Guild Wars 2

“Guild Wars 2” – 2: The Wrath of Mordremoth

Is Mordremoth the third evolution of Bulbasaur?

These are good, ArenaNet put this in the loading screen text area (like the beta announcements). Would give you something to smile about while loading in a zone.

How did the ranger acquire new pets?

He Druid… >_<

Why are Necromancers so rich?

Because of all the wishing wells.

What do you call a sylvari on an arrow cart?
- A salad shooter.

Heard on the radio at Rata Sum that an inquest mesmer broke out of the brig. They said there was a small medium at large.

4 Necros and a Ranger walk into a bar.
The barman says “Meta only” before being 1 shotted by the boss.
He then blames the Necros and Ranger.

I made my elementalist a Norn, so I can always be in Eir attunement.

So I was riding my magic carpet around the lower-middle portions of Lion’s Arch, and wouldn’t you know it – someone forced me off my ride and stole it!

I guess what I’m trying to say is: Be careful in South Central LA.

Scentaurs invented perfume.

Kodans often go to the bank to check their balance.

an asuran ranger joins a party, he knocked a mob back, the party looked around, and couldn’t find who did the knockback.

I had a great one about artificers who prefer potions made with rooster blood, but the kitten filter won’t let me say it. :-p

Best way to confuse an Asuran:

Given: X Norns, Y Asurans, and Z Humans walk into a bar. Why is anyone left standing?

“Wait… what?”

Nevaahe.6308:

Why are there no risen centaur’s?

ANet doesn’t want us beating a dead horse.

this omg XD

I have some really bad ones that I’ve shamefully stolen.

Which dragon is best with computers?
Tech-quatl.

How does Jormag like his tea?
Ice-Brewed.

That’s all I got. :P

penelopehannibal.8947:

Kodans often go to the bank to check their balance.

I laughed out loud at this one, and I’m not even ashamed.

A Charr, an Asura and a Human banded together one day to clear the evil from a realm.

• The Charr used his greatsword to cleave through waves of undead.

• The Asura used his ingenuity to outsmart a giant.

• The Human called down the power of Balthazar to finish off the final and deadliest foe.

As a reward, their party was presented with ONE legendary weapon. Who was deemed worthy of the weapon?

Ones digging, cannot go beyond one’s shovels.

Female human elementalist: “Feel the power of Bulbasuar!” (Balthazar)

Can’t unhear it when they attune to fire. :P

The Margonites are early adopters of Abaddon before it was cool but you probably haven’t heard of him.

“I can outrun a centaur!” It was at this moment he knew……he messed up.

It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes and I yelled, I said, “What do you want from us, Dragon?” And the Dragon bent down, and said, “I need about tree-fitty.”

Don’t these Quaggan seem fishy to you?

“Again! Again! Again!” Coming soon! Baby Chronomancer!

“What do you mean furries?” This was the last time Rytlock went downtown Lion’s Arch.

The Sylvari were a surprise to all of Tyria when they arrived, you should have seen the look on the Vegan’s faces!

What does the Sylvari engineer shout while running out of the jungle?
- Bomb planted!

I would tell a Trahearne joke, but I’m too busy doing all this work.

I prefer more gore type of jokes, so i’ll mark it as spoiler :P

What’s a bad quaggan situation? ...8 quaggans in one box.
What’s even worst? ...1 quaggan in 8 boxes.

Firelysm.4967:

I prefer more gore type of jokes, so i’ll mark it as spoiler :P

What’s a bad quaggan situation? ...8 quaggans in one box.
What’s even worst? ...1 quaggan in 8 boxes.

NoOoOoOo why did you say this??? >_<

What is a quaggan’s favorite pvp map?
Legacy of the foo-fire! :P

Why does Engineers always have Ascended armor?
- Grinding gears ain’t nothing new for them.

How many Asura does it take to blow up a reactor?
Three! One to bring up safety concerns, and two more to disagree with him.

Too soon?

Alright, another:

A bunch of dragons are sitting in a bar, discussing their worst fears. “Giant lawnmowers”, Mordremoth confesses. “Exploding golems”, The Claw of Jormag says. “Laser guns!”, admits Tequatl The Sunless. “Laser guns are way worse than any lawnmower or exploding golem.”

For a moment there’s a silence. Then Tequatl notices Zhaitan sitting over in a corner. “Hey boss, you should join us. Tell us what you’re most afraid of”. Zhaitan shakes his many heads. “Nah, I think I’ll just stay right here and not move at all.”

A Human, a Norn, an Asura and a Quaggan are stood in Sparkfly Fen, waiting for Tequatl. Whilst they’re waiting, they’re having a conversation.

Human: “Oh, I’ve got news for you, I’m pregnant!”
Norn: “By Raven, what a coincidence you’re telling me this, for I am pregnant too!”
Asura: “Excelsior! This is uncanny, I too, happen to be with progeny!”
Human: “Wow, this is really weird huh? We’re all getting pregnant at the same time. What could it be?”

