Guild Wars 2

Omg hahahaha. Best thread EVER.

Hamfast.8719:

Is everyone after me? What have I done? Why are you troubling my friends?

Am I all alone?

I’m after you, but only because I’d like to swim with you someday. Unlike you, I’ll need to use my aqua breather, though.

Now for that other crazy man… well; maybe we should wait with swimming until he’s gone. He might follow me otherwise.

Zaxares.5419:

Although, I’ll need to have a few words with the Quaggans of Moogooloo. We graciously allowed them access to our secret tunnels on the proviso that they do NOT share it with others, and only use them to escape from overly mean Charr and Norn who think that quaggan is a delicacy.

As I said, Quaggan are easily manipulated. Just one more reason why we need to do something, for the good of everyone. (Well, almost everyone.)

Noir.3204:

((Great thread everyone, I hope to add to it after I get some sleep!))

Please do! The more, the merrier. (Unless you’re another mermaid, here to prey on my occasionally honest, usually hard-working sailors.)

Saturn.6591:

Now for that other crazy man… well; maybe we should wait with swimming until he’s gone. He might follow me otherwise.

I can’t save men (or women) from themselves. If you go swimming after the sea-lass by yourself, you’ll be putting your life in her seemingly-delicate-but-surprisingly-strong hands.

Hamfast.8719:

Is everyone after me? What have I done? Why are you troubling my friends?

Am I all alone?

You can play innocent all you like, lassie, but it’s no coincidence that several of my ships ran aground while you were up on that rock, luring in my poor sailors. And that’s before we even get to the fireballs you were bringing down. And not the good kind of fireballs, like the ones I use for public safety.

The survivors all agree: A mermaid did it. So unless you’ve got another one of your kind lurking in the bay, it is within the best interest of public safety that I hunt you down like the white whale you’ve become.

*Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This lass, she’ll swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your ships, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand gold, chief. I’ll find her for three, but I’ll catch her, and kill her, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains in this city. 10,000 gold for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole kitten thing.
- Capt. Quint.

*with apologies to Stephen Spielberg, Peter Benchley, & Carl Gottlieb

(kneels and bestows the Internet crown to NoxInfernus)
You’ve made a beautiful pun, I just want you to know this.

Hamfast.8719:

Is everyone after me? What have I done? Why are you troubling my friends?

Am I all alone?

I’m with you! You look quite a lot like me, and as a mesmer I can sing a Siren’s Call myself…
I’ve spoken to a few noble friends of mine in DR and they would love if you stayed with them, especially one lord, a dear friend. I’m sure you’d find the decor in his house a lot nicer than in that pirate cave…

Fear not this night, fair siren! Many are on your side and would risk their lives to protect such an innocent being! Help is definitely on the way… even if on wobbly legs:

I must admit, I had a difficult time finding my assassin aquintance. Lion’s Arch is the place to go when you don’t wish to be found…

Mr Zann has a bit of a… difficulty with drinking, as well as an innate inability to resist the charms of women. After a satisfactory trip back to Lion’s Arch from >redacted<, his spirit was still high, even if he was adamant to continue to move with the gentle rocking of waves on ground as well.

To his great dismay, Lady (he forgot her name, couldn’t even tell me the next morning… let’s just call her Claire) “Claire” of Claypool was shrewd enough not to trust his promises of eternal love and the like; learning that our hopeless romantic paid the trip in the natural way to the young, lithesome captain of the little schooner, she dumped him… again.

He takes that thing really hard, but at least his sorrow makes him predictable, allowing one familiar with his routines to track him with greater chance for success. I think the third illustration speaks for itself.

In any case, the cold water of the sprayer helped him get over his hangover while he poured his soul out, vowing to change his lustful ways… for the third time in a month. But I digress.

Mr Zann, the daring paramour, the amazing assassin with a long forgotten past (no wonder) and an exotic ancestry of the distant nomad tribes of the Jade Sea… is here, and is ready for you and your hatemongering ilk, Cap’n Redenaz! No scale on her lower body or hair on her head will be singed, that I can promise. If anything, only the blood of fools and zealots will be spilled, and by human hands and blades.

Samuli.7852:

I’ve spoken to a few noble friends of mine in DR and they would love if you stayed with them, especially one lord, a dear friend. I’m sure you’d find the decor in his house a lot nicer than in that pirate cave…

Tragedy!

I appreciate your offer, and would love to see this “DR” place you speak of. But I made the mistake of returning to Lion’s Arch to gather a few things I had left behind when I fled. That’s when several of Captain Storyteller’s men spotted me.

I fled through the back alleys and swam through the canals to elude my pursuers. I wound up in a strange city square surrounded by several large purple circles. People were staring at me, so I ducked through one of the circles before they had time to get too interested.

