Guild Wars 2

Ooooh, time for me to unload some that I’ve been sitting on for a while:

Q: Why are the ghosts in Ascalon such bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: Why do Charr leaders have such a hard time envisioning what they want their warbands to look like?
A: Because it’s so hard to pick-Charr!

Q: Why couldn’t the Asura think of a good costume for Halloween?
A: Because he was short on ideas!

Q: Why do Kodan live so far north?
A: Because they can bear the cold!

Q: Why are do necromancers have so much trouble with their careers?
A: Because they always end up in a dead-end job!

Q: What makes warriors and guardians such good negotiators?
A: Because they can always hammer out the details.

Q: Why are engineers always so motivated?
A: They really know how to get in gear!

Q: Why do Norn never argue about partying?
A: They always decide it’s a moot point.

Q: What response will you get if you ask around Divinity’s Reach for why Ascalon was lost?
A: “We’re only human.”

Q: Where did Zojja learn to cast spells?
A: Elementary school.

Q: Why do actors hate getting casted with thieves?
A: They always steal the show.

Q: Why are mesmers so unoriginal?
A: They’re just a bunch of copy cats.

Q: What is Mad King Thorn’s least favorite band?
A: The Smashing Pumpkins.

Q: Why did the Sylvari get a haircut?
A: They wanted to turn over a new leaf.

Q: Why did the Skritt give up in the middle of the marathon?
A: He was getting tired of the same ol’ rat race.

Q: Why did the quaggan buy an expensive pair of sunglasses?
A: She wanted to look coooooooooo.

Q: Why don’t people target pets when fighting rangers?
A: Because they look tame in comparison.

Q: Why do people think warriors aren’t as smart as guardians?
A: Because they’re not as bright.

Q: Why didn’t anyone shop at the warrior’s store?
A: Because he charged too much.

Q: Why don’t centaurs ever use waypoints?
A: They always deicde to just hoof it.

And here’s the two I used:
Q: What do you call a group of undead Asura?
A: A skeleton krewe.

Q: What was Eir’s excuse for Destiny’s Edge’s failure when fighting Kralkatorik?
A: They had a bit of a Snaff – u.

Whats an Asura’s favorite color to experiment with?

Sylvari

What did a broke Asuran say to the merchant?
“I am short on cash.”

What is an Asura’s least favorite fruit?
Raisins

Why do the branded like burnt food? They love to eat charr.

What’s a warrior’s favorite Taylor Swift song?

“Shake it Off!”

I hope these fit the cheese factor:

How do Charr take baths?

Do unattractive mesmers have a skill called “Inebriated Vision”? Do they learn it from the local tavern goers, Han Ekin or Bud Miller?

What happens when Sylvari drink Miracle-Gro?

Do the Charr Legions have to do random drug tests on war bands for catnip abuse?

Is a narcissist’s favorite class the Mesmer?

If you kill a Sylvari is it classified as homicide or herbicide?

How bad is charr morning hair?

If an undead eats a Sylvari, is it eating vegetarian?

How does a moose drop a magical rifle? What is it doing with a rifle anyway? Hunting Norn?

What is the average ground speed velocity of an unladen Moa?

What do you get when you put a mini Logan in the forge with a Mini queen Jennah?

A mini dead snaff.

What’s the Iron Legions favorite sea food? Arctic Charr

How does the Blood Legion like it’s meat? Charr-broiled.

So I bought 10 extra slots and made several different classes with all of the slots I have. It’s fun, but I still can’t post a short message on the forum :/

What do you get when an Asuran mesmer makes clones?
Re-Asuran-ce (Reassurance)

What do you get when a Quaggon takes a Charr baby for a ride in a Charr-car?
A Qoo cat (cool cat) in a kitten (forum humor, think B****in) ride.

Why is Mordremoth all over AsuranTube (youtube)?
He likes to make Vines.

I have one but more likely fits more for the Mad King ^^.

What is the sweetest thing you can ever taste on a Halloween?
A Pink Quaggen filled up with cotton candy. Nothing can be more sweeter then that.

