Guild Wars 2

As pointed out by Bhawb in another thread, if we’re going to suck, we may as well at least wallow in self-deprecating humor to ease things:

Bhawb.7408:

Balefire.7592:

Bhawb.7408:

The key “theme” of the skill was being able to drop guaranteed burst healing that a heal would normally give you, and in return have an incredibly aggressive, damaging heal. High risk/reward.

We’re already the best in kill or be killed scenarios, giving us this would just be too OP.

We’re too OP in the get killed category, we deserve some nerfs!

Balefire.7592:

ronpierce.2760:

OH NO, I HOPE A NET DOESN’T NERF OUR ABILITY TO SUCK SO HARD. That’ d be a crying shame!!!!!!!!!

It’s funny depressing because this skill doesn’t “suck”, especially not the opponent’s health.

Bhawb.7408:

+1. The comedy in this thread will keep me company tonight as I listen to some emo music, paint my nails black, and write poetry about how ANet hates us.

So let’s have at ’er – post all of your terribad Necromancer jokes in here so we can anguish as a community.

We’re telling jokes?

Necromancer.

/thread.

The good news is even if they kill the class we can just bring it back again.

Unless they nerf that too.

build diversity
give them a stealth nerf in patch
tool tip correction

“We’ve balanced leeching skills so that they’re on par with other defensive abilities when facing multiple enemies. While Mesmers, Engies, Warriors, Guardians, Thieves and Rangers block/evade thousands of damage from multiple bursts coming from all different directions, Necromancers will be able to survive by stealing 40 life from each person hit with their 10 cap AoEs with life siphon!”

Except, it’s not a joke.

The comment that people are starting to think life steal/siphons are in a good place was the troll post of 2013.

The people making the balance decisions can’t honestly believe that.

Necro’s can’t be beaten… can’t kill something that’s already dead.

this is the necro mantra people. Say it in your sleep. Say it before you log on/off. Say it in the shower.

It will bring you peace.

new weapon concept

Nerf Bat
1. Werk dat VAMP. Self Hit. Hit yourself and steal life from (actually damage) yourself.
2. Life so GOOD. Steal life from any other necro on your team. Damage 3000 Siphon (actually does damage) over 9000!
3. Best JH NA. Create a jagged horror that explodes instantly, destroying your monitor.
4. YUNEEDis? Lock your keyboard for 4 hours.
5. Well of Poop. Create a well of poop. Only necros can enter well of poop. Any necro inside well of poop is properly flushed.

^the only way #1 would work as a skill is if it did more damage than it healed for, otherwise we’d have to worry about being OP unkillable monsters that are able to magically generate HP.

TheDevice.2751:

Necro’s can’t be beaten… can’t kill something that’s already dead.

this is the necro mantra people. Say it in your sleep. Say it before you log on/off. Say it in the shower.

It will bring you peace.

new weapon concept

Nerf Bat
1. Werk dat VAMP. Self Hit. Hit yourself and steal life from yourself.
2. Life so GOOD. Steal life from any other necro on your team. Damage 3000 Siphon (actually does damage) over 9000
3. Best JH NA. Create a jagged horror that explodes instantly, destroying your monitor.
4. YUNEEDis? Lock your keyboard for 4 hours.
5. Well of Poop. Create a well of poop. Only necros can enter well of poop. Any necro inside well of poop is properly flushed.

5 months later:
Dev: “Yeah, we realize there is a bug with the Nerf Bat causing kittenty necros to clog up the well of poop, thus causing a flood of poop and tears ruining their carpets and leaving the necromancer stuck in the well. After some time we decided it was more fitting to the necromancer because it expresses just how big of a pile of crap they are, thus the flooding. To fix this error, in 2 months we’ll fix the tool tip explaining that you will not flood the Well of Poop when you enter it. Thanks for your feedback!”

Balefire.7592:

New Elite: Tears of GW1.
When activated, you uninstall GW2, reinstall GW1 and relish in how Necros do not suck there.

I’ve thought about this. Then I remembered I couldn’t spam jumping in place like I do in GW2 when I’m bored. Nothing really eases the pain these days it seems. x.X

Patchnotes on January 1st:
Class Updates
Warrior – Buffed to infinity.
Mesmer, Ranger, Ele, Engi, Guard, Thief – Changes.

Living Story
Free backpieces to everyone!

Bugfixes
Removed the 8th profession.

The Necromancer: (Class description)
“Originally called the Warlock, the necromancer was later renamed the Necromancer in reference to being completely forgotten about and being brought up months later in a flash to fill the final class spot. We’re still not sure what they’re supposed to do, but we’re pretty sure what ever it is, they’re too good at it.”

Bhawb.7408:

The good news is even if they kill the class we can just bring it back again.

Unless they nerf that too.

If there is one thing that they cannot nerf from the necro is to necro the amount of nerfs on the necros necro of the necro on necro that we necroed by nerfing necros in trying to be necro.