Big mistake! Huge mistake!

My world disappeared and a new one appeared about me, filled with metal and stone and blinking lights. I stood astonished at my plight, and didn’t even notice when a squad of little long-eared folk surrounded me with weapons out.

These little people rushed me away to what they called a “detainment cell” and said I was exhibiting indecent exposure (whatever that means. I don’t have an indecent bone in my body!) Now I languish in fear that these people will delay me long enough for the Captain’s slow-witted thugs to pick up the trail. My only company is a strange talking bear in the next cell.

He also asked me to tell his message to the good folk of our enduring city:

Good morning, Lion’s Arch.

Allow me first to apologize. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of the everyday piracy, the insecurity of the unfamiliar, the tranquility of seafaring. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, whereby important events of the past usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful, bloody struggle are celebrated with a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this 74th of the Scion, a day that is, sadly, no longer remembered, by taking time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak.

Even now, orders are being shouted into comm-golems and men with torches will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the speargun may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and, for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is there is something terribly wrong with this city, isn’t there?

Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression against innocent sirens. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have White Mantle infiltrators and vigilantes coercing your conformity and soliciting submission.

How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Certainly there are those who are more responsible than others. And they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty you need only look into a mirror.

I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War, dragons, tsunamis. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you. And in your panic, you turned to the now Acting Cap’n Redenaz. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent.

More than 250 years ago, a great citizen by the name >redacted by the Shining Blade< wished to imbed the 74th of the Scion forever in our memory. His hope was to remind Kryta that fairness, justice and freedom are more than words. They are perspectives, even in the face of blind zealotry and demonic oppression.

So if you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of this Council and their blood-crazed pets remain unknown to you then I would suggest that you allow the 74th of the Scion to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek…then I ask you to stand beside me, tonight, in the docks of your fair city.

And together, we shall give Cap’n Redenaz and his soulless thugs a 74th of the Scion that shall never, ever be forgotten.

He’s such a master of words when he’s not staring at the bottom of a bottle…

And a more personal note (granted, he was still hangover when I told him of the situation and before the above letter):

You kai sang, godless sons of kappa! Wretched pongmangs! You haven’t sailed the open seas for as long as I have. You know nothing of the beautiful, gracious sirens! I swear, if your dare lay a hurting hand on her, the Six Gods will turn away in fright of just what I’ll do to you!

Edit: Credit goes to David Lloyd and the Wachowski brothers for the awesome speech.

FREE!

That wasn’t so bad after all. A nice fellow named Peacemaker Chief Gliptr listened to my story after only a brief incarceration. He explained the differences between terrestrial and aquatic clothing customs, and provided me with some “AAA” (Asura Approved Attire). He then set me free, but not before handing out a little advice.

“Bubbles”, he told me, “find yourself a krewe of like-minded people. Form a support group with them and together you can defend yourselves and your ways against tyrants like this Captain Storyteller of yours”.

Wise folk! I hereby plan to organize a group of friends who put the safety of others before their own. (Why do you think I was out on that rock in the first place, Captain?) I shall call them First in Sending Help [FISH]. I know lots of people back home who would support me, and I shall have many gilled members!

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the mermaid could attract some supporters of her own, but whoever wrote the message floating around Lion’s Arch to rally support against me made a fatal mistake: Asking his comrades to rally at the docks.

You want to see Lion’s Arch, the real Lion’s Arch, you don’t visit the shops or the politicians. You visit the docks. They say there’s an easy way to tell the captains from the rich kids playacting— see who makes it back the following month. And my crews have been in and out these docks long enough to turn this old head grey. Not everyone here wants to get their hands dirty, but they know someone is going to have to sooner or later. Otherwise, we’re just going to lose more ships.

I’m not doing this for myself, or for city hall. I’m doing this for all the sailors we’ve lost and all those we’re not going to lose. Folks on the docks might not always like it, but they’ll not about to condemn me for it. Otherwise, it’s their problem.

I’d heard gossip about some crazy woman causing a ruckus at the Asura Gates, so it wasn’t hard to track her to Rata Sum. I’ll report my findings shortly.

FRIENDS

-hic-

RA RA RA RA

RATA ZOOOOOM!

Did y-you know that…that Asura have LABS that ALSO BARS?? And they do experiments on drunking drinkabless, too?? -hic-

This is is seeeriously the most seriously best omnomnomnomnomblurry juice EVER

Capt…Captain Partyteller!! Wooo!!

Edit:

Gilled menembers! I get it now! Cause they’re GUILD smembers. Yeah!

