Guild Wars 2

A middle aged sylvari discovers a very young sylvari on the side of the path shivering uncontrollably and she exclaims “oh my word! are you alright!?” with bloodshot eyes the young sylvari looks up and says “I feel awful! i only just got out of the pot”

How do you call a game which likes to kill its characters and is obsessed with deadly vines?

Game of Thorns.

What’s a difference between a real fossilized insect expert and an asuran fossilized insect expert?

Only an asuran one can identify any insect you need in a single unidentified fossilized insect you bring him.

so 5 rangers enter a dungeon suddenly the party leader say “i don’t play with rangers” so they kick the reneger and get guardian : )

Soa Cirri.6012:

A warrior is walking past Eldvin Monastery and sees a bandit running away with a cask of wine. With mighty prowess, the warrior slays the man and returns the cask to a monk in the monastery.

The monk is grateful, but confused. “We are total strangers to you. Why would you go through so much effort just to help our humble vineyard?”

The warrior replies, “For grape justice.”

OMG Im still dying laughing on that For Grape Justice lol

What’s Trahearne’s favourite video game?

“Plants vs. Zombies”.

I have a really bad one, forgive me…

How do you call a handsome and funny charr?
“Charrming”

I can hear the crickets in the background…

andreibianu.8051:

A sylvari on his way to Rata Sum reaches a gate checkpoint where all visitors require paperwork to be accounted for , upon entering the city.
An elderly asura walks up to the him and starts taking some notes .Then with a dull tone asks him :
-Name?
-Farwin Leafmesh , the sylvari answers.
-Age?
-21

Hydroclasm.8572:

Zomaarwat.3912:

andreibianu.8051:

A sylvari on his way to Rata Sum reaches a gate checkpoint where all visitors require paperwork to be accounted for , upon entering the city.
An elderly asura walks up to the him and starts taking some notes .Then with a dull tone asks him :
-Name?
-Farwin Leafmesh , the sylvari answers.
-Age?
-21

I dont get it.

The comment was moderated and the punchline cut out. The asura asked what the sylvari’s gender was (using different wording) and the sylvari misinterpreted what the asura meant. The sylvari ended up divulging a bit more information about his/her personal life than the asura likely wanted to hear.

I think there were one or two other jokes that were also moderated

Now that this thread has been necro’d I just want to get this off my chest: the new punchline is funnier, and if you didn’t get it you need to read more about the Sylvari.

A Stupid kitten kid played a Charr Guardian named Smoophy.

Turns out Stupid kittened People only deserve to play Eternal Battlegrounds

Hah.
Juk.

Why did Orr sink?

Vizier Khilbron put his trust in Abaddonware.

………..Zhaitan, lol

Three skritt walk into a museum. The curator stops them at the door and says, “Your kind is not allowed in here.” So the skritt chatter amongst themselves and then they leave. Next day, six skritt walk into the same museum. The curator stops them at the door, “Your kind is still now allowed in here. Leave.” Third day, an asura walks in. He’s dressed all grand and pompous-looking. The curator says, “Welcome, sir. How may I help you?” Then he sees no less than nine skritt marching in behind the asura and asks him, “Sir, do you realize you have at least nine skritt coming in behind you?”

The asura clears his throat and replies, “I’m doing an experiment. I want to see how many of them are needed before they realize this isn’t a museum.”

The curator looks confused and leans in to whisper so that the skritt won’t hear him, “But sir, we have plenty of old valuables in here.”

“Note to self,” says the asura, “Ten is insufficient. Especially if one of them thinks he’s a museum curator.”

Mad Queen Malafide.7512:

How many members of Destiny’s Edge does it take to rob a bank?
Zero, they’re all too busy stealing your spotlight.

What did Trahearne say after being pushed into a bottomless well?
“This well won’t end.”

The second one is grand.

Holmes and Watson are strolling through Orr. Watson notices a strange blobby creature made of tar and asks:
- What’s that creature, Holmes?
- Elemental, Watson!

darkfiremew.5937:

What was Dhuum’s, Abbadon’s and Menzies’ secret alliance secretly called?
The triforce

Link called..he wants his triforce back… XD

Why do Guardians never participate in Movember? (The month you let a moustache grow for supporting men’s health)

“Shave yourselves!!” XD

What race doesnt give a kitten and always has the munchies?

A Weed-Sylvari

What do you call a Norn with Nomads gear and Cleric’s trinkets?

" A Beer-tank"

I will always have a soft spot for the Asuran kids telling the “Your Mama…” jokes.

“Your mama’s IQ is so low, she thinks “Elemental” is four letter in the middle of the alphabet."

“Your mama’s IQ is so low, she thinks a “golemancer” is what you get when you ask a golemquestion."

Naus the Gobbo.5172:

VOLKON.1290:

Xzaander.4123:

Have you ever heard about that Norn thief?

…

Wait… someone is stealing Norn?

This comment made me laugh way more than it should have.

I got this great picture of a bunch of skritt smuggling Norn away in big sacks.