Yes that line did makes sense and i dare you to say that i dont have mesmer as secondary profession.

The good news is I got into the Hearthstone beta, so I can at least have fun while my GW2 is open in the background.

Bhawb.7408:

The good news is I got into the Hearthstone beta, so I can at least have fun while my GW2 is open in the background.

Been there, done that for like 3 months, believe me, for the good of your bank account, dont.

Also do you know whats the difference between the GW2 necro and a corpse in a septic tank?

The corpse can be pulled out of the kitten its in~

GW1 Necro: When I was your age, I was getting REAL nerfs, going down from infinite minions to only having 11. What do you do?

GW2 Necro: Shut up DAD! You just don’t understand me. I’m an individual! My minions do more then Run blind into a fight.

GW1 Necro: I also supported the entire party, giving them a large number of life stealing abilities with my Orders. Rangers used to praise me in Tomb of the Primeval king.

GW2 Necro: You just don’t understand me! Flips hair back

GW1 Necro: I shouldn’t have never married that Warlock girl from that other game. What was it called again?

GW2 Necro: I’m nothing like Mom! I’m Unique!

GW1 Necro: Perhaps I’m getting old. You kids today want all the flashy colors and none of the substance. Back in my day, we created entire team builds. People tripped over themselves to have us around. Now look at you? Worrying about if your death shroud is filled rather then trying to support your allies.

GW2 Necro: I told you, I have a condition. I need death shroud full at all times. In the name of Grenth you’re so lame.

GW1 Necro: Kids these days.

Lily.1935:

GW1 Necro: Kids these days.

Oh you kids these days with your wifesteal and your life force and your kinda a bit lowercast times and your stun breaks and your condition stacks and your puzzles and your world vs world vs world and your skill points and your weapon dependent skills and your dedicated healing AND YOUR JUMPING!!! GET OFF MY GvG LAWN!

Back in my day, we didn’t jump! We had to WALK around obstacles, and we didn’t complain! kitten kids grumblegrumblesomethingracistgrumble.

Up hill both ways just to get within soul Reaping range!

TheDevice.2751:

Necro’s can’t be beaten… can’t kill something that’s already dead.

this is the necro mantra people. Say it in your sleep. Say it before you log on/off. Say it in the shower.

It will bring you peace.

new weapon concept

Nerf Bat
1. Werk dat VAMP. Self Hit. Hit yourself and steal life from (actually damage) yourself.
2. Life so GOOD. Steal life from any other necro on your team. Damage 3000 Siphon (actually does damage) over 9000!
3. Best JH NA. Create a jagged horror that explodes instantly, destroying your monitor.
4. YUNEEDis? Lock your keyboard for 4 hours.
5. Well of Poop. Create a well of poop. Only necros can enter well of poop. Any necro inside well of poop is properly flushed.

New skill: Rage Quit… summon 5 warriors to chain stun you to death, forcing you to rage quit.

Avigrus.2871:

New skill: Rage Quit… summon 5 warriors to chain stun you to death, forcing you to rage quit.

stream

“okay now on to the necro..”

“the what?”

“The necromancer…”

“….The what?”

ughgh “the.. Warrior’s (bleep)?”

“Ohhhhh! Riiiiight. The NECRO.. Got it.”

I wish I had enough humor to appreciate this, but I just feel kinda sad about our class. I wish I could go sulk in Death Shroud now, but that would lock me out of all my other skills, so I’ll go sulk in a corner instead.

A mean walks into a gamingcafe and yells “I heared anet dev’s play necro”

/joke

No worries guys, with the addition of tomes bought from glory we can level 3 other necros to throw them in the mystic forge and have a chance of getting a life leeching, vampiric tank with tons of wells on weapon skills, aka a guard.

TheDevice.2751:

5. Well of Poop. Create a well of poop. Only necros can enter well of poop. Any necro inside well of poop is properly flushed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!! XD

This golden thread needs to necroed! Hahh! Okay, i got one. It will be bad, so prepare.

How do you call a necro in teamfights?
Ctrl T.

What did the blinded, crippled, burned, confuzed, and tormented necromancer get for chirstmas?

Necromancer is like Nostradamus. To rezz people with his signet, he has to forsee the future wipe in next 3 seconds!

What did the Flesh Golem say to the Necro who told it to charge?

“I tried, but I stubbed my toe. Big owwie made me no go.”

What is Death Shroud when you get hit by Immobilize and stacks of conditions?
..
..
A Death TRAP.