Just out of my curiosity, I did go to the docks in Lion’s Arch to see if any other supporters were there. I was late, because the trip from DR (stands for Divinity’s Reach in case you didn’t know) takes a while, and so I thought I wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

I was walking on the pier, smelling the fresh sea air and watching as the waves hit the shore. I was already about to leave when a small piece of paper landed in front of me. I looked around to see if someone would run to get the paper, but no one was there, so I bent over to pick it up. The paper was old and partly torn. The ink wasn’t entirely dry.

Do you want to hear a story?
Once upon a time
there was a lady
who tried to help a mermaid.

The End, FOR HER

I started running. I’m lucky I can create a Temporal Curtain. As soon as I got a few steps away from the place I was standing before, I heard a terrible crash behind me. I didn’t turn around to see what it was.
It’s a good thing I made it to my friend’s house in Lion’s Arch. Now, I’m writing this to all of you supporters, be careful. This captain and his crew are far more dangerous than I had thought.

Redenaz.8631:

So unless you’ve got another one of your kind lurking in the bay, it is within the best interest of public safety that I hunt you down like the white whale you’ve become.

[img]https://dviw3bl0enbyw.cloudfront.net/uploads/forum_attachment/file/118427/gw2_small_captainsAngels.png[img]

Bravo, sir!

It wasn’t pretty, but my completely real, not at all made up after a series of remarkable conicidences plan to engage local law enforcement in my search by getting my Omnomberry Juice on and dancing my way through Rata Sum ended in success.

“Bubbles.” So that’s your name. Chief Gliptr doesn’t seem to think you’re trouble, and he did let me go (with an armed “escort” back to the Lion’s Arch portal,) so the asura is clearly a masterful judge of character. I’m still not convinced, however! Ships aren’t sinking themselves, and I’m going to get to the bottom of this, no matter what it takes.

The hunt continues in Lion’s Arch!

This all started with the concern for ships as there were rocks just beneath the surface of the water near the docks at Lions Arch…

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

Cassandra Nea.2507:

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

zzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz …

Cassandra Nea.2507:

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

WH… WHAT?!!!!!??

No joke; this reminds me once more of how beautifully designed this game is. Just look at all the detail you can give those characters. Amazing!

Now with that being said…

Hamfast.8719:

I shall call them First in Sending Help [FISH].

Lmao. Fish. XD

I’d totally join that guild, if I wouldn’t already have reached the limit. xD

Redenaz.8631:

RA RA RA RA

RATA ZOOOOOM!

Lawl. Drinking is bad for your health, Captain Partyteller!

This is better than the LS

Saturn.6591:

No joke; this reminds me once more of how beautifully designed this game is. Just look at all the detail you can give those characters. Amazing!

(I am a GW / GW2 “photographer” from way back. All I need is a little time and a lot of emotes. Give us more emotes!)

EDIT: Below is one of my favorite examples of character expressions. It’s from “The Southsun Beach Diet”.

Dossier

Clearance: Primus rank and above

Legion: Ash
Cohort: The Gladia
Agent: Kraag Deadsoul

Mission: Surveillance

Subject: Bubbles Powderpuff (aka. Bubbles, Hamfast.8719)
Physical Description:

• Human-appearing female (read full report for disambiguation)
• Light skin (furless)
• Light hair
• Blue eyes
• Height ~5’ 4"
• Weight ~110 lbs.
• Age ~early 20s

Known Contacts: Quaggans, Peacemaker Chief Gliptr (Asura – Rata Sum)
Known Associations: First In Sending Help [FISH]
Known Locations: Lion’s Arch, Quaggan villages, Rata Sum, Divinity’s Reach, unspecified aquatic habitats, The Black Citadel

Authorization:
Claiming to be concerned over the threat posed by shallowly submerged rock outcroppings to the shipping lanes of Lion’s Arch harbor, subject attempted to become a living buoy to warn away passing ships. As maintaining the integrity of the shipping lanes is of strategic importance to the Legions, authorization has been granted to conduct further investigation into this matter.

Report:
Subject presents as a young adult human female. However, there is speculation – based on subject’s own public statements, association with matters aquatic, and contacts among the Quaggans – that she is a “mermaid”; half human, half piscine. If true, this may well represent the discovery of an as-yet-unknown sentient species. Further speculation withheld pending physical evidence.

Subject’s claim of wanting to improve the safety of the shipping lanes in Lion’s Arch harbor is questionable. The lanes have been in use without incident for several decades now due to a well-established network of harbor pilots who guide vessels in to the docks by rowboat. Furthermore, the shallowly submerged rock outcroppings – which subject claims to be a risk to shipping – have served as a defensive barricade against the Orrian navy.

