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Warning Buoy!

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

There is a spot in the middle of the Lion’s Arch harbor where a rock lies submerged just below the surface. This is a hazard to navigation, and there is no warning buoy. I am doing my job as a concerned citizen, standing out there waving off ships until the city engineers can either remove the rock or put up a warning.

In the meanwhile, it is getting dark. Could someone please bring out a light, and perhaps a sandwich as well?

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Atlas.9704

Atlas.9704

Wow, here I thought Lion’s Arch used Asuran/Charr hybrid technology to create a humanoid buoy!
I swam by you, sorry, I would have brought over some food.

Elona, Land of the Golden Sun….and undead…and poison. The travel brochure lied okay?!

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Posted by: Dethan.1875

Dethan.1875

It’s a nice outfit, I have to admit I was looking at the picture for a while before I saw the rock.

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Posted by: CMstorm.8679

CMstorm.8679

I agree! This is indeed quite a hazard to ships’ navigation. I’m glad somebody stepped up and said something about this!
And I would also like to point out the similar rocks and jagged rocks like this at the bottom of the Diverse Ledges waypoint. It’s a severe safety hazard to all the divers!
Something must be done here!

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Posted by: Palador.2170

Palador.2170

And I would also like to point out the similar rocks and jagged rocks like this at the bottom of the Diverse Ledges waypoint. It’s a severe safety hazard to all the divers!
Something must be done here!

I assure you, something has indeed been done about the Diverse Ledges diving point.

Asura have placed several small devices in the area, to record events as people come off of that dive. Should any horrific deaths and mutilations occur, the recordings will be put together with humorous and inappropriate music for our collective viewing pleasure.

Sarcasm, delivered with a
delicate, brick-like subtlety.

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

That’s good, Palador. Someone needs to warn the public about the risks, and remind them what a mess they leave behind for others to clean up.

It’s a nice outfit, I have to admit I was looking at the picture for a while before I saw the rock.

Ironically, the rate of ships crashing into the rock has gone up since that blasted siren has taken up position there.

HEY.

YOU.

LEAVE MY SAILORS ALONE.

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Blude.6812

Blude.6812

It will be the first place The Concordia sails to when it’s refitted.

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

It was a long, harrowing night. But I stood my post and made warning lights as only an Elementalist can.

And yet for some reason I’m not sure it really made things any safer…

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Cactus Brawler.7415

Cactus Brawler.7415

According to the Book, Sea of Sorrows, such just under the surface rocks are the only reason Lions Arch still stands.

Risen ships would get stuck on them, and then picked apart by canon fire.

Friendly ships are guided in by locals on row boats.

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

That’s good, Palador. Someone needs to warn the public about the risks, and remind them what a mess they leave behind for others to clean up.

It’s a nice outfit, I have to admit I was looking at the picture for a while before I saw the rock.

Ironically, the rate of ships crashing into the rock has gone up since that blasted siren has taken up position there.

HEY.

YOU.

LEAVE MY SAILORS ALONE.

Oh, poo!

You’re on to me! I must retake my natural form and return from whence I came under the sea.

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Atlas.9704

Atlas.9704

Oh, poo!

You’re on to me! I must retake my natural form and return from whence I came under the sea.

Note to self: do more underwater parts of map.

Elona, Land of the Golden Sun….and undead…and poison. The travel brochure lied okay?!

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

What the what!

As I know for a fact that all Tyrian humans are classic never nudes, I can only come to the logical assumption that you, Hamfast, are, indeed, a mermaid.

Lion’s Arch is no longer safe! The only option now is to form a posse to hunt down the sea devil, not just for the safety of my crews, but for every ship that sails into harbor.

WHO IS WITH ME?

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: CMstorm.8679

CMstorm.8679

What the what!

As I know for a fact that all Tyrian humans are classic never nudes, I can only come to the logical assumption that you, Hamfast, are, indeed, a mermaid.

Lion’s Arch is no longer safe! The only option now is to form a posse to hunt down the sea devil, not just for the safety of my crews, but for every ship that sails into harbor.

WHO IS WITH ME?

