Guild Wars 2

But they are working on Minion behavior guise. Won’t be long now before they will be working on Minion behavior.

I heard DejaVu was a process where information takes too long to tranfer from one part of the brain to another creating the illusion of a second memory.

I feel like you don’t have any of the required experience to be asking this kind of question yet.

KirinDave.6451:

Funky.4861:

@ necropsy- we have a nice trait which extends the duration of all sceptre conditions by 33%

And this trait does not interact with +condduration bonuses, but rather underneath it. Necromancers can exceed the +100% cap for bleeds.

Until it gets “balanced”.

Ranged AoE.

/thread

I haven’t been killed by a solo thief or warrior since like 4 patches ago.

Necro has an amazing array of tools to escape.

What Necro doesn’t have is more than a single viable PvP role. The reason you and others like you are having so much trouble is because the only role that is competitively viable for the content you are experiencing is not the role you are trying to fill.

There is no specialization tier for Necro that functions. That is the issue. Necro is determined by Jewelry and Utilities. Traits mean little to nothing. So the only viable option is a hybrid damage/support role or a hybrid bunker/support. If you specialize in anything specifcally you screw yourself.

Personally I like farming with my Thief. I can eat a sammich, watch Hulu, and smash a single macro that garuntees I kill every single thing I target. The PvP in Thief Wars 2 is terribly boring without a sammich and Hulu.

Show the math. Not a wall semantics. Dagger damage is useless in WvW and PvE and tourny. The only exception being hot matches where you can ride the zerg and poke stuff. Did you forget to consider the oppertunity costs in your Math? Or are you just trying to win an argument on the internet with someone who has much more experience than you do?

In any respect, show the math you have so confidently hailed as the objective basis for your opinion. If you can.

I really dislike fake Guru’s jumping in rational well articulated threads just to feel Guru. Especially when they just ramble misleading and often completely false information and defend it rabidly.

Also Quill is 100% correct. Save the semantics. If you dissagree with anything stated by Quill in the OP you are dissagreeing with reality and no one needs to know what you think about your own imagination.

The highest possible damage output you can achieve comes from a hybrid build. Period. In all content the hybrid is superior, if you are focused on damage.

Not a single syllable of the mountains of text matter beyond this. You cannot focus Necro in any single direction without nerfing yourself.

daydream.2938:

Correct me if im wrong. But arent necromancers considered more valuble in the current meta than warriors?

A lack of competitive warriors makes that impossible to say. Meta is also a matter of perspective and tends to close the box on mastery development. Warrior however, has the tools to turn the circle on the map the color of their armor both offensively and defensively. In this type of PvP that is all that really matters.

Leadfoot.9071:

I think one issue I had, and granted I did not try it for very long, was that the uptime on the elite minion was pretty low so his knockdown was not available to me very often. This could very well have been a l2p issue. Therefore, the only immobilize I had left was dagger #3 but the enemy typically had a stun breaker ready for that. So some more tips on faking people out to get the immobilize off may be useful since that seems to be key to getting a well bombing build to work.

I have no problems with burst thieves on my necro as long as I have some life force ready and I see them coming. Popping into DS to absorb their burst is pretty awesome. I can see the blind well working really well too.

Well bombing is a gimick anyway. Focus instead on using the effects of the wells when they are needed.

kaplis.7195:

Jason Segel.2908:

kaplis.7195:

mjharrison.3209:

kaplis.7195:

….

Actually d/d eles did get a major buff a couple of months after release.

I know there was one patch that indeed buffed them but it was mostly minor stuff, the only “strong” thing imo was the increased healing from water 2. Also there were nerfs for EA (which affected all weapons), healing ripple etc…
+ a couple of bug fixes.

My post was just something that i’ve noticed during the game’s period.
IMO

Yeah, you had a good observation on that for sure. I only know necros DPS < ele DPS because i 1 vs 1 a ton. single target DPS ele winds by a huge number + all that cc and knockdowns vs a necro is like constant getting thrown around.

You can win if ur a tanky necro, but it’s a 5 minute fight then.

When did this became elementalist vs necromancer? BTW All classes are lacking in build diversity, it’s not just your necromancer – an ele can’t focus on conditions as good as a necromancer does.

Necromancer cannot focus on anything at all because the Traits are all either useless, or have no measurable impact.

