Guild Wars 2

So i guess only thing left for us is to go with ranger jokes.

So here is the topic, so post yours.

Here is mine:

How does ranger kill mobs ?
He uses his weapon and wait for mob to die from heart attack.

Ooooh I love jokes! lemme tell a few…

-Rangers are viable in pvp
- Rangers are the best profession for ranged combat
- We all saw a huge animation glitch in Crossfire and definitely wanted a nerf on the Shortbow
- All of our weapon sets (especially the Longbow) are efficient damage dealers and allow us to outclass other professions
- Our Medium Armor is so strong it feels like I’m wearing Adamantium
-Our pet mechanics are polished and efficient
-Developers seem to really care about the Ranger community and want to help the profession become a fun, viable class to play.

Oh wait jokes are supposed to be funny… sorry for taking your time.

Well tbh i have some suggestions to improve SB MORE:
a) Add a casting bar on crossfire, also after 3 hits add a cooldown that punish u for spamming you only dps ability(autoattack).
b) The bleeding from crossfire should only be applied only when you are above the enemy player. Behind or from side is for the weak.
c)Poison voley: Reverse the debuff, make the enemy players heal for 33% not decreasing the healing potency 33%.
d)Quick shot: Leave it as it is , they reach u anyways.
e)Crippling shot: Outplayed, pet based ability 10% chance to hit a critter, 0% to hit an enemy player. Check d).
f)Concussion shot: Our hard CC ability. 1 sec stun (if you ask them to turn their back). Make it 0.5 and 1/3 sec couse atm when i blink my eyes i can still catch the end.

And some general suggestions.
Change the F2 from pets. When you press they should dance (not instant, when they feel like it (like now)).
Wear roller skates at pets feet. After this can effectively pull all the room and faster when stops 20 feet ahead u.
Halloween feature: Give pets a very scary mask. This way when enemies moving and the pet cant hit them couse…. it simply cant, can scare him to death.
Special ability: When you pet dies in 2 seconds it should AoE cheer for new killing records. Danger of spam.

These were some heavy thoughts after serious concentration. Lets just put them in the game and see how the ppl will react.
After these improvements consider to rename Ranger profession into Danger.

- How much time does it take to kill a shortbow ranger? 40 milliseconds.
- How do you kill a shortbow ranger? By fixing animations.
- How can you recognize a shortbow ranger? 111111111111111111111111111111.
- How do you root a sword ranger? You let them use auto-attack.
- Are rangers funny? Offcourse, GW2 might be the joke but rangers are the punchline.
- Can you describe, in one word, how you feel about pets? Kitten.

kiranslee.4829:

So i guess only thing left for us is to go with ranger jokes.

How does ranger kill mobs ?

He goes home to his family and hopes the mobs will die of disease or old age before he does.

Qaletaqa Hania.2598:

- How much time does it take to kill a shortbow ranger? 40 milliseconds.

Classic.

Qaletaqa Hania.2598:

- How much time does it take to kill a shortbow ranger? 40 milliseconds.

Mind if I steal that for my signature?

xLiveLucidx.5071:

kiranslee.4829:

So i guess only thing left for us is to go with ranger jokes.

How does ranger kill mobs ?

He goes home to his family and hopes the mobs will die of disease or old age before he does.

Is this condition build ?

arcaneclarity.5283:

Qaletaqa Hania.2598:

- How much time does it take to kill a shortbow ranger? 40 milliseconds.

Mind if I steal that for my signature?

Go ahead.

kiranslee.4829:

xLiveLucidx.5071:

kiranslee.4829:

So i guess only thing left for us is to go with ranger jokes.

How does ranger kill mobs ?

He goes home to his family and hopes the mobs will die of disease or old age before he does.

Is this condition build ?

LMAO you kind sir or ma’am just made my night

What has 4 legs and uses a bow? A MESMER. Potato.

The best Joke is on the profession description:

“Rangers rely on a keen eye, a steady hand, and the power of nature itself. Unparalleled archers, rangers are capable of bringing down foes from a distance with their bows. With traps, nature spirits, and a stable of loyal pets at their command, rangers can adapt to any situation.”

