Guild Wars 2

The accusations that are being hurled at my client are erroneous.
There is no evidence at this time with which to substantiate any such said claim
and to the fact we are unable to even determine my client was even involved with these terrible crimes is a travesty.

My clients name is being destroyed by this slander while the missing culprit is still at large its a shame.

Your honor i move to dismiss

Your honor, Ministers, Mr. Prosecutor, lords and ladies of this Court, first allow me to apologize for my colleague’s unprofessional behavior. I assure you that we Asura do understand your legal system, its protocols, and its principles.

However, I must inform you that whatever alleged crimes may or may not have occurred in the walls of Divinity’s Reach, surely cannot be the work of Master Tixx – my client – or his krewe, for the simple fact that no member of my client’s krewe has set foot in Divinity’s Reach, or indeed on any Krytan soil at all.

Indeed, Master Tixx has been on his Asuran-made-and-maintained vessel, the Infinirarium, since long before the alleged events are said to have occurred in Divinity’s Reach. He was still on the Infinirarium during the stated timeframe, and still is there as we speak.

As my wrongly-accused client has clearly never left Asuran holdings, I must move to have this trial transferred to the purview of the Arcane Council, whereupon he will answer to his own peers and superiors (both of which he is sorely lacking here).

Dr. Falz, duly appointed representative of Tixx

Ben-Jarvis, Green, Ellis LLP
3 Metrical Court, Ste. 700
Rata Sum, Tarnished Coast
State Bar No: 307731
Attorney for TIXX, et al (respondant)

SUPERIOR COURT OF DIVINITY’S REACH

COUNTY OF QUEENSDALE

JANE ROE (a minor), et. al.

Plaintiffs,

v.

TIXX
TIXX INFINIRARIUM

Defendants
________________________________

CASE NO: 475-DR-8913

ANSWER and NEW MATTER

1. Neither admitted nor denied, as this Defendant lacks knowledge or information sufficient to form a belief as to the truth of this allegation. Furthermore, this is an introductory statement to which no response is required.

2. Admitted in part, denied in part. TIXX, TIXX INFINIRARIUM, et al. at no point has engaged in in the businesses of maintaining, or selling at retail to members of the public, any goods or services.

3. Neither admitted nor denied, as this Defendant lacks knowledge or information sufficient to form a belief as to the truth of this allegation. Furthermore, this claim consists of conclusions of law to which no response is required.

4. This claim consists of conclusions of law to which no response is required. To the extent a response is required, the allegation is denied in full.

5. This claim consists of conclusions of law to which no response is required. To the extent a response is required, the allegation is denied in full.

WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment as set forth below.

Second Cause of Action—Strict Products Liability

6. Admitted in part, denied in part, and containing conclusions of law to which no response is required.

7. Denied.

NEW MATTER

1. Defendant/cross-complainant TIXX is now, and at all times mentioned in this complaint was, a legal resident of the city of Rata Sum, Metrica Province, Tarnished Coast. Defendant/cross-complainant TIXX INFINIRARIUM is now, and at all times mentioned in this complaint was, a Delaware-chartered corporation whose operational headquarters are located in Rata Sum.

2. Plaintiff JANE ROE, a minor, is a whiny smelly bookah crybaby.

3. Plaintiff JANE ROE, being utterly incapable of appreciating the genius of my client’s creation, and utterly incompetent in its employment, recklessly seeks to destroy his reputation as she recklessly destroyed her own home.

4. Plaintiff JANE ROE is no match for my intellect.

5. I mean, er, my client’s intellect.

6. Why are you bothering me??

DATED: 77th day – Season of Colossus

TIXX
TIXX (for TIXX INFINIRARIUM)
(Signature)

VERIFICATION

We, Denn and Krane, are Attorneys in the above-entitled action. We have read the foregoing and know the contents thereof, though we didn’t need to read it to know it. We are simply that smart. The same is true of our own knowledge, except as to those matters which are therein alleged on information and belief, and as to those matters, we believe it to be true. And we are never wrong.

We declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct and that this declaration was executed at Lion’s Arch, Kryta.

DATED: 76th day – Season of Colossus

Denn and Krane ,
Attorneys for the DEFENDANTS

I see I’m not the only law student on these forums…

Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN) Transcript, 78th Day of Colossus

Burgh Redcape: Toymaster Tixx is scheduled to arrive today in Lion’s Arch, despite the accusation of carrying defective, and potentially, deadly products. Resident of Lion’s Arch, Jane Roe and her parents, were surprised and then confused as the Princess Doll they had bought started to lash out on the child and killed the child’s pet.

Mykki: Yes Burgh, even with his genius and superiority, Mister Tixx overlooked a flaw in his design which might cause damage to his reputation and damage to his business. We have Alina Greene in Lion’s Arch Plaza reporting on site. Alina?

Cut to Alina Greene in Lions Arch Plaza

Alina: Thanks Mykki. Behind me is Jane Roe’s parents, picketing nearby the portal that will activate once Toymaster Tixx arrives in Lion’s Arch. You can see that a mob has joined the parents, protesting against Toymaster Tixx and his Infinirarium. But despite the allegations, the toymaster is still scheduled to arrive at Lion’s Arch.

Cut to Matilda Roe interview clip

Matilda Roe: I couldn’t believe it. He knows what his toys could do, and people still won’t take heed. My daughter suffered, and she’s traumatized after the whole incident.

Alina: And why are you here.

Matilda Roe: Warn them. Any concerned parent and concerned citizen would get this sham out of Lion’s Arch. It’s the only right thing to do.

Alina: And have you succeeded?

Matilda Roe: Well, we hope so. Our neighbors threw out their toy soldiers and mini golems. Some people left the plaza after hearing our story. Some are just too eager to meet this sham.

Alina: And how’s your daughter doing?

Matilda Roe: Oh, she’s recovering, thank Dwayna. But she’s still in shambles, but she’s a tough kid, you know.

Cut back to Alina

Alina: Now Mykki, after the incident, Tixx has released a statement that he had never sold his toys to any retailers and had not planned to sell them for profit. The case is still being heard, but at this moment, Tixx may not be liable for any damage that had surfaced.

Burgh Redcape (off screen): So Alina, do you have information on where the Roes bought the toy?

Alina: The Roes said they had bought it at the local toy store. When we asked the store owner where he got the merchandise, he refused to answer and closed down his shop. One of our sources say that the store owner have bought his merchandise from a traveling skritt.

Cut back to studio

Mykki: Thank you Alina. Rather unsettling development for Wintersday.

Burgh Redcape: Yes indeed.

Mykki: But it’s not all bad news this Wintersday. Next up, the greatest heroes of Tyria hold a bell choir concert at Lions Arch bank. Stay tuned.

Guys, this looks pretty serious.

((I vote this thread of the year!))

Thread of the year by far lol

+1+1+1+1+1+1

Someone needs to archive this.

always good to come across a fellow student of law. +10

While nifty, we are all forgetting that Tixx is an ambassador of Asuran goodwill in Divinity’s reach, thus subject to diplomatic immunity. Furthermore were he to be tried in an Asuran court of law his trial would go something like this: http://wiki.guildwars.com/wiki/Trial_of_Zinn

We, as a shard of Tyria, must act to prevent this tragedy from ever happening again. I propose a ban on all toys, especially those with dangerous, recreational features. Such items should only be handled by the proper, trained authorities.

Very nice!! Epic

Epic and brilliant!

What, no 12b6 motion?

A 12(b)(6) motion would be hard to make here in good faith.

Plus, I’m no student. I’m a barred attorney, and I took this case pro bono as a favor to Tixx’s sister. If the cheap kitten wants ZEALOUS representation, he can pay for it!

Your honor, I offer my most shrill objection to the preceding outburst. Not only is it irrelevant and unfairly prejudicial against my client…but it included an implied “size” joke, AND the word “member”, without connecting the two.

