Guild Wars 2

I would like to esquire about possibility of a class action lawsuit against said Tixx Infinirarium Incorporated. Not only are their dolls grossly unsafe, but one of their “Griffon” products nearly removed one of my eyes with its talons. I have been required to take time off work in order to seek medical treatment and the doctor is unsure of the long term damages as a result of this vicious and unprovoked attack.

I wish to join in the class action lawsuit against this toy making fiend. My first encounter in a level one area against the Princess Dolls on a level 80 character left me downed and humiliated. They were so ferocious they made me wet my armor. This MUST be avenged!

I don’t get what’s so great about this. I guess this just isn’t my thing.

Its a Forum based extension of Tarnished Coast’s Role Play environment.

You’re standing in a room, with a gun with two bullets.
In the room with you are the Mad King, Zhaitan, and a lawyer.

Q. What do you do?
A. Shoot the lawyer twice.

Where can I sign up for the class action?

Bloody dolls..

Yumiko Ishida.3769:

Its a Forum based extension of Tarnished Coast’s Role Play environment.

Ah okay thanks for the clarification. I get it now, still not my thing though, I hate lawsuit cases.

Donut.6914
All Things Have A Right To Grow.
Including silly forums.

(( Oh man I wish I weren’t finding this at the end of a tiring day. I’m a criminal defense attorney rather than a civil attorney but I find this to be pure gold and I salute the OP for starting something grand.

Please don’t shoot me, Sven Bow. I’m one of the non-slimy ones. ))

Where is the class action lawsuit? Who is taking that on? Because I was molested by 5 Toy Soldiers that exploded out of a box and left for dead in a ditch.

Ye we can easily start a class action lawsuit here if this whole unsafe toy debacle isn’t enough now there is even evidence of some lab in Lions arch creating some illegal substance that turns its victims into these homocidal toy dolls. Its being said that zommos might be involved but so far i could not catch him in the act.

And this is not even just happening in Lions Arch. People all over Tyria are addicted this clearly illegal substance. Something have to be done about that.

Who is going protect our children from that ?

Donut.6914:

Yumiko Ishida.3769:

Its a Forum based extension of Tarnished Coast’s Role Play environment.

Ah okay thanks for the clarification. I get it now, still not my thing though, I hate lawsuit cases.

As an attorney I must tell you, this is a mistake. Lawsuits are not the problem.

Lawyers are the problem. Hate US. Not the cases.

Prince Rogers Nelson.7652:

Donut.6914:

Yumiko Ishida.3769:

Its a Forum based extension of Tarnished Coast’s Role Play environment.

Ah okay thanks for the clarification. I get it now, still not my thing though, I hate lawsuit cases.

As an attorney I must tell you, this is a mistake. Lawsuits are not the problem.

Lawyers are the problem. Hate US. Not the cases.

(No bro, we need love too.)

(overheard at a tavern in Sanctum Harbor)

….you heard about how “Sea Dolyak” thwarted boarding by Covington’s pirates, by threatening to open those gift boxes that happened to drop from the sky onto the ship? First mate said that our captain has given order to have several empty crates to be wrapped up as gift boxes by tonight, before we set sail tomorrow morning…

Office of the Clerk of Court of the Courts of the Arcane Council, 1st Circuit, Rata Sum
Clerk Bixxit the Thorough

To Parties: Vitellio Romana, Tixx, Tixx Infinirarium Inc., Jane Roe, Denn and Krane, Generators’ Representative Union of New Tyria, et al.

Re: Determination of Arcane Council in Motion for Change of Venue Roe v. Tixx

To Whom It May Concern,

In the matter of Roe v. Tixx, the motion for change of venue per the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement, Diplomatic Representative’s Rights and Responsibilities Clause, is hereby granted by Judge Tripp the Studious, 1st Circuit Court, Part 25.