2 Warriors and a Necro walk into a bar.
1st Warrior says, “If we show you something entertaining, will you give us free drinks?”
“Sure,” says the bartender. “But it has to really be entertaining.”
The warriors get on each side of the necro.
1st warrior Kicks the necro to the other warrior who hits him with Backbreaker then Hundred Blades and Kicks him to the 2nd warrior who does the same but Stomps the necro back (instead of Kicking). 1st warrior then Rampages, Smashing the necro a few times before interrupting the necro’s heal by Kicking him to the 2nd warrior who also Rampages and does the same. The necro gets downed, never having gotten any of his staff skills to activate, and only having 9% of Life Force being unable to enter Death Shroud.
The bartender frowns.
The downed Necro says, “It’s ok, I am used to it.”
The bartender smiles knowingly.
The warriors swap Staggering Blows, ping-ponging the near-dead necro before they stop the beating and allow the necro to rally.
The bartender smiles and shakes his head.
2nd Warrior smiles and walks up to the bar, “We’ll take those free drinks now.”
Bartender laughs loudly, and says, “Um, no. I said you had to entertain me.”
“But you smiled,” says 1st Warrior.
Bartender says, “Yeah, I smiled because you took mercy on the poor guy and did not finish him off – that was new. Otherwise it was the same old same old; I keep hoping to see something novel – especially when there is a Necro involved – but I never do. I have been seeing that same no stability game since August 28, 2012. You should buy me a drink for wasting my time.”

Now whenever any Dev walks in and see this post, they will laugh hard, and then decide that they will never never buff necro so all these kind of fun moment can be seen everywhere through Tyria
And the first of April in Tyria will named as " April necro’s day "
Lets cheers for we have becoming a clown to amuse the other professions

Next patch bug fix:

“Fixed a bug that was preventing the Death Shroud life force loss from extending into regular life pool.”

Noble.3647:

2 Warriors and a Necro walk into a bar.
1st Warrior says, “If we show you something entertaining, will you give us free drinks?”
“Sure,” says the bartender. “But it has to really be entertaining.”
The warriors get on each side of the necro.
1st warrior Kicks the necro to the other warrior who hits him with Backbreaker then Hundred Blades and Kicks him to the 2nd warrior who does the same but Stomps the necro back (instead of Kicking). 1st warrior then Rampages, Smashing the necro a few times before interrupting the necro’s heal by Kicking him to the 2nd warrior who also Rampages and does the same. The necro gets downed, never having gotten any of his staff skills to activate, and only having 9% of Life Force being unable to enter Death Shroud.
The bartender frowns.
The downed Necro says, “It’s ok, I am used to it.”
The bartender smiles knowingly.
The warriors swap Staggering Blows, ping-ponging the near-dead necro before they stop the beating and allow the necro to rally.
The bartender smiles and shakes his head.
2nd Warrior smiles and walks up to the bar, “We’ll take those free drinks now.”
Bartender laughs loudly, and says, “Um, no. I said you had to entertain me.”
“But you smiled,” says 1st Warrior.
Bartender says, “Yeah, I smiled because you took mercy on the poor guy and did not finish him off – that was new. Otherwise it was the same old same old; I keep hoping to see something novel – especially when there is a Necro involved – but I never do. I have been seeing that same no stability game since August 28, 2012. You should buy me a drink for wasting my time.”

Aka a warrior enters a bar with the necro tied to him, necro hits the counter, warrior cant find the barkeep.

Don’t worry guys! By lore Livia is the strongest human alive, and she is a necromancer. Some of her magic is bound to trickle down to us eventually.

Necros are immortal. They just pay $2 silver and way point.

Giving guardians better lifesteal than necromancers was a pretty good joke.

Downed state is not glitched

Need i say more?

Necros hates Dhuumfire.
+Non-Necros hates Dhuumfire.
=Everything else got nerfed except for Dhuumfire.

(Oh wait! Dhuumfire got nerfed too! So WTF????)

I think Necro is a cool guy. Eh casts splels and doesn’t afraid of anything.

grave of hearts.7830:

Downed state is not glitched

Need i say more?

That one was physically painful.

Necromancer… the true dead-end job.

New in the Rabid Lion Store for January is the Sentair bioimmersive lounge chair. Now, for only 800,000 gems, you can smell like your profession.

www.scentair.com/why-scentair/

Necromancer, so evil that even minions are on strike against them.

Speaking of minions, I would like my Jagged Horror to spawn out of my belly like in Alien.

Attrition class

A necromancer, Guardian, mesmer, thief and Warrior are all in a dungeon together. The necromancer goes down. The guardian gets the necromancer up while protecting itself with aegis. The Guardian goes down, the mesmer gets the guardian up while using distortion. The mesmer goes down, the thief creates a stealth bubble around them, resing the mesmer. The thief goes down, the warrior endures the pain and gets the theif up. The warrior goes down, the necromancer tries to get the warrior up but then enters death shroud to preserve their own life, leaving the warrior to die.

What do you call a perma-stun hammer Warrior who fights a Necro?
..
..
A Necromasher.

The massive, upcoming , game changing “better than an expansion” patch is that they are fixing necro.

Yeah, but I fear that more nerfs are coming.

Soon we will be so nerfed that Anet will have to change the name of our profession to the Nerfromancer. We certainly have to romance those nerfs, or just give up on the profession.