Posting to help those in the future:
I’ve done some digging on how to solve this, and ran through every scenario out there. In my case I had some adware causing an issue with my Winsock adapter. Technical explanation aside, removing the adware (specifically Youtube Download Accelerator. A nasty program that tracks and hijacks information. No actual affiliation with Youtube) fixed the issue.
To do this:
Find a reputable program like ADW Cleaner that specializes in removing these types of programs. Let it scan and clean your system. It is not an antivirus program. It is specific to handle certain threats that antivirus programs don’t look for. You will need to restart, and when you’re back up, the launcher should download.
This is, of course, if your issue is the same as mine. Good luck!