A fire elemental in water? what is this?!

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

Shush, there’s no time to question my powers.

We’ve got a mermaid to catch. Or kill. If we have to. I’ll let you know.

LESS THINKING, MORE BLIND OBEDIENCE

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

Bring your zerg! You cannot catch what you cannot find.

I need no special equipment to breathe underwater. And I have friends who will hide and protect me. (They say I am pretty… that I have nice teeth).

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Saturn.6591

Saturn.6591

Gosh; this thread is full of awesomeness!

Also, that’s one pretty mermaid!

That being said; who said that all mermaids are evil? Maybe she isn’t?

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Posted by: Atlas.9704

Atlas.9704

LESS THINKING, MORE BLIND OBEDIENCE

I had an ancestor who fought people that said something like that 250 years ago.
This won’t end well.

I love this thread.

Elona, Land of the Golden Sun….and undead…and poison. The travel brochure lied okay?!

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Posted by: Mel.8769

Mel.8769

Best. Thread. Ever.

+654987625196845 internets

Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden. -Unknown

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Posted by: Scourge.4317

Scourge.4317

Now wouldn’t it be awesome if we all logged in one day to see that Arenanet put a sign in that spot lol.

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

You leave the quaggan out of this. They’re a pure, innocent people and have no need of your villainy.

Fortunately, I speak the quaggan language~

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

You are a clever one. I don’t know how you figured out who was helping me. But you are too late! My friends helped me get a job at a little restaurant called “Two-Ters” (delightfully tacky, yet unrefined). Now I am hiding amongst you, accepted as just another one of the people. The patrons really seem to like me, and I like them. So if you come in and try to “bust up the joint”, be prepared for the food fight of your life!

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

While I may have missed your shift, I did happen to run into your little friends on their way out of the tavern. They tried to flee, but ol’ Cap’n Storyteller is a wily one when he sets his mind tah catching a mermaid.

I followed them at a distance, and eventually caught them ducking into a ramshackle little hole in the wall. Rather than burning the place to the ground (in the name of public safety, of course,) I’m giving you a chance to come out with your fins up. I can wait out here all night if necessary.

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Atlas.9704

Atlas.9704

You are a clever one. I don’t know how you figured out who was helping me. But you are too late! My friends helped me get a job at a little restaurant called “Two-Ters” (delightfully tacky, yet unrefined). Now I am hiding amongst you, accepted as just another one of the people. The patrons really seem to like me, and I like them. So if you come in and try to “bust up the joint”, be prepared for the food fight of your life!

You still didn’t get me a refill on ale when I was eating the Dolyak special a few nights ago.
Yes I tipped lousy because of it. :P

Elona, Land of the Golden Sun….and undead…and poison. The travel brochure lied okay?!

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Posted by: Buttercup.5871

Buttercup.5871

This thread is full of win. I am eagerly awaiting the showdown.

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

All. Night.

You have to return to the water sometime!

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Evilbeavers.3964

Evilbeavers.3964

Only thread in which I have ever subscribed.

Kiblet – War Nubs – [NUB]
Terribad Ranger
Stormbluff Isle

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

You would not believe how rude the people of Lion’s Arch can be. I mean, yeah, I’m holding a stakeout in the middle of the street, but it’s a minor street, and it’s for the good of everyone.

Well, almost everyone, anyway.

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Thomas.3890

Thomas.3890

What the what!

As I know for a fact that all Tyrian humans are classic never nudes, I can only come to the logical assumption that you, Hamfast, are, indeed, a mermaid.

Lion’s Arch is no longer safe! The only option now is to form a posse to hunt down the sea devil, not just for the safety of my crews, but for every ship that sails into harbor.

WHO IS WITH ME?

Searching for half-nude women in ponds does sound rather good. I mean yeah we`ll get that blasted siren!

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

What was that, sailor? I won’t have muttering in my vigilante mob. (The old ears just aren’t what they used to be.)

I trust you understand the seriousness of our endeavor. If you go after a mermaid with anything but the purest of intentions, there is every possibility that she will seize you, drag you down to the seabed, and, there, have her way with you.