This honorable court must not abide such poor, flaccid performance.

Like the Asura would EVER let their krewe unionize. Silly bookah.

I laughed so hard! Thank you!!!

This message was brought to you by a Kitten with a Keyboard

I warned Tixx bad things would happen if he gave toys to bookahs!

So much win on this thread.

The Daily Lion, 79th Day of Colossus, Page four, Second article.

Today, the legendary militia force calling itself the Lionguard quelled rioting in the Lion’s Arch grand piazza as itinerant adventurers were accosted by a group of protestors led by Matilda Roe.

Matilda, mother of Alleged victim and whiny bookah Jane Roe has organized citizens of Divinity’s Reach and other major Tyrian cities in an effort to stop the distribution of so-called “toys” produced by Asuran Ambassador of Wintersday Cheer Tixx.

During the previous week, Tixx has enlisted the assistance of several drifters in order to repair as-yet unexplained problems aboard his airship, the Infinirarium. Today, Tixx arrived in Lion’s Arch in an attempt to pay these day laborers, who were met with unexpected picketing by Matilda’s camp.

Eventually frustrated by the protestors, the armed vagrant mob demanded passage in order to collect payment, and the situation quickly escalated until Lionguard soldiers intervened and separated the two parties.

(( I love all of you right now. ))

Is time we take this into a Class Action lawsuit. These toys are absurd!

I posted on this most epic thread.

nerds as far as the eye can see…

;)

This has made my day so much more awesome xDD All of the win, all of it :’3

I need to read the Daily Lion! If a barely averted riot is buried on page four, then the front page must be absolutely shocking. =)

You guys rock.

This is amazing. I really hope that you will archive it somehow to keep it forever.

– Permanent Disability caused by 3 projectiles embedded in Plaintiff’s right leg and buttock.
Question: Did she take an arrow to her knee and lost her chance to be an adventurer?

Epic thread is epic.

This is obviously a frame job! Why aren’t the authorities investigating that traveling skritt mentioned in the LANN transcript??

How dare you sully his good name by spreading your slanderous filth!

So is Jane Roe, (aka whiny smelly bookah crybaby), and family a citizen of Lions Arch or Divinity’s Reach? I put it to the court that Mrs Matilda Roe is a very well off trophy wife with a house in every city, who has decided to start a hate campaign against the esteemed, and very innocent Tixx, so as to distract herself from the boredom of being rich.
Also she stole my pet fern hound during the riots.

Shop owner promise shinies— lots of shinies, sparkly shinies— promise shinies if we give tiny princess, tiny kitty soldier, tiny golem, tiny horsies, tiny griffins— bad tinies go bye-bye— Skritt destroy them with rocks and more rocks— some good tinies become bad tinies— they go splat— good tinies give to shop owner for shinies— more tinies means more shinies— more tinies inside big box from sky— sometimes big boxes have no tinies— only stinky socks, old sweater, ugly hat— shop owner get good tinies, only good tinies— no bad tinies, they all went splat.

Can I go now?

lol…I have a char named Arrow in Mí Knee and another one named Official Bookah Washer.

This message was brought to you by a Kitten with a Keyboard

When our fire brigade was dispatched, we responded to the fire in good time and good order. Upon arrival, we discovered a typical, average stone and wood residential structure already fully involved – much of the wood visible was burning fiercely. The residents were already out, of course. Cute little girl being worked on by the Emergency Healing Teams. All we had to do was fight the fire. That’s when we really noticed what was wrong.

As a Divinity’s Reach firefighter, I’ve never seen anything like the Roe house fire. Stone just isn’t supposed to burn like that. Never seen anything like it, even the big evacuation of the Canthan district – I mean, even then, things did what you’d expect ’em to. Fires started, wood and cloth burned, rocks and bricks fell straight down. It was bad, sure, but burning granite? In an ordinary house fire? All my years in the Department, I never did see a stone house burn so totally.