Judge Tripp rules that:

Per the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement between the Arcane Council and the representatives of the nations and peoples receiving the benefits of Asuran Gates, all Diplomats, Ambassadors, Hospitalers and Healers, and Representatives of Charitable Organizations of the signatories to the agreement are exempt from prosecution and civil actions in the domains in which they are visiting as officials of those nations and peoples.

The Court finds that Tixx is a representative of a Charitable Organization, Tixx Infinirarium Inc., and an Asuran. Further, Tixx is a Goodwill Ambassador of the Arcane Council and Asuran people to the signatories of the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement.

Per the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement, plaintiffs and prosecutors of the signatories to the agreement may petition the courts of law of the nation or organization that the official represents for a redress of grievances or the prosecution of criminal offenses.

The Court finds that the Parties to Case Number: 475-DR-8913, Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach, County of Queensdale, are entitled to a Hearing for the Redress of Grievances in the Courts of the Arcane Council.

Per the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement, the 1st Circuit Court, Part 25 hereby invokes the Diplomatic Representative’s Rights and Responsibilities Clause in the matter of Roe v. Tixx. Subject to the Agreement, the Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach is hereby enjoined to transfer all documents and evidence related to this case to the Office of the Clerk of Court of the Courts of the Arcane Council, 1st Circuit no later than 2 fortnights after receipt of this Order.

Further Motions and Addendums should be submitted to the Clerk of Court of the Courts of the Arcane Council, 1st Circuit, Rata Sum.

Prince Rogers Nelson.7652:

The same is true of our own knowledge, except as to those matters which are therein alleged on information and belief, and as to those matters, we believe it to be true. And we are never wrong.

But you misspelled your own name. For that matter how are Denn and Krayn even still alive?

Bookahs never heard of “necessary sacrifices”. A few small hiccups and everyone gets all up in arms, what about the amazing gifts made by Tixx, granted I could have made infinity more extravagant gifts, but why steal his thunder.

Before filing this case you bookahs should spend a week maybe a fortnight in Rata Sum. At least his works are a success. I remember my lab partner in the College of Dynamics once tried to power a golem using natural gasses, the thing blew up and made the lab stink for months, never worked either. While my steam powered golems on the other hand worked a treat with no nasty smells, at least until they blew up. (I should really pick that project back up some time)

But I digress Tixx seems to be performing some fine research and if a few bookahs can handle it then that’s fine, but he is performing some fine work. And I am not just saying that because he got me a golem toy for Wintersday.

Signed,

Wik The Ingenious

PvtMartin.5076:

Prince Rogers Nelson.7652:

The same is true of our own knowledge, except as to those matters which are therein alleged on information and belief, and as to those matters, we believe it to be true. And we are never wrong.

But you misspelled your own name. For that matter how are Denn and Krayn even still alive?

Silly bookah. Like any superior beings, we carry the legacy of our forefathers. But our name is merely in tribute to the originators of multi-brain lawyering, one of the many gifts our race has deigned grant you variably hirsute, odorous top-dwellers.

It would be necessary, in what could be assumed to be a torrid affair with discourse, to call into question the very nature of a juridical system which attempts recompense like regimentalized keg-brawlers in a ring. Hunters after prey. Seeping and slithering through action and discourse channels to make certain nodal control over the narrative of fear. By creating a virtual world from the dubious dust of causal links, the barristers-in-agression subvert the epistemological function. One could even call into question the ontology of the creator-function (where here the creator function is differentiated from the creator so as not to place a juridical limit on the actions, behaviors, possibilities, or spontaneities of the entity described) as it relates to the products of its creation. What can be done when every act or creation is transgressive? This is certainly not to advocate a laissez-faire approach to Tixx and the subsequent conundrum, as even the act of letting each be creates certain spheres into which counter-conducts can accrue. If, in this sense, the juridical establishment at hand is attempting to equate the facts of creative productivity (with a pardonable aside to the wage-workers who grunt to labor-produce those goods) with the incident of harm and blame, then any and all who does anything will automatically be at fault for affecting another; as the stirrings of the flies around rotten flesh in Orr cause blizzards in Hoelbrak. Then again, one could also say that the incitement-to-non-action caused by recompensive fear would also affect others by virtue of volitionally closing off possible courses of action and interaction. Either way, what is clear is that the binaristic incitement-to-juridication becomes itself more damaging and dangerous to the individual inhabitants of Tyria than the singular incident at hand. If one is okay with forceful normalization, if one does not fear the tyranny of the judiciary and legislative powers of coercion, if one thinks it preferable to live in a virtual world constructed by others, at their whim and mercy, then move along as complacent dolyaks. If, however, one desires radical autonomy and individuality, if one seeks to break the chains of coercion, if one thinks that Tyria is real, is a world meant for the free and the living, then no course of action is left save destroying the courts and all who propagate such filth.