Shipping interests within Lion’s Arch have made inquiries of their own. This has escalated, in some quarters, to calls for assassins, bounty hunters, mercenaries, and pirates to track, capture, and possibly liquidate the subject. Chief among them is the human merchant marine, Captain Storyteller.

Subject attempts to elude her pursuers brought her through the Asura gate network and to Rata Sum. While there, she was temporarily detained and questioned by Peacemaker Gliptr before being released on her own recognizance.

Subject – in response to the threats made against her and on the advice of Peacemaker Gliptr – has attempted to form a coalition of supporters; First In Sending Help [FISH].

Subject’s last known whereabouts was the Black Citadel!

Analysis and Recommendations:

• Subject’s predisposition for aquatic habitats and human-like appearance lends possible credence to the theory she may be an agent of the Tethyos Houses rather than a wholly new species. Our agents there should be alerted to intercept any communiques between the Tethyos and Lion’s Arch.

• A connection between subject and Orr has not been established; but this agent suggests exploring this avenue for any possible sympathies.

• On pledging to form First In Sending Help [FISH], subject claimed, “I know lots of people back home who would support me, and I shall have many gilled members!” In the context of this report, this leads this agent to speculate on the meanings of “home” (where exactly is subject’s home?) and “gilled members” (to what species would these members belong?).
  Could this be the first signs of a united coalition or aggravated front among the aquatic races? With the recent activity of the Kraitt as members of the Toxic Alliance, this possibility should not be dismissed out of hand. Recommend a review of all known contact between human and Kraitt; especially reports of humans “escaping” these master slavers.

• With her recent visit to the Black Citadel, this agent recommends elevating subject’s status to person-of-interest with heightened surveillance. However, avoid direct contact with subject and potential sympathizers at the present time. Question only resident Charr using indirect tier 1 interrogation techniques and only if deemed absolutely necessary. Passive intelligence gathering preferred.

• Recommend surveillance of Captain Storyteller and associates. Indirect interdiction should be authorized to prevent subject coming to harm for the time being; but only in-so-far as it does not reveal the Legion’s hand.

• Recommend heightened observation and security aboard all Legion vessels entering and exiting Lion’s Arch harbor. Harbor pilots guiding our ships should be limited to Charr loyal to the Legions. If the Harbor Pilots Union protests this new policy, simply inform them we are training new pilots; a “donation” to the union’s widows and orphan fund may also be necessary.

~ Ash Legion, The Gladia Cohort, Kraag Deadsoul (Primus)

“To catch a fish, hire a cat.”

For some days after those lysergide spores started popping everywhere, I saw a weird and shady skritt talking to himself while going back and forth from the gates to Gendarran to the main water supply in Lion’s Arch…

That bugged me a bit, but I forgot about it, since I was busy with that tower that popped in Kessex.

After reading all of this, now I’m regretting not paying more attention to the guy…

Gods know what y’all been driking…

Cassandra Nea.2507:

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

-chokes into grog-

Certainly not! Harrumph! Shut up!

For I am a salty ol’ sea dog of the highest caliber. Yarr!

And don’t you forget it!

Cassandra Nea.2507:

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

I foresee a couple of close calls where the pair get ambushed by a common foe and are thrown into a situation where they must work together to escape.

Kidnapped by Pirates? Nah, too cliche.

Risen? Ehh, no. Shambling rotten undead tend to be poison for dramatic love stories.

Karka? YEAH, now we’re talking!

-scribbles- The Mermaid’s journey takes her to Southsun Cove, and the Cap’n follows after getting a tip off from a Charr Ash Legion spy silhouette who delivers via a note pinned to his door with a dagger.

Following a series of dramatic close calls, they get ambushed by karka, have a narrow escape where they run down a gorge while being chased by a rolling Veteran Karka, only to discover that it’s Karka Mating Season and they are cut off from the civilised half of the island by hordes of Champion Crazed Karka Hatchlings.

With no other option, they are forced to cooperate to survive against starvation, the elements and hungry karka, slowly developing a mutual respect that blossoms into affection, culminating in a passionate encounter at Owain’s Refuge. (Possible humor shot of Owain watching the pair creepily? Must run that by focus group.)

And then we’ll end the episode there so our newly enraptured audience will HAVE to buy the next issue to see what happens next. It’s PERFECT! $_$

When I left Lion’s Arch the last time, I was frightened and in a hurry. Now I was returning with a sense of excitement and purpose. I was going to make a school for [FISH]! Yet I had learned caution in my previous foray, and knew I was being hunted. I came in through the canals, and ducked into the nearest building I saw.

It turned out to be quite an interesting place! People from all walks of life were rushing in and out, conversing very animatedly, and generally seeming to have some firm purpose. This had to be where I was meant to go, for now I had purpose too!