Kristen Perry.5260:

Oy, eh! What about us ‘ere upstandin’ members uf the honourable Generators’ Representative Union of New Tyria?! We GRUNTs ‘ave been werkin’ DAY and NIGHT for that flighty Asuran madman! Buildin’ ‘is workshop! Creatin’ ‘is toys! Preparin’ ‘is machines! Makin’ it SNOW in a tropical port town!

‘Is demands were unreasonable, ah tell you!! Unreasonable! ’E wanted an ENTIRE minni-a-ture world of FIVE cities all up inside ’is blimp (which ay don’t ‘ave to tell you the sheer size uf which may be compensatin’ fer somethin’, if’n you know what ay mean). Not only did we at the Union build ‘im somethin’ that can support that weight, but made it so it could FLY! An’ den do you know what ‘e up and does? ’E, against our esteemed advisement, takes off wif it to all the cities! It was everything we could do to make sure ’e didn’t steer it into a mountain!

If it weren’t fer our esteemed efforts, there could’ve been major ree-percussions for all the citizens of Tyria, Yer Honour! If it weren’t fer whut we did, there’d be more than just presents scattered like shrapnel all ov’er Tyria…

Yer Honour, we GRUNTs would be honoured if you would hear our humble grievances… It’s Wintersday!

Which one of you did this?

Love this thread, or more accurately this tale of injustice against my fellow Asuran. :p

So very awesome.

While I have experienced the perils of Toymaker Tixxes toys myself, when an oversized present fell right on top of me during a raid on a large enemy encampment, rendering me temporarily unconscious while my comrades were left to fend for themselves and leaving me with a mild concussion… I also happen to find the Roes incredibly annoying. Many a time have I had to escort them off my property at intimate gatherings to which they were not, I repeat, not invited and it is all just very bothersome.
I therefore motion for trial by combat.

Also because I would simply be entertained by that.

Furthermore, I also fancy feeling for those in the employment of Mister Tixx. I have softened to the matters of the less fortunate and it is indeed Wintersday. So let us lend them our ear, I wish to know what they have to say.

Hoping you are well,
A young Lady T. of Divinity’s Reach.

From TheSqueakingSkritt.blogs.tyria:

Well folks, looks like the Reformed Church of Dwayna has given popcorn-lovers across Tyria an early Wintersday gift! This Tixx the Toymaker debacle has been full of buttery goodness as it is, but my fellow drama addicts will be pleased to learn that the Reformed Church of Dwayna (well-known across Tyria for being neither reformed, nor much of a “church,” nor really having anything to do with Dwayna) has decided to weigh in on the matter in its own special way.

In a missive entitled “DWAYNA HATES TYRIA” (emphasis not mine), “church” leader Shirley Yujest wrote that “that little brat got what she deserved.” Apparently the little tyke’s crime was “disrespect[ing] the name of Dwayna with [her] sinful materialism,” and the incident was only the beginning of a series of “punishments” that Dwayna will wreak upon the populace for “corrupting Wintersday with heathen rites.” Wrote Shirley, “The day has come when sinners will be struck down by their own willful ignorance of Dwayna’s Word! Rejoice, ye who are righteous, and let us stand by and laugh at them!”

Apparently they’re planning on picketing outside the little girl’s house, or at least what’s left of it. In response, a source from the Blood Legion Motorgolem Brigade told me, the Brigade plans on forming a Motorgolem blockade to prevent them from getting there, and playing Wintersday music to drown out the “church’s” yelling. “We have SO MANY choir bells,” he told me. “Like, you have NO IDEA.”

Whatever ends up happening, it’s sure to create a drama-fest that will keep our taste for popcorn satisfied well into the New Year.

Out for now,
The Squeaking Skritt

this is awesome.

What about us 99% that lost our houses to this travesty too? Is there a class action in the works here, or do we need to unite and occupy Queensdale?