The Quaggan replies as Tequatl rises “There’s something in the water….”

If Trahere were were a tree, what would he be?
A FACE PALM!

Why are Elder dragons, huge, evil and scaley?
Beacause if they were small, harmless and hairy they’d be coconuts.

Did you hear about the all female charr warband? They’re called Charrly’s Angels

Why do Kodans travel south for the winter? They’re bi-polar bears.

penelopehannibal.8947:

A Human, a Norn, an Asura and a Quaggan are stood in Sparkfly Fen, waiting for Tequatl. Whilst they’re waiting, they’re having a conversation.

Human: “Oh, I’ve got news for you, I’m pregnant!”
Norn: “By Raven, what a coincidence you’re telling me this, for I am pregnant too!”
Asura: “Excelsior! This is uncanny, I too, happen to be with progeny!”
Human: “Wow, this is really weird huh? We’re all getting pregnant at the same time. What could it be?”

The Quaggan replies as Tequatl rises “There’s something in the water….”

That’s a good one! My elementalist is also pregnant atm.

notebene.3190:

I heard one the other day that made me laugh.

How does Trahearne change a light bulb?

“Commander, a word.”

This

PvP joke/taunt after a crushing victory, “I would say good game but I was taught not to lie.”

How did the Asura discover inception?

They did a quest with an inquest!

I ask a friend if he is ready to kill Mordremoth.

He said, “sure am. I bought a big can of bugspray for the occasion”

Ah, Norn love their moots. Tales of heroism, conquest, vanquish, it all flows as fast as the ale as Norn gather to boast of their legends and, if all goes well, add one more conquest in that of the opposite sex. However Norn men are as susceptible as others to the legendary infliction known as “beer goggles”. Many a Norn has spent the night with a ravaging beauty, but the reality is that, more often than not, it’s Eir today, Garm tomorrow.

If a sylvari falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it does it make a sound?

I’ll make like a sylvari and leave now. =oP

Why can elementalists read their lorebooks in the dark? Because they are written in the lava font.

What is the favourite wine of the charr? Charrdonay.

Why did the the skritt raid the grove? Everything there was so silvari!

So my guardian friend decided to set up as a lawyer, she called her business ‘For great Justice!’

Nice one from ANet (https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/info/updates/Game-Update-Notes-October-23-2015/5638259):

“Mount Maelstrom:
Due to the weight of players, boxes surrounding the Golem Mark II have collapsed. Workers have carted their remnants away.”

What are Sylvan dogs made of? Bark.

If I get a rare item from a Destroyer, is it done medium rare?

What do you call lost alcohol in the woods? A spirit of the wild!

Why are the Kodan so afraid of the Norn?

Because the Norn have a right to bear arms.

Q: Where do Sylvari go for a drink ?
A: A Salad Bar

Q:Why was the priestess so mad?
A: The congregation wouldn’t Lyssan

Q:Why did the Sylvari leaf the pale tree?
A: They wanted to branch out

Q: why are Norn so prone to making mistakes ?
A: because to Eir is Norn

Q: How do people in ebonhawke like their meat?
A: Charr broiled .

Q:Why are norn always drunk
A: They couldnt bear the thought of being sober

Q: How do Char like their meat
A: Searing hot

Q: Why are some Sylvari so suborn
A:They’re rooted in their ways

Q: why do Quagan make a bad audience
A: because they always BoooOOOooo

Why do Elementalists always pout?
Cause they were taught in the ways of Aggression magic.

Charrbeque.8729:

Why are the Kodan so afraid of the Norn?

Because the Norn have a right to bear arms.

Or

Why are the Kodan always glad to see a Norn weapons trader?

Because the Norn have the right to arm bears.

Wars against the likes of Zhaitan and Modremoth really tend to dragon.

What’s a Quaggans favourite band?
FoOOoOoo Fighters

A sylvari walked into a salad bar and was promptly served.

(not sure if this is original or not, seems so obvious)

GW2: Dev Interview about the new LA (parody) by Noxxi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hZpwCxiin4

Warrior charging an enemy:
Warrior: On my mark!
Enemy: O.O
Warrior: Shake it off!
Enemy: lel

Yo momma so fat it takes 3 Mesmer ports to transport her…..

I’m a healer /15char

what race follows you like a pokemon till you’re hungry?
Quaggans. Friendly cuisine, especially as mini-whale burgers.

why does a mesmer have to book at a hotel for 21?
her portal has a twenty man vacancy.

Did you hear about that ex-Vigil engineer who got sick of fighting the Claw of Jormag every day? Well he’s a total flake. He already quit his first new job at an accountancy firm just because they told him to “watch the ledgers.”

I’ll re-post one here that I put in its own thread a few months ago.

Why is Orr the kinkiest place in Tyria?
…
Because it’s fifty shades of grey.