Btw it is true that rangers can adapt to any situation! Just press Esc → Log Out → Charater Select → Create New Character! XD

- Wind, when coming from the West how quick are you? 23% to slow.
- What is a good way for a ranger to get killed? Not stowing his pet.
- How does a ranger play russian roulette? By wasting time licking his wounds.

Fixed it for you.

The best Joke is on the profession description:

“Rangers rely on a keen eye, a steady hand, and the power of nature itself. Unparalleled archers, rangers are capable of bringing down foes from a distance with their bows. With traps, nature spirits, and a stable of loyal pets at their command, rangers can adapt to any situation.”

Btw it is true that rangers can adapt to any situation! Just press Esc -> Log Out -> Charater Select -> Create Warrior! XD

This is how ranger posts looks like on other classes topics:
I Used To Be An Adventurer Like You, Then anet fixed me.

This is by far my favorite thread yet!

Sco.9615:

This is by far my favorite thread yet!

Well ty good sir.

In you honor here is one for you:

Q: How can you tell a ranger tried to go into WvW??
A: You can see his corpse.

Q : where do ranger live?
Ans : in the shelve .

Things to ask rangers :
When do you have highest DPS?
Proper answer is , when it rainz.
Why ?
Rain does higher DPS then ranger weapons.

Better 1 .
Where can you find a ranger in w3
Ans: way point.

Q: Whats the shortest Ranger joke ever?
A: LFG.

How come and in pvp i have only 4 skills?
1throw dirt 2thunderclap 3lick wounds 4bandage
the animations at least are good

My friend and I both play Rangers and we do just fine. I understand some tweaks are neccessary in certain aspects, but we are still very much playable.

Of course we didn’t always feel this way. We WERE full power/precision/crit damage and WvW made us bust keyboards in anger. So we respecced and regeared ourselves to adapt. Now, we do just fine working as a pair in 2v2 or 2v3 and also hold our own in 1v1s.

Please stay on topic.

Q: What do you call a Warrior with no arms and no legs?
A: I don’t know, but it’s better than a Ranger.

It looks a little like most of people consider SB as only valid choice.
I changed my Power SB Ranger for Traper about 2 weeks ago and i’m not using SB at all. I’m eating warriors without problems. Only mesmer and one type of necro is a challange.
It’s posieble I’m just fighting unskilled players but still consider my ranger viable.

Anyway…
Q: Why ranger can’t be bad?
A: Chuck Norris was the ranger.

Q: What is the difference between a ranger and a corpse?

A: 30 seconds of combat!

- How much time does it take to kill a shortbow ranger? 40 milliseconds.

Thats the best one yet! and so true with the amount of rangers quitting!
LMAO!

Q. How much health does a ranger have left when a warrior hits him once?
A. 7 percent.
Q. What skill did he use?
A. Brutal debugging.
Q. Why did he use that skill?
A. Because it was more fun than pressing 1.

That remindz me,

“Its no fun pressing 1”

Jon Peters likes Rangers.

He has an alt ranger.

Ok Those were just cruel jokes

What best describes us Rangers?
We are a load of flankers.

Here’s a couple:

Q: What do you call a SB Ranger?
A: An auto-attacking one-trick pony.

Q: What do you call a whinging SB Ranger?
A: A pain in the kitten who needs to L2P a ranger …

Q: What do you tell an ex-SB Ranger?
A: Mind the door on the way out …

Q: How can you tell a happy Ranger?
A: They didn’t fall for the ‘only SB rulz DPS’ crap and learned tactics, weapon versatility, and how to play the profession.

How do you tell a ranger does way too much drugs? Read the post above me!

arji.7192:

Well tbh i have some suggestions to improve SB MORE:
a) Add a casting bar on crossfire, also after 3 hits add a cooldown that punish u for spamming you only dps ability(autoattack).
b) The bleeding from crossfire should only be applied only when you are above the enemy player. Behind or from side is for the weak.
c)Poison voley: Reverse the debuff, make the enemy players heal for 33% not decreasing the healing potency 33%.
d)Quick shot: Leave it as it is , they reach u anyways.
e)Crippling shot: Outplayed, pet based ability 10% chance to hit a critter, 0% to hit an enemy player. Check d).
f)Concussion shot: Our hard CC ability. 1 sec stun (if you ask them to turn their back). Make it 0.5 and 1/3 sec couse atm when i blink my eyes i can still catch the end.

