Guild Wars 2

Disclaimer – This is not meant to be serious. I will not be held responsible for any nerfs that take place because of this. Please do not come at me with pitchforks and torches, because I am cute and innocent :<

Goodday everyone, I am Brandon and am severely unhappy because I play against people! Like seriously, it is no fun wherever you go! WvWvW or TPvP, or heck, even PvE after I decided to donate 2 gold to some Bandits, I get constantly stomped by enemies – this is completely Meow and should be looked at!

I mean, look at all these classes:

• Warrior – You run into them, because they are melee so you honour and also go melee, but no, they go all like Stun you with like 15k Hammer hits, and then they do massive burning which cleanses all their conditions. And like, after you finally get a firm grip, they spontaniously get the ability to equip a third weapon, and grow wings with their Greatsword – Poof, no more Warrior. This is completely Meow!

• Guardian – Whoever thought it was funny to increase their survivability is also Meow! They have like constant Retaliation, which means I actively have to watch out whenever I spam my Grenades on Engineer, or my Arrows on Ranger – What is this kind of Meow?! Not to mention their ability to fly all over the map with all kinds of teleports, insane condition removal with shouts, and the ability to shut down every kind of damage by Shoutheal and Alturistic Healing! This class should be looked at massively, because the Meow will only grow

• Engineers – Every time I get close to them, it is like knockback, turrets, more knockbacks, more turrets, burning, grenades, mines, bombs, wrenches, elixers and pretty much Meow flying all over my screen! They got this Meow ability to go Meow with permanent vigor and Swiftness, and not to mention all those Meow blocks they got! Engineer is a Meow class with too many tools!

• Ranger – Everyone knows already that Rangers are OP and should be nerfed! Like, they Meow everyone from 25,000 Range, sniping enemies with 150K hitting Rapid Fires from their bases, while their pets are doing constant Meow and knockdowns, fears and cripples! And what about those who do not use bows you ask? You get permanent Chill because of Axe and the Birds who constantly Meow you, while they root you in place, and inflict tons of bleeding by simply Meowing next to you! This class is broken in all kinds of aspects, because as soon as you think you got them down, their Spirit resses them as if they were Ritualists! We got no Ritualists, but they are broken too!

• Thief – Also a class where everyone, including the Thief community … I mean, what is up with this class?! They are like Meow, go in Stealth and evade which makes them pretty much invulnerable, and get super condition removal while in their permanent stealth! Not to mention the damage from Stealth, in Stealth and Stealth! Also, if you think you can run away from them, think again, because they go like Stealth, Signet, Steal and then they are in your face again, load you up with a Meow amount of conditions and run away to land a 150K Backstab! Thieves are broken, the Thief community knows, so get this Meow away – I don’t find this stuff to be amusing anymore!
  Not to mention their meowing synergy with fireworks! Nerf fireworks!

• Necromancer – Come on, whoever designed this class was probably the biggest Meow in the universe! Like, you get permanently feared, and after 90 seconds, surviving over 90K damage, they fear you again because of Meow Runes! And if you think you are finally safe from their Meowing fears, think again, because they go like knock you over with Flesh Golem, and immedetaly drop all the Wells and go in Lich! What is this! Why do I need to move to survive! This class is so Meow, it is rediculous! Not to mention their insane survivability with like 5 health pools!

• Mesmer – Ever since their buff 5 years back in GW1, they have been so broken, it is completely Meow! Interrupt, boon removal, condition spam from stealth, stealth and blinks and teleports! Why do other classes even exist as the Mesmer is so broken that they can permanently stun you with Moa and stuns, remove conditions with torches signets and mantras and run away whenever they please because of their teleports! Not to mention their burst capabilities from 20k Range with shatters and clones, which are just Meow all over the place!

• Elementalists – They go like to NPC’s and hit over 8000K Damage in 0.5 seconds! And this while they have Meow mobility with D/D FGS and Meow survivability! Whenever you try to engage, they are like “Nope” and drop a Static Field, stack 760 stacks of Might for over 30 million years and burst you down with Drakes Breath! This class breaks all the laws, as they can port, they can burst, they can condition you, they can fly, they can have all the boons and they can kill me!

So there you have it! Nerf it all! I am tired of being killed by the enemy players, and this should be fixed Meow!

Oh my meow. So meow! Meow meow!

