Guild Wars 2

3 Sylvari walk into a bar.
It’s a salad joke.

How is the political progress of the Dredge? Molecular.

All krait are willing to die for their prophets and the kraiter good of their race.

What will you hear the grawl sing if you ask for the song of their people? Graaaawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heaaaaaaaaal.

Last but not least.

What does Trahearne say?
Commander, to me.

In what language did ancient skritt write in?
San-skritt.

What’s the difference between Dwaina and Melandru?
Heaven and Earth

How do Krait and Forgotten walk?
They slytherin.

What happens when you kill Orian chickens? You enter Hoard Mode!

How much wood could a fahrar charr tar if a fahrar charr could tar wood?

(This is actually in-game)

How many Asura does it take to blow up a reactor?

Three! One to declare the reactor unsafe, and two more to disagree with him.

(I apologize to any victims of the Thaumanova disaster that may find this joke offensive)

How do you make a female norn mad?
Stealing her last kill and reply with:“Missed a spot.”.

What did Abbadon say to Primordius when he found the Fire island chain?
If you like it, then why don’t you put a ring on it?

How many GW2 players does it take to defeat Wurm Boss in Bloodcoast?

All of them and they still can’t do it…lol

Why was a 10k AP guardian kicked from a party of 4 charrs?
Because “Charr need no guards!”

What’s Kralkatorrik’s favorite cereal mascot?

Snaff, crackled and popped
(not my joke)

Which band of Charr always always called upon to deal with laundry?

The Iron Legion.

Why did the Sylvari roll over?
Because the grass is greener on the other side.

Sylvari1 to Sylvari2 on Valentines day: “Peas be my podner”

What do you call charr in heavy tanks?
Charr-mageddon

The difference between a Charr engineer and an Asuran engineer?

When a Charr engi blows something up, he meant to do it.

What did the Risen Noble say when an adventurer stole Deep Glacial Sky Dye from him?
“Return. Dye.”

How many members of Destiny’s Edge does it take to rob a bank?
Zero, they’re all too busy stealing your spotlight.

What did Trahearne say after being pushed into a bottomless well?
“This well won’t end.”

I heard the Iron Legion is working on a space program. They call it the Charrship Enterpride.

After a hard day of felling trees, a group of Norn lumberjacks are sharing tales of their past prowess. “Once I cut and trimmed a thousand trees in a single week.” one boasted. “Bah, that’s nothing. I once cut ten thousand trees in a month, building one of the largest dams in the Shiverpeaks at the same time!” boasted a second.

“You younglings don’t know a thing about real lumberjacking.” added a third. “I was once the head lumberjack of the Crystal Forest.”

“Wait, don’t you mean the Crystal Desert?”

“That’s what they call it now.”

Omg, these are gold. LOL!

A sylvari approaches a woman in a bar and asks, “Hey baby, am I awake?” When she looks over at him, he adds, “Because you’re a Dream come true.”

Lishtenbird.2814:

“Where do all exotics I put into the Mystic Forge go?”
“They all flow into the same sewer system, and that all goes out to sea…

Hahahah my favorite so far—

“…Hey you asked, just don’t ask if anything LIVES down there…”

A Norn walks out of a bar.

Trahearne and an ettin want take some classes at the University of Tyria. They meet with the counselor and are told they need to take courses in math, science, and logic. They don’t know what the logic course is about. The counselor says they should speak with the professor to find out more. Trahearne has to go back to fort trinity and clean the toilets so the ettin will go find out what about logic and tell Trahearne later.

The ettin asks, “Professor, what is logic?”

The professor says “Let me put it this way, do you have a pencil?”

Ettin answers: “Yes, I do.”

the professor says, “well if you have a pencil then logically you know how to write. If you know how to write then logically you went to school.”

Ettin: “Wow that’s right, I went to ettin school!”

Professor: “Now you are here at our university and wanting to take courses, so logically you are self confidence and looking to forward to a better life.”

Ettin: “ Wow professor, thanks for explaining logic.”

The next day Trahearne asked the ettin about logic and the ettin says “ let me put it this way, do you have a pencil?”

Trahearn says “No I don’t.”

Ettin: “ Well then, logically you are a stupid insecure coward who won’t amount to anything special.”

3 warriors are walking around LA when a Djinn pops up and grants them each one wish.

The first warrior says “I want to get the best warrior in LA!”
The djinn snaps his fingers and says done.

The second warrior says “I want to the best warrior in all of Kryta!
The djinn snaps his fingers and says done.

The third warrior says “ I want to be the better than any warrior in all of tyria that has ever lived!
The djinn snaps his fingers and changes him into a cute asura ranger.

What do you call a trio of Sylvari Engineers?

The TREE musketeers.

After a long day of fighting in the Myst a dazed and confused warrior with a rifle strapped to his back and barley holding on to a shield, stumbles into the doctors office.

The warrior says: “Hey doctor I think I have a concussion ankitten esia. I have forgotten how to use the mace, sword, ax, hammer and greatsword. When my opponent come into melee range I’m useless.”

The doctor say: “Don’t worry you will be fine. You are an Engineer not a Warrior.”

Another of the Mad King’s puns: What business took a nosedive after the charr invaded Ascalon? THE SHAVING RAZOR BUSINESS!

There was an Asura named Tath
Who slid down a city of math
Took the vertical trail
To end up in jail
And spent his last days filled with wrath

(apologies to anyone who actually has an Asura by this name!)

The dredge commissariat has dispatched agents to interrogate it’s citizens about the recent information leak.Apparently they have a mole in their midst.