Guild Wars 2

Hey guys, I found this super-useful instruction online. It’s called “How to be a proper pirate – a step-by step guide by Mai Trin”

Step 1: Ter Hell with Discreetness
You have probably all heard old legends about silent assassins, lynching henchman, who kill their victims in the early morning hours of a foggy Divinity’s Reach back alley, where no one hears them scream. Ter hell with that, I say. We’re pirates, not assassins. Take the biggest hullabaloo you can find to make sure everybody sees you.

Step 2: Yer want something done? Do it yerself
Yes, as pirate captain you may have a crew at your command to do the dirty work and sometimes that can come in really handy, but let’s be honest: half of your crew are bloody drunkards, and the other’s are either half-blind, half-deaf or half-witted. The only capable person at your disposal is a bloody pacificst, who’s only with you because he’s your mother’s twice removed cousin’s son…sorry, godson.
If you really want something done, there’s just one solution. Do it yourself!

Step 3: Tie yerself to the crime scene
This is where the fun of being a pirate begins. The above two steps are really just the preperation. What good is a murder, if noone knows you’ve done it? Make sure people see you at the crimescene. Ideally you should be the last person the victim is seen with alive. Don’t hesitate to touch the victim and leave your fingerprints all over it. You’re a pirate, remember, not an assassin.

Step 4: Running is fo’ cowards
If you have ever commited a captial crime you may know the urge to run away from the crime scene. Let me assure you that this is a very natural reaction.
but
We’re pirates. Pirates don’t run. They sail. If you can’t sail, stay where you are!

Step 5: If they find you out
CONFESS.
Tell them every minute detail about who you are, what you have done (this may seem redundant since they’ve all seen it, but it’s so much less super-villainy if you don’t speak it out aloud) and most importantly why you have done it.

Step 6: Evil Laughter
This really is optional.

Step 7: Run
If they let you.

EDIT: This is meant to be a satirical RPG-view on the events of Dragon Bash. If I may have one request as the author of the above, please don’t turn this into another thread of ArenaNet bashing or User bashing. Otherwise, feel free to comment.

I’m also a bit confused as to why the other thread is praising the writing as the best evarrr and such.

It was certainly more enjoyable than Southsun, but unless they give us the big final twist that leaves everyone agape, I don’t think the writing for Dragon Bash is that oustanding.

Nice list.

What about the booty plundering?

I think at this point expecting the writing to be more creative or logical than what you’d get from an elementary school creative writing class is a bit much. I mean, it’s been demonstrated from pretty much day one that the writing on GW2 is just not going to be original or make a lick of sense.

The game is fun.

The writing is fun to mock.

Spendingallmytime.7249:

What about the booty plundering?

I don’t know. The page I found this on didn’t say anything about booty plundering. Maybe she’s new to the business or maybe those new-age pirates don’t plunder any more?

Step 6: Evil Laughter
This is an absolute, non-negotiable, complete necessity for any villain, evil overlord, madman, lunatic, pirate and the like.

Spendingallmytime.7249:

What about the booty plundering?

She’ll find the right person one day.
What do you mean I didn’t read that right?

CorneliusCoffin.3169:

Spendingallmytime.7249:

What about the booty plundering?

I don’t know. The page I found this on didn’t say anything about booty plundering. Maybe she’s new to the business or maybe those new-age pirates don’t plunder any more?

If there’s no booty, the trouble ain’t worth it.

Yarr, landlubbers all around.
Rum, ye forgot the rum!

Drinking rum before 10am doesn’t make you an alcoholic, it makes you a pirate!

Yarrr!!

You missed out the “Don’t flag yourself as hostile so heroes can’t interupt your evil monologue part.” I mean seriously I have a sword, I was standing next to her as she gloats, there was no reasonable way she could escape aside from plot armour