Guild Wars 2

What’s the funniest lines of dialogue you’ve heard in the game? My personal favorite I heard recently, an Asura perfume maker had some perfume that made harpies attack whoever was wearing it. When he realized what was happening the lamented, “Who wants a product that gives you harpies?”

I thought it was pretty funny.

lol, my personal fav dialogue going through the Asura starting area..
Your moms so dumb, she thinks Crafting is something you do on the Criver!

That one did make me laugh!
I have heard a few that i thought were funny though don’t ask me to recall them, am lucky if i remember what i ate last night!

The one NPC song in the lv 15-25 human area that ends with “…chickens croon/chicken’s on the table soon” basically made my day.

“Kill it, quick!”
“That’s right! You lose!”
Skritt’s in WvW when you ingore them instead of killing them.
(Makes me wanna go back and murder them all)

Torres.2890:

“Kill it, quick!”
“That’s right! You lose!”
Skritt’s in WvW when you ingore them instead of killing them.
(Makes me wanna go back and murder them all)

Haha!.. you ran from skritt! :P
That’s usually the one that causes me to stop, turn around an nuke’em!

I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but the humor in the game has been really great. I love to see those little touches in the NPC dialog.

Little Girl – Are centaurs bad?
Grown Man – It’s a little more complicated than good or bad.
Little Girl – What does complicated mean?

Also:

NPC1 – Do you think it is safe to have a shooting range so close to a tavern.
NPC2 – Sure, we only had one casualty in the last week.

OMG I was itching to have a context to tell this! In a cave a couple of centaurs were talking about if humans could ever mount a successful counterattack, and they were like, “No way! They can’t even catch up with us!” (paraphrasing but that’s the gist). And then I, a human thief, proceed to take all 3 of them out! Caltrops are great =)

Speaking of skritt, there are two guarding a Lion’s Guard haven somewhere in the sylvari starting areas during an even where undead attack the place. During the event in between waves they talk to each other but just say “Guarding!” over and over like:

Skritt 1-Guarding.
Skritt 2-Guarding!
Skritt 1-Guarding guarding guarding!

And after the event is over one sort of sighs and goes, “Booooored…”

…goes something like this:

“…that moot… (woman NPC);
Look, I TOLD you I’m sorry; I didn’t MEAN to set your mother on fire! (man NPC)”

(heard in Hoelbrak over by the trainers)

there’re a lot of really good ones in Lion’s Arch. I won’t give them away, but try listening in on the birthday party over by the outdoor beer garden…<snicker>

Asurian starting area..

Daughter talking to Dad about going on first date.

Dad only lets her go if they take a golem to watch over them

Golem says as they dating couple walks away "hands where I can see them at all times
" and keeps repeating it.

As a father of a teen daughter, I LOVE this one.

Funniest I’ve seen so far was a little dialogue between an Ettin being experimented on and the Asura experimenting on him (I think it may have been an Asura place in Timberline Falls, either that or Mount Maelstrom). The Ettin is amusingly articulate and chides the Asura on getting the experiment wrong, then warns the Asura that because of her error something bad is about to happen. Then he turns into a Champion Ettin and suddenly it’s an Event. I can’t remember the dialogue but it was hilarious.

Asura researching skrit:
“We’ve confirmed two skrit are smarter than one. And three are smarter than two.”
“So we’re just measuring skrit for brains.”
“You’ve been just dying to say that haven’t you?”

Flame legion solider you fight in Ash legion story quest Spy For A Spy:
“Ow! That hurt like-I mean, nice shot.”

Char soldiers at Moorwatch Tower:
“Do you think cows migrate?”
“What?”
“You know, like birds.”
“Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as flying cows!”
“Maybe it was an exotic cow. From someplace far away.”
“Get it through you thick skull, there’s no such thing as flying cows!”
“Hey you hear that? I thought I heard a ‘Moo’ just now.”
“What?! Where?! Incoming!”
“Hahahah! Just kidding.”
“Do that again and I’ll kill you!”