If there’s going to be some punishment for Tixx – or whatever you weasely Lawyer types are calling it – I want in on it!

I bought some of those toys for my Cousins Naming day. In the white of Snow she was to receive her first wooden Sword, and by the description of that lying, thiefing Skritt bugger that sold me that dolyak poo, they would have made a fine addition to the festivities.

Now imagine my cousin, being in heaven over her very own sword (luckily i opened the package before and removed those silly looking woolen… somethings… that where on the hilt) standing there expectantly and those dolls come out of their package… and curtsy. They curtsy! Like some posh Human Nobles in their beloved summertime they curtsy – and have the gall to remind us to mind our manners!

Poor little Svenja nearly cried. We wanted her to start her Legend with having beaten the ravenous murderous Toy horde – but there’s no Glory in slaughtering wooden things having a Tea Party. And even those Griffons – which don’t even remotely resemble the majestic beauty of the real deal – only give a whimpering squeak when you hack at them. If someone hadn’t stepped on Garms tail so we could at least have the traditional fun, the day would have been a complete disaster!

Now I hear that some human girl who doesn’t even appreciate a good brawl got my cousins fun? That bedeviled Tixx ruined the day that was supposed to be Svenjas and by Raven I WILL tell him personally what I think of that – by planting my Fist in his Face!

There’s been a lot of protests about Tixx’s innocence and the slander to his good name. But what about our innocence and good names? I’m talking about all us loyal toys who follow our owners around peacefully and try to entertain everyone around us. I just want to spread some fluffy love and Wintersday cheer. But thanks to the violent actions of a minority of malfunctioning toys and the indiscriminately harsh words of those spreading these stories around, people are running away from me instead of smiling. We good toys should not be judged by the actions of a few rotten apples. Sniff . . . I just want a hug!

Sincerely,

Squee, a sad plushy griffin

Dear citizens, the matter of seriously unsafe Wintersday toys has come to the Order of Whispers’ attention. (Our Master of Whispers has a soft spot for the princess dolls. Or rather, HAD a soft spot.) The Order is doing our utmost to investigate and dole out punishment where appropriate, do cooperate with our investigation and ignore any shady people in red robes hanging around corners. Rest assured that should Tixx be found guilty , as the Master is wont to believe, we have methods to make him… disappear. Stay strong, citizens, and the Order will sort it out.

We work, as always, from the shadows.
—Lightbringer, The Order of Whispers

Somewhere in a backyard in Divinity’s Reach you can hear a strange hissing, clicking sound.

Musssttt find sisssterrrrrsss….mussst kill Jane…mussst kill Tixxxxx…mussst ssstarrrrt toypocalypssssssssss…..

FFFoooooOOOOoooOoo. Quaggan want more toys, but toy store close. No toys hurt Quaggan. Princess Doll safe in pod, safe from Krait. SSSSsstooooOOOooopid girl get hurt ’cause girl was naughty, make fun of Quaggan.

In addition to the civil lawsuit being brought against this evil toymaker, my attorneys are preparing to bring criminal charges against the monstrous Tixx.

The charge: Nothing less than MURDER. Heinous, unprovoked, premeditated murder.