Then suddenly I realized somebody was standing behind me. Somebody very large. I turned slowly, and my gaze went up and up into the fierce eyes of one of the beings I have come to know as a “Charr”. For all my bravado in finding a mission for myself, I was paralyzed under that piercing stare.

Then he spoke in a low, rumbling voice. He introduced himself as “Evon”, and said he was the proprietor of the establishment, and was I looking for anything in particular?

I very bravely said something like “Ulp…”, to which he only grinned. I was in his power as he led me unresisting to some displays full of strange artifacts. I needn’t have worried. He made no threatening gestures, and I soon realized he just wanted me to buy something. He proceeded to familiarize me with some of his wares.

Then we came to something that left me flabbergasted. By some magic unknown to my kind, it could quickly alter the style and color of my hair. He let me preview myself with it, and I was amazed at how different I could look with such a minor change. Why, this was exactly what I needed to avoid detection while in town!

Evon could see that I wanted the device, but I had to admit to him that I had nothing to trade. His grin returned. He said that he could let me have it and that maybe someday I could do something (unspecified) for him. I really needed the hair change device, but I am ashamed to admit that I just didn’t feel comfortable with his proposal. I told him I’d have to think about it, and I left.

I am now keeping on the move, staying with one friend after another, slowly spreading my plan to create an organization dedicated to helping others. It has been met with some enthusiasm, although there is also apprehension. We are not fighting folk, like the people looking for me. I fear I will have to deal with my pursuers before [FISH] will be able to operate openly.

Until then, I remember Evon’s device and hope for a way to be able to afford one.

Ahh, Evon. Ever the huckster. Never change, you greedy kitten.

Another one of our ships went down during the night, just outside the bay. We were able to find the wreckage, but there were no survivors to tell us what happened. Needless to say, I am not pleased.

I was having second thoughts about the sea-lass after talking to Chief Glimpt, but the time for deliberation is over.

Find her! For the good of Lion’s Arch, find her!

I was wandering around LA trying to sell some of my findings this morning. I came to a small shop and went to go inside, but as I reached the for the door, I dropped something and bent to pick it up. When I reached for it, I saw this note sticking out from under a barrell. It was hastily written on a Fortune Scrap.

Evon,

Please give the bearer of this letter the items that I gave you some 2 months past. Once you do, show them how to get here.

By the way, watch for that Captain and make sure he knows…

Alas, the remainder of the note was lost to the elements. The hand didn’t look “feminine” so there may be more to this than just a small “mermaid” in the bay….

Luck to you, dear Captain.

This has a suspicious feeling of the plot of Goonies 2

House Draxynnus Records

With the ties that have been fostered in recent years between the House and a number of friendly aquatic races, it was with little surprise that I received a delegation of quaggan while returning to the Divinity’s Reach townhouse from a raid on the Tower of Nightmares. Of greater surprise, however, was the nature of their request.

Apparently, a part-human-part-fish woman known to the quaggan of Moorookoo sought, apparently unaware of Lion’s Arch policy of providing pilots to arriving shipping, to warn arriving ships of the danger posed by a hidden rock by standing on it and waving them off with gestures and elemental displays. Her actions, and the revelation of her anthropiscine (should that be gynopiscene?) nature, however, attracted the ire of one Captain Storyteller, who claimed that the “mermaid” in question was responsible for shipping losses he had suffered and posed a threat to Lion’s Arch. As a result, he and his posse of fire elementals have been seen seeking to hunt this mermaid down while recruiting like-minded vigilantes to his cause.

According to the values of this House, I do not consider it acceptable to allow the mermaid to fall into the hands of the rough justice that these vigilantes seem to have in mind. From the testimony of the quaggan delegation, it does not seem as if this Captain Storyteller intends to grant the fish-woman a fair trial, and whether innocent or guilty, the gynopiscene’s very presence raises questions about the history and relationships of humanity with other races and species in Tyria that would likely be better posed through civilised discussion than dissection – however eager my colleague Magister Blorp may be to undertake that option.

Unfortunately, the House’s resources are already thinly stretched through operations in Kessex, Orr, and on the northern frontier, so we have little with which to intervene. It seems, however, that a clear step in this endeavour would be to establish what has truly been happening with the shipping into and out of the harbour that Captain Storyteller claims to have been interfered with. Accordingly, I have requested that Ms Thistlebane set of covert watch over shipping into and out of the harbour in hope of identifying the true culprit.