Metrica Province, Voloxian Passage, Brill Alliance Labs.

Around the building are several Skritt IQ Test Subjects.
Talking to them and testing their IQ i found funny.

When a centaur downed my toon ( a female) I’m positive it taunted: ‘you pathetic wench!’

Yo momma’s IQ is SO low, she thinks a golemancer is what you get when you ask a golem question.

Hahahaha i love the kids in Lion’s arch talking and playing

and the skirrts when they say

“WHAT WHAT WHATT!!”
XD

Honestly, the over-the-top “by the power of ME” cracks me up.

I also enjoy all the Asura insults.

I got a giggle out of a couple of the characters in my sylvari story quest, when I ran to Orr to save one of them. Brawling my way out, I hear from behind me:
‘I don’t think they watered this place well.’
‘Yes Carys. They did.’

Hahahaha yeaaah.. asura NPC are soo awesome

xD!

I got a laugh when I interacted with a char who was cooking … he says I know what you’re going to ask, but “it will be ready when it’s ready.” Of course, that’s what we heard from ANET every time people wanted to know when GW2 would be released.

“Travel time is instantaneous ma’am…’”

I am not sure which race it says but when one of my characters gets crippled he starts limping while he yells: “My leg! MY LEG!”. Its so funny we started saying it whenever we get crippled on other characters.

My female norn guardian: “New land? NEW LAND!”

Generally i love it when statement go over the top so they become funny. Especially when those statement don’t take things seriously or sarcastically

Daily Achievements, my female human elementalist: “Is it just me, or… am I AMAZING?”, or when you level up, something like “Welcome to Awesomeville. Population: ME.”

Hitting achievements with my Human Male makes me snicker: “I achieved this. I’m an achiever.”

Also, overheard from a random Charr female near Black Citadel, hear response to be asked if she was ready? “Oo-rah!” Made me want to go wherever she as going. Also made me think of a Charr version of the Marines, and then think I wouldn’t want to meet them. XO

At the southwestern lab in the second asuran zone, Togg (I believe is his name) made this versatile golem that bakes muffin for an asuran he loves (Pimfa I think) and when I got to her lab, it was all broken down and she wouldn’t talk to me. The golem arrived behind me and introduced himself, something like ‘I was sent by Master Togg to repair your lab, I can also bake you blueberry muffins’ and she says ‘huh, no thanks… just fix the lab, please’ and after the ‘protect the golem while he repairs’ event, the golem says ‘Your lab is repaired. This unit recommends Master Togg to all asuran females between 18-35 years of age’ etc. Made me laugh.

Also… The cattlepult event in Dessia Plateau was a riot. Not only do you get a laugh at all the cows being launched but on the last one he shoots one cow all the way to the tower in the distance. ‘Hum… if anyone asks, we didn’t do anything’ (or something like that). I stayed around, watching him send his assistant get more cows… while I’m watching the next door farm where the assistant ran off to, a guard comes over through the other side of the yard and gives hell to the mad scientist… (I can’t possibly remember the whole thing but this event was pure gold)

There are so many good dialogues, but this one is my favourite. I had to listen twice since I couldn’t believe what I’ve heard.

Asura Gate Engineer and his Sylvari Assistant in the Grove.

Sylvari: Your golem is strange… was strange.
Asura: You drove it away, you know that!? I’ve never seen a golem run that fast.
Sylvari: I just wanted to ask it a few questions.
Asura: Yeah I know. you guys are full of them.
Sylvari: Oh, yes. What’s it like to be a golem? Does it dream? Does it have a family?
Asura: That was the last straw, you know. After that question about turtles in the desert you asked it about its mother.
Sylvari: So?
Asura: It doesn’t have a mother. It’s a golem. you crossed its circuits. I don’t know how you did it, but you weirded out MY golem.
Sylvari: So, you are the mother? Or the father?
Asura: What? Well, I… I guess I .. Oh no. you’re not getting in my head. You just stand there and help me monitor the gate.
Asura (to himself): Am I the mother? Blazing braces, this is what I get for working with the tree children.

