Guild Wars 2

What’s keeping us from entering the Dominion of the Four Winds?
All in all it’s just a….another brick in the WALL!

How did Scarlet manage to gather so many resources for her alliances?

Zommoros is Scarlet’s second name.

Breaking news…The Marionette Event yesterday around 15:00 couldn’t be done due to Scarlet experiencing huge lagging and she DC’ed in the end.
A formal statement of Scarlet:" I hereby sincerely apologize for ruining all your effort upon gaining entrance to my secet weapon testing area..but I just switched providers and it seems my WIFI was unable to connect in my secret lair."

A Norn and his Eagle pet walk into a bar. The Norn orders a beer upon which the Eagle screeched" and one coke please!" The Norn turn towards the Eagle and says" shut up bird, you are not allowed to order without my permission". After a while, the Norn orders another round and again, the Eagle screeches " and one coke please?". The Norn glared to the Eagle and threatened " if you do this again, I nail you to the wall!!“. After finishing his second, the Norn goes for drinkinground three ..and again, the Eagle Screeches” one coke please!“. The Norn then gets furious, grabs the Eagle and nails it to the wall with two nails through its wings…right next to a small statue of dwayna which is hanging there. The Eagle looks towards this statue and ten asks..” did you also order a coke?"

What do you call a Sylvari with all Cultural armor?

Ceasar-Salad

A norn walks in and out of a bar.

3 Ascalonian fighters walk into a bar. The barman says “Good evening ghosts what can I….” the first fighter holds up his shield in a blocking motion.

The barman looks confused and thinking it must be a joke turns to the second fighter and forces a chuckle. “chuckle, Now sir what can I…..” The second Ascalonian holds up his shield and blocks too.

The barman is a little confused and annoyed by this point and expecting the obvious throws an empty tankard at the third Ascalonian. The third Ascalonian fighter is knocked out by the tankard hitting him in the face.

True story.

“guild wars 2”

What’s so big, that you can’t fit in entire maps?
An asura’s ego.

How to anger an asuran lover: “I don’t know what I did wrong!”.

Lishtenbird.2814:

Do you know that guy who purchased 10 character expansion slots?
Turns out he just wanted to post “LOL” on the forum.

Good lord that is awful. ROFL

what is bigger then a norn?
the ego of an asura.

What would a fleet of airships be doing in Guild Wars 2?
Covering Death from Above!

Orichalcum Ore: noun. One who would do anything for Orichalcum.

Sea of Sorrows is a peaceful place

Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic Asura?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog…

The otter havroun went to the Mists one day to check up on the otter spirit but before he could get to it he found one of the spirit otters wondering the Mists, alone.
The norn asked:“How come you’re so far from any other otters or THE OTTER?”.
The otter replied:“What if I say that I’m not like the otters?”

Ashabhi.1365:

Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic Asura?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog…

Correction: He kept everyone else up all night explaining his theories about the existence of a dog.

A human, a Charr and a Norn are out drinking. All of a sudden the human smashes his glass and says:
“In Kryta we have so many glasses that we don’t need to drink from the same twice”
The Charr throws his glass in the air, draws his pistol, shoots it and proclaims:
“In Ascalon we have so much sand that we can make so many glasses that we don’t have to drink from the same twice”
The Norn is passed out…

The Ascalonian ruins have ruined both charr and human alike.

zamalek.2154:

Ashabhi.1365:

Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac dyslexic Asura?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog…

Correction: He kept everyone else up all night explaining his theories about the existence of a dog.

Ah… Thank you for the correction. ^^

Zorby.8236:

A human, a Charr and a Norn are out drinking. All of a sudden the human smashes his glass and says:
“In Kryta we have so many glasses that we don’t need to drink from the same twice”
The Charr throws his glass in the air, draws his pistol, shoots it and proclaims:
“In Ascalon we have so much sand that we can make so many glasses that we don’t have to drink from the same twice”
The Norn passed out ordered another drink…

FTFY

These jokes are Krait, I’m just tired of all the Skritt ones.

Dhuum resurrects a creature.

Why cant thieves turn invisible all of a sudden?

They got stealth-nerfed.

What’s Jormag’s favourite song?
A tie between Ice Ice baby and Cold as ice.

What’s Tyria’s newest virus? A wurm.

“WvW is a middle ground for PvE and PvP”

Do a barrel roll! (Press W A S or D twice)

Grenth’s icy toes, by the bear, ohh my eternal alchemy, by the Dream!
What savings!