/r/trahearnejokes

insanemaniac.2456:

/r/trahearnejokes

(looks at link)
…This won’t end well.

:P

How does a clever, flamboyant thief, who’s highly skilled at evasive techniques remind you of a character from Charles D’s Oliver Twist?

He’s an Artful Dodger….

• Why did the Charr cross the Great Northern wall? To burn the other side.
• How many asura does it take to change a bulb? A dynamics krewe to design a better bulb, a statics krewe to design better lamp, a synergetics krewe to design a better power source, and one Council member to get some bookah to change the bulb for them for no pay.
• How many Inquest do you need to screw a bulb? It depends on how many captives they have in their holding pens.
• How many dredge do you need to paint a wall red? It depends in the Strength of your norn.
• Why does Palawa Joko have a permanent frown? Because his defeat against Turai Ossa left him in pieces.
• Why don’t you ever see dwarfs smoking their pipes anymore? Because they are all already stoned.
• Why do charr have so many cubs? Because they are always horny.
• What does the pact tengu do when they don’t have enough information about the enemy? They wing it.
• How do you reinoculate a retrocumbulative distributor without initiating an pervasive coaxial feedback loop? Push the button.
• Ever heard about the iron legion comedian who got covered in oil? He was slick but crude.
• Why don’t you ever see the Zhaishen in the PvP hubs anymore? The Miststed the invitation.
• What do you call a Quaggan in Mount Maelstrom? Roasted meat.
• A ranger walks into a tavern with a parrot following them. The Barkeeper asks: “Oh, that’s cool! Where’d you get it?” “In Southsun Cove”, replies the parrot.
• An asura, a sylvari and a norn are walk into a dirty tavern and ask for drinks, all of them get flies in their drinks.
  • The asura picks the fly with pincers and deposits in a petry dish. Saying “I’ll study it later”, then keeps drinking after applying a filter to the glass.
  • The sylvari gently picks the fly, looks a it with curiosity for a little bit and says “All things have a right to grow”, then keeps drinking after saying “Live life well and fully, and waste nothing.”.
  • The norn grabs the fly, tosses it against the counter and starts punching the counter and yelling “Spit my drink back, you son of a grawl!”
• Two asura walk into a bar. A human following them just walks over it.
• Why so many norn grow beards? To balance the weight of their back hair.
• How many norn blacksmiths does it take to sharpen a sword? One to hold the sword in place, one move the grindstone over the sword.
• How many charr do you need to sharpen a sword? 1. Well, just the horns.
• A mesmer walks into a tavern… but did they…?
• Why did all giants in the world suddenly turned into cyclops? So they’ll have just a chance to drop just 1 eye instead two chances to drop tusks.

Why do Reapers make great psychiatrists?
Cause they’re the only ones who can get berserkers to chill

Why did Mario quite guild wars 2?
He heard one too many complaints about the mystic toilet

What is a Charr’s favorite hobby?
Chasing Skritt

A sylvari walks into a bar, and she says…

“Ouch!”

What time of day can you get Sunrise?
Dawn. I’ll see myself out

Wambo started a similar thread about a week ago. Unfortunately, it got lost in the desolate community creations section so I thought I would provide a link for his contribution to cheesy GW2 jokes.

https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/community/creations/BAD-GW2-Jokes-and-Fun

What do you get if Heart of Thorns is delayed for whatever reason.

Boredremoth.

How do you make alphabet cereal for quaggans?
Mix it with cheerios.

Why is necromancer such a bad job choice?
It’s a profession with no stability.

How did the necromancer ask his crush out on a date?
Queens Gauntlet and Chill?

“Did you hear they’re replacing Geordi Laforge’s character in the new ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ movie that’s coming out and they’re using a Charr actor?!”

“Really, who’s the actor?”

“LeCharr Purrton.”

How many thieves does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two. One thief puts in the bulb while the other complains on the forums about +1ing.

A Norn walks out of a bar.

What do you call a sylvari engineer?
A manufacturing plant

What’s the difference between a Norn man and a Norn woman?