While taking our customary daily stroll around our landholdings, my sisters and I were delighted to find a rather large gift near our estate. As we are accustomed to receiving gifts from our many underlings, we thought it a lovely gesture in the spirit of Wintersday. Upon opening said “gift”, we were astonished to find numerous hostile toys inside. We fought valiantly, but alas, were no match for these murderous contraptions. At one point, my twin sister SHATTERED! I was helpless to prevent it as I watched her atoms dissipate in the biting cold. Transparent though she may have been, she was still my sister.

The entire family is devastated as a result of this horrible crime. Mother has taken to wearing a hat made of tin, as she is convinced it is a conspiracy aimed at obliterating our whole family. Oh, the horror…

wow lol could we lower the IQ on this thread? im only human (and blond) (and dutch)

We am Gruk. We am a Ettin.

We am sayin wot appened wiv da little raisin face wot maks toyz.

Me tribe is appy, an I is boss cos I am da most clever see? Den dis little raisin ’ed wot call imself Tixx kitten wiv iz robot fings an splatty gunz wot meks us diffrent colurz, and den ’e meks us go to dat dark wet place where dem nitemare plant peepul liv.

’e gifz da nitemarez sum gold shiniez an dey startz mekkin us smash up dese evil plantz an treez dey mek. Den raisin face puts dis wood in ’is coggy an wheely an clanky metal fings an out cumz dese little kiddie toy wotsits.

We ’as bin made to be workaz by nitemare peepul to break da evil wud for raisin face.

We wants moneyz for our fixin by da docs!

<Microphone scruffing noises, followed by tapping>

“Good patriots of Lion’s Arch, and those listening on our sister station in Divinity’s Reach …. this is QQLA-Lion’s Arch Radio’s best known voice of reason, the Swiftness Furybag Show … reporting on something that should have you all up in arms. You see ladies, gentlemen, Charr, and sentient aquatic creatures … there is a war on Tixxmass ..err.. Winter’s Day.

These .. so called ‘progressive’ Divinity’s Reach socialists … who I call ’Divinity’s Preach’ because all they do is whine, and complain and riot, trying to force you to succumb to their progressive agenda …" <heavy breathing, papers shuffling>

“… they’ve launched all these frivolous lawsuits based on nothing but some children complaining because of a few bumps and bruises. In my day … in my day you played with your toys, you took your lumps and you were accountable for your own actions. Now? Well now we just get all litigious whenever some namby-pamby Divinity’s Reach urchin takes an arrow to the knee. What kind of society are we living in? Well I’ll tell you .. " <voice trails off, more paper shuffling noises>

“There is a war out there people. Remember?! Zhaitan isn’t going to roll over when Betty Sue or Scruffy Charrfluffy calls a ‘time-out’ because they stubbed their toe. Kids these days need to toughen up and quit whining and crying to mama .. or worse .. socialist sue-mongers .. when something doesn’t go their way. Grow up .. join the militia .. do something useful like die for your country … " <gulping/drinking noises … coughing>

“So .. so … these crybabies .. they’re mounting a smear campaign against the face of Winter’s Day, Tixx. They’re trying to take the Tixx out of Winter’s Day. They’ve launched a veritable campaign to dethrone the poster-Asuran model for industry, capitalism and ingenuity. What is with these people today?

I tell you, I’m awash in Fury … I pray to Dwayna to give me the Vigor and Stability needed to stand this … this assault on one of our most blessed holidays and a Paragon of all that is good and right in our industrious society … poor, poor Tixx!

Ladies and gentlemen and Quaggins .. this assault demands Retaliation. Noble, loyal listeners … we need to offer our prayers of Protection for Tixx …. we need to … to be his Aegis during this slanderous assault.

… we’ll be back after these messages from Quaggin Qurunch Cereal with a panel of experts to discuss this further … " <microphone feedback noises ... papers shuffling ..>

(At this rate we will have enough background story to form another Wintersday event ^^)

The Daily Lion, 80th Day of Colossus, Page three, advertisement

Do you have a problem with toys that suddenly go haywire, disintegrating your home & love ones?

Well do we have a solution for you! Introducing the all new BFG*2012 golem, the ultimate defense against berserk toys !

