The runway was dark, the lights were blinding, the alcohol was wearing off, and the crowd was explosive. It was Wethospu’s turn to walk the runway in the Dungeon Forum Fashion Show, and the laughter could be heard by insects inhabiting the grass outside of the building. Tomatoes and various types of rotten fruit were thrown onto the stage as Wethospu’s horrific armor set and dye choices caused chaos and headaches that could only be rivaled by an episode of Jerry Springer.
Wethospu fled the stage and retreated back into the gates of The Ruined City of Arah, his only home in Guild Wars 2. Here he could be at peace, observing the fashion trends of his undead friends and whispering gentle words to them as the mindlessly wandered through the ancient sand. “I’ll show them all. I’ll make a video of a Lupicus solo and it will change the world. People will know my name, and I will be the best there is.”
Operative Belka was first on the list, and just like any snobby Inquest would do, she ridiculed Wethospu’s fashion sense like the rest had before her. When Wethospu put away his Longbow and drew his Greatsword, though, Belka knew that this would be a different encounter than she was used to. Most pugs with their projectile spamming circle strafe tactics were no match for her reflection, but a Greatsword? Surely she could counter this. The fight was soon over, and the tiny Asura lay on the ground beaten and bruised with Wethospu’s hideous boot planted on top of her head.
Next up was the Abomination. The run past the Spiders and Sentinels was simple, because none were willing to approach such a man crazy enough to shroud his body in garments so distasteful. The hideous Abomination mumbled unintelligible sentences in a deep voice and approached Wethospu without any fear of his wardrobe disaster, for the Abomination was a being above clothes. Nudity would prevail in this fight, surely, but this was not the case as Wethospu outmaneuvered the beast and gracefully side-stepped his slow attacks. The great Abomination fell; undead blood and guts spilled from the stitches strewn across its body and covered the ancient sand below.
Next was his final stop: Giganticus Lupicus. Robert Hrouda (RIP) had warned him about this one. He approached the undead monstrosity with his chest puffed out, proudly displaying his horrendous armor. Lupicus awoke and rose from his position in the arena, revealing an indentation in the ground from having rested there so long. Lupicus would not be beaten by such a small man with a lack of fashion sense, and threw his arms into the air to summon a barrage of energy-infused projectiles onto Wethospu’s position. Wethospu’s Riposte blocked the projectiles, and it was followed by a Rush straight towards the undead behemoth. The fight drew on for several minutes, but the beast grew tired. It had taken too many critical hits, and the Eviscerate was more than it could handle. Lupicus fell into the center of the arena, and Wethospu wiped the blood and sweat from his already disgusting armor.
Armed with footage of defeating the most challenging boss in the game, Wethospu returned to the next year’s Dungeon Forum Fashion Show. This time sporting a new dye scheme, Wethospu strolled proudly onto the runway. Rotten fruit in hand and ready to be thrown, the crowd paused as the screen behind began to display footage of the brave Warrior’s feats. Jaws and hands dropped to the ground, and praise was given to the Warrior Wethospu for his great success.
In the back of the room, a cloaked figure rose and began to exit the building. Removing the long, black cloak, a Sylvari Warrior dressed in ancient Orrian armor with a dye scheme to rival Wethospu’s headed off to Cursed Shore. Now it was Strife’s turn.
Fin.