By which I mean destroy you. Cold blooded bloody murder. Death. Sleeping with the fishes. Off to the long, dark tea time of the soul with Genth. Your bones left to rot in Davy Jones’ locker. Etc.

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

(edited by Redenaz.8631)

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Posted by: Neural.1824

Neural.1824

Funniest thread I’ve read in a long time. Thank you all for the laugh.

This, to me, is what makes casual role-playing fun.

Where are my gem sales? I want gem sales! Nerf EVERYTHING!

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

All. Night.

You have to return to the water sometime!

I hope you develop barnacles while you wait! Don’t think my friends didn’t spot you. The Quaggan may be slow on land, but don’t mistake that for being slow-witted! They warned me not to use the front door, and ushered me out a secret back exit.

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Thomas.3890

Thomas.3890

….there is every possibility that she will seize you, drag you down to the seabed, and, there, have her way with you.

I`ll take one for the team guys. No need for you guys to get into any more danger.

By which I mean destroy you. Cold blooded bloody murder. Death. Sleeping with the fishes. Off to the long, dark tea time of the soul with Genth. Your bones left to rot in Davy Jones’ locker. Etc.

`cuhcuhaaaghgaaa`
`clears throat`

Down with that foul sea wench! Grab the torches greek fire!

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Posted by: Thalador.4218

Thalador.4218

Let’s take a deep breath, mateys!

As an adventuring scholar, I do believe that if the compassionate quaggan – a race that has spent centuries in their sea-dwellings and who must have proficient knowledge on most aquatic entities, including the sirens – go out of their way (and water) to protect her, then she and her kin are indeed benevolent and harmless. I mean, if they had legends about “evil, half-human, half-fish sea wenches” murdering lustful sailors, they wouldn’t be so helpful with her.

As a man; have you no heart, Cap’n? Would you hurt such a cutie?

An assassin acquintance of mine has a very old score to settle with anything White Mantle. Your intentions begin to remind me of their malign doctrines, so I might drop a few hints for him about a captain with White beard and hair hunting innocents in the name of “law and order.”

Scarlet’s Alliance Wars (a.k.a. “Guild Wars 2”)
A fantasy of sci-fi cyborg implants grafted into the desiccated flesh of Guild Wars’ corpse.

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

You still didn’t get me a refill on ale when I was eating the Dolyak special a few nights ago.
Yes I tipped lousy because of it. :P

Oh, gracious! Please do forgive me, sir! I was a bit distracted by a fellow named Redenaz who seems to think I am (you’ll think this is funny) a mermaid of all things! Can you imagine?

Anyway, he is sort of stalking me, and my mind wasn’t on my work that evening. But I spoke with my manager, and he would be happy to offer you a free dinner the next time you are in. Forget the tip; I am more concerned about my customers enjoying their visit. (A tip for you… the Dolyak special isn’t really made with Dolyak. May I suggest the Popcorn Thundershrimp or Spicy Moa Wings?)

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

Funniest thread I’ve read in a long time. Thank you all for the laugh.

This, to me, is what makes casual role-playing fun.

WHY am I not on the Tarnished Coast server?

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Ashabhi.1365

Ashabhi.1365

I love this thread…..

Cheers!

Level 80 Elementalist

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Posted by: Atlas.9704

Atlas.9704

Oh, gracious! Please do forgive me, sir! I was a bit distracted by a fellow named Redenaz who seems to think I am (you’ll think this is funny) a mermaid of all things! Can you imagine?

HA! The things people imagine.

He must have just come back from watching Waine’s pit fight, I think something was in the water nearby. We had a Sylvari completely losing its mind thinking we were Moa birds and such!

And thank you for the advice about the Thundershrimp. I might try that next time.

Elona, Land of the Golden Sun….and undead…and poison. The travel brochure lied okay?!

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

Let’s take a deep breath, mateys!

As an adventuring scholar, I do believe that if the compassionate quaggan – a race that has spent centuries in their sea-dwellings and who must have proficient knowledge on most aquatic entities, including the sirens – go out of their way (and water) to protect her, then she and her kin are indeed benevolent and harmless. I mean, if they had legends about “evil, half-human, half-fish sea wenches” murdering lustful sailors, they wouldn’t be so helpful with her.