Based on the famous PK 632Z technology, BFG2012 can effectively eliminate all toys gone rogue using our revolutionary HIC`, which can breakdown toys into sustainable energy for BFG2012, so you don’t have worry about cleaning up the remains of destroyed toys! Best of all, BFG2012 can bake you a cake to celebrate the end of runaway toys’ tyranny!

Call us now & you will receive a free upgrade to female vocal module! Hurry while stock lasts!

*Buggy Figurines Gorger
`Hydraulic Ingestion Capacitor

I just want to say that this is the best thread I have found so far on the forums. I laughed so hard and had a great time reading all the entries, that I shared the link with my guild mates. Many of whom are actually in the legal field and enjoyed these posts.

I worked for a Bankruptcy lawyer many years ago and can remember having to wade through all the legal jargon just to understand what I needed to do in order to make sure the filing got done correctly and on time.

Sometimes the funniest things happen without thought. Many laughs later, I am still enjoying this thread.

Anet definitely needs to archive this and make it available as a “legal research” item in the future.

Hi Vit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Miles!!!

(DISCLAIMER: This is not intended to be, nor has ever been intended as, a public statement on part of the law firm, Romana, Ray, Orochi, LLP or any of its clients, and we please ask the media to respect the privacy of the Roe family during these trying times. We are not at liberty to discuss the specifics of the matter of Roe v. Tixx at the present time. Thank you.)

This thread is hilarious. (no bias intended *raise eyebrow)

Report to Steward Gixx, Durmand Priory

As you requested, Sir, Magister Sieran and I investigated the airship belonging to Tixx to determine the type of magick being used in the manufacture of the Wintersday toys. We made some rather alarming discoveries.

The engines used to run the manufactory leak oil at an alarming rate. Magister Sieran found this to be especially troubling as the effect it could have on the environment of Tyria.

There are Skritt running about everywhere, and many of them seem intent on stealing, and several of them were hostile toward us. We are not sure how they came to be aboard the vessel, but most likely they have found an Azuran portal. Possibly watching for how the krewe board and disembark, and taking advantage of times the portal is open.

As for the magick being used, we could not determine the source or type of magick, but it appears to used somewhat haphazardly and without caution. During our visit, the Princess Dolls, Plush Griffins, Toy Soldier, well in fact all manner of the toys turned hostile and either attacked each other, or us!

Finally, a mighty golem went haywire, and started rampaging about. We were forced to inactivate it before it destroyed the ship and caused the whole thing to come crashing down out of the sky!

In conclusion, it appears that the manufactory is being run in an unsafe manner, the magick being used is unstable, and there does not appear to be any oversite of the operation by Mr. Tixx whatsoever.

Please let me know if I can be of any further service in this manner (as long as it does not involve those horrid dolls!).

~Magister Shade Thorne

stpetemermaid.5947:

As you requested, Sir, Magister Sieran and I

My tears will never end.

figgin Epic. +1Million. These toys have been a plague on me since day one. And I honestly laughed extremely loud at this. Kudos for creativity.

Kristen Perry is still my hero.

You RPers are awesome. Thanks for letting me play along (without initially realizing what I was getting myself into O___O)!

DISTRICT COURT OF DIVINITY’S REACH, TYRIA
QUEENSDALE DIVISION

ROE, Jane (a minor), Plaintiff
v
TIXX INFINIRARIUM, Inc., Defendant

CASE NO: 475-DR-8913

Attorneys and Law Firms
Romana, Ray, Orochi, LLP, for Plaintiff
Ben-Jarvis, Green, Ellis LLP, for Defendant

OPINION
The Honorable Airemi Bex, District Judge.

This is a classic case of negligence and strict liability. The case is before this court on a ruling for a motion to dismiss filed by Defendants on the 80th day of the Season of Colossus. The court has carefully reviewed the briefs submitted by the parties. Following this careful review, the court rules that Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss [#6] is DENIED.