Lothar Draxynnus
Day 76 of the Season of the Scion, in the year 1326 After the Exodus of the Gods

((sneaks in and waits for updates, this is pure gold))

The dear lady who went to the designated spot accordingly (Samuli),

I cannot tell how ashamed I am of myself for not being there docks that night. I took care of a few things that afternoon, and before I knew it, I found myself in one of the havens of ill-fated Kessex Hills. I’m at a loss how I got there; I could’ve “teleported” in the usual, intoxicated way, or maybe it was Scarlett (double T!) – or was it Giselle from Crow’s Nest? In any case, I may have deserved that. (A life-saving tip, folks; never cheat on a mesmer lass…)

My heart is soaring with joy to know you are safe and sound. I can guarantee that such insidious villainy will not be tolerated; Captain Storyteller and his thugs will pay dearly for the attempt on your life, mark my words. I’d feel better if you accepted my blades to protect you while traversing the city. I could stay for the night even, if that is what you wish.
__________________

I was still quite disoriented in the Hills, so when I saw a white-haired, ugly guy trying to hide conspicuously in the canopy of a tree, I sprang into action, thinking I caught that bloody Storyteller at last. Upon further inspection after an unfair battle, I had to realize the description doesn’t match. At least there’s one less bandit stalking the roads…

On my way back to Lion’s Arch, I got a bit derailed. Had to take a swim to refresh myself while hoping Ms Bubbles would be obliviously splashing around in her siren form. In the end, however, I thought I had seen the Captain again. It was a wild goose chase…

HOWEVER, I found some interesting papers on the fellow, which led me to the lair of Wiley’s Scavangers. Stealthing through the complex, I stumbled upon more evidence to prove Ms Bubbles the Fair Siren is as innocent as she is pure and beautiful. The traces led me to Jetsam Isle in Lornar’s Pass… but not before I stopped at my friend’s place in Moriarty’s Hold. What can I say… even an assassin gets thirsty after so much skulking.

The evidence I discovered on the isle furthered the very concerns I’d raised about the leadership of Lion’s Arch in my first letter: there’s a double agent in the employment of all five pirate factions, deeply embedded in the Lion’s Arch elite. This scoundrel is hijacking ships, steering them into the rock Ms Bubbles discovered and so dutifully warned ships about (saving dozens, if not hundreds), all the while a ship under Wiley’s colors lies in wait, arriving at the scene of the tragedy the quickest and scavanging the wreck (killing off any survivors, of course). Until a certain Captain falsely accused the Siren with the Heart of an Angel, the pirates were losing profit. Since this primitive hunt in White Mantle fashion has begun against the poor soul, the sinkings restarted, and the blood-stained loot of the pirates is ever growing.

Tell me, ol’ Cap’n Storyteller; just where your true loyalties lie?

P.S.: I’m off to Laughing Gull Island to find the final piece of this puzzle.

I’m insulted by all this talk of unfairness. I might be a grog-swilling, fire-spewing, rabble-rousing old cuss, but I’m nothing if not fair. One way or another, I’m going to have my chat with this “Bubbles” girl. Catching her alive, preferably unharmed, has always been my first choice.

I mean, I haven’t taken violence off the table, but this is Lion’s Arch. Violence isn’t just on the table; it’s half the table legs.

So, in case I wasn’t clear, I want her caught and brought in for questioning. (Then we’ll see just how unpleasant this whole business is going to get.)

I stopped in at the Black Lion Trading Company to fish around for any leads. I might not like Cap’n Gnashblade, but the old devil is certainly well-connected, so it pays to keep the door open. He seemed to ponder my questions, but eventually told me he hadn’t seen the mermaid. Said he’d keep his ears open, though.

On the way out, I found a Skritt mopping up seawater next to one of the display cases. “Keep his ears open,” indeed, the snake.

Looking to pick up more leads, I decided to check back in at the local watering hole. While I didn’t expect to find the mermaid working there again, there was always the chance I’d get lucky, or at least stumble upon one of her associates in the process. Maybe chat up one of her coworkers for more information?

What’s the worst that could happen, right?

Redenaz.8631:

Cassandra Nea.2507:

((Priceless. If this doesn’t end in a mad lovestory for Cap’n Storyteller and the Mermaid, I will never believe in love again))

-chokes into grog-

Certainly not! Harrumph! Shut up!

For I am a salty ol’ sea dog of the highest caliber. Yarr!

And don’t you forget it!

This is story is going to a bad end! We need reinforcements!

Fear not, the singing Karka is here! WFirst, we gotta create the mood.

(Points stick at the orchestra)
Percussion
Strings
Winds
Words

Ahem

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don’t got a lot to say
But there’s something about her
And you don’t know why
But you’re dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she wants you, too
There is one way to ask her
It don’t take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sing with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl

Now’s your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don’t say a word
And she won’t say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Float along
Listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play
Do what the music say
You wanna kiss the girl

You’ve got to kiss the girl
Why don’t you kiss the girl
You gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

So, the rumors are TRUE.