Necro cannot even focus on condition damage. Unless you run a hybrid cookie cutter you lose a ton of your damage output in any offensive build.

So stuff that argument right up the corn shoot. No class is more pigeonholed than Necromancer. Necro in GW2 is easily the most epicly stale I have ever played. And I have played them all. With enthusiasm.

I also play every class and actually have actual experience backing these assertions.

Burjis.3087:

Why do you guys think they will nerf Wells and Marks? Just because they said “some” AoE builds are too strong for the opportunity cost?
How did you just translate that to “We’re gonna nerf every working aoe skill to ultimate uselessness”?

Because it is human nature to respond to a problem with a highly exagerated solution. And Anet has already proven the fine details hold little barring on their decision making process. Little things like limiting maximum AoE targets to limit AoE zerging only to drive every AoE playstyle off content they previously enjoyed because they felt powerful and useful in a zerg that otherwise rewards no individual for anything…

Programmers should be forced to pass every idea they have through an editor with some semblence of empathy…

I find him lazy. He plays like I pug tournies. (I dooz it with a sammich and while watching hulu+)

You want both Power and Condition Damage. Necro has no true Power options because the majority of Necro damage is not affected by power. There is no exception to this rule.

Perspective is pretty rough on some people. The attention seeker on the forums is usually the most abrasive undesirable you can possibly imagine playing with in game for a host of clearly obvious reasons to anyone from an opposing perspective.

But from inside the looking box, people tend to ignore reality in favor of fuel for their nuerosis and drama cravings.

I mean sure it could be a real complaint, but why would a thoughtful and rational complaint be filed on the forums if not for the sole purpose of attracting attention…?

Kicking someone so they can’t lewt is a hallowed MMO tradition. There is a specfic etiquette the majority of players follow when exacting this kind of punishment. I have every inclination that the etiquette was followed in the cases provided here.

Constantly avoiding any expression of responsibility when you screw up, ergo you fall in the hole (or any number of other mistakes made during the rest of the crawl), is among the behaviors that can result in getting kicked before lewt. Just as an example.

And before you get all semantics about it. The idea is to punish. Not to benefit. People don’t usually want to punish you unless you do something to warrant it.

GW2 is not ready for mainstream PvP. That is the begining and end of everything anyone looking at GW2 PvP needs to know. Game not finished. Check back later if nothing better comes along.

I heard on EU servers they play purely RP PvP and spend the first 4 minutes of every match arguing in several languages as to what denotes “fair play”.

Seems a rather feminine form of meta to me.

Axe is bad because vulnerability used to be OP.

Now Vulnerability is underwhelming and Axe is bad in addition to having an underwhelming effect that only works on 30% of overall damage potential…

People at Anet seem to have a single dimension to work from that prevents logic from contradicting protocol.

You should never need a stun breaker. Necro should always have a support with shared stability next to them and for times that require it, Death Shroud and Plague Form offer extremely useful saves, as well as using full Lyssa Runes and running your short cooldown Flesh Golem.

Flash builds with teleports are for hot matches and trolling. Nothing more. You can’t use them to change the point the same color as your armor so you are useless in tPvP using them.

Focus on support Utilities and run damage of your chosen flavor (I like both) and combine it with lower tier Vitality and DS line traits. Don’t underestimate the value of Lyssa Runes. Clear all conditions Gain all Boons will change the way you play Necro.

All classes should be able to perform all roles competitively in PvP without exception and to be kitten with any other line of reasoning. This is 2013 now. Time to build a truly competitive PvP experience. If we want to be pigeon-holed we have plenty of other games to play that most of us have already invested in.

Every Class, Every Role, Truly Competitive PvP. – this needs to be your only goal otherwise you owe a bunch of PvP fans their money back.

Wiki and tooltips suggest DS is the go to Necro feature, but sadly it is far from it do to bugs that allow both the user to prematurely end DS, but also any attacker watching the animations can also time a strike that will end DS prematurely.

So yes, on paper DS should be more than a save to proc boons and absorb some extra damage, but in practice DS is nothing but a save that you cannot rely on for any kind of sustained defense or offense.

Any time at all spent in competitive sPvP breaks down your reliance on DS. You can’t build Life Force fast enough in competitive play to maintain a DS rotation so you will find yourself using it less and less over time.