I’ve found a homeless guy in Claypool – Queensdale. When you talk to the dialog looks like that :
You : Hello
Homeless Guy : Hello, welcome to my house, you seem friendly
You : So… you live there?
Homeless Guy : Yeah, i get an awesome view of the cows
You : You like cows?
Homeless Guy : Yeah, a lot. They smell bad, though.

Hands-down, the asura are my favorite when it comes to lines and voice-acting. They are just so funny! There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t have a good chuckle at what NPC’s (and even my own character) has to say.

One that cracked me up a while back was this: “You’re dumb. You’ll die, and you’ll leave a dumb corpse.”

It’s not always what they say, it’s how they say it too. Complements to the voice-actors and the directors behind the glass.

Asura: Your face looks funny. All smushed and weird.
Charr: No, your face looks funny. It’s like a little raisin.

That’s something I keep overhearing in LA…when the charr says raisin, it makes me smile.

Lemnear.6215:

Asura: That was the last straw, you know. After that question about turtles in the desert you asked it about its mother.

She should be glad it didn’t tell her about its mother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiuAI-GuOOc

Also, I found the flame legion guys wondering what to do with their dead shaman. They’re in the Iron Marches, Vermin’s Folly.

Sincartier.4256:

Also… The cattlepult event in Dessia Plateau was a riot. Not only do you get a laugh at all the cows being launched but on the last one he shoots one cow all the way to the tower in the distance. ‘Hum… if anyone asks, we didn’t do anything’ (or something like that). I stayed around, watching him send his assistant get more cows… while I’m watching the next door farm where the assistant ran off to, a guard comes over through the other side of the yard and gives hell to the mad scientist… (I can’t possibly remember the whole thing but this event was pure gold)

Here’s the entire sequence including the guard running over to yell at Mardine. Unfortunately there’s commentary, but you can still hear the important parts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-nJmuOd5KA

Easily some of the best writing in a game I’ve seen/heard.

Charr I forgot the name off.. ._. : The operation received a small… hiccup.
Rytlock: A hiccup? More like a tuberculosis.

My char: The mime talks?
clown: Of course. He’s a mime, not a mute.

clown: (…) And you even look great in tight pants.
._. I’m a human male thief.

Further… Well…. Tybalt. Loved every single piece of dialogue from that guy.

tzko.2370:

I am not sure which race it says but when one of my characters gets crippled he starts limping while he yells: “My leg! MY LEG!”. Its so funny we started saying it whenever we get crippled on other characters.

My female norn guardian: “New land? NEW LAND!”

Generally i love it when statement go over the top so they become funny. Especially when those statement don’t take things seriously or sarcastically

I believe it’s a Sylvari Male when immobilized yells the “My leg! MY LEG! Oww!”

Order of Whispers storyline, you have to infiltrate a pirate gang and impress the leader by winning a drinking game. Your first (easy) opponent is announced:

Pirate Leader: “And in the other corner, it’s everyone’s favorite cheap date, One-Drink-Jake!”
One-Drink-Jake: “I hate you guys.”

XD

Not sure if the dialogue only happens in Divinity’s Reach but so far I only heard it there. It happens when two female NPCs speak to each others. I can’t recall the script by heart but one of them talks about a meal, and she says to the other girl:

“I would kill for one”

(moment of pause and uncertainty from the other girl, and then that same girl says again…)

“…I bet you think I’m joking.”

The way she says that, her voice tone, the seriousness of it, she totally sounds psycho and sounds literally like she’d torn someone to pieces if she spotted one with that meal around. It’s just that very specific line that gets me every time.

There’s a lot of funny stuff, but I can’t really remember any right now.
Anything with skritt and golems is usually funny.

the kids bickering is destinies edge first meeting. i just think the mentality was perfectly reflected.

All of the harpy dialogue crack me up.

