Guild Wars 2

So as I sat in my usual comfy chair browsing forums and waiting for inevitable disappointment know only to necromancers, in short a patch. A had a sudden urge to fire up old yet not “that” dusty copy of Neverwinter Nights. So I proceeded in my newly acquired endevour and loaded up the game. Loaded my usual shifter with a solution in form of a form, ah the irony, for any problem known to mankind. I must say, taking poop in water elemental shape negates any need for flushing, very handy in crypts and wilderness where access to proper waste disposal tools is “limited”. Must be that New-Yorker mentality of always remembering that you can get fined for leaving your… well… you know… in the middle of a road.

As my character loaded, I already started cooking up ideas on what best course of action to take for passing the time while I wait for patch and more temporary content that everyone will forget about in two weeks. The ideas were… fairly standard. Go loot a crypt, sell the booty, find hookers, get drunk… wake up and try not to look at who or what is next to you. After short deliberation I decided that a good dungeon run with a healthy load of face pummeling will do me some good, if nothing else it will help to at least temporary forget all the misery I have suffered in spvp, even dnd hardcore pnp rules aren’t as cruel ac CC in guild wars 2.

So here I was, strolling through some tunnels dispatching monster while changing shapes from animals to mighty dragons, to some old men on fire, to skeletons with scythes… must say that one looked a lot more intimidation then all my minions combined. All the while collecting my well deserved booty and other trinkets. I’m still not quite sure why zombies, worgs, bears, spiders and other manner of usual cave dwellers have money. Are there some 7-11 specially for video game npcs? Why wasn’t I ever told? But that is not important. As I made my way further down the “rabbit hole” slowly floating about as a small wyrmling with true sight being able to see everything including invisible stuff is refreshing after getting invisibility spammed by thiefs. I made a sharp turn only to be greeted with a rather sudden and not very friendly punch to the face. While not deadly in itself, even to a tiny flying lizard the pride took a lot more damage then I could have ever expected… I would have thought that after playing necromancer in guild wars, nothing could ever leave even a scratch on that unused aspect of my personality.

So here is where my sad tale begins. I stand there my pride in shambles, as shifter I’m supposed to be always aware and always adapting. Yet I was caugh off guard and worse off by a filthy disease ridden vile ogre. How sad is that. So much for true sight not seeing through walls. Anyway… greatly angered by sudden change of pace and unneeded reminder of my feeble skills as mortal in the world of video games and live steaming elite. I decide to punish the insolent beast for his/her/it transgression and vow to bring misery and despair on his/her/its hide.

First thing that pops into my mind filled with thoughts of retribution is that I need to get away and form a proper plan of action with maximum amount of pain and suffering per second. So I switch to another lizard form, also small but walking on two legs now, or more commonly known as kobold. Since I’m all epic and stuff that form is also epic and epicly has a “hide in plain sight” feat which allows something akin to what thiefs do in gw2. Hide in plain sight and its completely spam friendly… granted you can detect characters in stealth but in this case ogre is too dumb to ever accomplish that. So I stealth myself, turn back behind the corner and walk to a previously cleared room to formulate my course of action.

My options as a shifter, being only limited by an almost 2 decade old engine, are mind blowing. I decide that instead of thinking here in this dimly lit room I might as well go back and start things off by draining the putrid culprits strength away as a shadow. By the time I drain all his strength away and he can’t even kill a necromancer, I’ll probably have some “evil genius” level ideas. So I done the form of spectral shade pop my improved invisibility and return to my offender. I proceed to drain his attack all the while thinking on what to do next. For some odd reason, probably still having a necro spec block, I can’t really come up with anything exceptionally creative. I get the usual turn into a walking octopus and bind blast that blasted ogre until he looks like he smoked a few pounds of weed in one go. Turning into a dragon and incinerating him on the spot. Turning into gargoly and while being properly nearly indestructible slowly and painfully drilling him down. Also had that passing idea of doing the whole kobold commando backstab and dropping him to a few hit points and poisoned and then stealthing away but that just caused a small amount of vomit to accumulate in my throat. When ogre stopped doing any damage to me I realised I still have no idea how to properly make the vile beast pay for the crime. Perhaps not having a proper body and only being a shade had something to do with lack of blood flow into my brain. So I switched to 8 or so legged drider tossed a darkness spell and started wandering about the room, remembering guild wars and my ever changing level and stats…. and then it HIT ME. Like a meteor right in the noggin! Eureka! Drain his levels to reduce his fortitude save and then petrify him! That’s it, from there the plan should just flow out like bad words on internet.

So I swapped to vampire shape and carefully proceeded to drain ogres levels, while making sure I don’t drop him to 0… that would just instantly kill him(bad for him but also bad for my ego). Once the deed was done and he looked like a newly made guardian w/o condition removal and shouts and healing, I turned into the hair dressers worst nightmare: Medusa. After intensely staring at my offender with her ever so gaudy hair style, poor sob turned into something that should be put next to McDonalds. A fat stone statue of disease ridden mass of putrid flesh.

And then… I hit another mental block. I still blame all the warriors here for repeatedly hitting me with blunt objects and making me fly about like a kite in huricane. So I ask you my fellow necromancers. What to do next. I honestly feel that this creature that can’t even hurt a necromancer, permanently downleveled to starting area and turned into a statue or cced for indefinite duration is not properly punished. I need ideas here! Or that patch… with some more mini games that will give me obscene objects sticking to my back.

Please excuse my grammar, English is my 3rd language. Also this is meant to be entertaining post nothing else.