Build up and boom never works in competitive PvP. Anet is very shortsighted in this as well as many other extremely obvious PvP issues they have just adopted in what seems like a dart board collection of traits and features.

I expect Necro to be renamed Warlock and Thief Wars 2 to echo through the internet as the greatest PvP game ever ruined by the exact same broken stealth + burst mechanics that have been raged about for over a decade in every other game ever to include them…

Also I expect a very plentiful New Years harvest.

Necro Advice not derived from wiki incoming:

Necro has no tools to be a bunker.

Necro bunker requires multiple attacking targets. So it is completely negated by a single roamer with ranged weapons. Necro can’t heal off what it can’t hit. And the Minions which should provide those additional bunker tools are useless in competitive play. Especially when they take up utility slots, can’t path over a blade of grass, and often don’t even attack hostile targets.

However, when Necro has a solid pile of hostile targets, Necro is a powerful bunker. So you can feasibly perform the damage soak roles of a bunker and hold a point as long as you have multiple targets within range to hit and stack healing reactive from.

I personally think all bunkers should have this kind of forced dependence on multiple targets. Whether ally or enemy. An empty bunker is just a building no one wants to go in because of the smell. I want to see all bunker builds for all classes rely on both allies and enemies.

tl;dr

Necro has no feasible solo bunker build that does not rely on R1 enemies. Necro has an amazing support bunker build that can soak up enormous amounts of damage as long as there are allies with stability enemies to attack.

Unless yer naked you are not a Minion Master.

Foehn.2489:

XiL.4318:

The only real issue is that Thief can kill anything in 1.5 seconds with 1 button.

But the Lead Balance Dev plays a Thief and that is what he considers “balanced”.

Enjoy Thief Wars.

I understand the frustration of being defeated and analyzing takes effort. But to do that ya need full offensive traits and gear, one elite, two 40sec avg cool downs, 9 to 15 initiatives (regens at 1.33 sec per one initiative). Only left with escapes and no endurance after whether successfully killed (more likely in 8v8 mess-fest) or not.

Hardly one button.

It is 1 button with a very simple macro. Or a face slapping firmly against the keyboard if you can’t make a macro.

The point is, my pro thief friend, that Thief is too kitten kitten kitten easy. So easy in fact that any fully kitten primate with a pointer finger can roll face with it. And the really smart chimps rocking even more extra zomes can abuse stealth mechanics rendering your argument moot.

Thief needs overlapping cooldowns that prevent animation exploits and stealth / quickness need to be toned down or removed entirely.

WvW – Join the Zerg and wait for loot bags to spawn at your feet, sometimes kill monsters for more loot bags, do jump quests for more loot, gank noobs with a couple friends like a bauce.

sPvP – Grind Glory by standing on circles better than everyone else for no rewards other than glory and knowing that your build is the trollest block sploiting, animation skipping, perma-heal build Thief Wars 2 has ever known.

Think that about covers it.

The only real issue is that Thief can kill anything in 1.5 seconds with 1 button.

But the Lead Balance Dev plays a Thief and that is what he considers “balanced”.

Enjoy Thief Wars.

You want Focused Rituals and Greater Marks. Build for power, crit %, and crit damage. If you want to go with main hand dagger you will probably want to also include as much vitality and toughness you can stack without dropping below 3000 attack power. 15 in Vitality line for Siphon on Hit combined with cloud AoEs is also fairly effective.

If you really want to focus on wells you want to go full ranged and focus all your stats on damage but without a strong team I wouldn’t suggest it.

Tuluum.9638:

XiL.4318:

Missing information here suggests this is not a request for help but a request for attention.

Either supply all availible information or file this one under Roanry.

Uhh.. What?

Traits, Gear , Runes, Final stats, Utilities, you know everything that affects your damage potential. You didn’t even post the build using one of many build tools availible for GW2. If you really wanted help, why would you not provide all the information?

Usually people leave out details when they just want attention or acknowledgment.

FYI: Axe 2 is for Damage, Axe 1 is for Vulnerability stacks.

Goob.9752:

Shukran.4851:

i dont like womeone who can talk that way about himself.
i think others should

He is a very good thief. He offered to prove it as well so don’t troll.

The point is there is no such thing as a very good thief. That is like saying a very wet water, or a very short midget. Backstab Thief takes skill like breathing and eating take skill.

Basically unless you are in the speshul class cause you throw poo sometimes, thief should not be overly complicated to master.