“Flock to meeeeeee”
“Matriarch take yooooouuuu”
“Die groundling!”

They’re all so great, me and my guild use the in passing all the time.

And for some reason, I just find that idiotic bandit “HNYAH HNYAH HNYAH, YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?” hilarious.

I remember two Norns buying ale from a human trader or something but I forgot where. I think it was in… a place with a Skill Challenge where you have to fight this Medium armoured Norn Lionguard. Basically the guys were coming back for more ale and the trader was surprised they weren’t knocked out by all the alcohol they bought previously. Their response?

“We’re ale-chugging forces of ale-chugging nature!”

That one got a laugh out of me

There’s the new Job-o-Tron asking one of the refugees employment questions at Southsun.

All the golems are goofy as hell, and it’s great.

“Made by Zojia…genius!”

The one where you’re rounding up skritt and the golem is like “come-with-me-do-you-like-candy?” and a buncha others.

ah hell too many to list here.

Someone already got “You’re dumb. You’ll die, and you’ll leave a dumb corpse.”

“Splish splash, four Norn in a baaath!”

“Your WEAKNESS make me LAUGH!”

I just wish the Skritt IQ test subjects were voiced.
My favourites are:

Skritt: I answer right, you give me treat? It good deal.
Player: I will now attempt to read your mind! There. All done.
Skritt: What? No! You can’t read minds. It not possible!
Player: I just did, and I saw everything. All your thoughts.
Skritt: No, it not possible! If you read my mind, what you see there, hmm? What you see?
Player: Shinies.
Skritt: (gasp) You read miiiinds!

And:
Skritt: Ahhh! Not more questions. Why? Why? Did questions yesterday.
Player: Let’s say apples cost 10 coins each and I have 60 coins in my pocket-
Skritt: Shinies! Shinies in pocket! Give me shinies in pocket! Shinies! Give give.
Player: We’ll try something different. Dolyak A leaves Muridian Uplands heading east-
Skritt: Shinies! Shinies in pocket! Give me shinies! Pocket shinies! Shinies, shinies, shinies, shinies!
Player: I don’t have any shinies in my pocket! None! Zero! Zilch!
Skritt: Ooooh. Then, no apples.

Mungrul.9358:

I just wish the Skritt IQ test subjects were voiced.
My favourites are:
And:
Skritt: Ahhh! Not more questions. Why? Why? Did questions yesterday.
Player: Let’s say apples cost 10 coins each and I have 60 coins in my pocket-
Skritt: Shinies! Shinies in pocket! Give me shinies in pocket! Shinies! Give give.
Player: We’ll try something different. Dolyak A leaves Muridian Uplands heading east-
Skritt: Shinies! Shinies in pocket! Give me shinies! Pocket shinies! Shinies, shinies, shinies, shinies!
Player: I don’t have any shinies in my pocket! None! Zero! Zilch!
Skritt: Ooooh. Then, no apples.

I loved that one, I found myself going “You just got owned, dude” at my own character.

The one Charr by the WvW gates
“Uh huh. All I know is, this soldier’s going through that gate tomorrow and my movements will be completely badass!”

Random Norn in Lion’s Arch
“By Ugdun’s Hammer, what savings!”

Captain Penzan singing
I am the very model of a modern pirate general,
I’ve information magical, mathematical and mineral.
I know the Queens of Kryta and can cite matters historical,
From Bloodstones to the dragon spawn in order categorical.
In fact, I write my washing bills in old Canthan cuneiform.
I’ll tell you every detail sewn on Caudecus’s uniform.
The skills and builds of warfare are essential to my strategy,
You’ll say a better pirate general has never sat-a-gee,
For when you know the habits of the Charr and the Elonians
When you can tell at sight a Kurzick from an Ascalonian,
You’ll know my martial knowledge, quite extensive and still myriad,
Myriad…myriad…myriad…ah!
Has only been updated for the Interregnum period!
But still in matters magical, mathematical, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern pirate general!