And some general suggestions.
Change the F2 from pets. When you press they should dance (not instant, when they feel like it (like now)).
Wear roller skates at pets feet. After this can effectively pull all the room and faster when stops 20 feet ahead u.
Halloween feature: Give pets a very scary mask. This way when enemies moving and the pet cant hit them couse…. it simply cant, can scare him to death.
Special ability: When you pet dies in 2 seconds it should AoE cheer for new killing records. Danger of spam.

These were some heavy thoughts after serious concentration. Lets just put them in the game and see how the ppl will react.
After these improvements consider to rename Ranger profession into Danger.

Had a really good laugh, thanks for this!

@Vorkk.4927
Win

What to do with ranger if u farmed legendary weapon ?
Shoot rainbows !

Vorkk.4927:

How do you tell a ranger does way too much drugs? Read the post above me!

Owned!!!

When did anet decided to create ranger as class ?
At april 1st.

Q:Whats the best thing about a Ranger?
A: That you can make pretty good jokes about them!

Q: Whats the difference between a Ranger and his pet?
A: There is none, they both sucks..

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Cuz the Ranger couldn’t kill it before it was on the other side.

How many rangers does it take to change a light bulb?
Infinite, the second ranger gets killed reviving the first, the third ranger gets killed reviving the second……

Everquest raids we use to send in our Ranger to go die on purpose, before the pull.

Seems times haven’t changed.

Heh

Q: What does a ranger and his pet have common
A: They both can’t hit a moving target.

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111
111111
11111111111
111111111111111111111111111111
111111111
1111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
111111111
11111111111111111111111
111

Hmm, no… it IS fun.

Ranger: aw.. they say I can’t keep hitting 1, it’s no fun..
Thief: yeah dude, how can you hit 1 and have fun…. try hitting 2, it’s awesome.

A ranger queued for sPvP

/endjoke

Dev 1 (playing a thief): Lol, 16 k backstab hit! Pwned him.
Dev 2 (playing a mesmer): Haha great. Rofl, just ported 100 people inside their zerg- what a massacre! Lol, seems they can’t see us! Hahaha!
Dev 3 (playing a warrior): You lucky guys! Just had a 12k killshot this time. Last time i hit for 16k.
Dev 1&2: That’s sad, bro. Maybe buff it in one of the next patches.
Dev 3: Yeah, I will.
Dev 1: He Jon, what about your ranger?
JonPeters (ranger dev): Dunno, don’t play one. Don’t like the animation of the shortbow.
Dev 2: What about the other weapons?
JonPeters: Jesus, they’re completely useless.

Why did the ranger get squished trying to cross the road?

He though he could make it in 40 milliseconds!

You know you’re in trouble with the wife when:

- You’re an asuran ranger. Your head looks definitely wonderful tonight, but you can’t quite “burst” like you used to.

5 people in a dungeon:

Party member 1: “Ok guys, boss time! This is quite simple, just spam damage, loot the chest and gg”
SB Ranger: “Oh…I’m sorry guys but…I…I can’t…”
Everyone: “What’s wrong man?!?”
SB Ranger: “…I can’t spam damage anymore…Devs nerfed me”
Everyone: O_O? “Why?”
SB Ranger: “Because it…it….” Ranger bursts in tears “…it isn’t fun!”

[11:06] XXXXXX: lfm 4/5 – no rangers pls!

Updated ranger description.

’ Rangers rely on a blind eye, a crippled hand, and the power of failure itself. Unparalleled target dummies, rangers are capable of doing nothing to their foes from a distance with their bows. With situational traps,broken nature spirits, and a buggy loyal pets at their command, rangers can bend over at any situation. ’

occasionally at their command. Let’s not be overly positive here. I KNOW we’re in the joke thread and all, but let’s TRY and stick a bit closer to the facts.
The rest seems just about right.