Missing information here suggests this is not a request for help but a request for attention.

Either supply all availible information or file this one under Roanry.

congalong.9620:

Fourth.1567:

Jjaja.7218:

Balance should always be done from the top to the bottom. Your experiences in PuGs or hot-joins should be disregarded because it does not always represent the meta or the full potential of any profession composition. Top players will always present the full potential of a profession (it’s what makes them top players) and balance should be based off that. I don’t care if a half-decent Mesmer is able to beat a similarly half-decent Necromancer every single time; it’s a totally different scenario at the top.

Sorry but this is just completely flawed. Balance must be done for both synonymously. If casual players don’t enjoy the game there cannot be a competitive scene. I probably wouldn’t be considered a casual player myself but I at least understand where the foundation of a game comes from. If I don’t see a true casual interest I know my time trying to be competitive will just be wasted.

The competitive scene needs to be dynamic. As in have proper progression of new players into competitive players so there is always new ideas being brought to the table. Who is really going to be interested in watching the same top 5 teams play in every tournament? The game has to minimize barriers for new players in order to grow interest and viewership as well as act as a resource to build new teams.

New players joining the game to get bursted by a thief or warrior or end up in an endless fight with a bunker is really going to jade their experience which just undermines the whole competitive scene. That’s even if the game is perfectly balanced at the competitive level.

Is there ONE popular game out there currently that has balanced play at both at the casual level and top level?

Yeah they are the games all the PvPers who left GW2 are back to playing.

This happens on a regular basis and has for quite some time. Just all of the sudden you click a skill in tourny and it takes a second or two before that skill activates.

You can usually trace the issue back to ANet but they will just pass it off as an ISP issue because it comes and goes.

Highly skilled fat guy looking for job eating pizza. /application

Brannidus.4175:

XiL.4318:

The only description that matters is the one on the Box.

This one right here that you can all read: https://www.guildwars2.com/en/the-game/professions/necromancer/

Until Necro matches this description, or this description changes, Anet is guilty of false advertising. No matter what they say in the fine print, you cannot sell one thing and deliver another. It is illegal and with extremely good reason.

“Practitioners of the dark arts, necromancers summon the dead, wield the power of lost souls, and literally suck the life force from the enemy. Necromancers feed on life force, which they can use to bring allies back from the brink or cheat death itself.”

You mean that? Because we do exactly that in game.

I can also take “Necromancers suck so bring allies” and call that a quote.

But the point is deputy kittenwaffle, is THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION is legally binding as an advertisement for software features that exist within the software environment.

In this case some of those advertised features are missing and no attempt has been made to justify their being omitted. This creates a breech of trust yes? Company says “Buy my software it can add 2+2=4” and when you get that software it says “2+2=22”. Sure it might just be a bug but if you advertise something you must deliver it so that company must rectify the situation imediately upon being made aware of it otherwise they are liable.

Consumer protection laws are not imaginary.

Sheobix.8796:

XiL.4318:

Sheobix.8796:

XiL.4318:

All you need in WvW is toughness and Vitality combined with ranged AoE traits. Everything else is personal flavor or the avoidance of broken Traits. And in a very real sense none of those Traits matter as much as the stats on your gear. You can swap jewelry and turn and conditions build into a power build, tank build, etc..

And they are all played exactly the same.

So what this means kiddos is you slot as much Vitality and Toughness as you can, then you just flip a coin for whether you want physical AoE damage (power) or Condition AoE damage. And it really doesn’t matter which you pick. You are still dependant on DS and having more than 30k health.

you’re pretty close to the gist of how to build a necro

but just flipping a coin on the third stat doesn’t really work. there is no CTV gear, and when you start to flush in Conditiondmg, you lose out of toughness and vitality. As soon as you do so, you also have to rethink your traits to make the use of Cdmg more efficient. All of a sudden, you’re losing a couple hundred stat points in a needed area from trait flushing.

Extremist silliness.

You don’t need CTV gear specfically. You can PTV and run C/?/? Jewelry. There is no need to max condition damage either because you will be using power based damage as well.

Like I said. You stack as much Vit and Tough as you can, the third stat matters very little as far as overall usefulness. You are still essentially doing exactly the same thing only trading some wells damage for condition damage or vice versa.