If I would please your Honor as a friend of the court I would like to present further evidence applicable to the case
SUPERIOR COURT OF DIVINITY’S REACH
COUNTY OF QUEENSDALE
JANE ROE (a minor), et. al.
Plaintiffs,
v.
TIXX
TIXX INFINIRARIUM
Case number: 475-DR-8913

We would like to point out that the Princess doll in question which supposedly caused minor injuries to the Plaintiff, Jane Roe (a minor), a resident of Divinity’s Reach was not in fact manufactured by the defendant.
Though it is true that Defendant TIXX INFINIRARIUM is now, and has been in the business of inspecting, maintaining, installing, and selling at retail to members of the public various types toys. The prosecution has failed to produce evidence of purchase relevant to the case.
Further congruent we present documents referring to the Lions Arch Guard ongoing investigation into the break and enter which occurred recently at the TIXX INFINIRARIUM workshops. Missing items included stuffing various gears and frames. The suspects involved are still at large but one is believed to be one H. Wade a member of the radical organization the Inquisition and a competitor of Tixx Inc.
It is our belief that counterfeit Princess dolls tm. Are being produced in Lions arch by unskilled and untrained individuals. TIXX INFINIRARIUM INC. cannot be held accountable for the safety of said illegal copies which appear to be being produced from illicit goods.
We therefore move for a dismissal Roe vs. Tixx , humbly request the authorities investigate the possibility that Jane Roe is in receipt of stolen goods

Dear residents of Lion’s Arch,

Stop flushing the toys down the toilet. The whole place has already been badly clogged with stuff from foodfights & dead karkas, the toys are making it worse and the stench from stagnant sewage has knocked out most of our skritt volunteers. The Elementalist trainer at Trader’s Forum is happy to burn the toys to ashes for you at 10 copper per doll.

Ye friendly Lion’s Arch sewage cleaner

robinsiebler.3801:

I laughed so hard! Thank you!!!

This message was brought to you by a Kitten with a Keyboard

Its funny isn’t it?

Ahem, must get into character!

A Noble of Canthan descent and resident of Upper City Way in Divinity’s Reach coming to the court to complain about the picketers and also provide what she found that may help the case.

Your honor! I was just passing through on my way to the gate network and I saw the commotion around the fountain. When I got closer, I had yellow snow and something really smelly mixed into a snowball thrown at my face and robes along with jeers and names calling me a “Yellow skinned Tixx lover” by one of the picketers at the portal to Tixx’s workshop. My beautiful winged dress is ruined with human and possibly other species’ liquid and solid excrement! I demand the mob involved pay for my dry cleaning! Its made of silk! Also my daughter travels to South Sun Cove daily, how will I know she is safe with these insane protestors raving and vandalizing in the streets? Can’t the Lionguard do something for us bystanders traveling in the city and through the gates?

As to this court case, I can say with the utmost truth in my heart Toy Master Tixx is not at fault here, I saw for myself the faulty toys that were made by someone else in giant presents all over Tyria. As I approach them, they burst open, knocking me back and out come the crazed toys and, sometimes on occasion, Skritt, that seem to be what I believe the be the root of the problem.

Yumiko Emi Ishida a concerned disgruntled Canthan and member of the Vigil.

The plaintiff Jane Roe, a minor. Where were the parents? Where was the supervision? Where is the responsibility to ensure anything given to a child is checked first by the parents?

Is Jane Roe, a minor, trying to gain by use of the Restatement of Tort, Attractive nuisance doctrine? Are the parents, such that they are, absent from all this and allow a minor to present damages for a case in which the parents are soley to blame for celebrating Wintersday and then passing out allowing then the child Jane Roe torun amok and grab at things and wander willy nilly?

The case against Tixx is laughable, the case will not be able to prove intentionally injury as multiple warnings are given during each event in which a doll is…………created, this case is purely confusion based on the creation statute and will be thrown out and the parents jailed for child neglect, wanton endangerment, allowing a minor to posses a dangerous weapon of mass destruction and illegal transport of dangerous items across ethereal boundries (Gates).