WHAAHAHAHAHA same here XD XD

Labjax.2465:

Three skritt walk into a museum. The curator stops them at the door and says, “Your kind is not allowed in here.” So the skritt chatter amongst themselves and then they leave. Next day, six skritt walk into the same museum. The curator stops them at the door, “Your kind is still now allowed in here. Leave.” Third day, an asura walks in. He’s dressed all grand and pompous-looking. The curator says, “Welcome, sir. How may I help you?” Then he sees no less than nine skritt marching in behind the asura and asks him, “Sir, do you realize you have at least nine skritt coming in behind you?”

The asura clears his throat and replies, “I’m doing an experiment. I want to see how many of them are needed before they realize this isn’t a museum.”

The curator looks confused and leans in to whisper so that the skritt won’t hear him, “But sir, we have plenty of old valuables in here.”

“Note to self,” says the asura, “Ten is insufficient. Especially if one of them thinks he’s a museum curator.”

That one is great!

Which creatures in The Shiverpeaks are able to write each other letters?

Penipals…

(Edited to include an apology)

What did the Kodan say to the other Kodan?

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

following the hashtagged Rytlock-in-the-mists twitter image

- How do you call a new heavy class?
- Medium.

Lishtenbird.2814:

How do you call a game which likes to kill its characters and is obsessed with deadly vines?

Game of Thorns.

Your post is six month old and I think “Heart of Thorns” was inspired by your post. :-)

Greetings.

P.S. In my head I always read “Heart of Thrones” and not “Heart of Thorns” when I see “HoT”

Why did the Kodan go to Riot Game(s)?

To teach them about Balance!

(Games? Plural? They have, like, one game…)

What’s the most important part of a Kodan’s bank account?

His balance.

My fiance plays mostly Charr and he’s always looking for new gear sets to transmute to, dye and so on.

Every time I see him changing his gear look I say, “Playing Dress Me Up Charrbie again?”

How does a Norn turn down the volume on the TV set?

He presses the ‘moot’ button.

Here’s the funniest joke of all.

https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/game/gw2/Game-Updates-Traits/page/76

What number does Logan dial to call up the queen?

867-5309

naiasonod.9265:

Here’s the funniest joke of all.

https://forum-en.gw2archive.eu/forum/game/gw2/Game-Updates-Traits/page/76

Getting tired of hate posts.

The one I offer is more for the GW1 veterans, and it’s more of a pickup line.

“Are you suffering from Exhaustion? Because you’ve been Zojun’s Hasting through my Fevered Dreams all night.”

What did a party of 5 zerkers say to Legendary Imbued Shaman?

“Sorry to burst your bubble…”

What’s the difference between an assassin and a thief?

One gets paid, and the other gets two blues and a green.

How many servers does it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to change it and 2 to say “if it wasn’t night we could do that way better than you.”

what is a flashy risen called?……
Michael!!!

Why was Caithe’s ex-girlfriend banned from playing soccer?

Because she was Faolynn.

Okay so the other day I was playing when I was super tired and for some reason this came to my head. Disclaimer, it is VERY stupid, lame and cheesy so there I said it as even I think it is lol, ps I am no joke maker in general either. With all that said here goes:

So a Norn and an Asura walk into a bar. The Norn says “say hello to my little friend”.

I dont jave a joke, but I have a pickup line using the names of some GW skills.

“Are you suffering from exhaustion? Because you have been Zojun’s Hasting through my Fevered Dreams all night long.”

(Taken from an experience with my guild)

Best friends meet—a human and a slyavari—once again.

“Hug me!”

“Cuddle me!”

They start cuddling. An asura walks by and asks, “what are you doing?”

One answers, “we are cuddling.”

The other asks, “would you like to cuddle with us?”

The asura ponders a moment and answers, “sure!”

:P

Why did the Skritt fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead

Why did the 2nd Skritt fall out of the tree?

He thought it was a game

Paulytnz.7619:

Okay so the other day I was playing when I was super tired and for some reason this came to my head. Disclaimer, it is VERY stupid, lame and cheesy so there I said it as even I think it is lol, ps I am no joke maker in general either. With all that said here goes:

So a Norn and an Asura walk into a bar. The Norn says “say hello to my little friend”.

Be funny as hell if the Norn’s name was Tony Montana lmao

My friends and other people (that played gw1 with me) joke because i still play this game….

Does that count?

What did the Greatsword say to the mob?
“CLANG”

Benie.9312:

What did the Greatsword say to the mob?
“CLANG”

That is a questionable answer.. does Anet uses it?

I have plenty more jokes about Asura being short.
But I don’t want to make a hobbit out of it.

Aeolus.3615:

That is a questionable answer.. does Anet uses it?

I don’t get the question. It was just something I thought of with the sound of a Greatsword when one does a killing blow on a mob.

“The story is so much better in this game than in ESO or SW:ToR.”

Lishtenbird.2814:

What’s Trahearne’s favourite video game?

“Plants vs. Zombies”.

lol. Nice one.