JURISIDICTION
Plaintiff is a resident of Queensdale and Defendant’s headquarters are located in Rata Sum. Further, the amount in controversy is 500 gold, which exceeds the statutory minimum of 75 gold. Accordingly, this court has diversity jurisdiction over the parties, 28 U.S.T. Sec. 1332.

BACKGROUND¹
Plaintiff alleges that on the 74th day of Colossus, she began to play with a Princess Doll whereupon it purportedly malfunctioned and Plaintiff was injured. Plaintiff alleges that she suffered 1) a permanent disability caused by 3 projectiles embedded in Plaintiff’s right leg and buttock; 2)psychological harm caused by severely traumatic tantrum program preceding the attack; 3) a deceased Pet; and 4) psychological harm caused by deceased pet.

¹All facts are taken from the allegations filed by Plaintiff.

PROCEDURAL POSTURE
On the 74th day of Colossus, Plaintiff filed her Complaint in the present action in Courts of the Arcane Council, 1st Circuit, Rata Sum. On the 75th day of Colossus, Defendant removed this case to this court, citing diversity jursidiction. The Clerk of the Court docketed the Complaint that day [#1]. Summons were issued and returned as served on Defendants on the 75th. [#2]. Two days later, Defendant filed their Answer [#3]. Defendant filed the present Motion to Dismiss on the 78th [#4].

ANALYSIS
A Motion to Dismiss is an early dispositive action to test the legal sufficiency of the facts to which Plaintiff attests. Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss cannot be granted unless Plaintiffs are unable to demonstrate that they are plausibly entitled to relief under the facts they have alleged. Bell’s Mulch for Healthy Sylvari v. Twombly, 550 T. 544, 546 (5910). Under Twombly, this court is required to draw all reasonable inferences in Plaintiff’s favor and assume that Plaintiff’s factual allegations are true. See id. at 555.

Regarding Plaintiff’s first claim, the elements of a negligence action are: duty, breach, causation, and damages. It is clear that Defendant had a duty to Defendant to not create a toy that would injure a child. Taking all of Plaintiff’s facts as true, it is also clear that Defendant breached that duty and that damages resulted as a proximate cause of that breach. Regarding Plaintiff’s second claim, Divinity’s Reach follows the strict liability doctrine set forth in § 402A of the Sixth Restatement of Torts, which imposes liability on “a seller of any product in a defective condition unreasonably dangerous to the user or consumer or to his property,” regardless of the degree of care taken in the production.” Here, as a seller/purveyor of the Princess Dolls, this court finds that, taking all of Plaintiff’s facts as true, that Defendant failed to maintain his products in a fashion that was not unreasonably dangerous to any common consumer. At this stage, the court finds that, taking all of Plaintiff’s proffered facts to be true, that Plaintiff has stated a theory under which Defendant Tixx is a proper party in this case for both negligence and strict products liability.

Notably, this court takes judicial notice of the fact that Defendant’s Toyboxes have been all over the news recently.² This court takes further notice of the fact that she has been nastily tricked by the various enticing boxes laying about everywhere and was required to call upon the Marshals to defend herself from the onslaught of Princess Dolls.³ It is therefore plausible that other of Tixx’s so-called “amusements” and “toys” might have malfunctioned similarly.

Accordingly, Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss is denied.

² See, e.g., Lion’s Arch News Network (LANN) Transcript, 78th Day of Colossus (noting that while several Human and Sylvari children have been injured, Norn children have mostly eaten the toys, and Charr children have disassembled them to build novel weapons that had been heretofore uninvented.)

³ The judge in this case has been advised by her doctor that she must stand while at the bench so as to allow her rear to heal properly.

IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED THAT:

(1) Defendant’s Rule 12(b)(6) Motion to Dismiss [#4] is DENIED.
(2) The Magistrate Judge is directed to manage discovery. Depositions are due to this court before pretrial motions are filed.
(3) Pretrial motions are due by the 2nd day of the Season of Zephyr.
(4) Trial is set for the 88th day of the Season of Zephyr.