And this “pretty close to the gist” necro is a 1 player zerg. There is no number for the scores of butts I have touched in WvW. I have so many kills the number rolled back over to 1 and errored out. It just says 1e.

I didn’t mean to downplay your substantial experience with building the class, XiL.

I just mean that its not as simple as just picking and choosing your secondary mix with ?/T/V in your base. If people start using PTV gear and just throwing anything in their trinkets thinking they can go willy nilly on the trait selection, it’s going to cause a lot of people problems.

I agree, building a necro is basically ?/T/V and then any Cond/Power in the secondary accessories to flush into cdmg or power, but when someone starts picking up some other set like rampagers, carrions, apothecary, etc. to put in their accessories thinking they’re guaranteed a winning build, they’re going to be sorely disappointed. I think carefully choosing which traits to compliment both skill usages and stat allocations to cover the holes respectively is the way to go. Not really an extremist POV.

maintaining stat balance in a build is important.

The more you post the more it seems like you are lacking experience with the mechanics you have so much advice related to. You very effectively can swap Jewelry and Utilities on the fly as a Necro using a simple T/V/? base to perform at a competitive level. To be truly effective you want a set of jewelry for each playstyle that is useful to whatever you are doing. Otherwise you just short change yourself.

This is one of the only ways Necro sees viability in tPvP and in WvW is essential to remaining useful 100% of the time. I have a feeling you don’t even do any Trait or Utility swapping if you have not even considered these options.

Instead of finding a solution to the problems they have with player retention they should turn the Mists into Trial Island and focus on volume?

This is why developers should ignore 99.9837427586234758962% of all player feedback.

Seether.7285:

Manijin.3428:

>_> I play a Dagger/Focus Hybrid Ele, a heckler blindness-spam Guardian, a hammer/physical CC warrior, and a support/roamer thief. Truth be told, I would probably play an Engineer if I liked the playstyle…

What are all these cookie-cutter builds people are talking about? And why do I not feel any weaker when I play my builds?

On a more serious note, you can’t judge class balance based on new players. You simply cannot. http://penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/balancing-for-skill

Maybe you outclass your opponents enough that it doesn’t matter if you are running sub-optimal builds. You could take any successful paid team and put them on some whack builds and they would still probably wreck in free tournaments. It doesn’t mean that those builds are viable at a high level of competition against equally skilled opponents though.

All the Paid Teams should be forced to Q solo for free tournies for a month. Then we can listen to their perspective on balance. Once they have more than being carried on the resume.

daydream.2938:

@ xil. Kirei is the number 6 QP holder in europe. AT the very least that means he has seen an awful lot of paid tourneys. So , while his data set is informal and limited. it does bear some information. I wouldnt be suprised (at least within the europe pay scene) if others notice these classes showing up a bit more than random selection would allow for.

Having said that. Gaurdians may be the real most OP class in the game, but people dont complain about em because they dont ‘get owned’ by them like they do by mesmer and theif.

And in any Tourny you see 30% of the picture which means you lack 70% of the perspective required to even make his claim about a single tournament session let alone all of them in both North America and Europe.

So my statement stands. And in all aspects of life should 100% be a top priority. You should always try to form your opinions based on facts you can verify otherwise your imagination will always attempt to fill in the gaps for you. It is part of evolution. Can’t be avoided.

Kirei.1792:

a guardian/mesmer/elementalist/(necromancer)/X is what 95 % of the paids team have.

You should really try to base your opions on facts instead of “feelings”.

Also there are hardly any people playing paids so you can’t even begin to qualify their experiences with the greater player populations. That is like approving an Anti-Depressant that only killed 1 rat in a study of 10 rats.

Biomanz.9302:

Because u simply can’t depend on others when u need a field layer down so the risk of waiting for one isn’t worth using your finisher, especially since its probably on a long cd and ur better off using it when u need to in terms of timing or response to what your opponent is doing.
The benefit of even the most arguably powerful blast effect (water) isn’t worth the huge communication, timing, and positioning requirements.
Finishers as it is are just random icing on the cake except for a few specific builds I imagine.

This is because other players in GW2 are simply viewed as Minions you can’t control by the vast majority of players. It may not be obvious to them but they treat all other players as Minions. There is no social engineering, just pure matchmaking in all content. But that is what you should expect from programmers. Social skills are impossible to program so why bother with social systems. Pros and Cons are neck and neck here.

