Guild Wars 2

Dear Anet;

Our owner is asleep right now, but none of us here in the [K]ennel can sleep tonight, so we broke open some [Abyss dye] we found in our Master’s bag, and found a stack of 14 “Giver’s Darksteel Imbued Inscriptions”…we didn’t think he’d miss just one.

Over the last couple of months our Master has been growing into quite the hero! Together, with us faithfully by his side, we’ve seen the world, slain the mighty Zhaitan, and even got into a few tussels with some rival servers and players! It seems like so long ago we were just ordinary juvenile beasts, roaming the countryside…before our dear Master chose us…over all our siblings just a few yards away in either direction. We never dreamed that after the effort and time he took training us, and naming us, and relying on us…that our bond would fade.

Lately, our Master hasn’t been very satisfied with our performance…he always seems upset, and he never wants us to protect him anymore! We try to tell him. “Let me at ’em! Imma tear them apart!” but he says “Not now, why don’t you be a good pet and [Avoid Combat] for now…this fight requires careful positioning…and I can’t have you accidentally getting the attention of that mobile patrol over yonder!” We try to let him know we won’t mess up like we did all those other times…but…we still do. I guess learning from our mistakes isn’t something us beasts were designed to do.

He keeps talking to his hero friends, and we can hear him muttering about us being “Ignored by the developers”, and “Poor Pet Ai makes them mediocre”, and even “I wish I could just not have a pet in exchange for higher damage on my bow”. It’s not Mr. Brown Bear’s fault that he stood in lava till he died last week! It’s not Mrs. Jaguar’s fault that even though she can go invisible…and shes one of the most agile and nimble creatures known to man…that she can’t dodge/roll away from an aoe attack.

All we want to do here in the [K]ennel is see our Master happy again…happy to see us…and not complain that they can’t stow us more permanently. We feel that writing to you ANet is the only way to improve ourselves…so that Agony doesn’t instantly kill us anymore…When our Master wants us to use our special moves he should only have to ask [F2] once. Please help us! Even some of our Master’s hero friends made comments, that he doesn’t bring enough utility to the party…and we can’t stand to see him looking so dejected and depressed. We see our Master less and less these days….and we wondered…if there was a way for us to be better companions…maybe he’d like us more…and spend more time with us….and not forget our names everytime he put us in the [K]ennel for awhile.

Thank you Anet for taking the time to read a letter from us pets.

Sincerely;

The [K]ennel gang.

Romana, Ray, Orochi, LLP
100 Plaza of the Toad, Ste. 300
Divinity’s Reach, Kryta
State Bar No: 47358
www.thetoad.hit.to
Attorney for JANE ROE (a minor)

SUPERIOR COURT OF DIVINITY’S REACH

COUNTY OF QUEENSDALE

JANE ROE (a minor), et. al.

Plaintiffs,

v.

TIXX
TIXX INFINIRARIUM

Defendants
________________________________

CASE NO: 475-DR-8913

COMPLAINT FOR DAMAGES AND STRICT PRODUCTS LIABILITY

Plaintiff complains and for causes of action alleges as follows:

First Cause of Action—Negligence

1. Plaintiff, Jane Roe (a minor), is an individual and is
now, and at all times mentioned in this complaint was, a
resident of Divinity’s Reach.

2. Defendant TIXX INFINIRARIUM is now, and at
all times mentioned in this complaint was, in the business of
inspecting, maintaining, installing, and selling at retail to
members of the public various types toys, dolls, homicidal action figures, and
assorted trinkets manufactured by defendant, TIXX INFINIRARIUM, in-house in its
own proprietary facility.

3. On Day 74 – Season of Colossus, plaintiff attempted to play with said Princess Doll
®, purchased from TIXX INFINIRARIUM, whereupon said Princess Doll®
spontaneously began a program wherein a “tantrum” was thrown, to the best of
knowledge of the Plaintiff, in the general direction of the Plaintiff. Shortly thereafter,
said Princess Doll® began firing lethal projectiles in, to the best of the Plaintiff’s
knowledge, the general direction of the plaintiff. Such firing did continue until
aforementioned Princess Doll® did run out of batteries and cease all homicidal
activity.

4. As a direct and proximate result of the negligence and
carelessness of defendant as described above, plaintiff sustained injury as a direct
and proximate cause of this unreasonably dangerous activity. Princess Doll®
purchased by plaintiff was destroyed by fire and plaintiff’s home, personal
belongings, furnishings, clothing, pets, and parents were damaged by smoke,
missiles, fire, and psychological impression caused by sudden homicidal behavior
exhibited by Defendant TIXX INFINIRARIUM’s Princess Doll®.

5. As a further direct and proximate result of the
negligence and carelessness of defendants as described above,
plaintiff sustained the following serious injuries and damages:
– Permanent Disability caused by 3 projectiles embedded in Plaintiff’s right leg and
buttock
– Psychological harm caused by severely traumatic tantrum program preceding
aforementioned homicidal missile assault
– Deceased Pet (Trixie, bunny)
– Psychological harm caused by deceased pet (Trixie, bunny)

WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment as set forth below.

Second Cause of Action—Strict Products Liability

6. Plaintiff incorporates by this reference all
allegations contained in Paragraphs 1 through 5 of the First
Cause of Action of this complaint, as though fully set forth
here.

7. At all times mentioned in this complaint, the Princess Doll® and
its component parts were defective as to design, manufacture,
and warnings, causing the Princess Doll® and its component parts to be in
a dangerous and defective condition that made them unsafe for
their intended use.

WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment against defendants,
and each of them, as follows:

1. FIVE MILLION COPPER PIECES (500 gold, 0 silver, 0 copper), plus interest, costs
and any other relief this court deems appropriate.

2. General damages according to proof;

3. Special damages according to proof;

4. Prejudgment interest according to law;

5. Costs of this action; and

6. Any other and further relief that the court considers
proper.

DATED: 76th day – Season of Colossus

JANE ROE (a minor)
(Signature)

VERIFICATION

I, Vitellio Romana, am an Attorney, in the above-entitled action. I have read the foregoing and know the contents thereof. The same is true of my own knowledge, except as to those matters which are therein alleged on information and belief, and as to those matters, I believe it to be true.

I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct and that this declaration was executed at Divinity’s Reach, Kryta.

DATED: 76th day – Season of Colossus

Vitellio Romana ,
attorney for Jane Roe (a minor)