And here I am, working my fingers to the bone in this barnacle-encrusted pile of driftwood, while you are swanning off after some fish-scaled hussy!

You heartless, scabby spawn of a Skelk! I may be a simple, crusty fishwife, but I’m most assuredly still your crusty fishwife!

Oh yes, it’s all in the name of protecting our fine port city, but I know what this is really about. First it was that bulbous ghostly whale, and now this? At least I didn’t have to worry about infidelity with that illusory beast!

I can see only one solution to this problem:

I must get to that mermaid first!

Then, you can focus on more important things, you ungrateful salty scoundrel.

Laura Joy.4321:

So, the rumors are TRUE.

And here I am, working my fingers to the bone in this barnacle-encrusted pile of driftwood, while you are swanning off after some fish-scaled hussy!

You heartless, scabby spawn of a Skelk! I may be a simple, crusty fishwife, but I’m most assuredly still your crusty fishwife!

Oh yes, it’s all in the name of protecting our fine port city, but I know what this is really about. First it was that bulbous ghostly whale, and now this? At least I didn’t have to worry about infidelity with that illusory beast!

I can see only one solution to this problem:

I must get to that mermaid first!

Then, you can focus on more important things, you ungrateful salty scoundrel.

ooooooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooooo…..

((So, the Capt. likes to drink hrrmm..))

Dear Captain,

We’ve not met, but word’s spread of your dilemma and I would like to assist.
The services I provide will not be with out cost, but I assure you they will
be worth while in ways you could not imagine. During my travels and employment
I have come across some very interesting tools in order to slip in and out of
various places with ease. Some have limitations such as a limited window of
opportunity such as this one, and may only be limited to a one time use. So
please do as I ask, use this under extreme certainty of your success and I trust
you are a loyal man and will never speak of where you obtained this potion from.

I have been watching and studying you from the shadows, and from what I can tell
you seem to drink like a fish. Why not be able to swim like one? What better
way to catch a siren than be able to match her speed in the place she so often is
able to turn and elude your grasp… No? Well, this potion will do just that and
temporarily transform you into a Krait.

There are some precautions that must be taken for drinking said potion.

1. Never ingest this potion on an empty stomach.
2. Chase it with your favorite Rum, Whiskey or Ale.
3. The potion will take transformation and will apply immediately.
4. Potion only retains it’s affect for 15 minutes, if transformation lasts longer than 4 hours please contact your physician immediately.

I do hope this aides you in your quest to rid this Siren from our harbor
or at least bring her to justice.

Sincerely,

X

Ashabhi.1365:

ooooooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooooo…..

(Passes the Thundershrimp popcorn around)
Oh snap!

She smirks as she mumbles to herself walking away “Oh dear, I truly hope I didn’t accidentally place the Skale Tonic down with the letter instead of the Krait Tonic.”

Laura Joy.4321:

-snip-

Oh scuttle me…

Go back to your lair, you razor-toothed crone! Don’t you have human souls to be disemboweling, or whatever it is you do for fun? I thought I smelled an evil storm blowing; did your Mother come back with your from trip to the Ascalonian Home for the Elderly Undead Evil Incarnate, or is it just toxic air wafting in from Kessex Hills?

I tell you, I’m chasing this girl— possible MONSTER— down for the public good! Leave me to it!

Also, that ghostly whale was absolutely real! Ask any of the men who were with me!
—————
HEY, BUBBLES

SWIM FOR YOU LIFE.

DO NOT LET HER FIND YOU.

THAT WITCH IS THE VERY SPECTRE OF GRENTH.
—————
((You can tell he cares by the effort he puts into his screaming protests.))

Another ship went down three nights ago.

I heard the crunch of timber across the water, and the cries of men in distress. I swam to the scene as quickly as I could, but the vessel disappeared beneath the waves unnaturally fast. I spotted a young sailor entangled and struggling in the rigging as I approached. I am afraid that when he saw me, his eyes bugged out and he gasped in a great lungful of water. The fear campaign against me obviously had the poor soul thinking that I was there to hurt him.

His struggles abated, and I quickly cut his limp form from the wreckage and brought him to the surface. I drew him up on shore and shared my breath with him until he began to cough and choke and finally breathe on his own again. The dear fellow collapsed unconscious from his ordeal, and making sure he was safe I went back to look for any other survivors.

That is when I saw him… the Captain! Quickly, I ducked behind some old ruins.

Captain Storyteller had made it to the scene of the wreckage in good time. He was a strong swimmer for a human. His obvious determination made him seem even stronger. And yet he evidenced great compassion for his lost fellows that made him seem less brutish than I had previously believed. Such was his distress, that I nearly stepped out from my hiding place to offer what help I could. But such a foolish notion vanished from my mind in an instant when one of his lieutenants approached him with a report.