What did the Engineer say to the Tower Guard?

Nothing, because playing any other class was the only way to meet him. HA!

There have been a few cracks on the Queensdale and the sylvari engies used seeds to make the wall more stable, you could say that they seeded those torrents. Yeeeaaaahhhh

“All the things you love about GW1”

What did ANET do when the sheer mass of the event ZERG was too much for the server to support?

They had to SPAWN MORE OVERFLOWS!

What do you call a Sylvari putting his clothes on?

Salad, dressing.

What was Dhuum’s, Abbadon’s and Menzies’ secret alliance secretly called?
The triforce

Ranger

/thread

edit upon further thinking: if someone else already said this, +1 to them

I can tell my norn friend is under a lot of stress. He actually stopped drinking!

War Condi Meta joke.

2 swords walk into a gym.. they see the longbow sitting in the corner. The swords ask.. whats wrong longbow? The longbow says… I think I pulled something.

“zerging is a good way to enjoy an RPG”

Mordremoth and Primordus where cillin’ when all of the sudden they see a sylvari entering the Mists.
M: I’m going to make her my minion ‘cuz I’m a plant-dragon, and you know how sylvari love plants.
P: I’m going to make her my minion because everyone’s scared of my fire!
After a while..
M: You take her, she’s not worth the trouble.
P: You’re the plant-lover, I’m just a fire-dragon causing some chaos and drinking magic,I’ve got enough minion from the mountains.
M: Where’s your flame now?

What’s the best way to get a drink out of a norn?

Stick your finger down his throat.

andreibianu.8051:

A sylvari on his way to Rata Sum reaches a gate checkpoint where all visitors require paperwork to be accounted for , upon entering the city.
An elderly asura walks up to the him and starts taking some notes .Then with a dull tone asks him :
-Name?
-Farwin Leafmesh , the sylvari answers.
-Age?
-21

I dont get it.

A necromancer wonders around a graveyard during the night. During her visit she meets a zombie and a ghost. Out of sheer joy she started singing:
(facing the zombie) Your my heart,
(facing the ghost) Your my soul.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who?
Who’s who?
I’m the owl havroon that’s deaf in one ear.

Saw someone post this in map chat the other day and it made me laugh.

How does Trahearne change a light bulb? “Commander, I need a word”

A necromancer, a mesmer and a guardian are standing at the mystic forge. Miyana tells them, “throw any 4 items into the forge and yell out your wish, and Zommoros will reward you handsomely.”

So the necromancer can’t wait to try this out. She throws a couple of skulls into the forge and yells out “Ultimate power!!!”, and much to her surprise Zommoros rewards her with a powerful magical staff in return. “Sweet!” -the necromancer exclaimed poetically.

Next up is the mesmer. She throws in a pile of junk that she found during her travels, and yells out: “A new mask!”. And much to her surprise, Zommoros rewards her with a beautiful priceless mask. “Groovy!” -The mesmer exclaimed in joy.

Last up is the guardian. He throws in a couple of swords, and then he thinks. “I’m not as selfish as the both of you. I’ll wish for something that will make us all happy.” So the guardian thinks long and hard, and then he yells out: “I wish for a better world!”

Zommoros instantly pops out and decapitates the mesmer. “You’re welcome!”

Which race in Tyria invented perfume?

The Scent-aurs.

Mad Queen Malafide.7512:

A necromancer, a mesmer and a guardian are standing at the mystic forge. Miyana tells them, “throw any 4 items into the forge and yell out your wish, and Zommoros will reward you handsomely.”

So the necromancer can’t wait to try this out. She throws a couple of skulls into the forge and yells out “Ultimate power!!!”, and much to her surprise Zommoros rewards her with a powerful magical staff in return. “Sweet!” -the necromancer exclaimed poetically.

Next up is the mesmer. She throws in a pile of junk that she found during her travels, and yells out: “A new mask!”. And much to her surprise, Zommoros rewards her with a beautiful priceless mask. “Groovy!” -The mesmer exclaimed in joy.

Last up is the guardian. He throws in a couple of swords, and then he thinks. “I’m not as selfish as the both of you. I’ll wish for something that will make us all happy.” So the guardian thinks long and hard, and then he yells out: “I wish for a better world!”

Zommoros instantly pops out and decapitates the mesmer. “You’re welcome!”

ROFLMAO! I think this is the best in the thread so far.

What’s harder? Getting a norn to stop drinking or killing the wurm boss?
Only one of them will say:“Just try and stop me!”.