As a man; have you no heart, Cap’n? Would you hurt such a cutie?

An assassin acquintance of mine has a very old score to settle with anything White Mantle. Your intentions begin to remind me of their malign doctrines, so I might drop a few hints for him about a captain with White beard and hair hunting innocents in the name of “law and order.”

You have a kind and wise heart, sir! If you are ever visiting my realm, I can show you a whale of a nice place to swim.

EDIT: Don’t be afraid of swimming with Bluebelle… she did hit me with her tail once, but it wasn’t on purpose. It was a fluke.

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

(edited by Hamfast.8719)

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Posted by: Michael Henninger.7451

Michael Henninger.7451

Game Support Lead

Next

More, please!

Michael
Customer Support Lead

GM Delicious Intent
Twitter: @ANetCSLead
GM Delicious Intent.5928

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Posted by: Ashabhi.1365

Ashabhi.1365

More, please!

Michael
Customer Support Lead

HA! …and they say y’all don’t read the forums!

jk

I still love this thread!!!!

Level 80 Elementalist

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

A back exit? This is why I really need a proper posse.

Thomas — Be on alert. She could be lurking around any corner.

Thalador — Quaggan are sweet, but gullible. There are more things on water and land, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Don’t let her bewitch you with her beguiling looks and words, citizens of Lion’s Arch! Stay ever vigilant!

…I’ll resume the hunt as soon as the Vigil lets me out of holding. They don’t have any real evidence on me, so they can only hold me for an hour or so “for questioning.”

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Chobiko.9182

Chobiko.9182

Well this escalated quickly! I’ll be on the watch-out for any mermaids in LA. To think that they have sunk so low as to lure ships onto the rocks in the bay! Is there no end to this madness plaguing our lands?!

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Posted by: Redenaz.8631

Redenaz.8631

It doesn’t have to be this way, mermaid.

I’m not the hero Lion’s Arch deserves.

But I’ll be the crazy vigilante it needs.

If I have to be.


Hey, you! Yes, you!

Do you have a thirst for adventure? Do you have a borderline pathological need to prove yourself, or at least a selfless desire to protect total strangers from strangely salty blondes? Then you might be right for an exciting position as part of a vigilante mob! We’re looking to bring a mermaid in for questioning, and we need your help! Scour the city of Lion’s Arch, and if you see anything suspicious, snap a screenshot and post it in this thread!

Remember, loose lips sink ships.

Attachments:

~The Storyteller – Elementalist – Jade Quarry~

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

You have nothing on me. In fact, when you found me out I was doing precisely the opposite of what you are accusing. Don’t convict me for the unwarranted myths told about my sisters. The only vessel I may have ever had a teeny part in luring astray belonged to Captain Covington. And he still welcomes me aboard after all these years. He and his crew will protect me now from you and your kind (although the decor could use a little sprucing up).

Attachments:

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Zaxares.5419

Zaxares.5419

This whole thread is made of win.

Although, I’ll need to have a few words with the Quaggans of Moogooloo. We graciously allowed them access to our secret tunnels on the proviso that they do NOT share it with others, and only use them to escape from overly mean Charr and Norn who think that quaggan is a delicacy. Honestly, we get enough people turning up in our “secret” base that we have to swear to secrecy before we release them.

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Posted by: CMstorm.8679

CMstorm.8679

this is gold! XD

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Posted by: Cake.6498

Cake.6498

why is this not the next LS?

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Posted by: Hamfast.8719

Hamfast.8719

Is everyone after me? What have I done? Why are you troubling my friends?

Am I all alone?

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Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm all day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm the rest of his life.
– Unknown Fire Elementalist

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Posted by: Majic.4801

Majic.4801

This is the story of the wolf who cried “buoy!”

“Not the same, real and true. True you feel inside.
Always follow what is true.” — Sentry-skritt Bordekka

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Posted by: Noir.3204

Noir.3204

((Great thread everyone, I hope to add to it after I get some sleep!))