I remained concealed until the Captain and his men left, and then I returned to the sailor I had left at the edge of the water. He was still unconscious, but he posed a problem for me. Surely he would only remember my presence, and not the fact that I pulled him to safety. The campaign against me would only grow stronger.

I enlisted the aid of my friend Hoomoohoomoo. She took the man into her care, and set off with a party to take him to Coddler’s Cove in Okarinoo. He would be able to recover there while not giving away my presence back in Lion’s Arch.

I have now taken up swimming alongside as many incoming vessels as I can. I keep my distance so as not to inflame rumors. It is tiring work, and I am not able to spend much time recruiting candidates for [FISH]. But something strange is going on, and I must find out what it is! Tonight, as a new ship was tying up at the docks and beginning to unload, I got my first glimpse of just what that thing might be.

A shadow was lurking underneath the pier. I could not make out what it was, but it obviously didn’t want to be seen. As it spied upon the activity on deck, I made my way closer.

When I got my first good look at the shadow, I knew something was wrong. The sheer malevolence radiating from the creature made me gasp in fright. I think the beast heard; I am not certain. I fled back into the water and raced away as deep and as far as I could. Few things can keep up with me in the water. I could outrun a Seataur!

I eventually returned to the Quaggan village to find that Hoomoohoomoo had made it back from Coddler’s Cove. When I told her what I had seen, she became extremely agitated and began to shake. She told me stories of the beast, and convinced me we were all in great danger. I had to warn people! But who would believe me? Except perhaps…

My Dear Captain Storyteller,

I leave this message with my old employer, as I know you are still watching for me at Two-Ters. I have urgent news that I beg you to listen to with an open mind. We are all in terrible danger!

Have you ever heard of the “Krait”? …

Arenanet needs to hire it’s playerbase to write living story content. Scarlett is evil and all, but this is pure gold.

I could not believe the foul language this foolish Captain was spreading about me.

“I’m not a witch, I’m your wife. But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that any more!”

I remember, dear Storyteller, when you promised me that wuv, tru wuv, would fowow us foweva…That you would tweasure our wuv. I bewieved you. I bewieved in our wuv.

-cough- Sorry, my lisp was slipping in.

Then it quickly became: “Good night, Adorabelle. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

That’s been very comforting, but I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait, Captain.

I strode out to the shores of Lion’s Arch, but did not enter the water. As of right now, I can only dog paddle. Even so, I issued this challenge in hopes that someone who knows this scandalous siren can give her my message:

Hello, my name is Adorabelle Wilder. You stole my husband. Prepare to die.

I suggest that we face each other as six gods intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.

-sigh- Never send a man to do a woman’s work. Or go after a woman, for that matter.

I don’t go by names. But you can call me ‘Midnight’. You probably haven’t heard of me, but that just means I’m doing my job right. I figured you lot would have taken cared of your siren problem already. Guess not.

So. How much is her bounty? I hear you want her brought in alive, and that can be done. I won’t rough her up too much…as long as she complies.

(( truly loving this lil mermaid twist ))
grabs popcorn while waiting for more

House Draxynnus Records
Report by Aluriel Thistlebane, Scion 77, 1326 AE

I’m not sure whether ‘luck’ is the appropriate term to use for such a tragedy, but my watch was met by results on the first night as another ship met with disaster. A figure I believe to have been the subject was on the scene, but from what I saw, it did not appear that she had played an active role in the ship’s sinking.

Instead, as per my instructions, my attention was brought to shapes in the water that I spied leaving the ship from the tears in its hull as it sank. Most of the shapes left towards the open sea where I felt it would be unsafe to follow even with my breathing apparatus, so instead I tailed one of the shapes that appeared to be swimming towards Lion’s Arch. To my initial surprise, my quarry was seeking not land, but one of the underwater entrances to the ruins beneath the sewers of Lion’s Arch.

Employing all of my skills in shadow magic and avoiding detection, I believe I was able to avoid notice as I pursued my quarry deeper into the ruins, until eventually I was able to come face-to-tail with an all too familiar shape. It seems that the krait have infiltrated Lion’s Arch.

Hearing signs of more krait deeper in, I felt it was more prudent to withdraw in order to report than to press on and risk discovery, so I was unable to identify the full nature of their plot – apart from that it somehow involved the sinking of ships near Lion’s Arch. It is my suspicion, however, that the reason for the krait to hide within the city may be in order to plant something on the ships they target – perhaps sabotage, perhaps stowing away, perhaps hiding some deadlier cargo on board. Accordingly, I have determined that the next step in my investigation is to search for signs of tampering of containers intended to be loaded on ships departing from Lion’s Arch