Biogon: Bell’s Mulch for Healthy Sylvari v. Twombly, 550 T. 544, 546 (5910). Under Twombly, this court is required to draw all reasonable inferences in Plaintiff’s favor and assume that Plaintiff’s factual allegations are true. See id. at 555.

Citing precedence….priceless!

( The ruling is incredibly hilarious! Some inconsistency with lore, i.e Sylvari are born adults, there are no Sylvari children. But who cares I smell a prolonged battle of appeals & counter sues. Can’t wait XD )

Everyone in this thread deserves a standing ovation.

{
Thanks for the kind comments! All this opinion writing I’ve been doing had to come in useful in the “real world” somewhere…

This was by far the most fun I’ve had writing legal stuff.

loneknight: I forgot about that… Darn! I had just read that, too. I just started GW2 a month ago and hadn’t played GW1 so I’ve been trying to absorb as much lore as possible.

stpetemermaid: I can’t very well write an opinion without citing to proper precedent, now can I? I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Twombly, but for the non-US attorneys, The funny thing is, in U.S. law, Twombly is actually the proper Supreme Court case for that proposition. The defendant there is actually Bell Atlantic… but I had to come up something less distinctive.

}

biogon.1746:

{Thanks for the kind comments!}

I concur wholeheartedly. The OP was alright aight, but what really makes this are the hilarious responses! Thank you guys!!!

Office of the Secretary of the High Councilor of the Arcane Council
Secretary Trappi the Fastidious

To: Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach, County of Queensdale

Re: Case Number: 475-DR-8913, Roe v. Tixx

Your Honors,

It has come to the attention of the Arcane Council that individuals within your Courts of Law have maintained that the matter of Roe v. Tixx be limited to the jurisdiction of the Divinity’s Reach.

We remind you that the terms of the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement, Diplomatic Representative’s Rights and Responsibilities Clause are explicit in their particulars. The Courts of the Arcane Council have jurisdiction in all matters involving representatives of the Asuran people, just as the Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach has jurisdiction in all matters involving representatives of Her Majesty’s Court, the Royal Family, and its Ambassadors, Hospitalers, Healers, and Charitable Organizations.

Judge Tripp has already invoked the terms of the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement in the matter of Roe v. Tixx. If Her Majesty and the Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach refuse to comply with the Agreement, the Signatories will be forced to renegotiate the terms of the Agreement.

If Her Majesty and the Superior Court of Divinity’s Reach are confident in their ability to fabricate Gates of Their Own, it would appear that the Asuran people and the Arcane Council are no longer necessary to the machinations of the Remaining Humans. We wish Her Majesty and the Remaining Humans well and will immediately withdraw our assets and expertise from Her Majesty’s holdings and into the Black Citadel, so as not to present any opportunity for Offense.

We humbly await Her Majesty’s reply but, recognizing the Demands of Her Office, will meekly withdraw to the Citadel if we do not receive a Timely Decision.

If Her Majesty requires a copy of the Peacekeeper’s Travel and Gate Lease Agreement, the Arcane Council will be happy to dispatch a courier before severing all Gate links.

Peacefully Yours,
Secretary Trappi

Office of the Mayor of the Stronghold of Ebonhawke.

Dear Sir,

It has come to the attention of the administration of the Stronghold of Ebonhawke that due to a legal matter now proceeding, the Arcane Council of Rata Sum is considering renegotiating all Asura gate contracts serving human populated regions of Kryta.

We are sure that Secretary Trappi, and the remainder of the Arcane Council, are fully aware of the precarious situation that this would force upon Ebonhawke. The Arcane Council will of course be fully aware that our only link to other regions of Tyria via Asura Gate is that which we have between ourselves and Divinity’s Reach. They will also be aware that Ebonhawke has a contract for lease and maintenance of that gate which has been pre-paid and is not due for expiration for another year.

We hope that the Arcane Council will contact us with details of an alternative agreement whereas the gate located within Ebonhawke will allow for transfer to another city, should they feel the requirement to cancel or renegotiate their agreements with Divinity’s Reach.