Haito kittenein.1085:

Guild Wars 1. It’s sad that sequel have so weak cpvp.

It is pretty shocking to say the least. I came here for the PvP. Now all the things I used to PvP on are gone cause the PvP just does not meet the fun criteria of most gamers. Even Rift PvP is way more fun and balanced. And they really don’t have a clue over there. They just throw patch adjustments at the game until the forums stop flaming for a couple hours a night. They consider that progress.

There was no need to defend your position. Being wrong is how we learn.

The meta starts at Rank 1. As proven here in GW2 without new players the competitive meta is a tree falling in the woods.

daydream.2938:

Idk . YOu can find videos of anyone dying very quickly to any class. Or anyone killing any class very quickly.

If we ever get an elo rating system out that will show how powerful the respective classes are. Namely if they are disproportinally represented at high success and ratings.
However. Its worth noting that the poster here is the 13th most qualifying points of anyone in north america. No small feat. means he is on teams that win paid tourneys very regularly. So, how do mesmers hold up in high end play is the question.
HIGH END PLAY IS WHERE REAL BALANCE SHOWS UP.

So while we dont have a true elo to judge the Op. Its reasonable from his ‘credentials’ to assume his team could destroy 90% of the ppl disagreeing with him, mesmers on there side or not.

THE TINY PVP POPULATIONS PROVE YOUR CAPS WRONG.

Balance shows up the very first moment a new player enters PvP for the very first time. The first meta starts with how difficult your chosen class is to play. And in GW2 the first thing any new to PvP player learns is that some classes are VERY VERY hard and some are HEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKERHEARTSEEKER

any questions?

If you want to know what being carried actually means Q up for a free tourny solo with your Necro. Until you clearly understand what your team provides you, I doubt you will be able to rationalize anything beyond the word “carry” and the impression you get from a warped view of it.

Q solo for about a solid week without playing with your team or any other.

Then get back to me with your newly found perspective.

alamore.1974:

XiL.4318:

Aga.8641:

OP is not 100% correct. Necromancy is just the magic of communing with the deceased to gain insight. Which the gw2 necro does to some degree, however as far as gaming goes (which doesn’t matter at all…) the gw2 version of necro isn’t very necro-y.

Its a Warlock. You can say it. GW2 has a Warlock, not a Necro.

Oh noes we got ourselves a WoW fan. shivers
A warlock is not what we have here in gw2.
Warlocks are usually refferd when talking about make witches.
Or a spell caster that communes with the devil to do his bidding. A evil being

A necromancer is.some one who communicate with the deceased. Not necessarily evil.
Now from what I’ve read about necromancers gw2 does a decent.job at portraying one.
Now regarding the minions. If you do.bring something back who says it will be in the same form. Bodies decay so if I was summoning something I would condensed what little.mass it.has so it wouldn’t shatter in one swing if a sword.
Now on that regards it would be nice to actually summon a more humminoid creature. But I didn’t develop the game so meh.

1) I’ve been playing Necro in every mainstream MMO since March 1999, know your place, my not so ancient brotato.

2) WoW has over 10 million documented cases of fandom of which I am not included.

3) I find people who use WoW as a naughty word to be juvenile and wholely useless in any functional respect that doesn’t involve the abuse of vulnerable people.

4) Because of 3 I stopped reading.

The problem with Death Shroud is a bug.

I won’t explain the bug on the forums but if anyone wants to know they can PM me. This bug applies to a wide range of skills and effects them in a similar way so exposing it here will probably change the meta.

Yeah you’d think since they advertise Minions as one of two mechanics that make Necro what it is, they might figure making them work is a higher priority. But instead they want to focus on fleshing out a rating system for PvP and get those 10 or less paid tournament teams some recognition for being able to abuse every broken exploitable mechanic in unison frequently enough to win QPs.

But the other million of players that hate the entire experience, who cares. The don’t need functional traits, I mean seriously Necro with minions is so played out. Should be Necro with Ponies, but not dead ones, live ones that don’t do anything but make that pony noise and rear up for joy when you die.

The only description that matters is the one on the Box.

This one right here that you can all read: https://www.guildwars2.com/en/the-game/professions/necromancer/

Until Necro matches this description, or this description changes, Anet is guilty of false advertising. No matter what they say in the fine print, you cannot sell one thing and deliver another. It is illegal and with extremely good reason.