OP’s point of view on classes is greatly meow.
Nuff said…

+1, plz nerfz meowz

Thank you op for listing the nerf wish list, let it be known from this day forward as the religious text for guild wars 2 tears.

Amen.

This is meowing epic. Almost brought manly tears to my eyes.

Lol
Thanks for including the Nerf Wish List…
Feel free to contribute to it guys.

Zero Day.2594:

Lol
Thanks for including the Nerf Wish List…
Feel free to contribute to it guys.

I am not good enough to come up with something to complain about :<

I assume, because Brandon skipped over all the REAL problems with each class, the purpose of this post was to give a satirical touch to all the whining and bi—hing on the “professional balance” forum.

DoomKnightMax.6592:

I assume, because Brandon skipped over all the REAL problems with each class, the purpose of this post was to give a satirical touch to all the whining and bi—hing on the “professional balance” forum.

Yeah pretty much.

But it was a VERY fun read, and I actually laughed out loud

I love posts like these. It gives me faith that not everyone is a whiny brat and there are people out there who do have a sense of humor lol. Bravo.

DoomKnightMax.6592:

I assume, because Brandon skipped over all the REAL problems with each class, the purpose of this post was to give a satirical touch to all the whining and bi—hing on the “professional balance” forum.

Yup…
Sadly a lot of people’s suggests are no where near balance changes and are more of cries after being beaten up by said class multiple times.
The funny and unfortunate thing is, devs follow through and listen to some, for instance the Choking Gas change… not sure if it was because of a post a while back, but it just seems a little too coincidental. That’s one example that really got caught in my head (soon the caltrops will follow suit), if you read over the nerf wish list, some did come true.

DoomKnightMax.6592:

I assume, because Brandon skipped over all the REAL problems with each class, the purpose of this post was to give a satirical touch to all the whining and bi—hing on the “professional balance” forum.

In all seriousness, I think the only “Real” issue every class has is not having enough diversity…

Thing is, people will always complain, and oftentimes they will exaggerate when doing so (hence my remark towards made up numbers) – but since diversity is so little, the ones who complain will more easily find a collective mind that complains about the same thing, since you know, learning to compete against a build is the harder way… Now sometimes these nerfs are just, but oftentimes (Pistolwhip is a perfect example) it leads to the destruction of said build, with nothing to fix that what is underpowered…
This leads to people in general being unhappy as the little choices they have will get punished hard… Granted, you can also work on trying to break the meta, since not everything has been discovered (MUSH’s Condi Ele is a good example)

So yea, buff what is underpowered…. And not like they did with P/P Thief :P

The profession balance forum has a very interesting purpose though: It keeps much of the whining out of the other forums.

Sure, there’s still plenty. But the worse “I died :’(”, “Why do they have something I don’t” and “This is all unfair, devs hate me” posts now go here.

It’s the /b/ of these forums. It improves the quality of everything else.

Carighan.6758:

The profession balance forum has a very interesting purpose though: It keeps much of the whining out of the other forums.

Wha?

Look above and tell me what forum we are in. This forum is quite disgusting at times.

Posts like these are a nice reminder to those who read that the majority of “suggestions” are just the result of an unwelcome pounding towards a sensitive flower and they demand justice. No matter how ridiculous it may be…

What I meant exactly. Much of the rage usually found all over the forum is concentrated here, because when players die, obviously the balance must be bad.

This makes the other subforums slightly easier on the eyes.

Alright meow, what’s going on here?

What the Meow did I just read? hahaha

but yes there are OP classes and we know wh otehy Meow are.

Ragnarox.9601:

What the Meow did I just read? hahaha

but yes there are OP classes and we know wh otehy Meow are.

Yeah, those meow pistol/pistol thieves!!

Jim Hunter.6821:

Alright meow, what’s going on here?

There it is!

Meow wrap this up.

Jim Hunter.6821:

Ragnarox.9601:

What the Meow did I just read? hahaha

but yes there are OP classes and we know wh otehy Meow are.

Yeah, those meow pistol/pistol thieves!!

#Press3towin
#Bulletsdabes
#MeowOPbuilds

Jim Hunter.6821:

Ragnarox.9601:

What the Meow did I just read? hahaha

but yes there are OP classes and we know wh otehy Meow are.

Yeah, those meow pistol/pistol thieves!!

I saw a dev play it once… and man he was OP.