We look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

Josh Rogan,
Mayor of the Stronghold of Ebonhawke
_____________________________________________________________________

((within the envelope has been placed a handwritten note))

Please do not link us to Rata Sum! The sudden change of altitude does a real number on me.

Mayor Rogan
_____________________________________________________________________

((roflmao! Nice one on diplomatic strong-arming))

(News of possible isolation of Ebonhawke from Tyria has generated unrest within the stronghold. Mass exodus of panicked citizens has threatened to overload the sole asuran gate and disrupted the flow of supplies into the embattled stronghold. Meanwhile charr renegades & separatists have increased their offense against the garrison, adding to the anxiety of Ebonhawke garrison as they have received intels of Iron Legion have once again moved their siege machines towards the stronghold)

(On the eve of Wintersday, the General Staff Office of Ebonhawke Garrison receive a mail)

“To the Garrison Commander of the encircled city of Ebonhawke.

The fortune of war is changing. This time the garrison in and near Ebonhawke have been encircled by strong Charr warband. More warbands have crossed the Dragonbrand, will join us in taking of the city of Ebonhawke.

There is only one possibility to save the encircled garrison from total annihilation: that is the unconditional surrender of the encircled city. In order to think it over a term of two hours will be granted beginning with the presentation of this note.

If this proposal should be rejected our mighty siege machines are ready to annihilate the garrison in and near the city of Ebonhawke. The order for firing will be given immediately after this two hours term.

All the serious civilian losses, including Asuans, Norns & Sylavri, caused by this attack would not correspond with the well-known Ascalon humanity.

The Charr Warband Leader."

A short moment later a reply is given.

“To the Charr Warband Leader.

NUTS!

The Garrison Commander."

[[But then the Mayor of Ebonhawke would be forced to pursue an alliance with the Seperatists who indeed have a strong presence in Ebonhawke. This may smash the Renegade/Separatist pact, although whether this would be enough combined force to hold back a Renegade assault remains to be seen.]]

[[A letter is sent by courier to the Separatist leader]]

Office of the Mayor of the Stronghold of Ebonhawke.

The Council of Ebonhawke is highly concerned at your intention to band alongside Charr to assault a human City. Your own callers within Ebonhawke continually remind us of the horrors inflicted upon our people by the Charr, and now it appears that you wish to unite with them in an attack which would most certainly bring about deaths of many citizens. I remind you that many members of the Separatist movement have families within our walls. By assaulting Ebonhawke with our old enemies, you and your men may be putting your own mothers, fathers and children to the sword.

We implore you, explicitly, not to agree to this insane plan which would see Ebonhawke fall, your own numbers weakened through a senseless siege, and which would leave the Renegade Charr in a position to destroy you and to take Ebonhawke for itself.

If you consider the lives of your own people, and the future of humanity, then the Separatists will unite with Ebonhawke against our true common foe!

Please find enclosed a draft document which, when agreed upon and signed, would grant your movement the right to elect half of the members of the council of Ebonhawke, thus ensuring a strong all-human pact to defend the Stronghold from this current threat, and all that may threaten it in the future.

The council eagerly awaits your reply.

Yours faithfully,

Josh Rogan,
Mayor of the Stronghold of Ebonhawke

…All’s I’m sayin’ is tha’ when I wa’ walkin’ t’ ‘ospital, fer me ’ernia treatment, I ’ad t’ take a rest at near where tha’ girl lives. Ya’kno the one who ‘as been all in tha’ news lately.

Well I tel’ ye’ now, she wer walkin’ all fine as like, until her parents caught her.

Tha’ she wer in’t garden playin’ wi a Toy Golem runnin ‘bout like ’es ne’er sin a kid run. Then out tha’ blue, out come her parents yellin’ n’ shoutin’, “dun’t she kno’ how much gettin’ caught wud cost em?”

I tell yer now I ain’t ever seen a kid look so sad in all mi’ born days, n tha parents shud be ashamed I tell yas…