At last, our small yet mighty band of adventurers has finally completed its first [Simple Table]! And oh, what an accomplishment it was! What’s that, dear reader? Are you unfamiliar with the trials one must endure to behold the magnificent [Simple Table]? Then allow me to enlighten you, and do not let its name deceive you.
After looting the filthy beasts of the land for weeks on end and dumping hundreds of gold’s worth of quality goods into the hands of that greedy kitten treasurer, our tiny guild FINALLY amassed enough oiled sandpaper to summon forth the one and only Basic Decorations Merchant. We had heard tales of the dreadful prices he charged for his moldy, decrepit wooden furniture, but alas; we had dreamt of these so called decorations forming our own glorious “jumping puzzle.” And on a whim, our fearless guild leader took it upon himself to begin upgrading these “basic” furnishings into something one might call, fancier. Getting to work, he inspected the requirements for making nothing more than but a [Simple Table].
“omgwtf more linseed oil and sand,” cried out our leader in dismay. But his resolve was unbroken. After yet more reaping the land for its goods, he returned with the necessary materials for the wonderfully refurbished [Simple Table] we all wished to behold. And so it was done. And it disappeared.
He searched his pockets, and his backpack. He peered into the guild vaults, lest it have teleported itself into its place. But it was all for naught. Not even the greedy kitten treasurer had swiped the [Simple Table] from our leader. And then it came to me: peering into that strange processing machine, I saw it: the [Simple Table]!! Ahah, you sneaky little devil. I reached out to grab it.
And the machine turned on. Three hours, it read. All that work, all that toil and labor to get to this point, but no. Three bloody hours it says. I turned to stare at my dear guildmate, dumbstruck.
Silence.
Then we laughed as we had never laughed before.
“what a joke,” he muttered indignantly. I nodded in agreement, looking upon the beautiful display of lights that shot above the processor taking its kitten good time doing god knows what to our beloved [Simple Table].
“so that’s where all the linseed oil went,” I offered with another laugh. “we spent all that for a three hour lightshow.”
Round and round the lights went, the most beautifully insulting projection of our wasted wealth. Dejected, and with no [Simple Table] to show for our efforts, our leader and I turned our backs on the whole kitten able notion, dreaming of the days long-gone of pumpkins and candy corn.