A couple of pints.

An asura asked me for some spare coin the other day because he was a little short.
—————————
Two charr were eating a court jester when one turns to the other and says “Does this taste funny to you?”.
—————————
Why has surfing become popular in Orr? Because the waves have risen.

Here’s a few awful puns that I made my guild cringe with…

My problem with the Sons of Svanir? They have no idea about gender-neutral pro-Norns.

My problem with the Norn in general? They can hardly pro-Norns their names right!

What does a Norn leader use to solidify his position? A-Norn-cement!

How did Zhaitan measure the Ruins of Orr?

He just eyeballed it.

I asked Anet to remove the Kyesjard POI, because it’s a moot point.

A norn walked into a bar….
No one else got to drink that day

A Charr, Norn and Sylvari walk into a bar. The Charr orders a bottle of whiskey, the Norn, a tankard of their best ale, and the Sylvari, a glass of their finest water.

The bartender turns to the Sylvari and says: “Sorry, im not paid to water the plants.”

What is an Orrian Chicken’s favorite song?

Cluck Cluck BOOM

Why did the sylvari fear that Mordramoth may be a god?

His use of The Vinewrath. (Divine Wrath)

A member of the Priory asked an Itzel who had the best songs in the jungle. The Itzel replied “The Beetles”

Why did Scarlet cross the road? To wake the Elder Dragon

a chronomancer drinks a beer. The tavern owner says thatll be 5 gold. the chronomancer F5? no problem!

I can outrun a centaur…but I want mounts.

Why does no one like fighting the flame legion? Because they always get CHARRed!

Zenryu.7012:

I can outrun a centaur…but I want mounts.

‘Centaurs are added to the game as a playable race.’

I want mounts! Oh wait, I am a mount.

what do you call the humour of a Charr?
charrcasm.

Crimson Clouds.4853:

How does Trahearne like his steaks?

…

… Well done

Of course I read that in his voice. XD

* (An asuran with a conundrum for wanting to fix his malfunctioning robot invention walks up to you. He asks you to terminate it.)

* (You look at the asuran, stifling a giggle as you respond . . .)

* Sorry, I’m only filled with... Determination.

I jumped off a diving spot the other day and it ended with a big splash! … of pain…. on the rocks…

Why are there no risen centaur’s?

ANet doesn’t want us beating a dead horse.

Why do quaggans get along so well with Mr. T?
They both pity the foo-

What gifts please Zomorros the most?
“No, not those, but please feel free to try again.”

What’s the Consortium’s favorite watch brand?
CITIZENS! Coming soo- CITIZENS!

Asuran insults:
Your mama’s so dumb, she thinks Lions Arch is a foot disease!
Your mama’s so dumb, she thinks putting heads together means beating up an ettin!
Your mama’s so dumb, she thinks a high-frequency ray is a common fish !
Your mama’s so dumb, she thinks the Brand means Kralkatorrik has a logo!
(to a bookah) Wash your hair, it smells weird!

A norn walks into a bar.
The asura steps around his body and continues on.

Why is it so cheap to fight an asura?
You only need armor on your feet.

Which monsters do Sylvari fear the most?
Vegans.

How messy is a charr?
Well, it used be called the Shining Citadel….

The other day, I encountered a dust mite crusader. It was helping several players and NPCs throughout the Silverwastes. I’ll never forget its rallying cry – “For grit justice!”

Skritt: My shinies have disappeareded!
Hero: I smell a rat.

I don’t fear Mordremoth, he’s all bark.

Which race has the best pirates?

Charr, matey!!

…

My work here is done.

What does the Ranger say when the party is mad at them?

Murellow out guys!

Why are Quaggans always cute?
They’re so blubberly!

What does a group of hungry charr survivors adrift on a raft call the lone human?
Dinner.

Why aren’t charr the best race?
Because there are norn better!

Why are charr reticent about having Sylvari for dinner?
They aren’t meat.

What does the Norn say to his friend who makes fun of his Sylvari wife?

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.