: He lost his pee pee,
and now…
(put’s on his sunglasses)
he’s a she she.

Guardian 4: (Spits out his entire drink) AWW HELL NAWW!

Another Guardian at a table throws up in the background

Asuran Guardian: Yep, it ain’t gettin’ easier for us Guards if we can’t Guard LA and our friends’ pee pee.

Guardian 2: ALL RIGHT STOP THIS! This is getting outta control, We’re GUARDIANS kittenMIT!

Everyone turns to Guardian 2 as he stands on the bar, ready to give, what we anticipate… an epic speech

Guardian 2: Limme ask you fellas, who has the best support and ability to buff allies in all of Tyria?!

Guardian 1: (In a monotone voice) we do..

Guardian 2: Who has the best combination of blocks, invuls, and blinds in ANY combat sitchuwayyyshun?!

the crowd picks up

Guardian 1, 3, 4: We do.

Guardian 2: AND WHO CAN COME MEDITATE INTO A ZERG, GREATSWORD SKILL 2, and POP OUT WITHOUT A SCRATCH!?!

All the Guardians in the Bar: WE DO!!! (Cheering commences)

Guardian 2: AND WHO HAS A SHIELD AS THE PROFESSION’S ICONIC WEAPON WHICH HAS CRAPPY FUNCTIONALITY BUT WE CAN STILL GUARD ANYWAAY AAAHHHH!!!

All of the Guardians: (Slam their drinks together and cheer) WEEE DOOO!!!

Guardian 2: THAT’S RIGHT, WE’RE GUARDIANS, WE’LL GUARD OURSELVES, OUR FRIENDS AND ALL OF TYRIA TILL ALL THE DRAGONS OUR DONE WITH….

Because that’s what we DO.

Sylvari Guardian: YEAH, Nothing can stop us now!

One of the Guardian’s start to sing in a soft voice “We’re the best, araaahnd, nothin’s gonna ever take me down…WE’RE the BEST, nothin’s gonna eva take me daaaannn” and the rest of the Guardians begin to sing along, toasting their Ale’s and singing to the top of their lungs!! The Asuran Guardian /dances showing off his robotic moves…then all of a sudden

(caaa – thunk)

the tavern door opens… with a large and abrupt caa-thunk sound,
and in the doorway, a large Norn Guardian stand’s there dead center, tattoo’s covering his entire body, and a beard so beardy even the best of beards can’t out-beard it. His eye’s are blood-shot red, and nearly on the verge of tears… he collapses.

Guardian 2 dives down and catches him before the fall and hold’s him in his arms and asks him
“Oh my god! What happened man!?”
he struggles to murtur words
“C’mon! Speak to me man! Speak!”

Norn Guardian: “cough cough”

The rest of the Guardians gather around him and surround his large but weak body, hanging on to every word his says

Norn Guardian: “I saw it… I saw it all. It was a regular night, just like any other night I’m supposed to mop the floors in the Great Lodge and buff the tables and chairs. I walk in down the stairs, like I do every night, and in the distance…with MY mob and MY broom. I saw…I saw….(begins to sniffle and tear up)…”

Guardian 1: “WHAT DID YOU SEE?!”

Norn Guardian: “A Mordrem!”

(the other Guardians GASP)

“Before I reached the kitten ed Mordrem and PURGE him from existence, Knut Whitbear stops me..”

(In a Flashback)

Norn Guardian: “Knut! What in Bear’s Manure is going on here?! It’s MY job to mob the floors and clean the lodge, what is this MORDREM DOING HERE?! Doing… MY job..?”

Knut Whitebear: "Listen hero, and listen carefully. (knut looks him dead in the eye, and places his hand on his shoulder) For the good of the Great Lodge…
The average Mordrem accepts lower wages while working longer hours, the average Norn worker is just…(Knut takes a deep and sorrowful breath) too costly..

(the Norn Guardian is struck with sadness)

I’m sorry," (Knut pull’s him in and hugs him deeply) and whisper’s in his ear…

“He took your jerb”

The Norn Guardian is mortified, his eyes turn red, and his skin turns pale white…

Back in the Tavern, after hearing the story, the Guardians in the Tavern surrounding him are equally mortified. Guardian 4 begins to cry, Guardian 1 grabs him by the arm, they lock eyes and they embrace, crying together.

Guardian 2 looks down at the Norn Guardian as he holds him in his arms, and raises his hand over his face, closing his eye-lids. And Screams up to the sky:

“THEY TOOK OUR JERBS!”

And the rest of the Guardians chant in succession

“THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!!” "THEY TOOK YOUR JURBSS!! " TUK UR DURRR!!"

“ENOUGH!”

Shouts the Asuran Guardian, as he stands out in the Taverns entrance with a shining light glowing around him.

“The Dragons are encroaching, and there is nothing left to Guard, not even our jerbs…

Our times of Guarding.. are done.

(put’s on his sunglasses)

It’s time to HUNT"

And out from behind him, he pulls out a pile of Longbows and make-shift Traps and drops them all on the ground infront of him

All the Guardians shout in Rage and Fury! And each grab a Longbow and a set of Traps and charge out of the Tavern!

Sylvari Guardian: “When did he take off his sunglasses to put them on again?”

Guardian 4: " WHO CARES! THEY TOOK OUR JERBSS!"

And that, is how Guardians became Hillbilly Guardians AHEM I mean… “Dragonhunters”

(insert Inception horn sound here)

To be continued….in Heart of Thorns, Rise of the Hillbilly Guardians (Dragonhunters)

Props for spending time on that haha (y)

they took our jurbs!!

Love it!

I’m just really really excited for DH ahaha. Hammer/LB ftw
Probably with a trap, purging flames, Retreat! and Dragon’s Maw/Renewed Focus

Dragon hunter just became the best specialization. Hands down.

You sir, have ALL my likes! (And my jeeeeerb!)

XD It’s very good. Cute!

Though . . . I like to think of Guardian name as a synonym to “Angel” over actually a guard who mans a post. xD

This made my day. Thank you.

This is hilarious. Awesome work!